What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?

What percent of people respond to your initial emails on Match.com?

Please respond in the comments below.

I think everyone here could learn from you sharing your personal experience.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

Learn how to make your response rate skyrocket:

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Talk to you soon!

Evan

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59 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice

59 Responses to “What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?”

Karl R 1

After I learned what I was doing, about 20%. Maybe a little bit higher. My response rate kept improving, so the percentage changed according to how long of a time period I look at.
Slim Pickens 2

I don’t do mass mailings, I read profiles very carefully and compose my emails with the same amount of care. Not only do I make sure they have what I’m looking for, but also the other way around as well. My sample size is small, only 10 at the moment, but all but the very first one has responded. I still chat with 7 of the 9, and have met 4 of them in person.

I’m sure my rate would go down if I was more active, and I’m sure I may end up overlooking something good too. But I’ll take that chance, this online stuff isn’t the only place I’m looking.
Jane 3

I’d say 8 out of 10 men respond when I make the first contact, which is not often. My strategy is much like Slim Pickens so my contacts are few and spread out over time.

I will always respond to a thoughtful, carefully composed email even if just to say thank you for the time and attention but I don’t see us as a match. I do not feel compelled to respond to careless one liners or men who are so far outside of my criteria that I am not at all sure why they wrote to me.
xpuff 4

I rarely wrote to guys but the response rate was nearly 100% if I did.

I responded to roughly 10% of the men that wrote me.
Evan Marc Katz 5

That’s a great point, XPuff. Not just what percent write you back, but what percent do you write back TO?
Rich 6

less than 5%
Honey 7

I would say 90% or more of men I wrote to, wrote back. I probably responded to about 15-20% of e-mails once I knew what I was doing…I responded to more in the beginning but quickly learned that was way too much. I won’t say that I never responded to a wink (it has been about 3 years since I was on Match regularly so hard to say) but very, very few. I sent lots of winks and probably got a 20-30% response rate from them (I was a 23 year old 8+ then, rather than a 28 year old 7
Dr. Jenn 8

Hmmm…I met my husband on match.com. Before him, I’d say 40-50 percent wrote back. I was very proactive and wrote personalized emails to anyone I thought could possibly be a good match. I do think the more you put out there- the more you have to expect not to here from. And not to take it personally. And heck, you may need to exchange emails with 10 people before you even want to meet one! I think it’s partly a numbers game and you just have to keep at it till you find your diamond in the haystack!
Elle 9

I agree with Rich — less than 5%.
happy girl 10

I would say 20 %
JuJu 11

Will there be a recording of the class? I have school on Tuesdays until 9:30 pm.
Evan Marc Katz 12

Absolutely, JuJu. You just have to register below:

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

See you there – and keep answering the daily questions – your contributions are appreciated.

Evan
Zann 13

I’m not currently using Match.com, but I have in the past and I’m currently on a similar dating site. When I make the first contact by writing to a man, I almost always get a response — I’d estimate 95% of the time. I don’t do winks or “flirts.” I generally answer all thoughtfully written messages I receive, thanking the sender, even if I’m not interested in further contact. I rarely respond to the one-liner, “You’re hot” messages. They’ve gotta come up with something better than that if they want a response from me.
A-L 14

Though I’m not sure why, my batting average has varied widely. At certain points it’s about 75% or so, and during one miserable spell it was about 10%. I’d say it averages out to around 40%.

In terms of who I respond to, I have no idea. So much of the garbage that gets sent to me I don’t really think of as e-mails. But if someone actually writes me a nice personalized message, I will almost always write them back.
JuJu 15

I don’t remember the last time I initiated a correspondence, so my answer to that would be statistically immaterial.

As for how many e-mails from men I reply to: as some other women already said, if the e-mail is well-written and well thought-out, I will usually respond, even if I am not interested romantically. If the man is too short (and my last profile did specify a minimum height requirement), I could say something like, “Sorry, I just can’t imagine myself with someone who is 5’6″, but I certainly wouldn’t mind being friends” (not sure anyone appreciates this sort of a response, though, so maybe I should just quit being what I perceive as nice). If I don’t find the face particularly attractive (for me this would mean, kissable), then my further activity will depend on whether I think there is any chance at all that in person this man will turn out to be acceptable. If I think there is, I will agree to meet with him once – not a big expenditure of my time or effort, after all, and I could potentially gain an interesting friend as a result. If, otoh, I DON’T allow for the possibility, then that is probably the only instance when I will not reply to an intelligent e-mail. I just don’t see what I could possibly say that would sound more pleasant to him than my silence.

