“No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.”
A cute photo, a winning profile, flirty emails, an incredible first date, intense chemistry, mind-blowing sex… NONE of these things mean he’s your boyfriend.
It’s not that you’re “wrong” to get excited about a promising man; it’s that, in 99% of instances, it’s premature and you set yourself up for heartbreak.
No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.
Your takeaway is to not get too emotionally involved when it comes to a guy with “potential”. Start getting excited when he’s taken his profile down, called you his girlfriend, met your family, and started making vacation plans for the summer.
The other bit of perspective I want to give you about the disappearing man is that his disappearance should not be all that disappointing.
a) This wasn’t personal
b) You didn’t lose your future husband, so why be disappointed?
Although your man initially pushed for immediate commitment, he had second thoughts. Reasonable second thoughts, I might add.
His flaking doesn’t mean he’s evil.
It means he leaped before he looked.
He shot first and asked questions later.
He over-promised and under-delivered.
In short, he screwed up and ended up hurting an innocent woman.
No one is at fault.
And if no one is at fault, there’s no value in beating yourself up about what you did “wrong”. The answer is nothing.
There’s no value in getting pissed at the disappearing man. He’s like a guy who was driving 90 mph on the freeway and missed his exit. He was so enthusiastic that he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really ready to commit after 4 dates.
Finally, there’s no value in lamenting what “could have been”. It’s over. Move along.
The right guy will come along soon enough – and he will certainly not disappear the way the last guy did.
But the only way for this to happen is for my you to let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration at the men who don’t write to you online, and to embrace the unknown of the dating process.
Put another way: if you quit dating, you don’t meet ANYBODY.
If you persevere, another cute man may waltz in your life this summer – and never want to leave.
“Never, never, never quit,” said Winston Churchill, and he’s 100% right.
The only thing you can do when things go wrong in love is to keep going.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.