Comments on: What Do You Say After A First Date With No Chemistry?

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 17:34:13 +0000

I felt very good about sending this note after a second date:

Hi [Mr X] –

Thank you once again for a lovely evening – it is not often I get taken to a classy place like [place].

I have been thinking about how we are getting along and I think you would appreciate me being straight up with you.

I find you very attractive and very sexy, but I don’t think we share many common interests or philosophies. I don’t think it is necessary to go into details – suffice it to say that I believe we would be happier in the long run with someone else.

I sincerely wish you all the best – you are a lovely man.

Be well,
Sandra

By: new to all this

new to all this — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 05:44:29 +0000

I know this may be a little late vivianm you probably have already decided. If I were you, and if I liked the guy, I would try to get in touch. And your idea about laughing about the dreadful first date, might actually make you guys loosen up.

By: Vivian

Vivian — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 16:44:30 +0000

I finally met this gorgeous guy i was emailing online, but i’m so inexperienced that i got very nervous, and i kept placing my bag between us when he was seating next to me, didn’t stare at him, kept distance, etc. He also felt awkward, and sometimes he would talk sometimes silence. It was THE MOST dreadful date. Even so i thought he was hot, we had great banter online, but i either think it was lack of chemistry, anxiety, inexperience, or lack of incentive signs from my side, but he didn’t try to touch me or lean closer. He was a gentleman and stayed almost 4 hours walking with me. In the end, it was clear that things didn’t went how we thought it would be, he said: keep in touch. I was having a nervous breakdown, and emailed him that evening a thank you note, finishing with take care and have a nice Summer, no kisses in the end of msg. He just replied 3 days after my message saying that he had a nice time, he apologised for walking aimless for 3 hours but said it was because he was confused (he doesn’t explain further). He said that i was a nice girl (and he put a wink face ), and said let’s keep in touch. Now, i don’t know if he REALLY want me to keep in touch, or he was confused that i gave him mixed signals during date and then sent email wishing him a good summer. What do you think? Should i try to get in touch, and use humour and laugh about how dreadful was our date? or leave it and never contact him because he’s not that into me and it was his gentle way to lay me off? Thank you for your help.

By: Dating Tips

Dating Tips — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:48:45 +0000

ok, the best solution to this is not say anything. I usually say, I had a great time, thank you very much, drive safe. The guy should know that if I am in a hurry to take off, that means I am not interested. If he does insist on getting an answer from me on the spot whether I want to see him again, I say, “call me”. When I am interested, I am more open to the discussion about a second date. I say something like, sure it would be great. People need to be able to read between the lines

By: Stephen

Stephen — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 04:18:54 +0000

we were talking and before we said goodbye, our eyes met and we went in to kiss and our lips met and interjoined for about 2 seconds then we started to pull back – looked into each other’s eyes and it pulled us back again, we did the same thing again for about 3 full seconds this time with more pressure and then a third time same thing for full three seconds and i didn’t lead it…it seemed like i would screw it up if i had opened my mouth. then with glazy eyes, we smiled at each other. it gave me the impression in the moment things were good. in hindsight, this was really the goodbye moment and I didn’t get it. –anyway, you asked.

but we were on i think 4 drinks over three hours.

By: JuJu

JuJu — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 23:05:21 +0000

Stephen,

why were the kisses dry?

That seems to me the weirdest thing from your story.

By: m

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:49:26 +0000

“I�m far from where I want to be, and those I date know it.”

I don’t think they’re the only ones.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:45:58 +0000

friends, friends—I used the inferior genes term to be harsh. rejection is harsh. nature is harsh. science says all the time that our attraction based on pheromones and other things draws us to those with very different DNA than our own and also what our chemical make-up deems to be the most superior genes. our brain does this by telling us—that man’s gate is not to be spawned. Do you understand? I’m saying we are human and don’t need to abide by these initial mind tricks.

(sigh) I’ll withdraw. I think it’s best I don’t respond to anymore about this. What I’ve said so far isn’t making any good points because you assume I’m shallow. I’m not, but my sense of humor might be considered by you to be shallow.

What I did learn about myself from this is that I should reconsider what is really the most important thing to me…falling in love or my own ego. It’s easy to say it’s falling in love, but hard for me in practice. I’m far from where I want to be, and those I date know it.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:32:29 +0000

dear m-

it’s fair you took everything I wrote literally…I thought it was a little better written so as to be received universally as ironically humorous when I’m clearly asking for second chances and sensitivity while saying I think men and women need to look past idiosyncrasies and then I give examples in a way a person might at first perceive them to show I sympathize with someone who might be so put off by someone’s gate.

i tried to say without saying literally for emphasis that maybe what we initially perceive as inferior genes shows our own inferiority because of our own lack of larger vision…our instincts to see trees but not the forest

and the misspelling of gate didn’t require its own bullet in your response. you go from that to telling me you have much to offer on “physiological responses that go into triggering attraction based on movement” though you “won’t go into it” because you fear I am too shallow.

i don’t know if this conversation took a nose dive at my entry or yours. I think it started with mine.

what I am about to say is sarcasm intended for humor’s sake only—please stop reading if you are easily offended:

I thought about misspelling everything in this entry to prove you understand everything I say no matter what the spelling while at the same time giving you a brain aneurism. I’m sure it’d be an interesting case study watching you untangle Christmas tree lights.

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:06:20 +0000

Stephen–

You’ve slept with some of the “hottest lays out there” and you want so much more, but it will probably come from someone with “inferior genes”? Good God! If you really think that way I bet you are sending out a vibe that nudges women to run the other way. Fast. Ugh.