Comments on: What Does Your Body Language Say on a Date?

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 00:55:42 +0000

Lia #68 Thank you.

By: Karla (NineGPS)

Karla (NineGPS) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 00:18:22 +0000

It is very easy to sleep on body language. The problem for most of us is that it is very challenging for us to be self aware enough to make necessary modifications in our body language. The good news is that if you do have solid self awareness and have challenges with body language, you can reign yourself in a very short period of time.

By: Lia

Lia — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 02:24:21 +0000

@ David T

Thank you.

@ Sparkling Emerald

I think you and I are probably close in age. I kind of get that you like self-deprecating humor. I tend to do that too but I am starting to watch out for that because it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. (And my sisters really nail me on that if I do it too much.) If I am wrong about this I apologize. The woman said you would be snapped up soon. That is what I hope for you.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 01:43:12 +0000

Lia & David T – You are both right, speculations on “woulda, coulda, shoulda” can be entertaining but not really useful. My grandma took a second walk down the aisle in her 80′s. One of the customers at my night job came in our store to buy clothes to wear for grandpa’s wedding. (Grandpa was 70) I told them how wonderful it was that grandpa was getting married and I said “That gives me hope”. The woman looked at me and said “Honey, you will be snapped up soon, look at you ! You look great !” So maybe, just maybe, if I live long enough, my great grandchildren will be the flower girl and ring bearer for my wedding.

By: David T

David T — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 01:05:00 +0000

@Lia 65
Very well said.

Sometimes I think about relationships of mine that didn’t work out and wonder “what would have happened if we had met 10 years/20 years (etc.) earlier?” Well, chances are NOTHING, because one or both of us would not have been attracted to who we were then! “If this had happened” and “if only I had done that” thinking is not very constructive. Living in a daydream past is amusing, but we only have what we do with today and plans for tomorrow.

By: Lia

Lia — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 17:18:54 +0000

Sparkling Emerald # 64

Don’t give up!! When we look back on life and the choices we have made we THINK that things would have been better if we had turned right instead of left, stayed instead of moving on. You are who you are and have the insights and wisdom you have because of the road you have walked. You can never really know what “might have been” because it wasn’t.

My mom met her soul mate in her mid sixties. They had ten years together before he died. Now one could say, “Too bad they didn’t meet decades ago. They would have been so happy.” But that is not true. They would not have been ready for the relationship they had if they had met earlier. The paths they walked separately prepared them for the one they walked together.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 16:07:34 +0000

Lia #63 said “I am in the same boat that you are in. I think that we are close to the same age. The thing is that while I was raised with the belief that marriage SHOULD be the end goal, I always had a strong resistance to marriage. (Though I did marry… and divorce.) I am not sure how to navigate that particular dichotomy.”
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I was raised with the same belief, but came of age when everything was turned topsy-turvy (sexual revolution, femnism, etc) After being the little princessy, girly-girl who was always playing house, playing with dolls, I became anti-marriage & motherhood somewhere in my teens & 20′s (think it had a lot to do with being the by-product of a pretty dysfunctional marriage). Once I softened up and once again became a “girly-girl” who wanted to settle down, it seemed to be too late. The good ones were taken. I was thrilled when I met my 2nd hubby, and he was dating for a wife & the mother of his children, and I did fall madly in love, too madly in fact. I really wish now I was open to marriage when I was younger, I feel like I set life on a trajectory of a failed love life, by coming in to the game to late. At this point, I think weather or not I am “open” to marriage, or an LTR is a moot point. I can’t seem to get past e-mails on match.com, and the few men I meet IRL don’t work out either.

By: Lia

Lia — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 09:26:12 +0000

@ Fusee # 57

“I was serious about my goals and would not hesitate giving a warm hug goodbye for anything less.”

I really like that!! It show you have self respect, confidence, and trust that you will be okay if a man is not interested in having a relationship. You don’t settle for being treated less than you deserve.

Sparkling Emerald # 58

“Also since I’ve been married twice, am past child bearing age, I am looking for a LTR, definitely don’t want a fling, friends with benefits, one night stands or anything like that, but it wouldn’t necessarily HAVE to be marriage, although I haven’t dismissed that possibility altogether.”

I am in the same boat that you are in. I think that we are close to the same age. The thing is that while I was raised with the belief that marriage SHOULD be the end goal, I always had a strong resistance to marriage. (Though I did marry… and divorce.) I am not sure how to navigate that particular dichotomy.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 03:36:02 +0000

Hi Tom10 56 -Thanks for your response . You said “You will need skill to negotiate the ‘subtle dance of indicating interest but protecting yourself’ (ref Fusee) – because men with options will disappear quickly if they feel you are playing games about when to have sex.”
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You are right, it takes more skill than playing chess to learn to navigate the rubic’s cube called the dating world. Which is why I read so many relationship blogs, ‘cuz I’ve been out of the game so long, I feel like I still need my training wheels. I think “men with options’ will also disappear if you give them sex the instant they make a play for it. That’s why I see no risk to waiting until I know where I stand, I am satisfied with the status of the relationship and I am ready. If we’re not on the same page, or even in the same book, frankly, the disappearing act is doing me a favor. I would rather be dumped because I wouldn’t hump instead of being humped AND dumped.
Some men might honestly interpret this as “playing games” and others might ACCUSE women of waiting until they know where they stand of “Playing games” in an effort to bully them into sex. Unless BOTH people want it, it’s worthless in my book. In another thread, one (male) poster all but called a “hot girl” a prostitute for wanting to know where she stood before hopping into bed (He didn’t come right out and call her a hooker, but he accused her of “bartering” her sex like it was on e-bay) He just badgered her on and on, for DARING to want to have sex on HER terms, EMK finally told him to knock it off
I think a woman who would lead a man on, (for whatever reason) knowing that she will NEVER be attracted to him, NEVER have sex with him, is playing games. A woman who waits until she is sure that the relationship is where she wants it to be before she falls into bed is being WISE. And if someone pulls the disappearing act because they don’t appreciate her wisdom, they have done her a FAVOR.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 03:12:22 +0000

Fusee #59 – Thanks for your response, it is giving me some ideas for how I might handle future situations. (I just recently got out of a very long marriage, and I feel like I am a newcomer to dating all over again) I LOL’d that you used the phrase “The M word”. I also use that phrase.
With my 2nd hubby, I never even had time to get anxious about “where the relationship” was going, he was upfront about his intentions very early on. I only had a very brief period of wondering where I stood, and I think that was more due to my own insecurities than anything he did. I know it all blew up in my face 23 years later, but I really want my next relationship to have that magical beginning of a man sweeping me off my feet, wooing ME, HIM being the one chasing me and hoping I will love him, be his girlfriend etc. I ended up with a horrible marriage, that left me emotionally stranded mid life, but at least I do have wonderful memories of a whirl wind courtship, a starry eyed newly wed experience, and about 10-12 happy years, and most importantly, my son. (However, next time, I won’t marry so quickly, if I marry at all)
It will be interesting to see how my love life unfolds this time around. Thanks again for your feed back !