Comments on: What Do Women Want from the Men who Email Them?

By: henriette

henriette — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:36:23 +0000

James said: (#25)
“Who gives a shit what the woman wants? It’s always been about the woman. When will it be about the guy?”
It’ll be about the guy when Evan writes a post about what guys want from an email. This thread is about what women want and that’s why it’s the only point of view currently being discussed.

By: Still Looking

Still Looking — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 16:04:16 +0000

@ Christian 43 -

If you are getting almost no responses, there are several explanations:
1. Are the women still actively looking? On Match you can see when they were last online. Don’t waste time writing to someone who hasn’t logged on recently. If you are on EHarmony, you can write to women who are not subscribers and they can’t see your pictures or write back.
2. If you are writing to very attractive women your email will be lost in the dozens or hundreds of emails they receive.
3. Are you aiming too high? If you are an average looking guy with an average job the former beauty queen looking for her MD/JD/MBA Brad Pitt look-alike match isn’t going to give your profile a second look, assuming she even reads your email in the first place.
4. Are you responding to the winks/emails that YOU receive? If you are not receiving winks and emails have you written a killer profile and added some great pictures? Evan has a service to help you with your profile.
5. You mentioned that you read a profile, feel some genuine spark, the “write back with great interest in getting to know her.” Based on the thousands of profiles I’ve skimmed, there have been very few that caused me to feel a “genuine spark” because there just isn’t enough information on most profiles. Is there a chance that when you write back “with great interest” that you might be saying something wrong or coming across too strong? My initial emails are usually quite short and intended only to establish a dialogue – not to express any great desire/interest. Would you mind posting one of your recent introductory emails for comment?

By: Christian

Christian — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 02:31:10 +0000

This process annoys me. It annoys me that it’s more important to convince a girl that I’m a great guy and genuinely interested in her than it is to actually BE a great guy and genuinely interested in her. I understand that girls get countless messages and that there are a lot of jerks out there, me not included as many who know me, girls included, will tell you, but quite frankly anybody can mention something from the profile and ask a question. I always read through the girl’s profile, feel some genuine spark, then write with great interest in getting to know her…I get almost zero write-backs.

By: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 17:43:39 +0000

First – a subject that would make me want to open the actual message (sorry, that sounds shallow…but seriously…on any given day I can get dozens of notifications about emails and I just don’t have the time/patience to read those that can’t even bother with a subject line)

Second – Mention something that shows you’ve read my profile, not just looked at the picture. Maybe mention a hobby I have listed?

Third – Ask a question or give me something to respond to. Emailing with a stranger can be difficult…so if a guy asks a question, it will at least be a ‘jumping point’ to start a conversation.

By: Wow

Wow — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:17:10 +0000

This world is now so rife with the disease of selfishness that people now resort to dating websites just to meet a potential friend moreover a life-long partner, people talk about relationships (and other people) as if they’re disposable diapers, and true long-term commitment is generally a thing of the past. The commenter is right, who said that women (and men) who volunteer are less judgmental, however they don’t usually exist on dating websites (not much time)

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:02:02 +0000

Having to go all the way to Russia to find a date? U kidding me

I can’t figure out what is the big deal about finding a date. It is very easy; just find someone who is compatible. If this doesn’t work, go out with anyone girl; think of it as an adventure. Don’t be so restrictive and picky, loosen up and have some fun. If you both are not able to laugh and smile on the date, you are not having fun.

Joseph, have you ever tried volunteering? I notice the females who volunteer are not very judgmental.

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:01:22 +0000

James #25:
Who gives a **** what the woman wants? It’s always been about the woman. When will it be about the guy?

Could not help but laugh. I don’t do blind dates or online dating, but I would think keeping the email short is good. I would say be yourself because in the end, don’t you want to be with someone with whom you can feel at ease? If you pretend, you might get stuck with a woman that will end up nagging you because you won’t be able to keep up with your pretense.

If her profile is available, read what her hobbies or interests are and share a little of your knowledge or interest in that area; keep it short and somewhat mysterious so she’ll want more. I know that I would be bored to death with age, marriage, love, phone#, bank account, etc.

By: Mo

Mo — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:58:45 +0000

From a man’s perspective I find it interesting that women online want to go out on the first date fairly quickly rather than take awhile to get to know each other for awhile. Awhile to me I think may be like a month maybe a couple months. Women here seem to think that a lot of guys are the ones that say stuff like nice profile, want to grab a drink (something like that) maybe I’m just one of the men that is actually taking the online dating serious, reading the profile thoroughly, asking tons of questions about the ladies profile, letting her know about me, looking for a serious girlfriend and NOT a one nighter then eventually (emphasis on eventually) going out on the first date.

Also I find it very interesting that so many women online and for that matter offline as well but more so online women that think they can actually tell if there is a spark on the first date. Yeah maybe very very few times can actually tell that the first date there is a spark or not. But I tend to think the first date is more of getting through the nervousness for both men and women, chatting, getting to know each other and then on the second date one can tell more if it’s going to work out more or not.

Also hight seems to be a HUGE issue for online and offline women but seems so much more important to online women. To be honest HEIGHT should not be that big of a deal since our height is our height and weight is weight but yet weight can be lost height cannot be changed.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:03:39 +0000

joseph said: (#35)
“i get much more responses from russian ladies than american ladies.i just dont like the fact you have to go through having to impress these american ladies and having to jump through hoops just to get one.”

If e-mailing Russian ladies is so much more rewarding, why are you wasting your time e-mailing American women at all?

I prefer to date American women (they live substantially closer), and writing an intelligent e-mail isn’t that difficult for me. But if it pisses you off, wouldn’t it be easier to date in a way that doesn’t make you angry?

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:06:31 +0000

I get e-mails from guys that just go on for days and days (our interaction, I mean) without them making any effort to want to meet. Those are the most annoying.