Have You Ever Been Kissed By a Total Stranger Without Warning?

Dear Evan:

When I was younger (disco diva days), I used to have this (fun for me!) phenomenon of men just coming up and kissing me. Nice kisses, movie-style, lip lock but no tongue. Then they would smile and just walk away. I’m verbal, but not that kind of quick wit and so would be left standing there with a silly grin on my face and my girlfriends or guy buddies asking me “Who was that?”

It was never a guy who had asked me to dance; never a guy who I had approached or had knowingly flirted with; and never would they talk to me or ask me out. Just kiss and run. Anglo, Hispanic, sometimes I wasn’t sure of their ethnicity (disco lighting); but never an AA (which I am). Sometimes, they would just hug me.

Well, disco days passed, I got married and so for the past 20 years – nothing, as I was definitely on ‘off.’ Well, here I am divorced, as of ’05, fast approaching 50 and trying to turn it ‘on’ and it happened, again, of all places in a Lowes! It was a kiss on the cheek. A lovely one and the gentle man gave me his business card – so some things have changed, but some have not, as I’m still not at all quick enough to follow up with anything.

And I was out, for the first time in years, with a girlfriend, having a fun time playing pool, and I got hugged as I was leaving the bar. The gentleman said bye and that he hoped I’d come back to the bar soon.

Well, this has made my ego feel good, but, it got me to wondering. Have you heard of this before? I don’t know what to do with this effect, but would like to turn it, safely, into a way to met guys and maybe, this time out, finally learn how to date well.

Thanking you in advance.

ML

PS: I ‘ m not a beauty – am described as ‘cute,’ 5′ 9″, a little ditzy and a geek, don’t wear makeup, and no one has ever described me as being ‘cool.’ And I really like your blog.

Dear ML,

Rarely do I get an email that renders me nearly speechless, but you take the cake. Usually, something is shocking because it’s vulgar or dirty or embarrassing, but this is just…surprising.

You turn men into Kissing Bandits, and profess total innocence about how this keeps happening to you.

And while I’d like to think have a considerable amount of experience and knowledge in the dating arena, I have never heard of anything remotely like this in my life. Which is why I feel unqualified to weigh in as to what this means or what you can make of this.

But that’s never stopped me before.

So stick with me while I think out loud here…

You’re saying that strange men kiss you for no reason without ANY warning?

No smiles, no sideways glances, no conversation, just… SMOOOCH?
Wow.

Where I went to college, this could be considered battery. A unsolicited physical assault from a stranger? How is this any different than being flashed or being groped on a subway?

In fact, the more I think about it, I’m not sure which is more unusual – the fact that you have a penchant for bringing out the friendly freaks or the fact that you really seem to ENJOY being touched by these friendly freaks….

And hey, I believe you when you’re telling me that it’s always gentle and innocent and it goes no further. I just don’t understand how a guy could a) think that’s an effective way of meeting women, b) somehow avoid getting slapped or doused by a succession of woman, and c) hasn’t gotten his ass kicked by some large, unseen boyfriend. And I know there are men reading this who have trouble approaching women, and they’re thinking, “THAT’S how easy it is? You just go up and KISS ‘em?”

No, guys, you don’t. Unless it’s ML, who seems to be cool with it.

I tease, ML, if only because I don’t know what else to do.

It sounds to me like you have a beautiful spirit and an easygoing way about you that would not only make guys comfortable enough to talk to you, but to plant one on you as well. And anyone who has THAT power should figure out how to bottle and sell it to the masses. You probably have a way about you that is simply open, compelling and non-judgmental, all of which are key in attracting men.

So keep doing what you’re doing, my friend, as long as it doesn’t bother you. And next time a guy liplocks you out of nowhere? Make sure you give him your card instead of taking his. If he REALLY wants you, he should know where he can find you.

Oh, and talking to them might be a nice idea as well.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    dirty filthy princess

    Even if she doesn’t say anything, perhaps she is giving off signals that she would be OK with that sort of thing. The smiles, the flirty looks, ect. So, as long as she is OK with that kind of attention and it never develops into something scary, I say go for it!

    Or, maybe she’s one of those people that kind of looks like someone else. :-)

  2. 2
    Beverly

    Hi Evan,
    I know a woman being kissed in this manner seems rather odd however, I can attest to this happening cause It happens to me as well.
    It doesn’t matter where I’m at or what I’m doing, if in a restaurant men will walk up to me and say “Hi, how was the food”, next thing I know, they hug and kiss me. Kiss me either on my cheek, forehead or lips (no movie star lip locks though, lol.)
    Yes, this is strange and no you really won’t believe it till you see it up close and personal. My 27 yr old daughter didn’t believe it till she saw it …. she asked me IF I knew the guy, I told her NO, then reminded her of what I’d previously told her. She still cannot wrap her mind around it even after experiencing it.
    SO maybe your next course will be something specifically for women like ML and I As I’m sure there are more of us out here.
    BTW: I’m 43 and this started happening to me 2 yrs ago when I moved to FL. I’ve been in VA for 6 months and now in NC – it’s still happening. lol

  3. 3
    KB

    Wow, I’m glad to see this has maybe happened to a few other people out there! I had this happen to me last night when I went out by myself (yes, I did, but I was safe, had protection, and I am very aware of my surroundings). I was just really enjoying myself dancing with others and obviously having a great time! I wasn’t drinking… I noticed an attractive guy walk by, I thought, he’s cute, then let it go. A minute later, he leaned in, said, “my friends told me to do this”, then kissed me on the cheek! I guess he must have sensed that I looked at him and thought he was cute?! I dunno… totally caught me by surprise. Then, after talking for a little bit, he walked off with his friends, but kissed me on the hand before he did. Not sure what to make of it, other than the fact that he liked me and had the guts to make it clear!

  4. 4
    judy

    I have had men kiss me with their eyes most certainly (many more times that I should admit really) but the ones who just kiss me?
    Just like that?
    Selected out by me. 
    Because they have no manners.  Or they’re just pig ignorant.

  5. 5
    Emma

    Hi I’m 17 going to be 18 very soon and I had something quite similar happening to me.. I was at a rock festival in france when a guy ( in his 20s 30s I’m not sure) just walked up to me, hugged me and leaned in for a kiss. I wasn’t scared but startled as I wasn’t expecting it, naturally I tried to push him gently away by putting my forearms in front of my face as protection. Then he just walled away with a stolen kiss like it was completely normal to do such thing he just turned around one more time with a grin on his face and that was the last I so of him.. And my friend was just staring the whole time looking at me like who is this guy. 

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