Comments on: When Did Guys Lose All The Power In Dating?

By: Mickey

Mickey — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 05:24:18 +0000

@Ronnie Ann Ryan:

You’ve got to be kidding!!!

You said: “There’s someone for everyone.” I have just one question: WHAT PLANET IS THAT??? It sure as hell AIN”T this one!!!

How much money have you made robbing people with that phony BS???

By: SS

SS — Wed, 11 May 2011 15:04:25 +0000

Carrie, do you mean that the average MAN is 5’8″? Because the average American woman is actually about 5’4″, and the average American man is about 5’9 1/2″.

http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/healthcare/a/tallbutfat.htm
The report, Mean Body Weight, Height, and Body Mass Index (BMI) 1960-2002: United States, shows that the average height of a man aged 20-74 years increased from just over 5’8″ in 1960 to 5’9½” in 2002, while the average height of a woman the same age increased from slightly over 5’3″ 1960 to 5’4″ in 2002.

The funny thing to me about the whole height issue in dating, I’ve found, is that most people clearly have no idea of what the American average is… and the men that many women consider to be short really are “average height,” if not taller. My husband is 5’10 1/2″, and he was frequently put in the short category. Maybe if he was trying to play basketball, sure, but in reality, he’s an inch taller than the average American man.

(Not that it mattered to me, but for women who turned him and other men of similar height down because they weren’t 6′, I wonder if they knew how few men are actually taller than 6′ in this country.)

In general, most men are going to be taller than most women.

By: Carrie Knight

Carrie Knight — Wed, 11 May 2011 05:08:29 +0000

Power and dating don’t belong in the same sentence. Power is the rate at which we work or convert energy. Dating shouldn’t take energy. It should be sweet, silly, and innocent. Screwing – that takes energy. Relationships, now there’s a damn energy vacuum.
However, if the question is ‘why do women have so much instantaneous power?’
Meaning, the power that seems to evaporate as the clock chimes twelve… it’s because you think we’re pretty, we smell good, and you have no idea what we are thinking… yet.
Dating, mating, and conjugating are the cornerstone of recreation and survival.
KISS
Keep it Simple, Dude.
If you’re thinking about asking her out before you get her name and number – your rushing.
If you’re thinking about where to take her before you ask her out – your rushing.
AND
IF for some magical fairytale reason you get a date – and if you’re on this date and you’re having a good time and you look over at her – quietly – and in the moment just say what you’re really thinking out loud but can’t muster the strength to say “you” “you look beautiful”…
BUT INSTEAD YOU
Start wondering how to say goodnight or if you should hug, or kiss, or WORST OPTION EVER – high five or bust it out…or if you even let it cross your mind while on this FIRST date that maybe next time you’re out together you could do something more exciting that what you doing on the date your actually on… and if you’re sitting there (staring at her) blah blah blahing in your head to yourself about what she does or doesn’t want to do or might like to do… instead of having an easy meaningless conversation along the lines of what’s your favorite season and do you like windy Sunday mornings or who is your favorite movie star or American President or show on Adult Swim… then…
YOU JUST BLEW IT
Girls just wanna have fun – traditionally, if you make us feel like we have somehow caused you any irritation, hesitation, or frustration – or nervousness – simply because we AGREED to go out with you…we’ll probably avoid you like the swine flu for as long as we possibly can while pretending there is nothing awkward about the fact that we are avoiding you…
So dude – chill out… you will be shorter than some women. Yes. The average woman is 5’8”… Some women will think this is a turn on. Seriously – women are weird. What keeps a woman around has much more to do with how you make her feel about herself. I for one – refuse to have a man in my life with prettier nails than mine OR better hair. That’s just the way it is. I can think of a few dudes that probably think I didn’t return their call because they were too odd, too short, worked too much, worked out too little, said too much, said too little, didn’t have enough education, had two children… blah blah blah.
Chances are that’s not it. I’ve done the same thing. I used to KNOW (not think – know) that every time it didn’t work out with a dude it was because I was too chunky. Honestly those men probably did not even considering my weight an issue… but probably really considered my insecurity about my weight an issue.
I BET YOU $100
These “aggressive, flighty, type A’s” that you’re describing (in a somewhat insulting tone btw – you might want to cushion that a little – I don’t many women describe you as “short”) – have the following conversation about you with their friends:
Friend: You still going out with Jay?
Miss A: No, not any more?
Friend: Why not? What happened?
Miss A: Nothing happened, I just wasn’t feeling it.
Friend: Why not? Was he weird?
Miss A: No. He’s a really nice guy. We just didn’t have much to talk about. We didn’t have fun.
Friend: Oh, I thought he was taking you out a lot…
Miss A: He was but he couldn’t relax.
PROMISE…
Dating is not supposed to be a pain in the ass. That’s what marriage is for – I’m kidding… but isn’t the purpose of courtship to learn how to play and dote and be sweet and do all the stupid little cute things that couples do together that lead into a fun and rewarding relationship so that for whatever reason later on we can fool ourselves into believing that kids are a good idea?
KIDDING… of course they’re a great idea…
Just saying – it has nothing to do with the fact that your short, or a janitor, or a liar – sorry I mean a lawyer or anything else…
I would skip hot rocks on a lake of fire with a dude if I knew I would have a good time doing it…
IT IS WHAT IS…
Only reason to date is to go out and have a good time. If you want to control how someone responds to you – your shit out of luck. The only person you have power over is yourself…

By: Christie Hartman

Christie Hartman — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 22:48:37 +0000

Denise (76): I would definitely agree with that, wholeheartedly. Beliefs are huge; if you believe women (or men) are jerks, then that’s what you will find. Bad experiences can create those beliefs, but the beliefs can create bad experiences too.

By: Denise

Denise — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 07:05:58 +0000

#75 Selena Right on! Exactly! Speaks directly to our boundaries and what we choose to accept or not accept in our lives. This is not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, work situations, etc.

By: Denise

Denise — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 22:02:29 +0000

Christie #74

I believe it’s because they have poor boundaries. If they worked on their own boundary, it becomes easier to accept reality, stop the suffering, and keep the focus and positive (like Karl R. gets us to do).

I would also say it’s because of people’s beliefs. Beliefs are very powerful and reflect our world back to us. They can be changed though.

Would you agree with that?

By: Selena

Selena — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 21:58:25 +0000

When people speak of “power” in dating, I wonder if they are not acknowledging their own power of choice. We all choose who we intitially go out with; who makes the cut to a serious relationship; who we choose to stay with.

On this blog Evan has a clip “You aren’t attracting the wrong men, you are accepting the wrong men.” Very insightful. And could be applied to men in how they choose women as well.

By: Christie Hartman

Christie Hartman — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 19:08:40 +0000

Thanks, Selena! (65)

I agree with Denise’s points (70). I’ve found, in my work, the there are ALWAYS certain men who complain about women and think women have all the power in dating, and there are women who complain about men and believe men have all the power. These are the ones who’ve been hit hardest by the trials of dating and relationships. It’s not that the other sex has the power, it’s that these people have forgotten their own power.

By: Kurt

Kurt — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 21:09:20 +0000

Hello Evan Katz,i have been following blogs for some time. First time , I am commenting.I have been noticing from so many blogs that men has all power in the online dating / relationships. But as more and more women are becoming independent and powerful in work and business environment, men are slipping that stigma.Ladies having more upper hand in dating / relationships ,some men are becoming passive on many dating web sites. This trend is rising and still men are noticing it.Instead of women chasing men. now it is all the way around.

By: Denise

Denise — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:35:37 +0000

Haha, ouch Selena! Although for those women in their mid 40′s, it’s all relative