Comments on: When a Man Criticizes a Woman – Not The Percy Sledge Version

By: moonsical

moonsical — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:42:38 +0000

This gal made the right decision. Move with fleet feet away from anyone who makes you feel badly about yourself. While I appreciate Eleanor Roosevelt’s sentiment that no one can make you feel badly about yourself without your consent, it sure helps if they quit trying.

I argued with a beau over whether men really should be honest with regard to questions like, “Does this dress make me look fat?” (Which I think I have never asked! I mean, why would you?) I argued for the truth. He said, “You mean I should say, ‘Yeah, you look like a fat cow in that dress!’” (New York native) “No,” I said, “You say something like, ‘That is not your most flattering dress.’ Then quickly mention something she looks GREAT in. (i.e. ‘I LOVE that one blue dress you wear; it is such an elegant look.’)” I know this may be asking a lot from a guy (although I did have a verbally skilled boyfriend who used “elegant” for me.)

There’s always the warm embrace if you can’t figure out how to be verbally supportive.

Re: open relationship… Ask for, nay, demand, whatever your heart and soul need. I do not think I could do that. Yikes. In my 20′s, back when we were all looser, I would just tell my beau, “If you are sleeping with someone else, you are not sleeping with me.” That was clear enough, and they made adjustments accordingly. It’s not total “exclusivity” in that they can still be interested in other women, but uh, not swapping bodily fluids. That is just not safe or hygienic, in my mind.

By: Cricket

Cricket — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 16:27:59 +0000

Amen Evan. Sounds like Christine was dating my ex. Silly me, I stuck around for 4.5 years. I entered the relationship confident, thin and pretty sure any man on earth would adore my quirky personality. I exited it 10 lbs. lighter, assuming I was irritating, lazy, mean and a little too chubby in the ass. And this guy ADORED me! 10 minutes after I finally ended it, I remembered why I was all those good things. 2 years later he’s still pining over me. People who are critical like that are just redistributing their own feelings of insecurity. His inability to commit is just the fact that he’s holding out for some imaginary better person who will take away all his insecurities. For the record, I found me an amazing guy who thinks I’m all the good things I am times 10. And so can Christine.

By: Nic

Nic — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 16:27:25 +0000

I can’t tell you how much this hits home. I’ve been the critical one in one relationship and the criticized in another. And honestly, neither side is a picnic.

Love is unconditional, so if you can’t love someone that way, it isn’t right. And if someone isn’t loving you that way, it isn’t right.

We all need to decide whether we’d rather be “right” or be loved…

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:43:43 +0000

Thanks for the reminder, Anon. But I didn’t even see what there was to comment upon. The guy was a jerkoff.
Factor in that he’s a jerkoff who can’t commit and it doesn’t seem like there’s much advice for me to offer. Christine did the right thing.

I wholeheartedly agree with you that “seeing other people” is useful in the first few weeks/months. But if you don’t have a commitment after, say, three months, you’re probably not getting one at all.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:41:08 +0000

I was a bit disappointed that you didn’t comment on the nine month open relationship aspect of the question- particularly as the writer seemed to be holding out for an exclusive relationship.

Personally, I’m more then happy with the “seeing other people” thing in the early stages of an online relationship – the emailing, the first few dates, even the first couple of times having sex. But once I start getting comfortable waking up in her flat I don’t want to be looking for anyone else, and i don’t like the thought of another man staying over on the alternate nights.

Do you think its too soon to ask for this kind of exclusivity at that stage in a relationship