Comments on: When There’s Nothing To Learn http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:55:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: AQ http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-162286 AQ Sat, 25 Jun 2011 23:30:49 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-162286 The best thing to do is to find a friend who is also dating online - so you can compare stories! Then you realize you are not the only one who is having difficulties. And really, if you throw away your expectations and stay in the moment you have fun meeting all kinds of people. You just can't expect that you will find the one right away - you have to keep dating until one is the one.  and really? All of the duds are fine - they are their own person and will find someone who will like them. The best thing to do is to find a friend who is also dating online – so you can compare stories! Then you realize you are not the only one who is having difficulties. And really, if you throw away your expectations and stay in the moment you have fun meeting all kinds of people. You just can’t expect that you will find the one right away – you have to keep dating until one is the one. 

and really? All of the duds are fine – they are their own person and will find someone who will like them.

]]> By: AQ http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-162285 AQ Sat, 25 Jun 2011 23:27:25 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-162285 Three guys? She has barely scratched the surface. Toughen up, get over it, keep dating. And come back to us when you have been on 100 dates and you don't take each one personally and you take them all in stride!!! I have had: guys who don't want to buy coffee, a litigator that argued with everything I said even when I tried to agree, wierdos that call every 5 minutes and leave the same message, guys who lie about their age, guys who want to make out deeply while their profile is up and they say they take it off but they don't, a guy who doesn't talk or listen, a wierdo who wants to email 15 times then show up for coffee an hour early and sit on sheepskin, ones who don't like my son's school, a professor who wanted to sit on a picnic in cactus and said I was too picky because I did not. A gorgeous guy who had a great time but then couldn't fit me or anyone into his schedule. A hippy who wanted to have sex on the first date - he took his profile off thinking THAT would get him the ticket.  BUT the good thing - after 7 months and probably 100 dates - there is a super de duper one who is even better in person and calling! Three guys? She has barely scratched the surface. Toughen up, get over it, keep dating. And come back to us when you have been on 100 dates and you don’t take each one personally and you take them all in stride!!!

I have had: guys who don’t want to buy coffee, a litigator that argued with everything I said even when I tried to agree, wierdos that call every 5 minutes and leave the same message, guys who lie about their age, guys who want to make out deeply while their profile is up and they say they take it off but they don’t, a guy who doesn’t talk or listen, a wierdo who wants to email 15 times then show up for coffee an hour early and sit on sheepskin, ones who don’t like my son’s school, a professor who wanted to sit on a picnic in cactus and said I was too picky because I did not. A gorgeous guy who had a great time but then couldn’t fit me or anyone into his schedule. A hippy who wanted to have sex on the first date – he took his profile off thinking THAT would get him the ticket. 

BUT the good thing – after 7 months and probably 100 dates – there is a super de duper one who is even better in person and calling!

]]> By: Jonathan Marcus http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-162269 Jonathan Marcus Sat, 25 Jun 2011 21:35:35 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-162269 Agree. Sometimes you shouldn't over think this. Law of averages. Agree. Sometimes you shouldn’t over think this. Law of averages.

]]> By: Yevette http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-144571 Yevette Sat, 12 Mar 2011 21:19:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-144571 Thanks Evan! I really need to hear that! I was in a relationship with a man for a little over a year. It was both healthy and wonderful. He even told me that I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had. During our courtship, we spoke of getting married at some point in the future. However, when I checked back in with him after a year, he said he wasn't sure.  My gut feeling told me to walk and I did. Turned out, he'd never  really gotten over his ex and is now trying to get back together with her. You see, she dumped him three years earlier after dating him for 8 months. During the time they were together, she criticized him for being too short, too weak, etc. After she dumped him, he continued to chase after her and try to win her love. In turn, she would give him mixed signals to keep him hanging on. In spite of how she treated him, he still love her deeply <strong>and feels an intensity for her that - although I treated him a lot better than she did, I wasn't able to match how she made him feel</strong> (his words).   Understandably, I feel bad about how things turned out, but I know that I did nothing wrong and can chalk it up to the luck of the draw - you win some and you lose some. Thanks Evan! I really need to hear that! I was in a relationship with a man for a little over a year. It was both healthy and wonderful. He even told me that I was the best girlfriend he’d ever had. During our courtship, we spoke of getting married at some point in the future. However, when I checked back in with him after a year, he said he wasn’t sure.  My gut feeling told me to walk and I did. Turned out, he’d never  really gotten over his ex and is now trying to get back together with her. You see, she dumped him three years earlier after dating him for 8 months. During the time they were together, she criticized him for being too short, too weak, etc. After she dumped him, he continued to chase after her and try to win her love. In turn, she would give him mixed signals to keep him hanging on. In spite of how she treated him, he still love her deeply and feels an intensity for her that – although I treated him a lot better than she did, I wasn’t able to match how she made him feel (his words).  

