Comments on: What If Women Were Like Men In the Bar Scene?

By: Kurt

Kurt — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 03:43:03 +0000

The bar scene is much better for women than it is for men and there is simply no comparison! Women go to bars to build up their own egos because they enjoy being hit on – even fat women will have some guys come up and talk to them at bars, whereas men often go to bars with maybe another guy friend and often don’t talk to anyone. Women also tend to get attention from men who are out of their league, which essentially causes men to have to go for women less attractive than themselves if they are at a bar.

By: AllenB

AllenB — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 00:51:14 +0000

@Lucy #43
I hate the thought of hurting a man’s feelings with rejection. I rarely come out with a blunt comment because it’s rude and I’d rather be subtle. But sometimes I’ve been forced to be rude because the guy has been really persistent and hasn’t read my obvious discomfort
There is a lot of space between “rude” and “subtle” that you might not be using. How about “I am with my friends and not interested in meeting anyone new tonight,” or “Your clear interest is flattering, but you are not my type. Please leave me alone.” Neither of those are subtle (such as turning away when they try to talk to you) nor would any reasonable person think they are rude, and might get you what you want.

By: Lucy

Lucy — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:42:03 +0000

I have noticed that sometimes the men in a bar only go for the most gorgeous women. However the extent to which this happens is greatly exaggerated. For example I am probably about a 7 on the looks scale. I do find the hot guys attractive but when in the vicinity of them I kind of tune them out naturally. The men I fancy are not the hottest ones but the ones more on my level. I believe that most men do this too. They don’t go for women who are really unobtainable either by their looks or status. Then maybe a lot of men start off thinking that they can get more and less any woman they so desire. The ones who think that it’s a God given right of theirs are the worst at handling rejection. I was talking to a male friend about this kind of topic and he said “all men have to settle on looks”. I don’t think he meant that in a negative way, he probably just meant that men start off with higher expectations before reality hits.
When I’m on a night out I don’t tend to be very observant of who the men hit on. All I know is that they don’t always hit on me. And this isn’t a pity party. I think the reason they don’t is because to some extent I don’t make myself entirely approachable, and because I dress modestly. So I don’t believe this is anything to do with what I look like or because other women are hotter. As soon as you start getting angst-ridden over your looks, it’s a confidence drain. I don’t believe that men are shallow or as obsessed with looks as culture portrays.
I hate the thought of hurting a man’s feelings with rejection. I rarely come out with a blunt comment because it’s rude and I’d rather be subtle. But sometimes I’ve been forced to be rude because the guy has been really persistent and hasn’t read my obvious discomfort. At times I just want to be enjoy spending time with friends and not be hit on by some schmoozer. Those guy seem to talk through me as if they’ve already made it their mission to get me with as minimal required effort as possible.
I do approach men sometimes. It’s not the fear of rejection that might put me off. More the fear that I’ll come across as “up for it”. On several occasions I’ve been having friendly conversation with a guy and he’s tried it on. I really don’t know how to approach a man without making myself extremely vulnerable.

By: hilda

hilda — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:43:39 +0000

wow! that was an exact enactment of my adolescent / early adulthood as a woman! oh! those golden olden days. then somehow i was suddenly expected to be a lady. oh well.

By: maria

maria — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 23:47:51 +0000

funny as hell!
So is the weird guy the unattractive hater female friend who is always ready to go cuz she’s not getting action? hahahaha!

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 20:52:19 +0000

Androgenous 36
I agree with your post. Guys will hit on the hottest women at a bar and likey not notice the rest.
Am I the only person that doesn’t thing a bar is disgusting? I like to dance so most places Ive gone to dance have a bar.
I met my husband of 20 years and my latest boyfriend in a bar LOL No matter where you go there you are….

By: Greg

Greg — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 19:18:12 +0000

I would like to add that sometimes average looking people take a passive role in making themselves as attractive as they might be. And the operative word here is “attraction”, as in being able to draw people to you in some way, as opposed to solely “handsome” or “pretty”. I wonder what some people say to themselves about improving their attraction prospects. I’ve known women who would be considered average on the usual social rating scale, but who possess a radiant feature – maybe their hair, their smile, clear skin, body language, or a vivacious manner. My sense is they are aware of that feature and recognize its value. And how about the pictures most people post on online dating sites? Why are most pictures so incredibly poor, or don’t emphasize positive attributes? There’s probably nothing more attractive than a basically good-looking person – not the unattainable model types – who exhibits a confidence in their attractiveness and does everything possible to improve it. Part of their attractiveness is a degree of modesty and being well-rounded, respectful to others, and being able to engage in conversation. Looks are a big part of the equation, but nobody except equally shallow types wants an empty character with whom to share their lives.

