Comments on: Who Pays For The First Date? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:55:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Ron Diggity http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-236695 Ron Diggity Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:21:07 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-236695 If women are equal they should pay 50/50 - otherwise is basically legal prostitution (at best) or freeloading (at worst).  Also, the "who ever asks out" thought is specious considering men do the large % of asking out. Evan, I realize you make your living pandering to the female dating demographic, but I think this advice just enables some of the entitlement mentality that ultimately retards women from finding that right guy for them If women are equal they should pay 50/50 – otherwise is basically legal prostitution (at best) or freeloading (at worst).  Also, the “who ever asks out” thought is specious considering men do the large % of asking out.

Evan, I realize you make your living pandering to the female dating demographic, but I think this advice just enables some of the entitlement mentality that ultimately retards women from finding that right guy for them

]]> By: Saint Stephen http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-223266 Saint Stephen Sun, 18 Dec 2011 16:54:34 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-223266 <strong>@Jane </strong>(#136)<strong> </strong>He's just a date, he doesn't own you and you aren't his girlfriend - so you can't say you will spend your money looking "hot for him." Yes you can say you spent $95 in coloring your hair, $20 for your manicure and $105 on your new top but you seem to be forgetting they all belong to you - hence you shouldn't anticipate him giving you a nice treat just to get even with the expenses. You can as well decide after 5 dates that you don't want to see him anymore and he won't be able to lay claims on any of the stuff you bought to beautify yourself, neither can he ask you to reimburse him for half the entire cost of what he'd spent during those five dates duration. Sorry, just felt you needed to view it objectively, not from a woman's perspective.  @Jane (#136)
He’s just a date, he doesn’t own you and you aren’t his girlfriend – so you can’t say you will spend your money looking “hot for him.”

Yes you can say you spent $95 in coloring your hair, $20 for your manicure and $105 on your new top but you seem to be forgetting they all belong to you – hence you shouldn’t anticipate him giving you a nice treat just to get even with the expenses.

You can as well decide after 5 dates that you don’t want to see him anymore and he won’t be able to lay claims on any of the stuff you bought to beautify yourself, neither can he ask you to reimburse him for half the entire cost of what he’d spent during those five dates duration.

Sorry, just felt you needed to view it objectively, not from a woman’s perspective. 

]]> By: Jane http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-222948 Jane Sun, 18 Dec 2011 09:36:44 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-222948 Evan , just dealing with this issue after an internet contact became a first date. It began by him asking me to meet in a town 60 mins from me and 90 mins from him , for "late lunch".  The first date was a diner lunch and Loooong dessert. I (seriously) left my wallet on the car seat .He paid .He walked me to the car and , feeling embarrassed that I didnt have my wallet at the restaurant, I offered half the money. He took it. Now I feel a bit yiiik . does .he lack generosity? He should have declined my offer, not taken my 35 dollars. It cost me $95 to have my hair coloured before meeting and $20 fir the manicure, $105 for the new top I wore. I drove to meet him. I wish he had wanted to spoil me . I feel short changed !! And now I dont know how much his desire to date again may be financially driven?????   I agree its best to not go there at all. Let him ask for the  first date and pay for it and I will spend my money on looking HOT for him.   DEAL? Evan , just dealing with this issue after an internet contact became a first date.
It began by him asking me to meet in a town 60 mins from me and 90 mins from him , for “late lunch”.
 The first date was a diner lunch and Loooong dessert. I (seriously) left my wallet on the car seat .He paid .He walked me to the car and , feeling embarrassed that I didnt have my wallet at the restaurant, I offered half the money. He took it.
Now I feel a bit yiiik . does .he lack generosity? He should have declined my offer, not taken my 35 dollars. It cost me $95 to have my hair coloured before meeting and $20 fir the manicure, $105 for the new top I wore. I drove to meet him. I wish he had wanted to spoil me . I feel short changed !!
And now I dont know how much his desire to date again may be financially driven?????
 
I agree its best to not go there at all. Let him ask for the  first date and pay for it and I will spend my money on looking HOT for him.
 
DEAL?

