What Pets Can Teach Us About Marriage

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I love it when others confirm something that I already thought to be true. In this case, it’s the idea that people are often much nicer to their pets than they are to their romantic partners. PsychCentral explains how people account for their unconditional pet-love:

People often describe pets as undemanding and giving unconditional love, when the reality is that pets require a lot of time and attention, special foods and care. They throw up on rugs, pee in the house and steal food from countertops. Yet we accept their flaws because we love them so much.

The article describes 6 ways we are more emotionally generous to our pets:

1) How we greet them – in a positive, animated, affectionate way. As opposed to barely looking up from your Blackberry when he comes home.

2) Our expectations of them – minimal to reasonable. Your expectations of your boyfriend: perfection/connection/mindreading/mindblowing sex or bust.

You yell… when your dog chews your shoe and are petting him an hour later. Yet you might go to bed mad because of something stupid that your husband said…

3) How we hold grudges against them – you yell for a moment when your dog chews your shoe and are petting him an hour later. Yet you might go to bed mad because of something stupid that your husband said about your new haircut.

4) Assuming the best – you know your cat didn’t have bad intentions when waking you up at 5am, but you assume that your boyfriend was trying to disrespect you when he smiled at the checkout girl. Maybe he was just being polite.

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78 Comments »Filed Under Evan's Musings, Sex & Relationship Advice

78 Responses to “What Pets Can Teach Us About Marriage”

starthrower68 1

I see what the spirit of this blog is, but I would say the majority of women do not do this. I’m guessing that all the letters and posts are a good albeit very small sample of the dating population, it appears most women embrace their partners with open arms and open hearts.
Evan Marc Katz 2

And I would say that you don’t date women.
starthrower68 3

Well I will say the last guy I went out with was nicer to his cats than he was to me.
Christine in the UK 4

I disagree with your article. I find I am too forgiving and understanding with men. For example, if my boyfriend doesn’t call I make excuses for his lack of consideration for me. I do treat them with compassion, just like I would a pet I loved. I just don’t get the same back from them.
KAREN C. 5

Hello Evan: (:

You are absolutely correct in your statements.    I don’t usually respond to any of your blogs but I have to this time.   I do treat my dog exactly as you stated.   However, if someone I am dating does something wrong, I right away cross him off my list.   In other words, I am totally unforgiving.

Howerver, from now on, I shall remember your words and overlook some of the mistakes that are made by the men I date.   I have let some really good guys go because they committed a booboo.      Oh my God, I am learning so much from you and your blogs.

Please don’t give up on us.    Also stay married to your beautiful and very understanding wife.    You two are a gift from Heaven.

Thank you so much again!!!      I will now call that really nice guy who keeps calling me!!

Love You!!

Karen C.
Evan Marc Katz 6

@Christine and Starthrower – you treat men really well and aren’t treated well in return? Perfect. Break up and find a better man. They do exist. Everywhere. In equal numbers to women.
Steve 7

People are more affectionate with their pets, because their pets can’t speak to them, their pets can’t call them on their BS and people have no expectations for their pets.
In other words, with a pet, a person controls 100% of the relationship.
Sayanta 8

Star-

I normally love what you say, but I’m seriously going to have to disagree with you on this one- just based on what I’ve seen. you’ve ALWAYS treated men like beloved pets? And you’ve seen ALL women do the same ALL the time? Sorry, if I find that hard to believe- maybe I’m just a bit jaded.

Also- I would venture to extend this article beyond marriage to just how you deal with roomates, family, friends, etc. Lots of time kids come home from school, and parents barely acknowledge them, or vice versa. I think it’s hard to not have expectations/carry baggage with anyone you deal with. The most emotionally evolved people try to be mindful of this as much as possible and deal with it the best they can. The day every single person does this is the true day we’ll have paradise on earth.
starthrower68 9

@ Evan,

I can’t speak for Christine, but after taking one too many verbal whoopings, I decided I had enough and did get out of that situation.

@ Steve,

That is hilarious!!!

