Oct23

What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?

07:00 am on Oct 23rd 2008 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

43 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice

43 Responses to “What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?”

1. Karl R Oct 23rd 2008 at 09:20 am 1

   After I learned what I was doing, about 20%. Maybe a little bit higher. My response rate kept improving, so the percentage changed according to how long of a time period I look at.

2. Slim Pickens Oct 23rd 2008 at 09:30 am 2

   I don’t do mass mailings, I read profiles very carefully and compose my emails with the same amount of care. Not only do I make sure they have what I’m looking for, but also the other way around as well. My sample size is small, only 10 at the moment, but all but the very first one has responded. I still chat with 7 of the 9, and have met 4 of them in person.

   I’m sure my rate would go down if I was more active, and I’m sure I may end up overlooking something good too. But I’ll take that chance, this online stuff isn’t the only place I’m looking.

3. Jane Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:26 am 3

   I’d say 8 out of 10 men respond when I make the first contact, which is not often. My strategy is much like Slim Pickens so my contacts are few and spread out over time.

   I will always respond to a thoughtful, carefully composed email even if just to say thank you for the time and attention but I don’t see us as a match. I do not feel compelled to respond to careless one liners or men who are so far outside of my criteria that I am not at all sure why they wrote to me.

4. xpuff Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:31 am 4

   I rarely wrote to guys but the response rate was nearly 100% if I did.

   I responded to roughly 10% of the men that wrote me.

5. Evan Marc Katz Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:34 am 5

   That’s a great point, XPuff. Not just what percent write you back, but what percent do you write back TO?

6. Rich Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:37 am 6

   less than 5%

7. Honey Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:47 am 7

   I would say 90% or more of men I wrote to, wrote back. I probably responded to about 15-20% of e-mails once I knew what I was doing…I responded to more in the beginning but quickly learned that was way too much. I won’t say that I never responded to a wink (it has been about 3 years since I was on Match regularly so hard to say) but very, very few. I sent lots of winks and probably got a 20-30% response rate from them (I was a 23 year old 8+ then, rather than a 28 year old 7

8. Dr. Jenn Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:52 am 8

   Hmmm…I met my husband on match.com. Before him, I’d say 40-50 percent wrote back. I was very proactive and wrote personalized emails to anyone I thought could possibly be a good match. I do think the more you put out there- the more you have to expect not to here from. And not to take it personally. And heck, you may need to exchange emails with 10 people before you even want to meet one! I think it’s partly a numbers game and you just have to keep at it till you find your diamond in the haystack!

9. Elle Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:59 am 9

   I agree with Rich — less than 5%.

10. happy girl Oct 23rd 2008 at 12:06 pm 10

    I would say 20 %

11. JuJu Oct 23rd 2008 at 01:03 pm 11

    Will there be a recording of the class? I have school on Tuesdays until 9:30 pm.

12. Evan Marc Katz Oct 23rd 2008 at 01:11 pm 12

    Absolutely, JuJu. You just have to register below:

    http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

    See you there – and keep answering the daily questions – your contributions are appreciated.

    Evan

13. Zann Oct 23rd 2008 at 01:38 pm 13

    I’m not currently using Match.com, but I have in the past and I’m currently on a similar dating site. When I make the first contact by writing to a man, I almost always get a response — I’d estimate 95% of the time. I don’t do winks or “flirts.” I generally answer all thoughtfully written messages I receive, thanking the sender, even if I’m not interested in further contact. I rarely respond to the one-liner, “You’re hot” messages. They’ve gotta come up with something better than that if they want a response from me.

14. A-L Oct 23rd 2008 at 03:03 pm 14

    Though I’m not sure why, my batting average has varied widely. At certain points it’s about 75% or so, and during one miserable spell it was about 10%. I’d say it averages out to around 40%.

    In terms of who I respond to, I have no idea. So much of the garbage that gets sent to me I don’t really think of as e-mails. But if someone actually writes me a nice personalized message, I will almost always write them back.

15. JuJu Oct 23rd 2008 at 05:56 pm 15

    I don’t remember the last time I initiated a correspondence, so my answer to that would be statistically immaterial.

