Comments on: Why Do Alpha Males Cheat on You?

By: Gina

Gina — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:04:52 +0000

Play the “Youre’ So Vain” soundtrack as you read this…
I consider myself being with an “Alpha” for a “too long” relationship. I say that because he was ambiguous about his whereabouts, and clearly not exclusive, from what I saw/found around his house, even left in the open, and not hiding as well as he used to. I do think he wanted to get caught! (less stress of having to lie to so many women?) Oh yes, he was still dreaming about his Ex wife, he said. The tampons in the bathroom were HERS… or he cleaned his ears with them?
So, I conclude from all my unofficial research, that sn Alpha Male feels his intelligence was superior and that he could “put over” on a few of us lowly females, his own ego fantasies about having a harem or whatever, to pull into his schedule whenever. I do know I messed his game when my own availability CHANGED (for example, I was the Monday/Thursday/Sunday girl) and I know he had his Tuesday/Thursdays and Friday/Saturdays open up for “other activities.” Oh, my game put him out of sync of when I was going to show up (or not.) It was humorous. yes, he was so IN DEMAND on the other days…or so he imagined. I used to see his “date shirt” Hawaiin print hanging on the doorknob after an outing or two.
I take some responsibility for leaving an earring by the bedpost andtipping off the girl of the week. Found him sitting on the doorstep, head in hands, looking dejected. My Bad! LOL Ladies, he had his own supply of KYJelly…big Ewwww…what does this tell you? His suggestion: used it to “satisfy himself.” Um, No. You’ve been tracked on Match.com by my single friends, you jerk.
Well,, does this make an Alpha Male appealing? Let’s look some years head when the little schwantz isn’t working. It’s a lonely world for these cheaters b/c the women have thier numbers and no one wants to put up with these fools…unless they are Tiger Woods and have a fortune. No, my Alpha Male looke old and raggedy last sighting of him.

By: Karmic Equation

Karmic Equation — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 20:01:43 +0000

I think this guy has it right on the “new-definition” of — as if there was ever clearly an “old” definition of — “alpha male”. http://postmasculine.com/butchering-the-alpha-male

…Come to think of it, this guy’s definition sounds a lot like our Evan : )

By: henriette

henriette — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:31:37 +0000

I also wonder if we mistakenly imagine Alphas to be cheaters because we hear about them more often. I mean, when a President or world-famous golfer with heaps of endorsements sleeps around, that makes it to the front page. When a substitute teacher or part-time IT guy who spends his spare time smokin’ weed and hitting the bars cheats, it probably won’t even be discussed on the local cable channel : ) Just ‘cuz we hear about it more often doesn’t mean it happens more…

By: Lucy

Lucy — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 23:38:19 +0000

This blog is building my confidence. Thanks Evan. Yeah the fact I’ve dated narcissists is definitely on me and not them but they can be hard to spot. I’m too trusting.
Anyway, I don’t see cheating as a specifically alpha trait. I think Tiger Woods cheated because he is an overachiever with a sense of entitlement. And yeah I think it is so sad that some women will put up with poor behaviour from their husbands because of the fringe benefits and the money they can provide. I asked some male friends who pointed out that isn’t necessarily the man’s fault. They said “Well if their wives don’t put out, you can’t blame them for looking elsewhere”. I still think that’s a terrible justification though. Do people really become this jaded in marriage that they give up on certain standards for an easy and settled life?
I agree with the above. I cheated on someone in the past and regret it terribly though owning up straight away does not do much to salvage it. I cheated due to unmet needs but it wasn’t his fault, in spite of himself. I should have had the courage to confront the situation rather than bury it away. And when you don’t confront realities, that’s when you impulsively start acting out. It’s all about personal accountability. Cheaters are weak. That is the truth. But it taught me a lesson in humility which never be unlearned. I have such a positive view and better understanding of men now.
I think true alpha males don’t cheat because they have integrity and a strong of right and wrong in the face of obstacles. They are courageous. Cheaters aren’t.