@ Sayanta,

I see your point….maybe in the circles I travel in it’s true but since I haven’t seen what you’ve seen.
Christine in the UK 10

@Evan

Thanks for replying. I wasn’t expecting that.
I did sadly have to stop seeing my boyfriend and it still hurts now. I got fed up of not getting anything back and being such a low priority in his life. I did see sense in the end thank goodness. Plus my friend said that I was settling for too little, when I wanted a loving committed partner.
texasdarlin 11

I have to agree, as usual, with Evan (& Steve). I have a dog and am much more forgiving of her transgressions than I am of most people. & @Starthrower, like Sayatana I tend to like what you have to say, but I too seriously disagree with you on your 1st post. Personally I’ve known too many women who deliver ultimatums in some form or fashion to their men. Love is very conditional in their world view. Professionally, as a counselor, I’ve see the same. That’s not to say that there aren’t women who don’t embrace their partners with open arms and open hearts. I’ve see that too. I just don’t see it as frequently.
sayanta 12

Steve, #7-

lol- but if the cat’s a bad scratcher, and the dog’s got a biting streak, the power play shifts, right?
Diana 13

I know someone who has several beloved pets, including dogs. I have never known anyone who loves and cares for animals with such passion as she does. I think that some people have an unexplainable connection with their pets that cannot be explained in such simple terms.

While it is true that she has often joked, with a rather serious tone, how her pets mean more to her than any man ever would, I can understand and appreciate her experience. The unconditional love and unbreakable bond between her and her pets goes both ways which sadly, is something she has never been blessed to experience with any male that has been a part of her life.

Some people love their pets more and treat them differently than they would a significant other because of this. Maybe the wife that doesn’t look up from the Blackberry when the husband comes in is yearning to know her husband’s loving touch. Maybe the husband who grumbles about the way his wife cooks his eggs is yearning for her to support his, albeit low paying, but passionate career. IMHO, relationships where both partners truly, unconditionally love and accept each other for all the days of their lives are scarce.

While it is true that one can make the general observation that some people treat their pets better than they do their spouse, it’s also true that sadly, some people treat everyone else in their life, i.e. co-workers, friends, the mailman, etc. better than they do their spouse. This is something that everyone can learn from; not just the pet lovers.
starthrower68 14

Until both sexes learn to love wholeheartedly and without fear (and I’m talking to myself as much as anyone) then this is what we’re going to have. Somebody is going to have to blink first, otherwise it’s just one big staring contest.
sayanta 15

Diana-

You’re right- I do think people fail to treat family members with the respect and courtesy they do others: probably because they take them for granted, right?
moon 16

Evan,
I’m hoping you will write a column about men who are insecure because of womens’ relationships with our pets! It’s so true. I had this fantastic dog that I had an energetic connection and good communication with and this man, whom I’d only been seeing about six weeks, had a huge tantrum about the dog! Seriously? I’m not one of those women who fawns over or baby talks to my pets, feeds them off my plate or anything weird like that. I’m pretty matter-of-fact with them, though they do sleep on the bed. Hey, dude! I’ve had the dog seven years, and I’ve known you for less than two months. Chill. It really raises and eyebrow when a man is a wuss in this area.
moon
Evan Marc Katz 17

“Dog that I had an energetic connection and good communication with”? “They do sleep on the bed”?

Sorry, Moon, but “energetic connection, good communication and sleeping in the bed” is for the boyfriend first, and the dog second. What’s truly eyebrow raising is how you don’t see this.

Your dog will understand if it has to sleep on the floor. Your man, on the other hand, will not.

If you think that because the dog was there first, it gets precedents over the man you’re dating, you shouldn’t be too surprised when men don’t want to stick around.
Joe 18

Connect, perhaps. But there are very few animals with which one can communicate at anything but a very basic level.
Diana 19

I am not a dog enthusiast. Since I am not a dog lover, whenever I see a photo of a man and his loving dog or learn of his devotion, I move on. I am not interested in living with a dog.