    As for how many e-mails from men I reply to: as some other women already said, if the e-mail is well-written and well thought-out, I will usually respond, even if I am not interested romantically. If the man is too short (and my last profile did specify a minimum height requirement), I could say something like, “Sorry, I just can’t imagine myself with someone who is 5′6″, but I certainly wouldn’t mind being friends” (not sure anyone appreciates this sort of a response, though, so maybe I should just quit being what I perceive as nice). If I don’t find the face particularly attractive (for me this would mean, kissable), then my further activity will depend on whether I think there is any chance at all that in person this man will turn out to be acceptable. If I think there is, I will agree to meet with him once – not a big expenditure of my time or effort, after all, and I could potentially gain an interesting friend as a result. If, otoh, I DON’T allow for the possibility, then that is probably the only instance when I will not reply to an intelligent e-mail. I just don’t see what I could possibly say that would sound more pleasant to him than my silence.

    Oh, I absolutely do not dignify form letters with a response. I’ve seen other people’s profiles, I know exactly how much mine stands out, and I am confident it deserves nothing less than a personalized answer.

16. moonsical Oct 23rd 2008 at 07:25 pm 16

    I respond to all, except winks, though if they just write one sentence, and it’s lame, I tend to use the auto reply feature, “Thanks but we’re just not a match.”

    A few men I have, “rejected,” (hard to call it that when they very barely try) are obnoxious back, and those I block. No need to leave a space for abuse.

    When I write men they almost always respond. However, I unfortunately seem to find men of interest that are, “geographically undesirable,” as Click n’ Clack would say, and they write back, but turn me down based on this fact alone. Some of them say they are flattered, some are just matter-of-fact. One man, “rejected,” me because he said he was, “hard wired,” for a petite woman. That made me laugh out loud, and then shudder at the thought of how skinny he must need a woman to be. Yeek. Scary.

    moon

17. Elaine Oct 23rd 2008 at 11:28 pm 17

    I’d say about 10% to 20% of the time.

    I respond about 50% of the time to the guys who write me first and 100% to those who write thoughtful personalised messages to me.

    I think I might just have met ‘the One’ online recently. Time will tell.. i

18. JB Oct 24th 2008 at 06:29 am 18

    On Match(which I hate) I was on for a month and got about 2 responses to about 30 or 40 emails. On Yahoo which I’ve been on for years I get about 2 for every 15 to 20 I email. I like Yahoo better than Match …Obviously…LOL

19. male54divorced Oct 24th 2008 at 08:18 am 19

    I’m currently active on Match and OKCupid. Over the last 16 months…
    I’ve contacted 2 woman, had responses from both, went on one date with one. 100% on a tiny sample.
    I’ve gotten incoming messages from seven women, met three, dated one, emailed the other four, currently in contact with three of them.
    I’ve gotten around six winks, said thanks but no thanks to all.
    I also date in the real world.
    BTW, I’m bald, average looking, 5′10″, fit, active, employed and can dance.

20. Kenley Oct 24th 2008 at 08:20 am 20

    Juju wrote something I’ve been curious about — she said that she mentioned to someone that they could be friends. When people say that after going on 1 or 2 date, are they really serious? I personally have said that to a couple of guys that I dated where there wasn’t any chemistry. I quickly discovered that from a practical standpoint, trying being friends with a date that didn’t work out, is weird and not especially productive. I already have enough friends to keep me busy and engaged. Then add to that the search for a SO and I just couldn’t fit those other guys in. Finally, it really is awkward if one person still has romantic feelings. You worry that they guy is trying to use you or you are trying to use the guy. So, while I think in theory it is nice to tell someone let’s be friends, in practice it’s much more difficult.

    Unlike some of the women on this blog, I didn’t receive lots of emails or winks. So as they saying goes beggars can’t be chosers. So, as long as the guy hasn’t written anything inappropriate and I like his profile, then I am satisfied and will reply back. I will respond to winks, short emails, mass emails, and long emails alike. Old and average ladies just get very little love. Now, I won’t go out with just any man, but if I like the profile, I really have nothing to lose by replying back.