Understandably, I feel bad about how things turned out, but I know that I did nothing wrong and can chalk it up to the luck of the draw – you win some and you lose some.

]]> By: sayanta http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-73151 sayanta Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:14:33 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-73151 #22- Australia? I thought it was man-haven down there! #22-

Australia? I thought it was man-haven down there!

]]> By: Taylor http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-54487 Taylor Sat, 02 Jan 2010 07:02:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-54487 Ok , but the question I really need answered is where to find the right person? I mean location wise. I am currently living in Australia , but a genre of venue or which social connections to use would be the best advice I could get right now. Ok , but the question I really need answered is where to find the right person?
I mean location wise. I am currently living in Australia , but a genre of venue or which social connections to use would be the best advice I could get right now.

]]> By: Steve http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-39052 Steve Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:11:19 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-39052 The quickest way I get over dating frustration is to have a really good date where I feel like I connected with someone. The second quickest way I get over dating frustration is to have an "okay" date. I think if you can believe at an emotional/gut level that bad dates are just the luck of the draw and that has nothing to do with you, then you will not get *as* frustrated. Reading this blog has helped much in that regard. I got to see how many other people have the frustrating dating experiences I have. It is not about the universe picking on me, personally. If I didn't see that I would have taken all of the setbacks personally and I would have been very upset instead of just frustrated. The quickest way I get over dating frustration is to have a really good date where I feel like I connected with someone.

The second quickest way I get over dating frustration is to have an “okay” date.

I think if you can believe at an emotional/gut level that bad dates are just the luck of the draw and that has nothing to do with you, then you will not get *as* frustrated.

Reading this blog has helped much in that regard.

I got to see how many other people have the frustrating dating experiences I have. It is not about the universe picking on me, personally. If I didn’t see that I would have taken all of the setbacks personally and I would have been very upset instead of just frustrated.

]]> By: Relationship Advice From Penny http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-39036 Relationship Advice From Penny Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:10:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-39036 Casey...I just read your story here and I'm sorry to hear about the bad streaks, but you should be so proud of yourself for even taking the initiative to better yourself and remaining positive. I recently wrote an article that somehow I know will help you understand some of these guys who are afraid to commit. It's a lengthy one so I won't copy and paste it here LOL.. But it's on my site: <a href="http://relationshipadvicefrompenny.com/" title="track" rel="nofollow">Relationship Advice From Penny.com</a> .-= <a href="http://relationshipadvicefrompenny.com/" title="track" rel="nofollow">Relationship Advice From Penny</a>´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RelationshipAdviceFromPenny/~3/H8a0rL_zXT4/you-finally-found-right-person-but-why.html" rel="nofollow">You finally found the right person, but why are you still afraid to commit?</a> =-. Casey…I just read your story here and I’m sorry to hear about the bad streaks, but you should be so proud of yourself for even taking the initiative to better yourself and remaining positive. I recently wrote an article that somehow I know will help you understand some of these guys who are afraid to commit. It’s a lengthy one so I won’t copy and paste it here LOL.. But it’s on my site: Relationship Advice From Penny.com
.-= Relationship Advice From Penny´s last blog ..You finally found the right person, but why are you still afraid to commit? =-.

