Why Do Guys Send Text Messages To Keep In Touch While Dating?
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And as long as you let them do it, they will continue to do it. Because texting is only enabled by the person who writes back to the text. If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you.
If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you.
Understand this about men: they will usually do the least that they can to maintain their relationship. So if he can text you at 11pm on Friday night after a week of silence and charm you with something like: “UR 2 hott! Cum over now?”, well, you get what you deserve. But here’s the real problem: there are women everywhere who are complete suckers for this crap. Maybe it’s a low self esteem thing, but as long as some desperate girl lets him get away with it, he’ll always have a low-maintenance sexual outlet. Therefore, he’ll never feel the need to do all the heavy lifting of relationships such as “calling” and “dates”….
But the truth is, Rikki, you don’t need men who won’t call you. It’s a self-selecting process. If he’s a good man who is genuinely interested in you, he will make the kind of effort that reveals this. If five minutes on the phone is too much work for him, it speaks for itself.
As to how you redirect a lazy man to give you more effort, the trick is to do it with wit and charm. Nothing will turn off a guy faster than: “I HATE TEXTING. IF YOU THINK THAT LITTLE OF ME, GO TAKE A HIKE, DOUCHEBAG!” Try to redirect his energy in a positive way that encourages him to keep working for you.
As long as he’s working for you, you’re still in control. So maybe the next time he texts, let him know that you turn off your cellphone at work, and he can best reach you on your regular phone. Or maybe you tell him in a flirty way that the way to your heart is through your voice – and that, if he’s lucky, he might be able to catch you on your cell at 7:30 before you go out tonight. What you don’t want to do is sound like a stick-in-the-mud, my-way-or-the-highway woman. But you can refuse to play his game and still make him feel attractive, which will keep him chasing you through whatever medium you choose. Good luck.
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145 Comments »Filed Under Communication, Dating, Flirting, Relationships
dadshouse 1
Now now, don’t hate on men – I’m a single guy who is dating, and women I meet text me all the time. It’s not a gender thing. It drove me crazy for some of the reasons you talked about – a 5 minute phone call is so much nicer, more respectful, more intimate. But then I realized it’s just modern times. It’s how Gen-Y communicates (I’m older than Gen-Y.) I finally decided to stop resisting it, and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I simply text back, happy and grateful to be in contact. It’s just another way to communicate. And if it leads to another date full of witty banter, scintillating conversation, and sexy flirtation – all the better.
Marc 2
You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.
–Perfectly put! That’s exactly the message these guys are sending you, and the 5 other women they have on the hook who are falling for the “I’ll text you when I’m horny” routine.
Mike 3
“Essentially, texting is emailing for the lazy, illiterate and mobile.” I loved this since it is so accurate. My present GF got me into texting. I still don’t like it since I would rather talk to the person, but it is a great way to say, “I’m running late”. Like you said it’s a great indicator of how important you are.
Steve 4
Using email and texting past a certain point is like showing up for a date in sweat pants. A self respecting woman who wants to date a stand-up kind of guy should show such people the door.
My little moments in my day are precious. I keep my cell phone use limited to emergencies, calling for help when I’m lost, calling to say I will be late, or leaving it on for other people to do the same if I am to meet them.
I tell people I know this and I live by it. My time is not wasted with low grade communications.
Jes 5
Wow! I am so glad that you posted this!
I have dated these kinds of guys before and they drive me insane! Tone and inflection is so important! Great post Evan!
And guys, PICK UP THE PHONE!!!
We will respect you more!
Markus 6
I have to disagree with this whole “men will do the minimum” meme. If I like someone and am in a relationship with them I will want to keep in touch with them fairly frequently, incl. by phone. When I WILL be doing the minimum is when I wind up dating/talking to several women at once. It is as this point that I start getting tired of talking and even answering the phone so, yes, I will try to skate by a few days with texts to show I’m thinking of them.
m 7
“Now now, don’t hate on men”
What a way to start the week.
Now, I am NOT trying to start a fight here. I just want to know something.
Why is criticizing something — ANYTHING — EVER — that a man does, or that a lot of men have been observed doing, or that a lot of men do a LOT — ALWAYS characterized, by men, as “hating on men” or “male bashing”?
Even if it’s one of your own (rated #1 in his field, no less!) doing the criticizing??