21. happygirl Oct 24th 2008 at 09:09 am 21

    I am currently taking myself of 3 dating sites I was on. It was not easy in the beginning to get decent responses. But I am getting a great number of them now.Some of them I have met for coffee, but it did not go any further. Some I have gone out with for more then one date if I thought I should see if something would be there so that it can develop into something. I can honestly say that over time it is progressively getting better. However right now I feel I just need a bit of a break. Even internetdating is time consuming and can burn you out.
    There are men out who will keep sending you flirts, yet will not after my response, have further communication. I try as much as I can to respond to emails. Sometimes I will respond to flirts, depending on what I read in their profile, pictures etc I do try to be polite and feel that I should at least acknowledge that someone took the time to email me.

    Look forward to more questions to answer Evan

22. JuJu Oct 24th 2008 at 09:26 am 22

    Kenley,

    I don’t know about the others, but I personally only said it when I meant it. Interesting people are hard to come by, and if a see a combination of intellectual AND genuinely kind, I’d be more than glad to add them to my circle. Now, I’d rather they were women, as I don’t have any female friends, but I don’t go on dates with women.

    I realize, however, that if the man truly wants me, the suggestion will insult rather than flatter him, so perhaps I am going about this all wrong, anyway.

23. Karl R Oct 24th 2008 at 12:08 pm 23

    To answer Evan’s second question, I probably respond favorably to 5% to 10% of the e-mails and winks that I receive. Breaking that down further, it’s 0% favorable to the poorly written e-mails from women who didn’t bother to read my profile, and about 20% to 25% favorable to the articulate e-mails from women who read my profile.

    And to clarify my earlier answer, the 20% response rate only referred to favorable responses. “No thanks” or “I’m starting to get serious with someone else” don’t count.

24. Evan Marc Katz Oct 24th 2008 at 12:10 pm 24

    JuJu-

    No need for constructive criticism. If you’re going to respond, respond with class and gratitude. Otherwise, just ignore.

    My two cents.

    EMK

25. JuJu Oct 24th 2008 at 12:20 pm 25

    Sorry, Evan, not sure I am understanding you – you mean, to the men who write me?

26. Evan Marc Katz Oct 24th 2008 at 12:22 pm 26

    Yes. He doesn’t need to hear WHY you’re not interested, unless for some insane reason he asked for your feedback in his initial email to you. My policy was always to write thoughtful, polite rejection letters to those who wrote great emails, and to ignore everyone else.

    Life is too short to be an HR department.

27. A-L Oct 24th 2008 at 02:26 pm 27

    RE: Kenley’s #20 and the “let’s be friends” concept.

    I’ve only tried it very rarely. One guy and I managed to remain friends for a year before he admitted he still had feelings for me and had to break it off. And I’m currently optimistic about another guy with whom I’m having my first “friend” meeting tonight, as neither one of us was feeling a romantic connection but could easily have been part of my close friends in college (had we attended the same university).

    For a guy to go into the friend category things could never have gotten physical, or at least not very physical, or else I think there’s always that reminder/temptation there, which can also lead to a certain awkwardness. At the same time, you have to have gone out with the person enough times to know that you both have a lot in common, connect well, and like each other. You need to have a certain amount invested already in the relationship (Evan said this somewhere…don’t recall where).

28. Lulubell Oct 24th 2008 at 03:11 pm 28

    I just don’t email guys – maybe it’s a generational thing (I’m 49) or that I like or need to be pursued. But, I do think it’s important to be polite and strive for a kinder/gentler online world, so I respond to all polite emails (in proportion to their email).
    I have a question – Who responds to a wink and why?

29. JB Oct 25th 2008 at 09:24 am 29

    Lulubell- “Who responds to a wink and why?”

    I’m sure most men will a lot more often respond to a wink than women because they get so few responses of any kind they get excited about any they get.