]]> By: Anisa http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-39029 Anisa Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:27:25 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-39029 to Sherell @ 17 It just is not that clear who are the hunters and the non hunters IMO. I think in a way it is very simple: the non-hunters will patiently and respectfully wait until you are ready and the non-hunters will push things along. And YOU are in charge and it all about YOUR timetable. But even this rule is not waterproof! My story: I fell in love with a guy who was willingly to wait and treated me like a princess, I slept with him and after two months it appeared that his goal was my money because he had problems with paying his mortgage on his own after his divorce. AND I found out he was unfaithfull to me ALL the time. A massive disappointment, a big smack on my ego and what to learn?? to Sherell @ 17
It just is not that clear who are the hunters and the non hunters IMO.
I think in a way it is very simple: the non-hunters will patiently and respectfully wait until you are ready and the non-hunters will push things along.
And YOU are in charge and it all about YOUR timetable.

But even this rule is not waterproof!

My story: I fell in love with a guy who was willingly to wait and treated me like a princess, I slept with him and after two months it appeared that his goal was my money because he had problems with paying his mortgage on his own after his divorce. AND I found out he was unfaithfull to me ALL the time.

A massive disappointment, a big smack on my ego and what to learn??

]]> By: Casey http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/when-theres-nothing-to-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-39014 Casey Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:46:16 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1623#comment-39014 I just recently went through the same thing. I started dating this guy and sparks were flying everywhere. Things were progressing really well and he decided to take his picture off the dating website. We talked about it, and then I did too. After doing so, things started to get very serious when he suddenly decided he wasn't ready for a relationship (having just got out of a 16-year relationship which ended a year ago...but really ended less than 8 months prior to our starting to date.) I took it very hard, but decided to keep dating. About that time, another guy I dated prior to getting serious with the above guy (I actually met them both in the same week), contacted me. I had really liked him also, but sometimes you have to make a choice. So we started dating again and things were going very well. But when things started to get more serious, he took a trip and ended up hooking up with his ex-girlfriend (whom he'd been with for 3.5 years and said they'd been broken up for a year...but it was really only 5 months prior to our starting to date.) Aside from deciding that men apparently use dogs years in determining how long it's been since a previous relationship broke up, I've been taking it pretty hard and blaming myself for the demise of both relationships. How come I keep on meeting guys who aren't ready for relationships? What am I doing wrong? In the end, I have come to the same conclusion that Evan did...that it was a run of bad luck. The only caveat being...since both my parents were emotionally unavailable/detached people, I think I have a tendency to be attracted to these types of men since that's what is familiar to me. I'm working on that issue with my counselor so I can hopefully do a better job in the initial weeding out process rather than finding out only after the guy decides things are getting too serious and he's not ready. I just recently went through the same thing. I started dating this guy and sparks were flying everywhere. Things were progressing really well and he decided to take his picture off the dating website. We talked about it, and then I did too. After doing so, things started to get very serious when he suddenly decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship (having just got out of a 16-year relationship which ended a year ago…but really ended less than 8 months prior to our starting to date.)

I took it very hard, but decided to keep dating. About that time, another guy I dated prior to getting serious with the above guy (I actually met them both in the same week), contacted me. I had really liked him also, but sometimes you have to make a choice. So we started dating again and things were going very well. But when things started to get more serious, he took a trip and ended up hooking up with his ex-girlfriend (whom he’d been with for 3.5 years and said they’d been broken up for a year…but it was really only 5 months prior to our starting to date.)

Aside from deciding that men apparently use dogs years in determining how long it’s been since a previous relationship broke up, I’ve been taking it pretty hard and blaming myself for the demise of both relationships. How come I keep on meeting guys who aren’t ready for relationships? What am I doing wrong?

In the end, I have come to the same conclusion that Evan did…that it was a run of bad luck. The only caveat being…since both my parents were emotionally unavailable/detached people, I think I have a tendency to be attracted to these types of men since that’s what is familiar to me. I’m working on that issue with my counselor so I can hopefully do a better job in the initial weeding out process rather than finding out only after the guy decides things are getting too serious and he’s not ready.

]]>