After billing yourselves as the toughest, mightiest, roaringest things ever not to use forks — are y’all really — and after repeatedly jeering at us XXs for “not being able to hear criticism” or “not being able to take a joke” or “not having a sense of humor” — THAT sensitive??
dadshouse 8
My “don’t hate on men” comment was made because text messaging is a generational thing, not a gender thing. Women do it just as much as men.
vino 9
The whole text message/email as main form of communication for dating is done by both sexes. Both are equally culpable.
No matter who does it, she/she doesn’t really care enough to actually talk.
The man/woman communicating via text primarily is keeping textees as part of the bullpen rotation while they search for something better.
Actually, if you think about it you know where you stand if someone only communicates with you via text. They don’t like you very much.
Jill/Twipply Skwood 10
I sort of disagree a little. I mean, I agree that texting is no substitute for a phone call. And I’ll go with the flirty/dirty notes thing – that sounds fun. I’m not sure I could text and be lost at the same time, though I could probably text and be late at the same time. Well, later ’cause I’d have to stop to text…
But it’s nice to get a text out of nowhere. I mean, I’d still throw a giant temper tantrum if I don’t get a phone call TOO, but I almost never have time for a five minute phone call during the work day & even if it’s totally inadequate as a true form of connection, it still makes me absurdly happy to see a message on my phone when I check my phone during lunch break. OKAY!!!! So I’m pathetic. What can I say?
Jill/Twipply Skwood 11
Ok, what about a fourth reason – inconsequential little items you really wouldn’t waste a phone call on and most likely won’t discuss again? Like, “Hey I ran into Vern today.” (I really did run into Vern today & find it text-worthy, btw)
Steve 12
m;
After billing yourselves as the toughest, mightiest, roaringest things ever not to use forks are y all really and after repeatedly jeering at us XXs for not being able to hear criticism or not being able to take a joke or not having a sense of humor THAT sensitive??
I use forks.
downtowngal 13
I totally agree, txt should be used to supplement communication, not replace. I also notice it’s more common among younger guys (early 30′s or younger). Perhaps some women that age don’t mind as they’re used to it, but I think it’s a step backwards in evolution.
One big turnoff is when a guy asks me out – esp for a first date – via txt and doesn’t even bother to call or even email. Guys, if you really want to impress a woman, do it the old fashioned way and call.
Eda 14
I have a slightly different view of text messages. I think some guys text when they are not really certain if a woman likes them or if the woman wants to go out with them again. It’s a lot less painful to get turned down via text vs by phone.
I know some women don’t like test messaging, but I don’t think we should always attribute something negative to it, and I don’t think it automatically means a guy really isn’t that interested if he does text her instead of calling her. Also, let’s face it, sometimes women spend too much time talking about boring stuff that many guys just don’t want to listen to even if they really do like her.
Lance 15
On the subject of text messaging, I wouldn’t read to far into it. Women use texts at least as much as guys…I work around college students and I see the girls texting FAR more than guys when walking or sitting around. My pet peeve is women who text while working out at the gym. You’d never see a guy do that.
I do like EMK’s three reasons to text though, on point as usual. I find texting VERY useful for maintaining attraction after an initial meet or first date. Receiving little messages is like a treat and if you do it cleverly, if goes a long way.
Ashleigh 16
I once had a relationship where our only form of communication (other than face-to-face) was text messaging, since we both hated talking on the phone. I think he called me once or twice and I called him several times only to get a text back. He actually got upset when I asked him to call me from time to time because I was getting weary of that medium! Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long. So thank you for posting this… I hope many men read this and get the point. I do think you need to post something on how to properly communicate through electronic means, though. For instance, how often should a person call another person.
Jes 17
First and Foremost let me say, I am not a man hater! Ok now that it is out of the way…
“One big turnoff is when a guy asks me out – esp for a first date – via txt and doesn’t even bother to call or even email. Guys, if you really want to impress a woman, do it the old fashioned way and call.”
Been there… should have realized that it was going to go no where… But seriously, pick up the phone, its decent human courtesy!
“I hope many men read this and get the point. I do think you need to post something on how to properly communicate through electronic means, though. For instance, how often should a person call another person.”
Evan, I would like to know the answer to this one… There are so many rules out there… and they cancel each other out most of the time… so what are the acceptable forms of social communication?