    Plenty of women also respond to winks if the guys photo is “hot” enough and the profile is short,safe and generic. Although they might just wink back ….it’s still a response…lol

30. Eathan Oct 25th 2008 at 04:31 pm 30

    I’m very picky on who I email. So I would have to say it’s about 80% response. I keep my emails short and sweet. I usually get replies even if they aren’t interested.

31. Cilla Oct 26th 2008 at 11:02 am 31

    Ditto what Eathan said. As I get more selective about whom I’m emailing and my letter writing skills get a little cleverer, my batting average increases. (See, sports reference–guys love that–LOL.) If I make even the slightest sexual innuendo or double entendre, I’m almost guaranteed a 100% response (cheap, I know, but it’s reality).

    If a guy has a long-ish profile, I don’t worry so much about keeping my letter super short. Otherwise, it’s 4 or 5 good sentences (reference profile, include humor, no big grammatical errors, no soulmate talk, etc.). I try to end with a question so they can lob the ball back into my court (sorry–couldn’t resist).

    I’m lazy (and maybe a little shy)–every once in a while I’ll use a wink to feel out a guy I think might be too young, too hot, too far, etc. If he winks back, then I’ll send an email.

32. Seitensprung Finden Oct 27th 2008 at 12:44 pm 32

    I’m short end polite in my emails and I ever get an answer – even if the chicks are not interested… This system works absolutely here in Germany…

33. christina Nov 28th 2008 at 10:43 pm 33

    I have been on match for about three months and have gotten responses and met two guy’s. I have e-mailed as well as winked to a few guys and I have gotten only a few responses. I know I am not unattractive could it be that my being the first to e-mail is to forward and scares them away? Or maybe it is my profile, but I don’t think they really read it to much. I too am also only e-mailing the ones that interest me and fall into both our profiles. I have to say i am starting to feel a bit insecure from the lack of responses.

34. Tom Apr 10th 2009 at 11:37 am 34

    I use Match.com, I have done over the last few years, and met 3 people from it to whom turned into girlfriends or 7 – 10 months each.

    My experience is that women just do not reply, I take the time to write a nice customised email to the people i think are nice and fit the bill etc, but nobody responds. I can see that they have read the email too. Im a descent bloke, not bad looking, have a really good quality profile. I have emailed over 100 women, nice emails, and got 2 reponses and not heard anything else.

    However, i set an account up as a womnan (No im not a cross dresser) to see how many blokes emailed me, and i have been getting about 10 to 15 emails every single day from different blokes.

    My conclusion of Match.com is that women pay to use it and just wait for blokes to contact them, they do not ever initiate the first contact and will only respond if you look like brad pitt. Women are extremely shallow and think they can get any bloke they want, well that appears to be the case with the people on Match.com, im not saying they are all like it, but nobody seems to have the manners to respond to say no thanks, or even have the courtesy to reply.

35. Karl R Apr 10th 2009 at 02:16 pm 35

    Tom said: (#34)
    “Women are extremely shallow and think they can get any bloke they want, [...] nobody seems to have the manners to respond to say no thanks, or even have the courtesy to reply.”

    Some of these women are getting 50 to 100 e-mails per day. How many hours per day do you think they should reasonably spend sending out courteous replies?

    christina asked: (#33)
    “could it be that my being the first to e-mail is to forward and scares them away?”

    No. It’s much more likely that your pictures or your profile don’t interest them. Even for women, it’s a numbers game. You will only receive replies to a fraction of the e-mails you send out.

    ————–

    On an interesting aside, I signed back up on match.com after 15 months off. Several days after signing back up, I received an e-mail from someone that I had initially e-mailed 16 or 17 months ago. Initially I hadn’t received any response.

    I’ll be calling her tonight to set up a first date.

36. FrogPrincess Jul 27th 2009 at 06:32 am 36

    I’m on Match and admittedly I don’t email first. I do wink first, but only to guys I find both attractive and seemingly a good match. I’d say the response is about 20%. And 80% of that is “thanks, but no thanks”. Which is, admittedly, somewhat disheartening sometimes.