However, I can understand Moon’s feelings, especially in an early-on dating situation where little trust had been established, unlike with her dog. There’s no direct statement she considered him to be her boyfriend, or that she expected him to sleep on the floor. Many owners allow their pet to sleep at the foot of their bed without contention. The guy was expecting her to change her lifestyle for him. One could also make the argument that she expected him to change.

I think dog lovers (or cat lovers) need to find someone who understands and has similar ideas and connections with their pets. I have known men who love their dog like the brother they never had, to the point of choosing their dog over their girlfriend.

A good place to start is by visiting a dog park.
Karl R 20

Moon said: (#16)
“this man, whom I’d only been seeing about six weeks, had a huge tantrum about the dog!”

You haven’t provided enough information for me to accurately assess whether that man was reasonable or unreasonable. But I can tell you how my girlfriend handled the situation.

We had been dating for 7 days when I first visited her house. She has owned her dog for 3 years. When I met her dog she said, “He has some dominance issues. If he ever growls or snaps at you, put him in an alpha rollover.”

That immediately let me know where I stood relative to the dog, and to what extent I could make the dog understand where he stood relative to me. Furthermore, I displaced the dog in the bed. I felt comfortable training the dog this, because I knew I had my girlfriend’s implicit support. For the last 9 months, the dog has spent the night on a pad beside the bed.

When I was discussing this blog post with my girlfriend, she said, “People always come ahead of pets in my house.” This not only applies to her dog, but also to her parrots … one of whom she has owned for 26 years.

If the man (or woman) feels insecure just because you’re taking care of your daily responsibilities to your pet, then he is in the wrong. Beyond that, if you find it more important to spend time with your pet than your boyfriend (or girlfriend), he has every right to seek out a relationship where he is treated better than the animals.
moon 21

Well, I had to put the dog down ten years ago, so he’s hardly a problem now. It took about two years for the dog and I to have that bond. No new guy who’s just popped up with no real history with me should pass judgment on anything, or you, for that matter. No, the men aren’t sleeping on the floor, Evan: duh. Anyway, most of the men I dated LOVED my dog; it was this one anomaly, and it was really quite childish and silly.

PS YOU try keeping dogs off the bed; not possible. Even my one friend who took dog camping could not keep him out of his sleeping bag. Just that kind of dog.
Paul 22

There are 2 books I think are essential readings for anybody, male and female. The first one is Wild at Heart, about the masculine heart, and the other is Love and Respect, which anyone thinking about having a relationship with the opposite sex should read. In that book we learn that without the love she deeply needs and craves, she will tend to respond in disrespectful ways. Without the respect he needs and deeply craves, he will respond in unloving ways. It’s called the “crazy cycle”. I’ve seen couples in this for decades, literally. Relationships are about getting needs met. If needs are not getting met, crazy cycle time! The thing to do is to try to get in the “energizing cycle”. Cool book. Foundational.
moon 23

Oh, and no need to make the assumption that the man didn’t, “stick around.” Summer romance, six years younger than me and a conservative, rabid in his support for the NRA (post Columbine.) I was moving and it was a good time to part ways.

moon
Jura 24

Hah, this is exactly how I felt when ditched by my emotionally unavailable ‘beloved’: like a dog thrown out on a highway (yes, there are lots of people who abuse their own dogs). Funny thing, I had foreseen it in one of our power struggle conversations (normal to budging relationships, but ours was almost 3 years at that point). Funny too, the guy never had a pet (allergies), and his ‘strong position’ on plants (that he would pick himself, bring home, and enjoy) was to not water them more often than once per week. They would live for about couple of months that way. Lessons from learning about the person in relation to pets (and other objects of care, including your furniture that can, but need not to(!) become his leg-rest): there is nothing neon flashy wrong with people who love life. Just run away from those who need to control their environment so much that their dog goes out once per day, or their plant gets water once per week!
Honey 25

When one of us comes home, the other person ALWAYS gets up off the couch and gives the other person a long hug.