Kay 18
I love to text. It’s great when you’re at work and can’t be on your phone, or if you’re busy and you want to touch base but don’t want to get stuck in a full on conversation. One beautiful man I met on YP texts me every morning “Good Morning Beautiful Lady” I send him back “Good Morning Handsome” it makes me very happy, and he starts my busy day off with a smile. Once I had a bad experience with an email I sent to a guy that he took very negatively, but I didn’t mean it that way at all so I understand what is meant by not being able to hear tone thru text but sometimes it’s easier to say things that you wouldn’t be brave enough to say over the phone. If a guy is shy, or if a girl can’t talk dirty, a text or even an email is the way to go. Some of the guys I’ve met are so anti text it’s funny, so with them we talk, others love it and we’ll text all day long. My friends and family like text messaging too. If my best friend gets into a fight with her husband, she vents thru text so he doesn’t hear her, and if we are frustrated at work, or hear some good gossip, text away. Also, if you don’t like text messaging or contact via email, just be honest and say so, but I think that any form of communication is acceptable as long as it’s mutual. As for me, I’m all for it.
JB 19
Texting and emailing instead of talking on the phone or in person are just more barriers that people hide behind to avoid true intimacy.
I’m not talking about an occasional quick note or email. I’m talking about people that text or email several times a day instead 1 good phone conversation.
Texting…yet again - from the male perspective this time « DelightfulEccentric’s Weblog 20
[...] again – from the male perspective this time I couldn’t resist. Check out this post from The #1 Rated Dating and Relationship Blog on the [...]
hunter 21
to lance,
College girls text? College girls do things most women don’t do later in their lives…
Lance 22
@Hunter: Text messaging is a relatively new communication mode in the US…maybe really prevalent in the last 3-4 years. If that? Those college girls, of which there are hundreds of thousands, will soon be working professionals. And they’ll still be texting long after they graduate. Just like we kept emailing and using cell phones after our generation got out of college (assuming you’re roughly my age).
Anyway, my point was text abuse isn’t gender specific, it’s just as widespread among the fairer sex. This is my response to the general guys-suck-at-real-communication sentiment going on around here, which I think is a bit off-base.
Selena 23
I was probably the last person in America to get a cell phone (last month) so I don’t know yet whether I will hate texting or not. I’d like it might have to do with quality of the message. “Hey there beautiful-thinking of you” would go better than “How ru”. The former is sweet, the latter boring.
Damie 24
I couldn’t disagree with you text haters more. I text everyone throughout the day, even my parents in their 50s. I don’t think it’s a barrier towards real intimacy. I think it’s for real people who have other things going on in their lives and they don’t have the time to get into a lengthy conversation over every single thought. I agree that it is not a substitute for phone or in-person contact. But those of you who say dating men who use texting don’t really like you are being silly. I think people have preferences towards modes of communication. Texting is great because it can be done almost anywhere, it’s discreet, and it is super quick. I’d much rather save phone or in-person time for those conversations that really matter, and save the “Did you want anything from the store?” conversations for a quick text. Oh, and I love the girl’s response about sending “Good Morning Beautiful”s and “Good Mornign Handsome”s. My fiancee and I do the same thing and it always makes me happy, too.
Jeannie 25
In defense of TMing men – I’m 43 (so it ain’t just a college girl thing) and a single mom whose day job is rebuilding war torn hellholes. And I’m blessed with lots of great friends and have the good fortune to own my own home. But what that all translates into is I do not have even a mere 5 minutes to talk on the phone. I am grateful for men who let me know they are thinking about me via other means than the phone.
LV 26
Some time ago, I got annoyed when a guy texted me to cancel our date for that evening (which would have been our second date).
Many of my friends felt that I shouldn’t have been annoyed — their feeling was, it’s simply just another form of communication. I thought it was lazy and inconsiderate, and never went out with that guy again.
Erika 27
I also disagree with the text haters. I met my current SO online. On our first date I made a comment about how boring some of my dates were. I said, “I know I’m not interested when I start talking about the horrors of L.A. traffic, trying to find a parking spot in Koreatown, or the weather.” A few days later I was on a date with another guy, and in the middle of the date my (now) SO texted me, “So, are you talking about the weather, parking, or traffic?” It was so funny that I thought about him all evening. My date didn’t stand a chance!
Flash forward a few weeks later. I’ve gone to Northern Michigan to go to my dad’s retirement party. My guy texts me all weekend long with these cute little notes.
