Comments on: When Should You Take Down Your Online Dating Profile?

By: hd9089

hd9089 — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 17:25:36 +0000

@Nicole/Chris/Molly/Julia/Kate : You all were dating the same guy. A guy with an avoidant attachment style. Some people fundamentally are unable to attach to another person; this style occurs in about 25% of the population (in men and women, mind you, essentially equally). He distanced himself as soon as you were attached. He has been this way, all his life, most likely (only 30% change their attachment style throughout life). Read 'Attached,' by Dr. Amir Levine. Best book on relationships to date. Hands down. Also has excellent chapters on effective communication. Author is a physician (as am I) and his book is nothing short of priceless.

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 26 May 2012 00:05:32 +0000

I feel like we are all dating the same guy. I started seeing a guy I met on okcupid. He was prince charming and asked me to be exclusive with him also after a month. Although I thought it was fast I agreed. He told me that he deleted his profile I didn’t even have to ask!! I could not believe what an amazing guy I had. I told him I deleted mine too. About a week later a friend on the site told me she found him on there. I asked him about it very nicely and told me he did delete but signed back on because I never actually asked him to delete it. He manipulated me into hanging out with him the next day. We discussed it again and said that he was upset that my friend even saw that and he never wanted to talk about it again. He swore to God he would take it down as soon as he got home. I waited 24 hours he was still on and ACTIVE. I vowed never to speak to him again. I didn’t bring it up I just left it alone. He didnt contact me for about 4 days. By then I decided to rejoin the site within ten minutes he had viewed my profile and sent me a message! Saying that I was still on the site! I couldn’t believe he has the audacity to even send me a message. I didn’t answer him. Since then he has viewed my profile again. He tried to pull the whole do you have trust issues but I don’t believe it has anything to do with trust. It has to do with respect. In a relationship a person should respect what makes their partner feel uncomfortable rather than use it to their advantage. I have no problem with a boyfriend looking at maxim but to be “available” on a dating site is just plan disrespectful. Oh and one last thing, a dear friend told me “okay so you finally nag him to get off what makes you think he’s not going to join another site?” She had a point, I’m not going to waste my precious time lookin at every site to see if he’s on. Don’t even bother giving them an explanation why you’re not talking to them just keep the train moving and never look back.

By: Molly

Molly — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 01:46:55 +0000

Last year I dated a guy who wanted to be exclusive within a month and I forgot to take down my profile since I didn’t understand that Match kept charging the card and kept my profile up (even though I was never online since we were exclusive). Sure enough, 4 months in the relationship, I login to cancel my account after finding out my card was charged and out of curiosity looked up his profile…he was not only active within 1 hour but changed his profile completely!! Sure enough one or two weeks after asking him if he was taking his profile down (in a nice joking way stating how I forgot too), he dumped me. I hear there are guys out there trying to get as many women as possible exclusive while staying online. And I am one of them! Be careful. Although I am also proof that people who don’t understand match don’t take the profile down by mistake. In my case it depended on the profile being updated, not so much when someone is online. Good luck!

By: Julia

Julia — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 20:09:25 +0000

Same thing happened to me as well. I dated a guy for a month or so, he wanted to become exclusive, but wouldn’t take his profile down. So, I put mine back up. Then he took his down….so I took mine down. A few weeks later, I went to go check and his profile said active within 3 days. I was devastated. He made up some excuse that his friend wanted to show him a girl. YEAH RIGHT! If his friend knew about a girl on the dating site…wouldn’t his friend have an account? AND we all know you don’t need to UNHIDE your profile to browse and look at profiles. Really?? I am not stupid. I hung up and never spoke to him again. End. Of. Story.

Don’t worry ladies…Karma will ensue…one way or another. Just know you did your best and the other person is just selfish, dishonest and has no class. Be grateful you weren’t fooled into marrying a person like this. I consider myself lucky to find out soo soon.

By: Chris

Chris — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 07:38:19 +0000

@Nicole…I had the SAME situation. We dated a month before becoming exclusive. At that time I explained my definition of exclusive was taking our profiles down and he agreed. I met all of his friends and co-workers. And then fast forward another two months when I was cleaning out my emails I saw our first email and that he had been logged in within the last 3 days. I calmly asked and he replied that his account auto renewed. He was apologetic and told me everything I wanted to hear. I believed his story and spent the next night and most of the weekend with him…Monday rolled around he still had not hid his profile. I made a fake profile and he read it and favorited my fake and when I confronted him I trapped him and he did the same thing I need time to sort it out, etc. He hid his profile and there went away my evidence and I started to doubt myself. Eventually I caught him online with an updated profile. Again. I broke it off. I have no explanation on why someone would put the energy into seeing you two to four times a week, bring you into their personal life and vice versa only to be trolling the internet for other woman. Only to turn it around and blame me for “trapping” him and complaining about not giving him space. I am finding it really hard to be able to date online again. Trust again period. He had me completely fooled and I would have never have guessed in a million years. He lied really well to my face over and over again.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 06:05:31 +0000

A quick add-on to what I wrote. When I said we didn’t post pics on the profile and said ‘if interesed, email me and I’ll send pics’, that was what we put on the profile….we never message my boyfriend…er…exboyfriend. Hope this was clear…I’m just still so sad and upset over it. I do believe I was played….