And, moon, that’s why you put your dog in a crate at night. Our dog sleeps in a crate in our bedroom because I refuse to have her in the bed. Our cats get shut out of the bedroom when we are sleeping or having sex, though if we are just napping or reading on the bed they are allowed to jump up and cuddle with us.
Honey 26

I will say that I am glad that my boyfriend doesn’t do the crazy manic dance for me that he does for our dog, though! If he greeted me by jumping around and squealing my name in a high-pitched voice I would be quite taken aback
Orna Walters 27

I love this post! I find that we are for the most part very forgiving of our pets and more so than our intimate partners. Forgiveness is a KEY ingredient in any successful partnership – whether it is human to human or human to pet. I feel compelled to share that I did have my husband sign “adoption” paperwork for our cat on our wedding day. She (the cat) also took his last name.
Cecilia 28

similar comparison also with pets and babies!
Orna Walters 29

In addition to Paul’s comment above about needs and wants etc. I agree that its important to have our needs met – however, I’ve found that many people blur the line between a need vs. a want. It is vital that we know what our non-negotiable needs are and to never ever sacrifice them. If we do sacrifice them then we become resentful and its very difficult for a relationship to recover from that place.
Selena 30

Well…pets are loyal to death do you part. They don’t decide one day they just aren’t that into you, and they don’t cheat. Same can’t always be said for people.
anette 31

My sisters ex-husband, treated their dog much better than my sister. Barely a pec on the cheek for her, but oodles of affection for the Dog. It really hurt her feelings to see him so crazy for the dog. 1/2 an hour of playing every time he came home. But could he sit for 1/2 an hour and talk with her or hug her? Nope.

The same really goes for families vs Friends. In my family, friends are treated much better than family most of the time. I tried to point this out to one sister and eventually gave up. We do not spend much time together at all anymore. A shame, but she seems to think it’s perfectly fine to treat everyone who loves her badly and everyone else as though they matter.

It’s strange why we do this. I wonder why? If it was JUST pets, I could agree with Steve #7 but it’s not is it?
Evan Marc Katz 32

But that’s the point, Selena. Pets are low-risk, low-reward relationships. You will not bear children with your pet. You will not be driven to chemo by your pet. You will not make love in a hotel in Paris with your pet. So to say that pets are loyal because they literally CAN’T decide not to be with you is besides the point. ‘

This reminds me of a quote that my client, Gail, gave to me last week. It’s from a book called Advice to a Young Wife From an Old Mistress by Michael Drury: “Swearing to love forever is like swearing to feel perpetually any other emotion, fear or sorrow, admiration or joy…… What one can swear is to go on being worth loving, a vow that is more flexible, more attainable and more true.”

Focus your energies on being more loving instead of trying to focus on how everyone else disappoints you. That’s all you can control. And that’s the point of this pets post.
moon 33

I actually find having a pet pretty high reward. It keeps my heart open for bigger things.
Selena 34

Re: #32

Oh, I got the point Evan. I was just making another: my pets have outlasted some of my lovers not because I treated them better, but because they treated me better.
Diana 35

Evan, I am sure you know there are those who would argue that pets are nowhere remotely close to being a low-reward relationship because they can’t drive them to chemo or help pay their bills when they get laid off. Of course, pets cannot do these things, and there are things pets can do which most humans either cannot or fail to do, which is worse.

IMHO, I am not a major lover of pets, but I think it’s unfair to make such comparisons. Fulfilling relationships come in all sorts of ways. Yes, we all need to be more loving, less critical and more accepting of others.
Diana 36

Selene #34, precisely.
Evan Marc Katz 37

I AM a pet lover, and I will be curious to know what a pet can do for you that a human can’t. Be furry? Lick your face? Climb on your head when you’re sleeping? Pets are mostly furry stress-balls, whom we like to squeeze and hug and kiss and care for – and they’re always happy to see us. But as for what they “do”? Apart from looking really cute, they don’t do a fraction of what a husband does.

