Comments on: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently

By: Helen

Helen — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:43:45 +0000

Evan, you wrote: “Once again, the messenger is getting shot. But it’s not HIS message. It’s an objective one.”

With all due respect, Evan, this is NOT an objective message. Not necessarily because of bias on Marcus’s part, but because there is no objective way to compare the results of psychometric surveys conducted in 1972 vs. 2009. We’re living in two different cultures, the former of which was populated with women who repressed their viewpoints and feelings on a regular basis.

Your choice of Adelina’s trite letter is not representative of why women like me feel angry about this study. So again, with all due respect, it was a poor choice. And “angry” is not so much the word as “irritated.” I feel irritated by this study because, frankly, it’s not objective; but people will assume it is and draw the wrong conclusions. I and other social science researchers know it’s flawed, but laypersons aplenty will simply swallow the results whole and jump to the conclusion that feminism has hurt us women. Just take a look at the comments to Maureen Dowd’s NYTimes op-ed.

That said, I agree with all the commenters who state that happiness is largely an individual choice: that we go much further by proactively seeking to improve our lives rather than by complaining with no action.

Finally, a comment to Paul #8: If you must quote Proverbs 31, please get it right. The woman of noble character did not “stay back at the camp site.” She was working all over town. She was a working woman: good for her! Indeed, “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” – Proverbs 31:31

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:18:50 +0000

No problem. Glad you guys liked it. I think we all have to remember two main things about any major social/political transition.

1) They’re never smooth
2) The people in power don’t want to give up their power, or share it.

I count women’s advancement and such, and although we can all complain and write tons of articles, the fact is that the above two things are not going to change. The best thing is to work to make a smoother transition, but not get too disappointed when the curve balls come.

By: Helen

Helen — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:18:16 +0000

Sayanta: let me add my thanks to JerseyGirl’s for your posting that wonderful article by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Yes, our mothers suffered much more than we did, but were not as vocal about it; so really, it was impossible to capture their “happiness” (or lack thereof) in a 1970s survey.

Let me post here Leslie’s last paragraph, which is worth a read by everyone:

“And anyway, I don’t really care about ‘unhappiness.’ It’s not such a bad fate. Lack of any real choices and no ability to bitch about it — is much worse.”

No question about it: we’re living in changing times for women, and that can make us unhappy (no transition is easy). But we’d never want to go back. Let’s be grateful for what we have while we continue to press forward.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:49:56 +0000

I don’t think Marcus Buckingham is saying that feminism has hurt woman at all, and as someone else noted, he does say that women without children tend to be happier than those who have them. Could it be that women are less happy now – if that is in fact the case – because they are more sensitive to social and pokitical inequities now than in the past? Of course, therre are probaably other studies out there showing that women are actually happier. And let’s not forget that this person has a book out that he’s trying to promote. I’m not saying that his opinions aren’t valid, just that they should be taken with a grain of salt.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:44:06 +0000

Sayanta, thanks for posting that article. Good read and a good perspective to remember. The women’s movement and feminism didn’t occur because women were so happy or being treated with respect. It wasn’t perfect either but I suspect women today are alot more happy with thier ability to work and make life choices that our grandmother’s couldn’t.

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:15:17 +0000

My response to “smile,”(’cause I get that too), “my co-worker recently enrolled me in charm school.”

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 15:00:05 +0000

oh- forgot to post this- considering the original topic, I thought this would be interesting as a read. http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/are-modern-women-sad-517520/;_ylt=AsfJix9oXYEceNfoBy8uWGOifqU5 And just for the record, I think a lot of modern Western people are sad in general. Sadly.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:23:46 +0000

Steve:
HA! Didn’t think of that…;-)

Li-Ann-

How irritating- my god- I’d want to sock ‘em. I’ve also noticed that the kind of men who say this are usually a certain type, you know, the socially clueless kind who probably catcalls at women on the street. So, even though it’s irritating, the best thing to do is to ignore them. Paying any kind of attention to them is more than they deserve- what you’ve done is best, just ignore them and keep walking. As for the bitch, stuck-up thing, if they honestly think their ‘method’ is going to get them a date, they’ve got bigger problems than unsmiling women.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 07:34:16 +0000

I can see how women would be less happy today then 50 years ago. But this is also true of men. Men and women have so many stressors today fueled by a fast past lifestyle nad modern technology. Alot of us engage in daily behaviors that is meant to 1.) Try to keep up and 2.) numb/dull ourselves, at the same time. Perhaps the fact that women more closely identifty with their feelings then men do, leads to a study why women are more easily identified as being unhappy, even if men are more unhappy as well too. But I do understand how women could be more unhappy today then yesterday.
I however don’t think this is only a matter of the woman’s movement being the evils of the world and we should all just go back to being barefoot and happily pregnant. As I said before, alot of our everday stressors has to do with our own fast paced lives and the technology that over fills it. Alot of it has to do with that not only do women work now, but alot of women still carry much of the household handlings and children responsiblities. Men have greatly changed as well and do, do more in these regards but there is still a heavy burden on women to be all and produce all. And do it while you still keep your college figure and still manage to hit Victoria Secrets to by that thong he liked. There are high high expectations placed on women on what they should be able to do, who they should be and how they should look while doing it.
We are always evolving and our roles are always changing. Today’s women would never be gratified to have the kind of role we had in the 1950s. And while we might be more unhappy currently, I suspect we will find a way to meet the new challenges we face that as we did when we went through the woman’s movement. I personally think women will come to a point where women won’t want to do it all. Maybe that means that men will evolve even more themselves to have more shared responsiblities. Maybe it means that men will evolve to have an even greater understanding of women. Today’s man of 2009 I think does infact try harder to understand women then the men of previous decades had. That is going to keep changing and growing (hopefully) too.
Someone here befores said that women need to turn back to the core of what truly makes them happy. I don’t think that is tied in how many bras we burned, how many jobs we have to work but rather the quality of our relationships. I personally think, because I know for myself, when I am happy with my personal relationships, whether that is with a guy or my family and friends, a long day at the office isn’t so bad, because at the end of the day, I have what counts. When my relationships are more rocky, things are more off skeltor. SoI don’t think this is about the fact that women have to work now-a-days but that the quality of relationships that women have is the core of what makes us happy because that’s what most of us feel matters at the end of the day.

By: Curly Girl

Curly Girl — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 03:27:11 +0000

A man who feels compelled to make comments to women on the street about their attractiveness or lack thereof has a problem with women in general. I think that sums it up.