Sometimes I just figure with the other guys in there who seem to be considerably more charming there is no way she is looking at me.

And there have been many cases where I have mistook a look and a smile for just her being cordial. (or maybe it was when she saw me up close she changed her mind).

Yes, lolz one of my flaws is sometime insecurity towards women who might be considered very attractive in general.

If she sees a man she is interested in, she should sit down, glance at him, smile, and uncross her legs. (Women who wear miniskirts normally cross their legs when sitting down.)

Why? If someone spends that much effort towards maintaining themselves, I find it perfectly reasonable that they might expect someone else to spend a similar degree of effort on them.

And these assumptions aren’t set in stone. I keep revising them as I learn more about a person.

I also think you’re misunderstanding the meaning of “high maintenance”. It has nothing to do with how intelligent or well-rounded a person is. I have a couple high-maintenance friends who are quite intelligent and well-rounded. It has to do with how much it costs (in time, effort, money, emotional support, etc.) to keep the person happy.

“it’s so easy to just approach and verify yourself”

If I’m at a dinner with eight people, I would take the opportunity to get to know each person. If I’m out someplace where there are 50 women or more, I won’t have the time to get to know all of them. So I’ll start with the women I think I’ll like the best.

I think it’s a little shortsighted to label someone as ‘high maintenance’ just because they really really like to take care of themselves, though. I definitely enjoy the whole process of shopping, selecting my outfit, and doing my hair and makeup, -especially for a night out or a hot date- but that doesn’t define me as a person, it’s just a part of who I am. I also enjoy being outdoors in the country, practicing extreme sports, eating greasy food, etc. I think it’s rather easy to conclude from simple conversation that I am an independent woman with a wide range of hobbies and interests.. although understandable, it’s still quite sad that people can only see a one-dimensional bimbo who can’t hold a conversation beyond shoe brands when it’s so easy to just approach and verify yourself.

Regarding other factors, well, it’s not body odor, LOL. I’ve also thought about the fact that I’m a foreigner living in a country in which guys and girls have an entirely different “dating culture”.

By the way, please excuse my English since it’s not my first language =)

It works equally well for men smiling at women.

Seductress said:
“this has helped me a great deal to ‘feel’ more confident and connected to other people”

Essentially you’re establishing a connection to the other person, and many of them will reciprocate in kind. It’s a starting point for establishing a more substantial connection, and not just the romantic kind.

Meli said:
“sometimes we think we’re very obvious with our signals but for a guy’s brain those are actually quite subtle”

It’s more complicated than that. Most women give a mixture of signals. For example, the lady I was dating last night sent a number of “positive” signals through eye contact, smiling, etc. On the other hand, she had her legs crossed and her body turned somewhat away in a distinctly “closed” manner. I’m certain she wasn’t intending to send two conflicting sets of signals; I strongly expect that she intended to send one set of signals and had no idea that she was sending the other set.

Meli said:
“It’s kinda silly when you think about it, having to ‘ugly yourself up’ a bit in order to attract guys”

It may have to do with different preferences. I’m more attracted to women wearing glasses. Even in a long-term relationship, I prefer the way a lady looks in glasses over contacts (provided it’s a decent-looking set of glasses). That rules out intimidation being a factor in my case.

If a woman obviously spent a lot of time on her outfit, hair and makeup, then I interpret that as “high-maintenance”. I prefer women who are laid-back, not those who are high-maintenance.

I wouldn’t rule out intimidation as a factor in what you’ve observed, but it’s probably not the only factor.

Mary said:
“I kind of lost confidence and got nervous. It must have been enough to derail things.”

Probably. When people get nervous they start sending out a lot of “negative” signals.

I make it a habit of smiling at everyone I see. Men, women and children. Because of this, I’ve developed an open, friendly demeanor naturally. I’m shy by nature, so this has helped me a great deal to ‘feel’ more confident and connected to other people and has produced amazing results.

I’ve had men approach me in sporting goods stores, grocery stores, book stores (just going about life) because I had smiled at them and made them feel comfortable.

Hahaha that’s so true!
Once I was at a party and saw this incredibly attractive guy and started to send him all kinds of signals to let him know that I like him. He just stared at him for most of the night. He finally approached me and we ended up dating for a while and eventually he told me that the reason he hesitated so much to approach me that night was that I seemed very entertained with my friends, that I hadn’t notice him so he wasn’t sure I would like him to interfere! To me it had felt like so much work and he thought it was all his idea!

Guys need a lot of reassurance of interest, sometimes we think we’re very obvious with our signals but for a guy’s brain those are actually quite subtle.