From then on, I became a convert.
But of course while I was dating my guy in the beginning I was dating two other fellas. One guy did exactly as Rikki described. I didn’t take guy #2 seriously because of it, but I didn’t let the texting bother me. After a few weeks I started to date my boyfriend exclusively, and I forgot about guy #2. About two months later guy #2 texts me. “What are u doin 2nite?” I told him that I had met someone special and I was pursuing that.
His response was hilarious.
“I guess I’m not the special one.”
Then he sent, “Was it because I’m too distant?”
Julia 28
I actually had text messaging disabled on my phone because guys I was meeting online would text me instead of calling me. Dudes, when I give you my phone number, I expect a PHONE CALL. If you want to write, send me an email.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t object to the small notes Evan mentions or even the “hello beautifuls” of an established relationship, but many of the people I’ve met seem to use it even when other forms of communication would be more appropriate. (One guy even tried to have an in-depth political conversation via texting! Thanks, but no thanks.)
I don’t think it’s a gender thing, though – I have several female friends who abuse the texting medium as well – I think it’s more of a “this is easy for me” thing.
JerseyGirl 29
I’m on the fence with this one. I think texts can make you think of the person and be cute and fun. But I do hate when guys use it as a major form of communication. It’s lazy and a little cowardly in that context.
Sorry I Made DadGoneMad Madder « Dad’s House 30
[...] not shy about making my voice heard. When Dating Expert Evan Marc Katz advised that men who text-message women instead of calling them are lazy, and women deserve better than to be treated like that I objected and commented that text [...]
Gina 31
Urgh, texts! LOL
Actually, it seems that both genders are guilty of this. However, I’ve experienced more men using text messages as a form of communication. I was at a Comedy Club and the Comedian made a comment about woman texting! I think the problem is with all this technology today, yes it can be fast and easy but when it translates into getting to know someone initally, that usually is not the most effective way to build a relationship. I agree with Evan about ways to communicate on text. Of course if it’s done in moderation between getting to know eachother on phone and perhaps a few texts “Good Morning, Meet me at 7, I’m on the 2nd table in the Restauarant”… etc…etc… is fine. I’ve actually thought about disabling my text messages but the truth is they are good ways to get a fast way to communicate through if you need something quick and to the point to say. Anyways, I’ve thought about it and yes I’ve responded back to men who’ve texted me and had a little bit of conversation on it. I guess I’m slowely getting used to the fact that people text and it shouldn’t be taken personally. However realistically I’m not taken someone as seriously at that point and it’s like the book “You’re just not that into him either” when it comes to responding back and making quick chat. If I really was interested in a man it would be that he was making more of an effort. And, thinking about it not going to be responding back to anymore texts!! LOL
Hot Alpha Female 32
hmmm great post and interesting comments. I would have to say that texting is ok. Its good to keep the contact going. BUT if you want to arrange a date or something. Then just bloody pick up the fone and give the chick a call. It looks way more assertive and confident than fart assing around with your fone for the next hour texting back and forth!
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
D. 33
I once dated a guy that only wanted to communicate through texting. I texted with him for 4 hours straight on more than one occasion. After the second time I did that, I slapped myself silly and dropped the bum. What the Hell? Looking back on it now, that was the most retarded thing to do. Any man that wants to text you 4 hours straight but not talk to you by phone is an a*s hole….and I was just plain silly for going along with it..
ariel 34
all guys i met and dated form these online dating wedsite, only text. and they were all players. so i have this conclusion:
ariel 35
all guys i met and dated form these online dating wedsite, only text. and they were all players. so i have this conclusion: guys who only text u = players
BM 36
Wow Evan…I read this and got my answer to a question i sent in. lol
This post was soo close to the texting truth my eyes were glued reading and laughing too.I mean people who text generally can’t be bothered talking. I Aways text if i dont want to or cant speak to someone.
Your reasons: I HATE text messaging. I think it should be used exclusively for only a handful of things:
*Letting someone know that you’re lost or running late.
*Telling someone where you’re located in a crowded theater or bar.
*Writing flirty or dirty notes to be provocative and naughty.
I loved the Nothing will turn off a guy faster than: I HATE TEXTING. IF YOU THINK THAT LITTLE OF ME, GO TAKE A HIKE, DOUCHEBAG! as i could see alot of angry women doing that one lol.
Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.
I couldnt have put that any better myself.This artical rocked i wont be forgetting it anytime soon.
Thank you
Kathleen 37
Alas, I am here to share my horrid experience with a text-cloaked guy. Three months of casual gym time, one airport run and compensatiory dinner and movie for the airport run…never had one phone conversation with him on the phone. He even went so far as to suggest (via email) we see a Broadway show. I accepted. Last straw was yesterday. I “called” him live, ON THE PHONE, and left a message seeing if he’d like to go work out today. LO AND BEHOLD!!! He texted me back an invite to run instead. After initially accepting, I sat down and emailed him that his choosing to respond to my phone call via text sent a huge message. Told him to have a good run and a good day. AND, no, I don’t think I rate important enough on his last for him to give me phone time.
blog-thing : Sorry I Made ‘Dad Gone Mad’ Madder 38
[...] not shy about making my voice heard. When Dating Expert Evan Marc Katz advised that men who text-message women instead of calling them are lazy, and women deserve better than to be treated like that I objected and commented that text [...]
Shalini 39
I feel that using text is not a good way to communicate as calling and speaking is easier than using your fingers to type specially when you want to show emotions.. Its frustrating to do that through a text!!
If you really want to date someone i feel its better to talk than text coz that’s what you are going to do on a date!! How do you expect to spend good time with a guy with whom you cant hold on a conversation for ten minutes.. how else do you know whether on a date you will actually be able to talk or not!? For some reason i have never been attracted to any guy who depends on messages to talk to me! I just reply to them when i am getting really bored. And i never talk to my boyfriend through messages except to tell him i miss him!!
michael 40
Lets face it, if we called the girl, she wouldnt answer anyway, or is already on the phone with one of her girlfriends, her mother, or another person. Once you finally get her on the phone, she doesnt let you go, and then you get this huge bill and wonder who did it. ILL STICK WITH TEXTS thank you.
Greg 41
Have to disagree to a certain extent – texts have many useful facets. For example, I would feel uncomfortable calling a girl during the day because she might be busy, with friends, etc and would feel obliged to answer and not to hang up, but it might yet be a bad time (and vice versa her with me). Texts are great in this scenerio because you can read them at your own leisure and reply whenever you get a chance (not to mention you can keep a text conversation going while in the company of others too and not be the rude one who leaves the room for 15 mins because you want a bit of privacy in your phonecall).
Often times I get the “best of both worlds” by starting off with a couple of texts, and if the girl is replying pretty quickly and it is obvious that it is a good time for her then I often just ring and pick up the conversation from there.
A girl 42
I don’t see the big deal about this. Some people don’t like talking on the phone (I’m one of them). Talking about inconsequential shit like “Oh, I TOTALLY hooked up with so-and-so last night.” on the phone not only consumes my time but make me really uncomfortable. Unless it’s business…everyone knows that texting me is the way to get a hold of me.
Oh, and as far as guys “disrespecting” girls because they text as opposed to picking up the phone…that is such B.S. I think when there is someone that I’m thinking about during the day and we’re both busy there’s nothing more sweet than “Hello! I hope you’re having a nice day!” It’s not intrusive, I don’t have to stop everything I’m doing to talk, and it shows the other person is thinking of you. I prefer it. I don’t think it’s a sign of laziness, just a sign of the times.
downtowngal 43
A girl, I think what Evan’s referring to is when people text INSTEAD of calling. I share Rikki’s frustration. If you’re in a committed relationship with someone for a couple of months and the ONLY way he wants to communicate is via text, it’s kind of a let down. How are people supposed to forge relationships and grow closer if they don’t even bother to make the effort?
If a guy calls me to check in, it tells me he’s truly intersted in how things are going in my life and makes me feel closer to him. It’s making time for each other and doesn’t have to be in the middle of the day. Txt messages don’t achieve the same goal.
If you don’t have time to speak to someone on the phone, then honestly you may not be ready to make the time for a relationship.