    As for guys who contact me, I respond 100% of the time, even if it’s the auto-reject button. At least on Match. I did recently join Borders (Which I loathe and have already cancelled my account.) which does not have an auto-reject button. I do respond to every thoughtfully written email on Borders, even if it’s to tell them we’re not a match. Except the guy who wanted to know all about my feet and what colour I paint my toenails. Yeah, I deleted him.
    .-= FrogPrincess´s last blog ..To Plan Or Not To Plan =-.

37. Joe Jul 27th 2009 at 10:20 am 37

    Do you respond to guys who just wink at you?

38. Kristyn Jul 28th 2009 at 09:52 am 38

    @ Karl R

    Did she remember you from your initial contact?

39. Karl R Jul 29th 2009 at 07:50 am 39

    Kristyn asked:
    “Did she remember you from your initial contact?”

    Yes, even though I’d changed the name I was using, I’d changed my main portrait (a couple of the other pictures were the same), and I’d rewritten 1/3 of my profile.

    Nothing ended up coming of it, but I did get an interesting story (or two) out of it.

40. Beccy Oct 13th 2009 at 09:09 pm 40

    I am new to dating, just got separated.. ok
    I am totally discouraged.  I actually met a guy on eharmony and he and I dated and had a great connection, we went out, and had long walks, had great physical passion.. and it was over a period of a few months.. ok, then he dumps me by text.. and I am crushed.  I swear I got on match. com and was amazed that he is online all the time.  I am super sweet and attractive.  I have alot of people emailing me and I try to email them back but I feel so scared that I now have a disease since when we were together a few times, protection did not seem to last.
    I am scared to death I have a major disease.  I have tried to email this player and he now ignores me.  I want to throw up.
    He also dumped me by text and now it turns out we are mutual matches.  I think he is a complete pig and I am in complete numb shock over this as I was falling in love.  I took my pictures off and I dont know if I will put them back up.  I am very sad. 
     

41. datingsux Nov 25th 2009 at 09:43 pm 41

    About me: late 30s, graduate education, stable career, 5′10″ w/athletic build and all my hair (though honestly at best average looking). Otherwise a decent profile with pictures and plenty of text. Random stats from my experience, which is substantial (~300 emails in the last 8 months): Virtually 100% of my emails are read within 20 minutes (HUH?). 90+% of those emailed did not check out my profile. Response rate less is than 5%. Once there is a response chances of a first date are better than 50%. I’ve never received a “thanks, but not interested” email. One average the 8 girls I’ve met were more attractive in real life than their profiles suggested. All in all, online dating has made dating even worse, if such a thing is/was possible. I don’t recommend it for anyone; I found it to be far too much work for far too little yield.

42. Karen Dec 31st 2009 at 08:39 am 42

    I don’t write first emails very often, so if I’m inspired to write one I usually am in the frame of mind where it’s pretty funny…and I have a great response rate…probably around 95%. Funny thing is, that I have better dating luck with the men that write me first. So, it’s a fun test that I run in my head. I try and be positive and have had a lot of fun dates.
    As far as responding, I try to respond to most (90%) emails that are written to me. I have a few male friends that are online and thier complaint to me is how rude women are. They would like to know either way if you are interested. My thinking is that I hate to be the one to say, “No, I’m not interested in you, thanks anyway”  I think women think no response is a response. That’s what I think if I don’t hear back..so I have an somewhat generic answer that I write that is as nice as it can be for the guys that I don’t want to date…just to not be rude.
    What I don’t get are winks with no photo and boring profiles.

43. Josh Jan 2nd 2010 at 01:22 am 43

    I’m with match.  Despite my strong and unique profile, reasonable photos, and sending out hundreds of personalized messages (I don’t bother with winks); I probably get checked out by 5% and responded to by 1% if I’m lucky.  I’ve never gotten a date from this and I have never been contacted first by a woman.  I don’t think I’m that terrible looking, 5′10″, 150, ex-military, but I’m no Brad Pitt.  I was attributing this to my poor response rate until I started reading around a bit.  It’s just terrible.

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