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 05:45:34 +0000

Lose this guy. I just went through-and am still going through a lot of pain. I met a great guy on Nov 4 through Match. We went on 3 dates in a row. (Second date he brought me to feed squirrels in the park.). After one week he brought me to meet his sons, and at 2 weeks wanted to be exclusive- said he’d like me to be his girlfriend. I was in…and I asked him about it two more times- if it was what he really wanted, and he always said ‘of course it is- I like to be exclusive with you, baby.’ I deactivated my account and I thought he said he was going to, also. But I saw him on there- ACTIVE…’Online now. IM me, now’. He only saw me on the weekends, and only liked to text during the week – said he wasn’t a phone person, and spending time with his sons (who live with him) during the week.So, I texted him, asking why he was still active..said I was asking in the nicest softest ‘voice’, cause I didn’t want to be seen as ‘yelling’. He got upset, said that I was being insecure, and that he was on there to see why he was still getting emails, that he doesn’t like being checked on and living life under a microscope. I apologized profusely and said I just really liked him and didn’t want to get hurt. He said in his profile he was very honest and only saw one woman at a time…wanted to be sure he really meant it. He told me he really liked me too, but I need to be more mindful of the things I say.
Soon after he took me to meet the rest of his family-see a Christmas parade. Things were going great. But then he went a whole 24 hours without any communication. My friend had been going through problems with her boyfriend-breaking up/getting back together, etc. I told her that I’d create and pay for one month of match…maybe she’d meet someone like my guy. (And I was going to check in on his profile- see if still active..) That was Wed the 14. I called him on the phone that night, and we talked for a few minutes- about the weekend coming up- we were spending it together again, and four days over Christmas. Got off the phone, finished profile with friend and she wanted to see his profile so we went on just to look at his pics. (maybe he saw we viewed him). Didn’t post pics of friend, but wrote- ‘If interested, please email me and I’ll send pics’. The next morning, I got a good mornign text from boyfriend. I felt bad about creating the profile for my friend who didn’t even really want it in the first place- I had wanted to make it mainly to check on him. So, I went to deactivate it. I noticed there was a message in the inbox, though. (and I had only made the profile the night before). It was FROM HIM! He had messaged to say that he was very intriqued, thought ‘we’ were on same page, and wanted to see pics!!!! I called him and said that he emailed a profile that I made for a friend. I was shocked. Never ever expected that. Especially since we didn’t message him. He didn’t have a good explanation…I asked if he was seeing other people and he said just emailing and couldn’t talk -would call me that night. Instead I got a txt saying he needed time alone to think. I was so sick to my stomach…I had fallen for this guy! I texted and texted and left a voice mail and and email. He responded once via email to say he’d call that night and never did. My brother had passed away 3 years ago and I brought over a game of his to his house. My last text was asking him to please mail it to me. I never got it. No game back, no response. Not even the courtesy of letting me know it was over. I should have known better when he got so defensive when I asked about him being on match. I just don’t understand why he needed to be exclusive, why we did all the family outings and why he introduced me to his family. I don’t get it. I don’t see how another human being can cruelly ignore another one. I went online recently to look at his pics b/c I miss him and he added new ones. One was of him feeding a damn squirrel in the park. I guess that’s his schtick.
So, lose this guy. You can totally deactivate your account and make it invisible. After you cancel it, it asks if you’d like to hide your profile.

By: JESSE DZIEDZIC

JESSE DZIEDZIC — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 08:09:52 +0000

I could not think you are more right…

By: eric

eric — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 17:54:36 +0000

I disagree with the response and it seems that our “expert opinion” wound up giving advice based on the poster’s boyfriend being a “player.” Not all men or even most men for that matter) are players…just the ones who learn to work the system by manipulating women into falling for them tend to be. Instead, the male in question is most likely seeing if the poster took down her profile (yes, it’s creepy but you can do that on Match) and then after she had, would return the favor. He already got vulnerable and asked to be exclusive and he probably didn’t want to seem overly interested because that could convey to the poster that he wants to move too fast. GIVE HIM A BREAK AND THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! If you are reluctant to do this, consider why he would even ask for exclusivity in the first place?!?!? I think he sounds like a nice guy and one shouldn’t be so quick to judge him negatively. The exact same scenario happened with me and my girlfriend and after I saw that she removed her profile, I returned the favor without even having a discussion with her about it until much later. STOP ASSUMING THAT MOST GUYS ARE CREEPS BECAUSE IT RUINS RELATIONSHIPS AND CAUSES BOTH PARTIES TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY ANXIETY! I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I know what I’m talking about. Pick you battles and save your mental anguish for situations that are more clear-cut.
-Peace

By: Selena

Selena — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 00:40:15 +0000

@Confused # 26

I think giving him an ultimatum without talking to him reasonably first would be overreacting.