Comments on: Why Are Only-Child Women (And Men) So Self-Centered?

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 20:08:50 +0000

I actually agree with Steven. Everyone on here is attacking him..defensive much? Only children sometimes ARE different than children who have had siblings growing up. There is a much different dynamic. Instead of being so politically correct all the time why don’t you tell it like it is? They ARE different and need to be handled differently. Oh Steven…I at least feel you on this one…

By: anonymous

anonymous — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 16:28:20 +0000

THANK YOU so much for this post! People are not dolls in boxes with labels! I met people who had siblings with loving parents who were abusive and extremely self-centered whilst having an only child best friend who is very social, open and very generous and caring. How can one ask a question with an already directed answer, as if convinced that only children are not normal. Maybe the only children women this guy dated FOUND HIM TOTALLY SELF-CENTERED and just wanted that terrible date to end???

By: Tom

Tom — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 08:34:51 +0000

Generalization or not, I too have had similar experiences to Steven -- Not dozens as in his case and not necessarily always in a dating context. Bias exists everywhere (especially these days in psychological and pharmaceutical research) and perception clouds knowledge. The women Steven is attracting: "only-children" who fit his description, while it may be random coincidence, as described, do in fact fit a valid and extant pattern, FOR HIM. My suggestion to him would be to read the following articles and sites which may have more correct and complete answers to his question: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2006/09/15/everyone-has-stereotypes/ http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video?id=2451932 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Emperor_Syndrome http://gettinbetter.com/needlove.html http://shrink4men.com/

By: Gwen

Gwen — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:42:10 +0000

I found this to be very interesting. I am an only child(and a woman no less), and honestly I can see where Steven got this idea. I am self-centered, or at least according to his idea of self-centered. Whenever I’m seeing a new person for the first time, its usually them that are asking the questions and sparking conversation.
Growing up, it was just my mom and I; on top of this we moved a lot. Sometimes several times within a school year. Due to this I had very few friends, and even fewer opportunities to practice socializing. Because of all this, I have a hard time coming up with things to say to someone, and even when I do think of something I’m scared to say/ask it in case it might be socially unacceptable. I’m sure I’m the only person, only-child or otherwise to feel this way. Which could appear as me being “selfish”, when in fact all I’m doing is trying to think of something to please the other person.
I usually wait for the other person to start the conversation, as it helps me figure out whats okay to say and whats not. And if I can’t think of anything, I wait for them to ask a question, answer and then say “Right back at ya,” or something along those lines.

By: Joanne

Joanne — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 10:06:14 +0000

I am an only child, and I was in New York recently and read the article in the New York times. I am none of things but dated guys who have sibilings who are all of those things. I agree with Evan being an only child does not tie you to a set of personality traits. What I find that I am able to do because of my experience as an only child is treat my partner as a priority in my life, be totally focussed with my time and attention when I am with him and I am able to devote myself to someone at the same time as being independent and enjoy my own company to give my partner the space he needs.

By: rinkel

rinkel — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 09:35:00 +0000

As time is making headway, online dating is becoming popular in India. Few years back, people don’t like to talk about the same candidly as it was supposed to be the part of the Western culture and was not accepted by the Indian society. But with the introduction of western culture in India, online dating do found acceptance in Indian society gradually.

By: Christine in UK

Christine in UK — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 18:24:17 +0000

Where you are going wrong is going for coffee dates. Why coffee?! In the UK, we tend to meet up at the pub for a drink and see how we get on. With a glass of wine or cider, its much friendlier. That’s how my relationship started with my man.
I also agree stereotyping means you could be missing out on someone lovely.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:29:31 +0000

Christie Herman asked: (#28) "doesn't anyone find it odd that this dude chose so many only child women when, statistically, they aren't very common?" Not when you look at the numbers. Steven said he had "a few hundred coffee dates over many years." Of those "at least a dozen or two dozen" were "with only-child women." If he had 200 first dates, and 20 of those were with only children, that would be about 10%. That's probably reasonably close to the US average.

By: Christie Hartman

Christie Hartman — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 17:43:56 +0000

I loved this post. I am tired of the stereotype of the self-absorbed only child. As Evan said, there is no research to support this idea. Even birth order research has shown that birth order effects are there, but they are quite small. And doesn’t anyone find it odd that this dude chose so many only child women when, statistically, they aren’t very common?

By: mic

mic — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 20:38:21 +0000

Such biases surely are stronger with strangers than with others. Hence, the importance of first impressions.