Oh, I absolutely do not dignify form letters with a response. I’ve seen other people’s profiles, I know exactly how much mine stands out, and I am confident it deserves nothing less than a personalized answer.
moonsical 16

I respond to all, except winks, though if they just write one sentence, and it’s lame, I tend to use the auto reply feature, “Thanks but we’re just not a match.”

A few men I have, “rejected,” (hard to call it that when they very barely try) are obnoxious back, and those I block. No need to leave a space for abuse.

When I write men they almost always respond. However, I unfortunately seem to find men of interest that are, “geographically undesirable,” as Click n’ Clack would say, and they write back, but turn me down based on this fact alone. Some of them say they are flattered, some are just matter-of-fact. One man, “rejected,” me because he said he was, “hard wired,” for a petite woman. That made me laugh out loud, and then shudder at the thought of how skinny he must need a woman to be. Yeek. Scary.

moon
Elaine 17

I’d say about 10% to 20% of the time.

I respond about 50% of the time to the guys who write me first and 100% to those who write thoughtful personalised messages to me.

I think I might just have met ‘the One’ online recently. Time will tell.. i
JB 18

On Match(which I hate) I was on for a month and got about 2 responses to about 30 or 40 emails. On Yahoo which I’ve been on for years I get about 2 for every 15 to 20 I email. I like Yahoo better than Match …Obviously…LOL
male54divorced 19

I’m currently active on Match and OKCupid. Over the last 16 months…
I’ve contacted 2 woman, had responses from both, went on one date with one. 100% on a tiny sample.
I’ve gotten incoming messages from seven women, met three, dated one, emailed the other four, currently in contact with three of them.
I’ve gotten around six winks, said thanks but no thanks to all.
I also date in the real world.
BTW, I’m bald, average looking, 5’10″, fit, active, employed and can dance.
Kenley 20

Juju wrote something I’ve been curious about — she said that she mentioned to someone that they could be friends. When people say that after going on 1 or 2 date, are they really serious? I personally have said that to a couple of guys that I dated where there wasn’t any chemistry. I quickly discovered that from a practical standpoint, trying being friends with a date that didn’t work out, is weird and not especially productive. I already have enough friends to keep me busy and engaged. Then add to that the search for a SO and I just couldn’t fit those other guys in. Finally, it really is awkward if one person still has romantic feelings. You worry that they guy is trying to use you or you are trying to use the guy. So, while I think in theory it is nice to tell someone let’s be friends, in practice it’s much more difficult.

Unlike some of the women on this blog, I didn’t receive lots of emails or winks. So as they saying goes beggars can’t be chosers. So, as long as the guy hasn’t written anything inappropriate and I like his profile, then I am satisfied and will reply back. I will respond to winks, short emails, mass emails, and long emails alike. Old and average ladies just get very little love. Now, I won’t go out with just any man, but if I like the profile, I really have nothing to lose by replying back.
happygirl 21

I am currently taking myself of 3 dating sites I was on. It was not easy in the beginning to get decent responses. But I am getting a great number of them now.Some of them I have met for coffee, but it did not go any further. Some I have gone out with for more then one date if I thought I should see if something would be there so that it can develop into something. I can honestly say that over time it is progressively getting better. However right now I feel I just need a bit of a break. Even internetdating is time consuming and can burn you out.
There are men out who will keep sending you flirts, yet will not after my response, have further communication. I try as much as I can to respond to emails. Sometimes I will respond to flirts, depending on what I read in their profile, pictures etc I do try to be polite and feel that I should at least acknowledge that someone took the time to email me.

Look forward to more questions to answer Evan
JuJu 22

Kenley,

I don’t know about the others, but I personally only said it when I meant it. Interesting people are hard to come by, and if a see a combination of intellectual AND genuinely kind, I’d be more than glad to add them to my circle. Now, I’d rather they were women, as I don’t have any female friends, but I don’t go on dates with women.

