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I’ve been following your blog and reading “Why He Disappeared“ — but I’m still a bit confused. I understand what you say about letting go of controlling what a man does, however I don’t agree when you say it has nothing to do with you. It has EVERYTHING to do with you! It’s a personal rejection.
But also you discuss in the book that maybe you did do something on the date that made him not want to see you again? So how does that have nothing to do with you? Can you provide any clarification?
Thanks! I do enjoy your work, TK
If you’ve read “Why He Disappeared,” you’re well-aware that I think my wife is a relationship genius. I’d go so far to say that I think just about ANY man could be married to her and be happy; that’s how good a person she is.
I’ve also gone on the record to state that she’s nothing like the woman I expected to marry: she’s older, Catholic, more conservative, less book-smart (not a LOT older, not VERY Catholic, not VERY conservative, and certainly not stupid as some readers like to suggest I’m saying.) But it’s no secret that I spent 35 years looking for a female clone of myself…and consistently failed at the task.
So the entire time I’m dating my wife, I’m mentally dissecting her. This is what we do when we don’t have that “you just know” feeling. We dissect. We find fault.
Trouble existed purely in my head because my girlfriend didn’t live up to this fantasy avatar I created for my future wife.
Maybe I could find someone who can introduce me to new literature and music…
Maybe I could find someone 5 years younger and have more time before having kids….
Maybe I could find someone who shares my Jewish/liberal/atheist point-of-view…
Now, it’s important to emphasize that our relationship was perfect. Any troubles were ones that existed purely in my head because my girlfriend didn’t live up to this fantasy avatar I created for my future wife.
As I contemplated proposing, I thought about what was most important in life – the things I’m always telling my readers: friendship, laughter, values, loyalty, honesty, kindness, generosity, the ability to be loved unconditionally.
When I looked at it this way, it was a no-brainer.
Of COURSE, I’d propose to my girlfriend. She’s the best person in the entire world. She’d push me around in a wheelchair if I got hit by a bus. What else could matter more than that?
Not whether she’s read the new Jonathan Franzen book…
Not whether she agrees with me about what happens when we die…
Not whether she thinks that Obamacare is good or bad…
These are the things that most singles think actually matter, when, in fact, they have very little to do with how you get along on a day-to-day basis.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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