Sorry for being so pro-human, but I think we should stop putting our puppies up on pedestals and start doing it for our partners…
sayanta 38

#37-

Amen, EMK- it’s the same for children by the way, when I compare American parents to immigrant parents, the former treats their pets as more human than their children!! And this seems to be especially true for upper-class older women (think the ones with little doggies in their Prada bags).
Honey 39

I agree that we should treat the people in our lives well, but I can’t help but play devil’s advocate – your pet may not be able to drive you to chemotherapy, but pets have been proven to reduce depression and increase oxygenation in the blood among chemotherapy patients specifically. Pets also reduce blood pressure (tell me one human relationship that does that!)
diana 40

Evan, I am in agreement with your overall view. I just see a separate view, too. There are often deeply personal reasons for why people love their animals as they do, and why they sometimes prefer them over their own.

My message in #35 was a bit off. I am referring to the unconditional love and total acceptance that pets have for their owners which many humans have demonstrated they are either incapable or unwilling to do, regardless of who their partner is.

As for what a husband can do, it depends on the husband.
starthrower68 41

@ Evan #37,

You’ll probably want to thump me on the head for this, and perhaps I’m not picking up your meaning; however, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put our mates on a pedastal either. Invariably, when we idealize the other person and creat in ourselves expectations or hopes they can never possibly live up to, then we our disappointed by our own fault. I’m not saying that we should treat our pets better than our mates, but I’m saying balance in all things.
starthrower68 42

“create” and “are disappointed”….pfffttt so much for my spelling today…
Shay 43

To me, a pet and a partner are for different purposes. They meet different needs. We have different expectations of them. Thus, they are not comparable.
I will be angry with my dog (if I still have him) one moment but cuddle him next because I don’t expect much from a dog. However, I may go to bed angry with my boyfriend (if I have one) because he has done something which I repeatedly told him not to (for example).

I understand that Evan is trying to say that we can show more love and more forgiveness to a pet, which should take lesser priority to a human being, than our partner. Yeah, I get that. Great lesson here. But ultimately, it boils down to expectations. We get different needs fulfilled with pets and with partners. Our expectations are then different. One cannot replace the other.

Therefore, we should all adjust our expectations of our dog or our partner to a level which is reasonably to ask for of each. Our love and forgiveness for pets or partners shall then be adjusted accordingly once we understand the different roles pets and partners play in our lives.
Diana 44

To Shay #43, very well stated.
Karl R 45

Selena said: (#30)
“Well…pets are loyal to death do you part. [...] and they don’t cheat.”

Let me get a ham bone that’s covered with meat scraps. I’d like to test how loyal your dog is. Let me get some catnip. I’d like to test how loyal your cat is.

With rare exceptions, pets are loyal to whomever is serving their wants and needs at that moment.

Selena said: (#30)
“They don’t decide one day they just aren’t that into you,”

That sounds like average daily behavior for a cat.

Honey said: (#39)
“Pets also reduce blood pressure (tell me one human relationship that does that!)”

I was doing that for my girlfriend last night. She may be losing her job in the next month. Her bosses are being weasels and refusing to give her straight answers. She needed to vent.

The dog, on the other hand, was across the room … fast asleep. And while the dog certainly can help her relax, he isn’t able to get her to laugh about the situation.

Shay said: (#43)
“I may go to bed angry with my boyfriend (if I have one) because he has done something which I repeatedly told him not to (for example).”
“But ultimately, it boils down to expectations. We get different needs fulfilled with pets and with partners. Our expectations are then different.”

My girlfriend repeatedly forgets to the door to the house and the car. She forgets to close the garage door. If I get angry with her (and stay angry with her), will this change the situation in the future? Will it improve our relationship?

If it won’t change the situation or improve the relationship, what benefit is it (to me or her) to get angry and stay angry?

As Evan pointed out earlier, we don’t get angry at the dog for chewing on shoes. That’s just the way the dog is. I don’t get angry at my girlfriend for forgetting to lock the front door. That’s just the way she is.