I realize, however, that if the man truly wants me, the suggestion will insult rather than flatter him, so perhaps I am going about this all wrong, anyway.
Karl R 23

To answer Evan’s second question, I probably respond favorably to 5% to 10% of the e-mails and winks that I receive. Breaking that down further, it’s 0% favorable to the poorly written e-mails from women who didn’t bother to read my profile, and about 20% to 25% favorable to the articulate e-mails from women who read my profile.

And to clarify my earlier answer, the 20% response rate only referred to favorable responses. “No thanks” or “I’m starting to get serious with someone else” don’t count.
Evan Marc Katz 24

JuJu-

No need for constructive criticism. If you’re going to respond, respond with class and gratitude. Otherwise, just ignore.

My two cents.

EMK
JuJu 25

Sorry, Evan, not sure I am understanding you – you mean, to the men who write me?
Evan Marc Katz 26

Yes. He doesn’t need to hear WHY you’re not interested, unless for some insane reason he asked for your feedback in his initial email to you. My policy was always to write thoughtful, polite rejection letters to those who wrote great emails, and to ignore everyone else.

Life is too short to be an HR department.
A-L 27

RE: Kenley’s #20 and the “let’s be friends” concept.

I’ve only tried it very rarely. One guy and I managed to remain friends for a year before he admitted he still had feelings for me and had to break it off. And I’m currently optimistic about another guy with whom I’m having my first “friend” meeting tonight, as neither one of us was feeling a romantic connection but could easily have been part of my close friends in college (had we attended the same university).

For a guy to go into the friend category things could never have gotten physical, or at least not very physical, or else I think there’s always that reminder/temptation there, which can also lead to a certain awkwardness. At the same time, you have to have gone out with the person enough times to know that you both have a lot in common, connect well, and like each other. You need to have a certain amount invested already in the relationship (Evan said this somewhere…don’t recall where).
Lulubell 28

I just don’t email guys – maybe it’s a generational thing (I’m 49) or that I like or need to be pursued. But, I do think it’s important to be polite and strive for a kinder/gentler online world, so I respond to all polite emails (in proportion to their email).
I have a question – Who responds to a wink and why?
JB 29

Lulubell- “Who responds to a wink and why?”

I’m sure most men will a lot more often respond to a wink than women because they get so few responses of any kind they get excited about any they get.

Plenty of women also respond to winks if the guys photo is “hot” enough and the profile is short,safe and generic. Although they might just wink back ….it’s still a response…lol
Eathan 30

I’m very picky on who I email. So I would have to say it’s about 80% response. I keep my emails short and sweet. I usually get replies even if they aren’t interested.
Cilla 31

Ditto what Eathan said. As I get more selective about whom I’m emailing and my letter writing skills get a little cleverer, my batting average increases. (See, sports reference–guys love that–LOL.) If I make even the slightest sexual innuendo or double entendre, I’m almost guaranteed a 100% response (cheap, I know, but it’s reality).

If a guy has a long-ish profile, I don’t worry so much about keeping my letter super short. Otherwise, it’s 4 or 5 good sentences (reference profile, include humor, no big grammatical errors, no soulmate talk, etc.). I try to end with a question so they can lob the ball back into my court (sorry–couldn’t resist).

I’m lazy (and maybe a little shy)–every once in a while I’ll use a wink to feel out a guy I think might be too young, too hot, too far, etc. If he winks back, then I’ll send an email.
Seitensprung Finden 32

I’m short end polite in my emails and I ever get an answer – even if the chicks are not interested… This system works absolutely here in Germany…
christina 33

I have been on match for about three months and have gotten responses and met two guy’s. I have e-mailed as well as winked to a few guys and I have gotten only a few responses. I know I am not unattractive could it be that my being the first to e-mail is to forward and scares them away? Or maybe it is my profile, but I don’t think they really read it to much. I too am also only e-mailing the ones that interest me and fall into both our profiles. I have to say i am starting to feel a bit insecure from the lack of responses.
Tom 34

I use Match.com, I have done over the last few years, and met 3 people from it to whom turned into girlfriends or 7 – 10 months each.

My experience is that women just do not reply, I take the time to write a nice customised email to the people i think are nice and fit the bill etc, but nobody responds. I can see that they have read the email too. Im a descent bloke, not bad looking, have a really good quality profile. I have emailed over 100 women, nice emails, and got 2 reponses and not heard anything else.