By: Straight Talk

Straight Talk — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 20:22:17 +0000

There are many drivers that tempt people to cheat, both male and female. Ego is among the greatest with regard to conquest cheating (waitress in parking lot example), but there are others (broken relationships leading to affairs, etc.). Both “alpha types” and “beta types” are subject to ego. But we all have a choice and are responsible for our choices. I believe Evan is saying that if you are involved with someone who participates in sexual conquests outside of your relationship you have a responsibility to yourself to make the right decision (not put up with bad behavior and love yourself enough to expect more) and in taking responsibility it will demonstrate to the “cheater” that you will not put up with such bad behavior. I doubt someone as astute as Even would think that this will literally change the “cheater’s”, but it certainly sends the right message. We tend to get exactly what we accept. And as for society, there are far too many stereotypes and judgements that are not useful and do not reinforce individual choice and accountability. In reality, BOTH participants of conquest cheating are looking for an ego stroke and both are accountable: the other people in relationships with the “cheaters” have to set their own standards and be accountable for themselves.

By: Gabi

Gabi — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 10:44:08 +0000

Hi, I’m from Hungary and I am a regular reader of Evan’s blog. I just wanted to add that it is not just alpha males that cheat on their wives or partner. I think so called “nice guys” can be just as bad. I wanted to add this because it has been bothering me for a while that Evan seems to suggest that only “alpha males” can treat women badly. I married and average guy and he happily cheated on me. I also dated several average guys who mistreated me. So I don’t think it is an alpha male privilige.

By: Anita

Anita — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:48:37 +0000

There are all different types of cheating, and sometimes what seems like cheating isn’t. Strauss-Kahn didn’t cheat–he had an open marriage. Woods cheated because he did not have an open marriage. We don’t know what the exact story is with the presidents discussed here. Some people say that JFK cheated because Jackie wasn’t down with his affairs, but some people say that it was a common type of political marriage where both people have affairs and it’s only a problem if those affairs become public (there is some evidence/gossip that Jackie and Hillary may have dallied as well).
Sometimes the “other woman” knows she’s involved with a married man and sometimes she doesn’t. And sometimes it’s more complicated than that. What if a man is technically married but separated and looking for his next wife? If a man likes being married he isn’t going to wait until the papers come through to start dating. If you wait until his divorce comes through you could miss a marriage-minded guy who might be a good partner.
Just food for thought.

By: Leesa

Leesa — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 21:03:49 +0000

well, there are also the women like tiger wood’s wife, who obviously didn’t have a clue that he was having sex with other women. tiger was skilled enough at lying, manipulation and deception such that he not only fooled his wife, but he fooled the world for a long time (or the media who followed him for so many years and didn’t catch him out). and when his wife finally did find out, she flipped out. that’s what happened with me. i didn’t know i was with a cheater. he was very skilled at hiding his chasing of other women and acting like he was a loyal one women man. as soon as i finally got a wiff of a dirty stinking rat, i bailed out. i and my family were shocked that he had fooled us all into thinking that he was someobody that he was definitely not. so there are also those women who don’t have a clue that they are with a cheating alpha male. and i’d put good money on the fact that the women that my ex cheater is with now, didn’t have a clue that we were still together when she hooked up with him. of course, i can’t say the same for the women who hooked up with tiger baby.

By: Androgynous

Androgynous — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 21:03:45 +0000

MaryMary and Kathleen, you both make excellent points. By becoming a mistress and ministering to your lover’s “needs”, you excuse him from taking accountability for his decisions – ie marrying the wrong woman and not doing anything about it, or else not having the balls to suffer the consequences of making a bad decision. That is in the event that what he is telling you about his “bad marriage” is even true.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 17:52:23 +0000

Amy 35
I agree with Mary Mary.
A man who is lying to his wife is very likely to be lying to his mistress.
My question is why would you believe a man who lies to his wife.
Getting a divorce would be a realistic option for a guy with integrity and some courage if he has truly tried to resolve things with his wife and failed