And while I agree that most men (or in actual fact, most people in general, I know plenty of women who fall into the same category, although thankfully I don’t have to date them too) aren’t great at writing emails, I don’t feel that I’m looking for some literary masterpiece. I just want evidence that a man is capable of starting a conversation.  If he can’t do it when he knows nothing about me and every question in the universe is yet to be asked, and when he has ample time to think about what to write (and to read the instructions and hints that most dating websites give), what’s our relationship going to be like twenty years down the line?

Finally, I’m really rather intrigued as to why you think that good emails might be a sign of narcissim?!  For me, they indicate that someone is intelligent, polite and considerate.  Of course there are always going to be intelligent “players” who are good at pretending they have all these attributes, but I find these people easy to weed out when their actions don’t match their words, and by and large, I don’t find players to be over represented among men that have basic social skills; if anything, the players I’ve met have been just as frustratingly lacking in the basics, with one or two notable exceptions!

So I’m expecting lighter get to know you questions or something about the things we supposedly have in common, but instead, right after “Hi, my name is…” I get “so when was your last relationship and why are you on Match?”  

Both sounded really bizarre to me, and I’d never gotten that before.  I mean, isn’t everyone on something like Match to, oh, I don’t know, get Matched, and I think questions about previous relationships would not be your first question. I didn’t answer that.   

I have gotten the blatantly sexual questions but those unfortunately are b/c of racist stereotypes and it’s of course a good screen and let’s me know immediately not to reply, although sometimes they send a decent opener and then leap into something offensive. 

I have grown up around men who have started every conversation by making a statement, and who see my role in the “exchange” as being that of commenting on their utterances and opinions.  I don’t want to spend more time with men like this.  I want someone who actively seeks to get to know who i actually am by asking me about myself and what I think, because, that at the end of the day, is what makes me who I am.

Hmm, I’m interested that you see that paragraph as bland an that the woman in question has not given enough to prompt any questions. What type of thing would you consider to be non-bland, and is it more to do with content or with style?  Just an indication will do, if you don’t have an example to hand. 

Personally, I can think of several conversation openers. Firstly, the term “highly dedicated to finding the right man for me” is quite an interesting (and also potentially humourous) one to me.  I might ask quite what form this dedication takes!? I suppose I find dating websites and peoples different approaches to using them quite fascinating in itself and I’d be keen to know about this woman’s opinions and experiences.  Or is she using other methods too and if so what?!

Another interesting line: “You dont always have to know how to do things but in the end sometimes pretending that you know will get you a long way”.  I would ask if she had some specific situation in mind when she wrote this.  Otherwise, it’s quite a funny thing to say.  And compared with “I don’t play games, I am genuine, real..Honesty is a turn on” etc, you could have some fun!?  

Also, you could start  conversation about how she would define the term “romantic” as it means different things to different people.  

But then maybe you’re not much of a talker, and would rather be jumping off cliffs with your perfect woman? You would like more information about activity? If you can’t find anything about a profile that sparks your interest,  what would be your reason for writing at all?  We’re all looking for such different things.  My biggest gripe is the fact that I specify that I’m looking for someone curious and this is often just ignored or misunderstood.

Not the same, but related: often you will see a woman’s profile that has something very bland, like this, freshly pulled from a random Match profile:

Single attractive woman looking for the right man for the right reason(s) to be a friend and hopefully more. I am not high maintenance, I dont have to be spoiled, you dont have to go out of your way for me. You dont always have to know how to do things but in the end sometimes pretending that you know will get you a long way. I dont play games, I am genuine, real and highly dedicated to finding the right man for me. I am simple and real and very down to earth. If you want me to take notice then being your natural self and romantic will get my attention. Honesty is a turn on. I am looking for a man who is genuine and comfortable with himself. I don’t mind waiting forever for a genuine man if it means an entire lifetime then so be it I would rather wait for the right man then settle for anything less.

Just like the e-mails you get with nothing to respond to, how is a guy supposed to even initiate a message to a profile like that?  She’s given nothing at all, other than an opprotunity to take a look at her pics and send a “you’re hot” message.