However, i set an account up as a womnan (No im not a cross dresser) to see how many blokes emailed me, and i have been getting about 10 to 15 emails every single day from different blokes.

My conclusion of Match.com is that women pay to use it and just wait for blokes to contact them, they do not ever initiate the first contact and will only respond if you look like brad pitt. Women are extremely shallow and think they can get any bloke they want, well that appears to be the case with the people on Match.com, im not saying they are all like it, but nobody seems to have the manners to respond to say no thanks, or even have the courtesy to reply.
Karl R 35

Tom said: (#34)
“Women are extremely shallow and think they can get any bloke they want, [...] nobody seems to have the manners to respond to say no thanks, or even have the courtesy to reply.”

Some of these women are getting 50 to 100 e-mails per day. How many hours per day do you think they should reasonably spend sending out courteous replies?

christina asked: (#33)
“could it be that my being the first to e-mail is to forward and scares them away?”

No. It’s much more likely that your pictures or your profile don’t interest them. Even for women, it’s a numbers game. You will only receive replies to a fraction of the e-mails you send out.

————–

On an interesting aside, I signed back up on match.com after 15 months off. Several days after signing back up, I received an e-mail from someone that I had initially e-mailed 16 or 17 months ago. Initially I hadn’t received any response.

I’ll be calling her tonight to set up a first date.
FrogPrincess 36

I’m on Match and admittedly I don’t email first. I do wink first, but only to guys I find both attractive and seemingly a good match. I’d say the response is about 20%. And 80% of that is “thanks, but no thanks”. Which is, admittedly, somewhat disheartening sometimes.

As for guys who contact me, I respond 100% of the time, even if it’s the auto-reject button. At least on Match. I did recently join Borders (Which I loathe and have already cancelled my account.) which does not have an auto-reject button. I do respond to every thoughtfully written email on Borders, even if it’s to tell them we’re not a match. Except the guy who wanted to know all about my feet and what colour I paint my toenails. Yeah, I deleted him.
.-= FrogPrincess´s last blog ..To Plan Or Not To Plan =-.
Joe 37

Do you respond to guys who just wink at you?
Kristyn 38

@ Karl R

Did she remember you from your initial contact?
Karl R 39

Kristyn asked:
“Did she remember you from your initial contact?”

Yes, even though I’d changed the name I was using, I’d changed my main portrait (a couple of the other pictures were the same), and I’d rewritten 1/3 of my profile.

Nothing ended up coming of it, but I did get an interesting story (or two) out of it.
Beccy 40

I am new to dating, just got separated.. ok
I am totally discouraged. I actually met a guy on eharmony and he and I dated and had a great connection, we went out, and had long walks, had great physical passion.. and it was over a period of a few months.. ok, then he dumps me by text.. and I am crushed. I swear I got on match. com and was amazed that he is online all the time. I am super sweet and attractive. I have alot of people emailing me and I try to email them back but I feel so scared that I now have a disease since when we were together a few times, protection did not seem to last.
I am scared to death I have a major disease. I have tried to email this player and he now ignores me. I want to throw up.
He also dumped me by text and now it turns out we are mutual matches. I think he is a complete pig and I am in complete numb shock over this as I was falling in love. I took my pictures off and I dont know if I will put them back up. I am very sad.
datingsux 41

About me: late 30s, graduate education, stable career, 5’10″ w/athletic build and all my hair (though honestly at best average looking). Otherwise a decent profile with pictures and plenty of text. Random stats from my experience, which is substantial (~300 emails in the last 8 months): Virtually 100% of my emails are read within 20 minutes (HUH?). 90+% of those emailed did not check out my profile. Response rate less is than 5%. Once there is a response chances of a first date are better than 50%. I’ve never received a “thanks, but not interested” email. One average the 8 girls I’ve met were more attractive in real life than their profiles suggested. All in all, online dating has made dating even worse, if such a thing is/was possible. I don’t recommend it for anyone; I found it to be far too much work for far too little yield.
Karen 42

