That’s right. Nothing. Your “defriending” was pure ego.
I get it; I just “defriended” someone who was rude to me at my high school reunion last month. It was my way of saying, “fuck you” to her. The difference is that she’ll never notice, whereas the man you were seeing will definitely pay attention.
Yet somehow, Terri, your undaunted guy continues to send you friendly texts. And somehow, despite your previous experience of being cold to an interested guy, you continue to be cold to him – cutting short the texts before they turn into conversation.
This guy likes you and you’re doing everything in your power to stop him. I suppose you can mount an argument that playing aloof is keeping him interested, but you’re missing the most important part of mirroring, as outlined in Why He Disappeared.
You’re supposed to do what he does!
So if he takes 5 days to call you back, you can get back to him in 5 days.
And if he says I love you first, you say I love you back.
And if he writes you a long, warm text message, you respond to him in kind.
That way, you’re never pushing him away with neediness, and always keeping the door open for possibility.
(My original piece on mirroring is here – and links to a half dozen blog posts about non-committal guys, so have yourself a field day.)
Have the confidence and patience to let things evolve at an organic pace.
Really, Terri, this drama is entirely of your own making. Because if you simply sat back and waited for him to reveal himself in his actions, guess what? He would have called you after 5 days, you would have had an amazing 3rd date, and, chances are, at this point, you’d already be boyfriend/girlfriend.
More importantly, if he did NOT step up to the plate to make the effort necessary to be your boyfriend – if he did NOT call more than once a week for 2 months – if he did NOT talk about exclusivity or a future – if he did not make you feel that your relationship was escalating, voila, you have your answer. No need to throw a fit, or bitch him out, or “unfriend” him on Facebook.
When a guy isn’t doing what you want after a reasonable amount of time – 2-3 months at the longest – the best thing to do – the ONLY thing to do – is wish him well and find another guy. It’s really quite simple.
Your big takeaway from this post should be to have the confidence and patience to let things evolve at an organic pace. You may be used to diving into relationships and having instant passion, chemistry and commitment. I also can make the safe prediction than none of those relationships have lasted. So please, give a guy a break for not knowing if you’re his girlfriend (much less wife) after a few weeks.
I have one client now who has met a guy twice and she’s very frustrated that he’s not yet her “boyfriend”. I’ve got another who has had 4 dates in 3 weeks and feels the same way. “He should be more excited about me! He should be telling me he loves me!”
No, he shouldn’t. Every time a guy has ever told you he loves you in 3 weeks, the relationship’s burned out. Maybe this time has a better chance of being for real, because you’ve both taken the time to evaluate each other instead of committing first and figuring out your compatibility later.
This is the central message of Why He Disappeared and if this blog post hit home for you, I encourage you to check it out here.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.