Comments on: When to Dump Someone – Right Away!

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 06:16:51 +0000

This is part of why dating is so troublesome for me; having unresolved issues of rejection and abandonment had led me to become an avoidant and I haven’t been able to clear those hurdles yet.

By: Kindred

Kindred — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 02:39:18 +0000

Glad I did notice that behaviour And did get that message loud and clear even though I was getting mixed signals at times. Especially when he was showing he cared sometimes but he may have just could have being polite I have also gotten told. Saw right through that also. Yeah he hides mention when we were ending that he did not like confrontation. I thought I had just asked one or two questions they was it. Of one which he did not even respond to earlier.

Oh I learnt in the past not to drag on relationships if they are acting like that. Was not gonna let myself get strung along like that again. It hurts though it makes you wonder why he even dated you in the first place. Besides the obvious reason.

By: marymary

marymary — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 23:11:35 +0000

Kindred
he may not have SAID he only wanted casual but he communicated it well enough. Silence when you voiced what you want, then not seeing you very much, followed by flakey behavior. the actual words do not have to come out of his mouth for the message to be clear.
As for why he didnt tell you? Probably like many men and women he doesnt enjoy conflict. Or he’s scared of crying women. or he wanted to maintain his sex supply. I very much doubt it’s anything more interesting than that so spare yourself the quest for the answer. But I’m one hundred per cent certain it,s not because he secretly loves you.
I don’t excuse him for not being straight with you, but there is nothing you or I can do about that.
dont send him the article. Best have nothing more to do with him. Three months isn’t so bad, I know women who’ve been trying to squeeze a relationship out of a man for literally years.

By: Kindred

Kindred — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 21:58:40 +0000

That was the whole reason why I mentioned that I did not want friends with benefits. Knew I had to be more upfront if I did my want to be treated that way. It just sux that I it told something I did not want to hear but confused that he was still willing to date me if I had not have ?? The whole thing was very confusing!

By: Lucy

Lucy — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 20:09:54 +0000

I agree but most people don’t follow that advice. That could be because it takes a while for people to realise what their feelings are. Because people assume that they can understand their own mind, but sometimes they can’t. But I do know a guy who isn’t happy in his relationship. He likes it for what it is but he’s always hitting on other women (they are long-distance) and he asked this other woman out. He basically wanted to have someone else as a sure bet so he could finish things with her. That approach to dating seems really immature to me. I know for a fact that there are lots of men who’d be happy with no formal commitment as long as they were getting something out of it. Those men are selfish because they’re keeping that woman trapped and preventing her finding someone else who could be committed to her.

Well the thought of that happening to me freaks me out…so my aim is to hold my own fort as much as I can in any future relationship.

By: Kindred

Kindred — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 09:51:32 +0000

I would love to send this article to my current ex.

We dated, all the usual stuff like going out to dinner, movies, bowling, seeing a cover band or two (we were also sleeping together) for around three months. He kept telling me how much he liked and cared me, sending me texts every couple of days during the day, ringing me just to see how I was doing after work at times. Showing he cares also by remembering things I have told him like bringing over and remembering my favourite chocolates and also why ask me what my favourite flowers are?

A month and a half into it I ask him what he thought about us. He compliments me and tells me he has a ball when he is with me. He will see how it goes. I then mention that I do not want casual. Just so he knows what page I am on. Got no response there. I ignore that and assume things are fine he did not disagree with me on my thoughts there.

We continue seeing each other for another month and a half. Things were really good between us. We were still only seeing each other once a week though (never complained about that I had my own life also, he did shift work apparently, working nights), when I would make plans for us to hang out together he would cancel last minute (it was fine when he made the plans on his terms though). I had a week off from work in between that time and when I brought it up to him he was like “you will have more time for yourself then” never brought up wanting to do something with me during that week.

Noticed a couple of red flags. I then mention if this thing is a friends with benefits then i do not want to be a part of it. He then tells me we are not on the same page and ends it with me!

I think WTF? Why did you not tell me this a month and a half ago when I told you that I did not want casual. I just do not understand why he was not more upfront with me then. I ask him that and he tells me that he did not want to hurt me. He assures me that he had always been honest, never manipulated me into anything I did not want to do and he did not lead me on.

That still has never made sense to me. Why keep something going for a month and a half if you know I do not want casual. Especially if I was upfront about not wanting casual before then. That is lying to me and leading me on!

That is what had hurt me and the only reason why I felt manipulated was because I would have ended it right then and there if I knew he was never serious about me. Felt pretty deceived.

Why would a guy do that?! The whole thing just baffles me and don’t understand how him prolonging something for another month and a half after I mention I do not want casual. How he could not see that hurting me?

By: Ben Ther

Ben Ther — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:39:58 +0000

I agree it’s better to dump as soon as you know it’s not going to last forever. However, I dated one chick who dumped me after six or seven months by telling me she just didn’t see us growing old together. What made me angry was I could look at her past relationships and small things she said and realized she was never going grow old with anyone. She had never had a relationship last more than a year. I sort of felt used at that point. She had and always would date guy for a few weeks to a year and move on. Had I really known that I would never have dated her.

By: what attracts women

what attracts women — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 18:47:17 +0000

I think some people do better at this than others. When you feel it in your gut its probably true, but it doesn’t always make it easier.

By: hunter

hunter — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:36:07 +0000

to jim,

for some reason, one woman, attracts others, a common fact…..

By: hunter

hunter — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:35:10 +0000

to jim,

Stay in the 3-month relationship,you are in right now, see where that goes….