I don’t write first emails very often, so if I’m inspired to write one I usually am in the frame of mind where it’s pretty funny…and I have a great response rate…probably around 95%. Funny thing is, that I have better dating luck with the men that write me first. So, it’s a fun test that I run in my head. I try and be positive and have had a lot of fun dates.
As far as responding, I try to respond to most (90%) emails that are written to me. I have a few male friends that are online and thier complaint to me is how rude women are. They would like to know either way if you are interested. My thinking is that I hate to be the one to say, “No, I’m not interested in you, thanks anyway” I think women think no response is a response. That’s what I think if I don’t hear back..so I have an somewhat generic answer that I write that is as nice as it can be for the guys that I don’t want to date…just to not be rude.
What I don’t get are winks with no photo and boring profiles.
Josh 43

I’m with match. Despite my strong and unique profile, reasonable photos, and sending out hundreds of personalized messages (I don’t bother with winks); I probably get checked out by 5% and responded to by 1% if I’m lucky. I’ve never gotten a date from this and I have never been contacted first by a woman. I don’t think I’m that terrible looking, 5’10″, 150, ex-military, but I’m no Brad Pitt. I was attributing this to my poor response rate until I started reading around a bit. It’s just terrible.
Me 44

I am now up to 81 emails out. All extremely well thought out and ALL tailored to the profile on hand, with a quirky, cute, and funny headline to capture their attention.

A BIG FAT ZERO! No responses at all. Admittedly, the women I email all look good. But I am no slouch either – my primary photo is in a tux and I am toned. NADA. Maybe I should write down my salary to improve my chances. I’m fresh out of ideas at this point.
Kevin 45

Kind of glad to see I’m not alone. I too am batting 0%. I’m pretty darn frustrated with it and decided to call out this one particular woman who thought no response is a response. THIS she responds to and she turns around and calls me rude.

What has taught women this is acceptable? If you meet a woman in real life and she were to just turn her back and walk away, you’d call her a bitch. I don’t see how non-responsiveness on a dating site is any different. In fact, it’s worse. We’re all there to meet people!! And you just flat out ignore people who took time to write you a thoughtful e-mail? Not cool. Not cool at all. Even a simple “no thanks” is infinitely better than being totally ignored.
Confused 46

I am a woman, 39, petite, fit, never married, no kids, no drama and I am fairly attractive in real life. I however am not attractive online. I have been on match twice, eharmony once. Eharmony was a waste of money. Less than a handful of matches a week. I send about two or three emails a month on match. I have had four guys ever email me back on match. One I dated a month, the other is a friend now, the other two were really nice “thanks, but no thanks.” I respond to all emails even if it’s the canned “thanks, but no thanks.” I have had several dates with the men who emailed me and only “entertaining” stories to show for it. Last one turned out psycho with anger issues because he thought I was breaking up with him after two dates and one phone call and absolutely no physical anything. Feeling pretty discouraged. Guess it’s time to revamp everything.
Karl R 47

Kevin said: (#45)
“pretty darn frustrated with it and decided to call out this one particular woman who thought no response is a response. THIS she responds to and she turns around and calls me rude.”

She called you rude because you were rude. Why does this surprise you?

Kevin asked: (#45)
“What has taught women this is acceptable?”

Try to see it from the women’s point of view.

Imagine this:
When you log into Match.com tonight, you have 100 emails from different women. It takes you 45 minutes just to read them all, and 3 hours if you decide to read all of their profiles.

What’s worse, none of these women seem to have read your profile. You want a woman close to your age; some of these women could be your grandmother. You want a woman who lives reasonably near you; some of these women live over a thousand mile away (or on a different continent). You want a woman who is reasonably fit; some of these women are morbidly obese.

But you’re determined to be polite, so you spend 45 minutes copying and pasting a “Thanks, but no thanks.” to each of them before you delete their emails.

The next day, of the 100 women you said “no thanks” to, 25 wrote back to convince you to change your mind. 5 others wrote back to call you a bastard because you turned them down. AND … 100 new women sent you emails, all as equally unsuitable as the previous 100.

After 2 weeks of that scenario repeating itself, how much time each evening do you spend writing “no thanks” emails?

If you want women to respond to your emails, you need to stand out from the crowd. It’s not her fault that you don’t.
Kevin 48

Karl,
I don’t care if the ugliest, fattest, most grotesque woman who lives 10,000 miles away wrote me. I’ll still have the decency to write something back to her. It’s not about whether or not you are interested. It’s about courtesy. Non-communication is incredibly rude. And if somebody won’t leave you alone even after the courtesy no, that’s why they have the block button. It’s not asking for the world to ask for a tiny amount of respect as a fellow human, as opposed to being treated as some sub-human unworthy of even the slightest communication.
Karl R 49

Kevin said: (#48)
“I’ll still have the decency to write something back to her. It’s not about whether or not you are interested. It’s about courtesy.”