Selena said: (#34)
“my pets have outlasted some of my lovers not because I treated them better, but because they treated me better.”

The situation works both ways. If those lovers had treated you better (than they or other people treat pets), you might have kept them around. Similarly, if you treat your lovers better than you treat your pets, they are more likely to want to keep you around.

How does this in any way negate Evan’s points?

moon said: (#21)
“YOU try keeping dogs off the bed; not possible.”

It took me three days to train my girlfriend’s dog to get off the bed at my verbal command … and that dog is not exceptionally bright. It was possible because I’m a lot more patient than the dog is.

But if that topic truly interests you, you should find a blog that discusses dog obedience training. It’s a bit far afield for this blog.
starthrower68 46

@Karl #45,

I have to agree with you about cats. They don’t have people. They have staff.
Honey 47

Karl R, it is a little weird to use my comment as an example when I prefaced the whole thing by saying I was playing devil’s advocate, not to mention that “making her laugh” isn’t the same thing as reducing her blood pressure on a permanent basis merely by your presence
Sayanta 48

Karl, #45-

Actually, that first point reminds me of the movie As GOod as it Gets- remember after Greg Kinnear’s character got beat up and his dog refused to go near him, but went to Jack Nicholson, who had all the hambone? sorry, little tangent there.
Cat 49

A show on the Animal Channel addresses relationships in jeopardy due to pets: ”It’s Me or The Dog.” An obedience trainer comes in and trains the couple –yes, the couple– in addition to the dog. Often BOTH need training to correct bad habits and get them back on track so that people control the house (and the bedroom) instead of the dog… That said, I’m a huge dog lover! There are no bad dogs, only bad owners…
Ava 50

Seriously? I love my pets, but i think if I was treating them better than a guy I was dating, it would be a clear signal that I wasn’t that into him. OTHOH, some men I’ve dated didn’t deserve to be treated as well as I treat my pets.
shalini 51

EMK,
Actually your article applies to families in general than just romantic partners.. And its really frustrating. You’d think after loving someone so much and doing more for your family than you’d do for others they’d forgive you more than they do their colleagues because at the end.. Most of the time its family who would support you when you really need someone.
(That’s one area where my dog at least does not need to be trained. He might go crazy with happiness when my friends come but he does show that he knows I’m family and they are not.)
Liz 52

@shalini – Dogs don’t have any concept of “family.” They only have a concept of who is providing for them. If that were to suddenly change, then the dog would no longer consider you “family.”
Liz 53

To me, the absolute most important thing Evan has said in this comment section is:

“Focus your energies on being more loving instead of trying to focus on how everyone else disappoints you. That’s all you can control.”
Karl R 54

Honey said: (#47)
“it is a little weird to use my comment as an example when I prefaced the whole thing by saying I was playing devil’s advocate,”

per wikipedia:
In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with for the sake of arguement.

I would say that it’s a little weirder to say something for the sake of arguement, and expect people to avoid responding with a counter-arguement.

Honey said: (#47)
“not to mention that ‘making her laugh’ isn’t the same thing as reducing her blood pressure on a permanent basis merely by your presence”

The dog doesn’t reduce her blood pressure on a permanent basis. Yesterday the dog had a seizure, so he was raising her blood pressure (with worry). But, the dog tends to lower her blood pressure under normal circumstances.

However, we have a low-stress relationship. Both of us believe that our relationship also lowers our blood pressure under normal circumstances.

If you’re in a relationship that typically raises your blood pressure (and not in a good way), you might want to examine your relationship.
Shay 55

Karl (#45),

women are sometimes not so rationale as men. We tend to feel our emotions first before we finally get it in our head that being angry doesn’t help. Yup, I get used to going to bed angry with things. Although I know I should not.