By: Tom10

Tom10 — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:05:42 +0000

Androgynous
Yes you’re right – I accept your point. I didn’t mean to elicit sympathy for the plight of rejection that men face, rather point out to Ruby that it’s not as easy as it looks to take it with a pinch of salt.

I have genuine sympathy for decent women who make an effort to make the best of themselves only to be over-looked time and time again.

By: Locutus

Locutus — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:02:00 +0000

Androgynous #36,

First, I just want to say I synpathize with you and I’m sorry you had to experience the shallowness of some men. Some people period are incredibly shallow- I mean they are not even nice or friendly. But, I have to disagree with your comment that men who complain about rejection only go after supermodels or 9 and 10 looking women. I have never been very comfortable at approaching people and many years ago I was extremely shy (I am 38 and male if you are not aware). Female friends have always told me I was a decent looking guy and attractive, but I always swore they were just being nice. I have been working out for 10 years and definitely do not lack muscles- more thicker with larger arms, legs, etc, I am about 210 pounds. I am not some lean looking guy with defined abs..I have no abs..LOL!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a few of my experiences because I have experienced some similar things as you have described. I will cite some examples I can recall:

One time I was out at a bar/club with a large group of friends- both male and female mixed. I am one of the quieter ones in the group. We were standijng near an area at one of the bars and this somewhat attractive looking girl kept walking by us and back again. I would give her an 8 in looks. Well, after about 20 minutes of walking past me I finally got up the nerve to say something. So when she passed me by I looked at her, smiled, and started to say something. You know what she did? She didn’t even turn her head to look at me. She reached out her arm and put her hand up to my face, as if to shut me up, then proceeded to walk by, never turnign her head in my direction.

Another experience I had from online dating. I read a profile from a girl who looked cute- she had a nice smile which I like. Lookswise she was probably a 7. I would say her body had about 35 pounds of extra weight on her, so not slim by any means. I am ok with thicker women a well as thinner women. Anyway, she moved here from some distant state- her profile said she was new in town (I live in the Boston area). So I send her a friendly message saying she is very cute and where she moved from and such. We chatted back and forth a few times- seemed ok. Then her 3rd or 4th message to me said “You seem to be the typical Boston guy I keep running into”. I was baffled as to what she meant, so I asked her what that means. I can’t recall her exact answer but she basically gave me an insulting response that included calling me a midget and it was NOT written in a humorous way! I am not tall- at 5 foot 8-1/2 but am no midget either. It totally shocked me because I was nothing but friendly and kind to her and my God she was 35 pounds overweight!!!! She was 5 foot 7, BTW. Of course I snapped a nasty line back to her which is untruthful because I actually like thicker women, but hey she insulted me for no reason at all. I told her it was the last time I would ever give a fat chick a chance. I know, it’s not nice, but totally called for in this case. My apologies to any larger women reading this.

Lastly, I went out with a girl once who was very pretty but very large- 400 pounds, in fact. We had a great date followed by a lot of making out (no sex, at her request which I respected). A week later she wouldn’t return my phone calls- no explanation, no reason at all. Never heard from her again after calling back a few times over a span of a few weeks. No real harm with this experience, but I wanted to include it to show you that we don’t always go after supermodels and still get rejected sometimes.

So, I just wanted to show you that women can be just as rude, shallow, obnoxious, and downright mean as some of the men you have experienced and these are NOT SUPERMODELS!!! But, I just march forward and don’t look back. I used to get very angry at these types of people, but I don’t anymore. Fate has a way of handling people. Sometimes they will go thru rough times that I swear is just fate getting back at them- a rough divorce or an abusive parnter, ..etc. So, I have sympathy for the men who have to deal with these types of women as well as women who experience these types of men. But please realize the worst of women are just as bad as the worst of men. I used to think women were so innocent because of all the complaints I always read online from them about men. When I experienced things for myself I was dumbfounded to find all of the many things they complained about to be true of many women, as well!! I soon lost my ill-placed sympathy for the women in general. Additionally, I have a brother and a sister, I have female friends and I have male friends. I hold no bias either way as I don’t want any of them to meet a loser- albeit a man or woman!!

By: Androgynous

Androgynous — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 09:09:21 +0000

Tom10,
Men constantly get rejected by women only approach supermodels or women who look like supermodels. The average looking girls are totally totally overlooked, if not totally invisible to men – yes, even by the average and below average looking men. So please don’t put up the sympathy card for men who get constantly rejected. I should know because I was one of those average looking women (who was slim and took pride in her appearance) only to be overlooked time and time again for the better looking women, many who were totally narcissistic, selfish, self absorbed and of course, mean in their rejection of men they felt were not in their league. You know what, I totally gave up, decided to learn how to take care of myself and do things for myself not expecting any man to do it for me. When my eventual hubby got together with me, I had a house, savings, capability and a grateful nature- and still married of course while my better looking friends all invariably ended up unhappy and divorced and freaking out about their disappearing looks.