It’s also about time. After staying up late every night for a week trying to send a polite response to everyone, which becomes more important, being polite or taking care of your health?

You get how many emails from women per week? You have the luxury of having the time to craft a thoughtful rejection to every one that you’re not interested in.

Kevin said: (#48)
“It’s not asking for the world to ask for a tiny amount of respect as a fellow human, as opposed to being treated as some sub-human unworthy of even the slightest communication.”

Do you send polite responses to every company the mails/emails junk mail to you?

If the phone rings and you realize that it’s a telemarketer calling, do you answer the call or let it roll to voice mail? There’s another human on the line who is just as worthy of communication as you are.

If a woman isn’t interested in you, your unwanted, unsolicited email is the equivalent of junk mail. Those are the rules of the game. It doesn’t matter whether you like the rules or hate them, you won’t succeed unless you accept and play by them.
e, a 30 year old girl here 50

Okcupid.com, suprisingly, has a much, much, much better response rate for me. I also have way more guys contacting me. Oh, and the guys are generally better looking, less mainstream and yet less weird, more hip, and better educated.

Apparently, as the owner of okcupid points out in his article on this very topic, match has a lot of non-paying, phantom members who would have to pay to email you back. Apparently only 1 in 20 are even active members.

I get stares from guys all the time, although admittedly, I am a bit overweight (yet blessed with curves). The response rate on match- 5% or less. Okcupid, 20% at least. Craigslist is even better ,but more difficult due to pic exchange hassle issues.
AMAF 51

I got to agreed with some of the guys here that the response rate on match.com is horrible. Even the ones that I get winks from don’t respond to emails. I don’t know what percentage of them are non-paying users and therefore can’t respond back. I admit my emails are not that long and only a few lines just to feel them out and see if they are interested. Maybe my emails just got buried with the rest of the 100 of emails they receive everyday that doesn’t stand out.
Sage Jessee 52

I’ve been on match.com for about 4 months now. Until recently I haven’t spent a significant amount of time emailing matches every night. However, I’ve emailed about 100 different people and have gotten responses from 3 of them. 2 of them responded, I believe, because they were simply amused by what I had written. Basically, I wrote some silly emails (more for my own amusement because I had given up on the whole thing) pretending to be a man from Kazakhstan presenting himself as an above average suitor because his job at Hardees and “strongest of mules for transportation” This was obviously a joke if they had read my profile.

Anyways, 1 of the respondents joked back a bit, and suggested dollar general over my favored wal-mart as a spot of romantic encounter. We bantered for 1 or 2 emails but nothing came of it, i.e. she just ignored after a minute. The second respondent and thought I was funny for poking fun at a picture of her and her VERY HUGE cat. We also both liked ice cream, so I joked that we should start an ice cream anonymous club… but that her cat couldn’t come, because I was afraid it would eat me… and my family. Neither one of these email strings has led to anything, but so far the only responses I have gotten were because of ridiculously funny and off the wall emails… save one person that I am talking to, but she says she is too shy to talk to me on the phone.

The email that I sent to the more shy woman that responded to me simply asked what kind of pets she had (referencing her saying that she talks to her pets) and asked how long she had been in the area. Nothing too special. I always reference something on the woman’s profile so they know that they are not being spammed. We are currently ”facebooking” but I have no idea if it will go anywhere. Thus, 4 months has lead to zero dates.

A little about me: I am 26 with a graduate education, a good job, I also own my own business, I’m family oriented, intellectual and thoughtful, financially responsible, looking for a respectful relationship with a strong emotional connection, above average looking (but “only” 5’8″… because I don’t lie even if its “just” online), dress well, athletic, and enjoy being outside.

After reading the men’s comments and comparing my experience, I think it’s safe to say that match.com is for women, as are most dating sites. I’ve also been on eharmony and NOTHING came of that.