I don’t think it really matters if ultimately the issue is resolved either by confrontation and settle on a resolution between us or straighten out my thinking – to accept him or ditch him. If the dog did something to make me mad enough (e.g. being too ill discipline and failing dog school – happened to my friend, she loves dogs but really couldn’t stand a particular one she had), I would also need to think about accepting it or ditching it. I think the process is unavoidable.
Helen 56

Shay #55: “women are sometimes not so rationale as men.”
Ugh. This statement is false. Not to mention that it’s spelled “rational” in the context used here.
Let’s not perpetuate stereotypes of women that ultimately prove harmful to the way we are viewed by society.
Other than that… this entry and the comments make me laugh! While I don’t think it’s worthwhile to compare pets and spouses, I do think it’s a very important issue to be resolved in relationships if one partner feels that the other loves him/her less than the pet.
shalini 57

@ Liz 52
Of course i know that.. but i mean to say i don’t have to tell him to treat me better and with more love than others.. He does that himself. Its not about what my dog knows here.. It’s about the fact that human’s are supposedly more intelligent than animals yet they somehow don’t get the fact that they show less love to the family who supported them thought so much and are more caring and patient with the friends or colleagues some of whom left them when they needed them!!
At least i my dog still does things that show he might be happy to see them but he still trusts and prefers to spend time with me rather than them. And i guess in a way dogs do know who’s family.. Coz i have seen that animals are not really as stupid as people make them out to be.. He might not know a word for it. But he gets it!!!
Honey 58

Karl – I was playing devil’s advocate, yet you disagreed with my example, using it as if I believed what I was saying, when (since I was playing devil’s advocate) obviously you and I agreed completely.

My boyfriend and I have a very low-stress relationship – I can think of only one couple we know in real life who can say the same
anette 59

@51

But if they were forgiving you “more” wouldn’t that imply that you are doing more that is wrong? meaning you are treating the family member worse than an acquantance? I think that’s the problem. We expect family to forgive more, so we try less and end up not treating each other with the love that we could be.
anette 60

@Liz 53

I agree. That comment really stuck with me. It reminds me of something else I’ve either heard, or figured out(can’t remember).

it was along the lines of, when looking for a partner, look for the person you would like to spend the rest of your life making happy, rather than look for the person who will spend the rest of their lives making you happy.

It’s about observing, and watching your own behaviour and how you want to treat THEM, instead of focusing on how they should be treating you.

I think most of us are narcissistic enough, to notice when we are being treated badly. lol!!
Selena 61

Re:#56 Helen;
Agree.

And adding:
If one feels their partner loves the pet more than him/her why are they still there?

This whole comparison thing is silly.
Shay 62

Helen (#56), whatever…maybe its me. I just like to “boil” over things for a while.

And yes, I agree that any further comparison is silly (#61).
Sugar Daddy Dater 63

The post is great. I do think that sometimes animals are smarter than people. People are too weak to admit mistakes, people are too harsh to say things in a pleasing way and people are too reckless when it comes to love and relationships.
shalini 64

@ annete 59
You got it completely wrong. I expect my family to forgive the their family more than they forgive their colleagues!!! Not more than I forgive them!!!
I already forgive them for lots of things. When i love someone i forgive their mistakes a lot more. I do that less for other people because they haven’t done for me what my family has done or what my friends or boy friend has done. So if my family is the most supportive I’ll forgive more of their mistakes and be more loving and helping to them than i am to someone else.
anette 65

@64, I did understand what you said.

But that doesn’t really change what I said either. If you expect your family to forgive you and each other more, then that implies you are expecting to make more mistakes with each other.

I have this problem with my sister. She does and say’s some horrible things to family that she would never say to friends, but when you call her on it, she completely brushes it off saying that everyone should be more forgiving of her, because after all we are family. Doesn’t seem to cross her mind that being our family, she should be more considerate toward our feelings.