]]> By: Eric M. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-212108 Eric M. Sun, 04 Dec 2011 03:40:51 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-212108 Per true feminism, they should go dutch or split 50/50.  Expecting the man to pay on the first date or any other simply because he's the man and/or he did the gender role asking is gender inequality, which is only OK if you aren't a feminist. Per true feminism, they should go dutch or split 50/50.  Expecting the man to pay on the first date or any other simply because he’s the man and/or he did the gender role asking is gender inequality, which is only OK if you aren’t a feminist.

]]> By: jacinta http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-144881 jacinta Mon, 14 Mar 2011 22:38:45 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-144881 To Kurt: Absolutely agree, it´s something I have often thought about, that really men are the ones who are choosing if women take such a passive role. I recently decided to speak to a cute guy I saw in the street and I was the one who suggested that we should go for a drink (it was a cheap bar and it only cost 5 euros) but still he paid. Either way, the "rules" need to be broken sometimes for a woman to get what she wants!! To Kurt: Absolutely agree, it´s something I have often thought about, that really men are the ones who are choosing if women take such a passive role. I recently decided to speak to a cute guy I saw in the street and I was the one who suggested that we should go for a drink (it was a cheap bar and it only cost 5 euros) but still he paid. Either way, the “rules” need to be broken sometimes for a woman to get what she wants!!

]]> By: Michael17 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-137629 Michael17 Mon, 07 Feb 2011 23:36:18 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-137629 I want to emphasize that I view that drive to see the girl as a POSITIVE experience. *I* was the one who made the decision to drive down and see her, to get a hotel, to plan the date. I am glad I did all of this, even though things didn't work out. She seems to be a quality person, and I learned a lot.   What is interesting is that I don't even view these costs (drive, hotel) as being money spent on her though. I only see the money spent on the date itself. THAT I made a point to keep down. (I can't really justify why I make this distinction, but I still make it.) Well, yes I can justify why. I give the girl the gift of my presence. In this case it took a certain amount of trouble, but hey. In return, the girl gives to me the gift of HER presence. THAT'S ENOUGH. I am not going to muddy things up with a fancy dinner or anything like that. I want to emphasize that I view that drive to see the girl as a POSITIVE experience. *I* was the one who made the decision to drive down and see her, to get a hotel, to plan the date. I am glad I did all of this, even though things didn’t work out. She seems to be a quality person, and I learned a lot.
 
What is interesting is that I don’t even view these costs (drive, hotel) as being money spent on her though. I only see the money spent on the date itself. THAT I made a point to keep down. (I can’t really justify why I make this distinction, but I still make it.)

Well, yes I can justify why. I give the girl the gift of my presence. In this case it took a certain amount of trouble, but hey. In return, the girl gives to me the gift of HER presence. THAT’S ENOUGH. I am not going to muddy things up with a fancy dinner or anything like that.

]]> By: Michael17 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-137599 Michael17 Mon, 07 Feb 2011 21:18:29 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-137599 Well, I am going to admit that I am here to learn about dating too. I've made all the mistakes too, including going overboard for a girl I just met. There's a few things that we as guys have to balance:   (1) Dates, including the first meet has to be "special" in some sense. I really agree with EMK in that it is tougher for chemistry to happen at Starbucks or the Chili's bar for the first meet, because "everyone" does that.   (2) Being "generous". The masculine energy is to provide, the feminine energy is to be receptive. I get that.   (3) All the while being "smart". I just don't subscribe to the philosophy on here that women are princesses who should be put on a pedestal. Even though, yes, I agree with masculine/feminine energy. I really feel that spending too much on an early date is a horrible idea, not only because it doesn't work, but also because it sets a bad precedent. Many a man has gotten burned that way. I have no problem spending money on a woman, but it is only for a woman I know is truly into me. I also feel that first meets from the Internet are a special case. I'm a believer that both the guy and the girl need to put some skin in the game in that case, so to speak. I might buy the first round but she's buying the second. I mean, who invited who, really? A girl that I approached "in real life" and invited out though--I wouldn't feel that way as much. Then I would feel that it is on me to pay.   Let me tell you a story. I once drove across a couple of states to meet with a girl whom I made contact with over the Internet. I paid for gas, the hotel room, and the date--which I planned, and I didn't mention it. She was really nice too, and she bought me coffee--she insisted. That said, I still made a point to keep the cost of dinner down. Why--I mean, it pales in comparison to the traveling costs. Well, because the thing that made the weekend special was that I made a point to see her, and went through all this effort. That's enough, and that better be enough. I was not going to start things off wrong by spending a lot of money on dinner. Our presence (and that I cared enough to come up with something creative) is enough to keep us entertained, and I didn't want to distract from that. Well, I am going to admit that I am here to learn about dating too. I’ve made all the mistakes too, including going overboard for a girl I just met. There’s a few things that we as guys have to balance:
 
