Comments on: What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?

By: Still-Looking

Still-Looking — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:02:07 +0000

Hespeler @133

Date long enough and you will realize that your original goal of “getting a great looking girl” is not the goal you should be seeking. It’s been mentioned numerous times to the women on this site that the Alpha Male is usually not the best choice for a relationship. Likewise, the “hot” women also have their issues. Read the Pity the Pretty blog. Another great EMK article is the one that advises to focus on the relationship as opposed to the individual’s characteristics (height, weight, religion, etc.). If the relationship is a 10, does it really matter if she doesn’t qualify as a trophy-bride for some other reason?

Chasing the hotties is fun — and exhilarating — and depressing. Been there, done that! Best of luck.

By: hespeler

hespeler — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:37:32 +0000

Don’t always assume height will get you anywhere. I’m 6’2″, been told I’m good looking (though I do have a receding hairline), and I’m in very good shape. I have had success…been out with over 30 women from online dating but I go through periods where I’m invisible and can’t get a response. Most of the dates I’ve been on I have not been attracted to the other women. I have had 3 or 4 that were 10′s but never got a second date. Usually, I get no resonse from the very attractive women on-line. Even if you do get a date with one of them, they have so many options and view you as disposable. The last date I went on, the girl was georgeous and we even made out at the end of the date (she initiated it) but three days later she told me “best of luck” and I see her right back on Match looking around. This is a girl in her mid-30′s with a kid and can do that because of all the options she has. Now I made some mistakes (didn’t fawn but made it clear I liked her, hence, no challenge for her). I’m just trying to show that the odds of getting a great looking girl through on-line dating is VERY VERY slim.

Online dating can be very, very humbling…

By: James

James — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:59:16 +0000

LVNW – Your advice with regards to writing emails is sensible but if someone doesn’t like you, then that tailored email is a total waste of time.

The reason you’re probably getting a good response is likely due to your height and that you’re possibly above average attractiveness.

I’d put good money on the fact that a good looking guy at 6ft 2 could write a shocker of an email (Hi baby, u look nice etc) and still probably have way more success online than an equivalent guy who was 5ft 8 who tailored his email. That’s life I’m afraid.

Although women will hypocritically refuse to admit this, they’re just as superficial as men. And this is especially true online as they have far more choice (way more active men on these sites etc). But I don’t blame them for this. After all, when all they they’ve got to go on is an internet profile, of course they’re going to revert to making snap and cynical judgments – Is he tall enough? Good looking? Earns enough etc?

By: LVNW

LVNW — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:17:45 +0000

My response rate is 37%, based on my inbox/sent. Chicago 29 SWM, 6’1, MBA. Small business owner. I came up an 8 on hotornot pic posting. The name listed is my match username. I wrote my profile to be interesting, without being “out there”.

Emails need to be concise, use “keywords” from the person’s background and interests, i.e. kayaking, volleyball, so it gets their attention. Start up a normal, interesting conversation. Take a minute to think of something interesting to say.

Ask for their phone number after a few emails, CALL THEM to chat, do not TEXT to set up a date. If you do not call, they will flake out on the date.

Smile, be confident on the phone, and you are Gold.

By: Anon

Anon — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 15:34:28 +0000

The response rate from women on match.com is less than 1%. That is not an opinion, but a fact.

By: I suck at internet dating

I suck at internet dating — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 09:00:25 +0000

After being fed up with the lack of response from the women who stuck my fancy on eHarmony I tried Match.com. It has been less than a month now and I have sent out 25 e-mails and not one person has responded. Must be my difficulty in expressing myself with words or I’m going for all the arrogant ones.

By: Hannah

Hannah — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:38:50 +0000

I have been on Match for several month and have gotten ZERO responses to my emails. I’m so frustrated!! I’m a 33 year old female, and I think age must have everything to do with it. When I was in my late 20s (and living in a different city), I would get hundreds of emails from men, and I’d even hide my profile because I was so inundated with unwanted email. Now that I’m older (and recently moved to a different city), I cannot get an online date to save my freaking life. It is so strange — I look virtually identical (if not prettier than when I was in my 20s!), and my profile is basically the same but appropriately updated. ARGH!!!

By: Nicole

Nicole — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:24:46 +0000

It’s funny how people always think everyone ELSE is being shallow but them. Men AND women who complain about lack of responses will go on diatribes about how people that they don’t find attractive have the nerve to contact them even when THEY presume that the people that they contact should respond to them. I mean, I don’t have to agree with it to say that you shouldn’t be shocked if a lady who has certain height criteria doesn’t respond when you contact her.

I mean, you can blame your height, claim that all women want millionaires, or whatever, but yeah, at the end of the day, the people who want to meet you will respond, and they are no more shallow then you are when you get contacted by people that you don’t want to meet. It might not be your height. It could be your face, your hair, your profile…all of these things are subjective after all.

What’s so hard about that? For what it’s worth, i think women can be won over by personality if they get a chance to meet you, but I don’t think the same is true. The real challenge for men is getting a shot in the first place, and for SOME women, you might be screened out for certain reasons but such is life, and they are entitled their the search criteria as you are.

Now, if you fast forward a few years and you’ve got nothing to show for it might prove that you should open your search, but we know that people would much rather complain about how the people contacting them are too ugly and poor and stupid than do that.

As Sayanta said, OLD largely favors white men (and women)…they are the biggest pool of participants and more non-white people probably include whites in their searches than the other way around. So as a white guy looks for white women, you are competing with all of the other white guys and non-white guys who email them.

I guess all of the short men I see with wives didn’t get the memo that women hate them.

By: John

John — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:07:36 +0000

I’ve been getting about a 1% success rate. I have numerous women reply to initial emails, only to be stuck in pen pal mode. They never commit to an actual live meeting. The 2 dates I’ve actually been on, live in person meetings, were a big disappointment and did not turn into anything meaningful.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:37:12 +0000

Neil-

Women are fine with 5’10- I am definitely, and I’m 5’7. Weird, I don’t know…

Oh well, send me an email, I’ll reply, ;-p