That’s why Evan’s comment resonates so well with me. That we should focus on being more loving, rather than focus on how other’s should be loving us.
Selena 66

@ #65
Maybe you family is being too forgiving of your sister, since she apparently isn’t learning anything. Perhaps stronger measures are called for… such as not tolerating her behavior and refusing to be around her if she won’t clean up her act.
Anette 67

@66

I forgive her, but I also don’t stick around. I go do something else until she calms herself down. Doesn’t change anything though.
Jordan 68

I may be pretty young, but I have learned a lot of life lessons a lot earlier than most people and one thing I’ve learned is:
People suck.
They will never fail to disappoint.
Christina 69

well i don’t have a pet, but this article help me to how to love my boy friend who just cant stop loving me every single minute of the day
Anette 70

@68

What are you expecting?
shalini 71

@ annete #65
But i do treat my family better than my classmates and friends…!!! Forgiving people and making mistakes are two different actions!!! What are you trying to say?? That i make mistakes deliberately so that i can be forgiven??? I expect what i give!!!! I forgive my family and friends for a lot more than most people I know do! I do a lot more for my sister than she does for me. And i try to do as much for my parents as I can!!!
Let me tell you.. When i know i have hurt someone i apologize without fail. But when i say they should forgive me i mean on small things like forgetting to do something asked me to do. And treating me as well as i treat them.. And as well as they treat their friends.
A-L 72

Great post, Evan. I think we should treat all people the way that dog lovers treat their pets.

But as someone else alluded to above, not everyone treats their pets the same. When you wrote, “Few pets live with the the implication that things are just not working out,” I just had to stop. I volunteer with the SPCA and there are SO many dogs that get turned in for the most ridiculous reasons. It no longer looked like a puppy. It got too big. It didn’t get big enough. It barked too much. It wasn’t a good guard dog. You changed your furniture and their fur no longer blended in.

So not only should people treat everyone with love, forgiveness, and loyalty, but people should also look at how their partner treats their pets. When their pets have seizures, or make a mistake by peeing on the rug or chewing a shoe, or when they wake them up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The person who is understanding about these things and keeps caring for the dog is likely to be understanding about humans having various issues too. So if you’re looking for someone to drive you to your chemo sessions, find a good dog lover.
Anette 73

@shalini 71.

I dont’ know you so my comments weren’t a personal attack on your individual character. More a general comment about what you were saying.

And it sounds like from your description of yourself you are making the effort to be the most lovable person you can. That’s is great.

But there are some people who expect everyone to be loving to THEM, without making the effort themselves.

As I explained in my post about my sister, sometimes people can expect forgivness from family, because they dont’ want to make the effort. Since they know friends can walk away, they try harder with friends. But since family is “supposed” to stick around and forgive, they try less.

Just like evans comments that we want the man in our lives to treat us well and as though we matter, but we ourselves treat our animals better than the man. This is hypocracy.

So when an individual say’s, we should be more forgiving of family, I am alway’s wary. Does that mean, that we make more effort FOR our family, or does it mean some-one thinks they have the right to treat their family badly because family alway’s should forgive.

Not sure if that makes sense but I can’t seem to explain it any other way.
Jack @ I Love Your Accent 74

I know a few people who treat their cats better than any human being they come into contact with.
Diana 75

TO A-L #72, points well made. And thank you for volunteering at the SPCA. I own two felines; one of which came from the SPCA. He is the most loving and affectionate cat I have ever owned; to the point of feeling so content and happy, he will actually drool. Yep. I had to look that one up on the internet. It seems to be his natural disposition. The SPCA gave him great care until I found him.
Mr_Right 76

http://news.yahoo.com/video/world-15749633/woman-shares-home-with-pet-crocodiles-21469460
Cat 77

#76–so her husband said she had to choose between Johnny the house crocodile and him–and she chose Johnny! That’s gotta hurt…
Terri 78

If you have a pet, you should not even consider having a relationship with someone who is not a pet owner. He or she will never be able to understand your connection with the animal.
Once a bond is established with your dog, cat or bird, it cannot be severed. Your pet will always be glad to see you, love you and provide a great deal of affection.
A man or woman who is lukewarm about animals will never be able to understand how you feel and often will be jealous of this pure and loving relationship.
Compatibility is attitudes and values is very important and those of us who love our pets are not going to change. There are a number of dating services online geared specifically to pet lovers.