(1) Dates, including the first meet has to be “special” in some sense. I really agree with EMK in that it is tougher for chemistry to happen at Starbucks or the Chili’s bar for the first meet, because “everyone” does that.
 
(2) Being “generous”. The masculine energy is to provide, the feminine energy is to be receptive. I get that.
 
(3) All the while being “smart”. I just don’t subscribe to the philosophy on here that women are princesses who should be put on a pedestal. Even though, yes, I agree with masculine/feminine energy. I really feel that spending too much on an early date is a horrible idea, not only because it doesn’t work, but also because it sets a bad precedent. Many a man has gotten burned that way.
I have no problem spending money on a woman, but it is only for a woman I know is truly into me.
I also feel that first meets from the Internet are a special case. I’m a believer that both the guy and the girl need to put some skin in the game in that case, so to speak. I might buy the first round but she’s buying the second. I mean, who invited who, really? A girl that I approached “in real life” and invited out though–I wouldn’t feel that way as much. Then I would feel that it is on me to pay.
 
Let me tell you a story. I once drove across a couple of states to meet with a girl whom I made contact with over the Internet. I paid for gas, the hotel room, and the date–which I planned, and I didn’t mention it. She was really nice too, and she bought me coffee–she insisted. That said, I still made a point to keep the cost of dinner down. Why–I mean, it pales in comparison to the traveling costs. Well, because the thing that made the weekend special was that I made a point to see her, and went through all this effort. That’s enough, and that better be enough. I was not going to start things off wrong by spending a lot of money on dinner. Our presence (and that I cared enough to come up with something creative) is enough to keep us entertained, and I didn’t want to distract from that.

]]> By: Joe http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-137556 Joe Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:24:02 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-137556 @ Starthrower68 (#128): That was just a response to your comment in #114 asking why Michael hasn't been snapped up yet. @ Starthrower68 (#128):

That was just a response to your comment in #114 asking why Michael hasn’t been snapped up yet.

]]> By: SS http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-137529 SS Mon, 07 Feb 2011 13:50:31 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-137529 Michael... yes, my guy is a smart one, but I didn't give the full story of the date.   He drove four hours from a different state to see me. Paid for his own gas, food and hotel and never asked me for a dime. And after the $10 picnic lunch, he bought dinner and coffee for both of us the next day at a place where entrees were a little bit more. We probably spent about $40.   I didn't pay a cent the whole weekend, and he probably spent about $200 in total... for basically two dates. Michael… yes, my guy is a smart one, but I didn’t give the full story of the date.
 
He drove four hours from a different state to see me. Paid for his own gas, food and hotel and never asked me for a dime. And after the $10 picnic lunch, he bought dinner and coffee for both of us the next day at a place where entrees were a little bit more. We probably spent about $40.
 
I didn’t pay a cent the whole weekend, and he probably spent about $200 in total… for basically two dates.

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/comment-page-3/#comment-137504 Selena Mon, 07 Feb 2011 10:19:01 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/who-pays-for-the-first-date/#comment-137504 @Michael #123 In the scenario you presented I would also buy you that coffee for your drive home. Basically because I would feel guilted into doing so. After you left though, I'd feel that I was subtly manipulated.  It would color how I thought/felt about you and going out with you again. Are you still dating the woman who passed your "test"? @Michael #123

In the scenario you presented I would also buy you that coffee for your drive home. Basically because I would feel guilted into doing so. After you left though, I’d feel that I was subtly manipulated.  It would color how I thought/felt about you and going out with you again.

Are you still dating the woman who passed your “test”?

]]>