Question for the ladies: sorry but being “well thought out” isn’t enough. It seems like the only thing that even gets a response is being completely over the top. Will you tell us what sort of emails you have responded to? Also, should I put my income on my profile? I think it is completely tacky, but if it makes a difference, I might consider it.
Erik 53

I decided to give match a try after doing eharmony last summer for a few months. Eharmony, I thought, was a big waste of time. It matched me with people that honestly had nothing in common with me and I couldn’t search for new people to talk to. I decided to cancel after 3 months and in my last 2 weeks of the subscription, met someone. We hit it off, and blah blah blah 4 months later, broke up due to it being more like a friendship than a relationship. Mutual breakup, no real deep chemistry, we just liked each other. So, this spring I decided, since my female friend found her husband on match, to try it. I got the 6 month deal and started out strong. First day, I sent about 10 emails and said to myself “self, if you get even 1 back, that’s good odds”. Well I got one back, we talked more and went out and she turned out to be the rudest person I think I have ever met, but such is life. Since then, I have had 0 responses. I write grammatically correct and well versed responses that is personalized to their profile. No copy paste, no similar style. I write exactly how I would talk to them if I met them in person and ask normal questions like: “Oh I see you went to France in that picture, how was it? I have always wanted to go” and similar things. Everything personalized. I swear, I have sent close to 45 personalized emails to people. Now, I am so put off by it, I think I just look to see who is out there. I haven’t sent an email in 3 weeks and got into a good fight with match’s customer service over their “supposed” member base (most in my demographic being active over 3 weeks). Worst money ever spent, but I am stuck with another 3 months of it (they offered me a $25 refund, and I didn’t take it…if all else, I can use this whole ordeal as experience). So, out of 43 emails (I just checked), I received 1 response. That is a 2% response rate. Awesome eh? I have received two winks that I followed up with emails to, and received nothing in return.

To help paint the picture here, I am a 23 year old male, a college graduate, I am a project manager at a construction firm, I love pets, I am in good shape (no, not the internet ‘good’, I go to the gym every day and work my butt off because I lost 45lbs since December). I am no 10, but I am not a 5 either. Maybe a solid 7? Better than average? I work a lot and have little time to just go out and meet people. I don’t drink to excess and don’t go to bars or clubs. This whole experience has left me amazed and possibly with far lower self-esteem than I went in with. My friend tells me “oh, all the girls here are just crazy then for not liking you” but with response rates like that, how can you not think there is something wrong with you?

I have never received an email from a woman, so I guess I have a 100% response rate…or 0%, depending on how you look at it. But if she sent me a personalized email, I would at least have the decency to respond. I have given up on ‘well thought out’ emails because I am not going to waste my time if I have a 1/43 chance of you even clicking the reply button.
Laura 54

I just joined match within the past two weeks. I’ve sent several winks prior to paying for membership, but after paying, sent 3 emails. I realize it’s early, but no responses yet. I had 2 other emails sent to me, to which I responded with a “thanks but no thanks”.
I would always respond to a well thought out and personalized email. It shows the guy is genuinely interested and took the time to think of you. But that’s just me. It’s interesting to know that so few people are paying for match’s service. 1 in 20 – why bother? How else are you going to get in contact with these people if you don’t pay the fee?
Sounds like it may be time for me to check out okcupid.com. Good luck to all!
michael Booth 55

Im on to the farce,and have put out tele number to many with no calls back.The odds show that this couldnt happen unless something dishonest on the part of the site was in play…….
Sayanta 56

Erik-

I’m a woman- but I totally feel your pain. Also, if you’re 23 years old, maybe is that a factor? I haven’t done research, but I think internet dating tends to attract people more in their late 20s onward- so perhaps people around your age just aren’t non-paying members? Or at 23, just not taking dating seriously? I know I certainly didn’t at that age (which is partly why I’m in the mess I’m in now. LOL)
Sayanta 57

Sorry- I meant “paying’ members.
Dick 58

Well, this was an interesting little google-find. I’ve recently fired up Match.com and I’m having sod all luck. I’m 25, and in the usual mid twenties boat that you never find anyone your age when your out and about.
So, emails, winks, I don’t get it. I kinda went alone with the whole “View their profile, let them view mine back, then go from there” approach, but I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t class myself as an unattractive guy, and despite viewing profiles, nobody views it back! I’ve send a couple of responses to the questionaire things, and had nothing back. Sent a couple of quirky emails, nothing back!
Evan Marc Katz 59

@Dick – http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/finding-the-one-online.html

Lemme know how you like it.