Bill Thompson 44
I had an hour long conversation with someone on text when it was after nine and a five or ten minute conversation would be free. This girl that I met online claims to really really like me, but I find this to be agitating. I think texting someone instead of calling them is a form of hard-to-get for the 21st century. I actually see it as a major red flag that a woman/man can’t pick up a phone and talk for 5 minutes that they might be socially inept possibly? WOMEN PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL US AND WE’LL RESPECT YOU MORE!!!!!
zendba 45
Great article, and terrific insight. I personally was dealing with a “gexter”, that would be “girl texter”….I viewed her texting instead of phoning as a major red flag. What I didn’t know was how to deal with it . Decided to go with the odds that she is full of crap, and she is basically lying about her interest level by substituting text messages for voice calls… I now no longer respond to her text messages ( hilarious that she texts me asking why I haven’t texted her back ) If she actually does call ( which I doubt will happen ), I’m going to lie to her and tell her that I’m not getting all of my text messages, and have spoken to Verizon about it, and they don’t know why. I’ll of course tell her that she should call me instead of texting, to make sure we don’t miss her messages. Now of course I agree 100% this is childish, and totally resent having to resort to such tactics, but you know what….All is fair in love & war, and being honest in the adult dating game in your 40′s is like fighting with both your hands behind your back. And really what am I going to do ? Tell the person that is texting me instead of calling me that it is an uacceptable level of primary communication ? Maybe I should also explain to her that it is easier to breath without a plastic bag over your head. What I don’t need is someone that I need to educate on proper manners & common courtesy.
Excellent article…I hope my experience helps someone else.
Jessica 46
I really think it has to do with a age not gender. I am 25 yrs old and the fact that I text somebody does not mean I like them more or less. It just means I am thinking of you and can’t have a conversation right now cause I am BUSY! Which is actually good because eventhough I am busy at work or wherever it means I am thinking of that person and going the extra mile to communicate with them.. If you don’t like it then tell the other person and be honest about it.. STOP PLAYING GAMES period!
Gina 47
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that finds it revolting to receive text messages from someone I’ve been seeing for 9 mos. Yes, he’s the IT manager for some big company but it’s no excuse. He’s 56 yrs old. C’mon. Way past GEN Y. It’s cute to get a “thinking about you” text in the middle of the day but a phone call would intensify the intimacy level a hundred times more and make a woman feel so special instead of a text. I told him.
Texters and emailers remind me of all the men that attempted to cheat on their wives or girlfriends by being “my friend” and amusing themselves with a “secret” friend they can text. It happens a lot and when I start to see this pattern I tell them so and stop responding to their emails or text. I hate that…..So guys, don’t pretend to ask a female for her email because you “want to keep in touch”. Fix your problems with your current partner first before insuring that you will have someone waiting for you. Don’t worry, you’ll find that someone. It’s not a big deal but don’t cheat.
Prerna 48
I disagree with the article…especially when it says that guys dont think of you and ONLY want to get into your pants when they text you instead of calling. My bf and I have been together for a year and a half and its been a 80:20 ratio to text and calling. It only means we have our own different lives and do different things but still take out time for each other to send a small text all through the day. Especially, with the new Black Berry messenger thing, its so quick if both of you have a blackberry, you can even get to know if the other person has read your text or not! Yeah, sure I would be mad if the relationship was based only on texting but if you see each other everyday or a couple times in the week and talk on the phone when you really want to, then its not like you have too much to talk on the phone. With texting, you can even send a quick and spontaneous thought about what you were thinking and what you are doing. Wouldnt it be too suffocating if your partner called you like every hour saying what he/she just thought about and is so eager to share it with you? I say, that too much of everything is not good either. So if a relationship is only based on texting then somethings wrong but it wont hurt either to text everyday and talk a couple of times a week apart from the time you spend with each other physically.
hamsterdance 49
If a guy calls me instead of texting he’s very likely to get my voicemail, and that irritates me because it takes longer to check voicemail and if I’m in a noisy area (like work) I can’t hear it well. I’d much rather he just text me.
I also have great conversations in person but find talking on the phone diffucult. I have a hard time understanding many people if I can’t read their lips.
nikki T 50
Well i must say i got a guy i met like about 3 weeks ago and we had sex the 3rd day from the day we met (my choice) because thats what i wanted to do with him all alone, (i approached him first by the way), anyway the first day we met we talked on the phone for like 3 hours, and 2 days later i met him at a bar and later that night we did it and he only still text me, but even in person he really doesn’t have that much to say (but blush) and he told me he was shy because whenever i leave the room he text me. actually we only talked on the phone like 3 times these 3 weeks we’ve been communicating, but hey i don’t want no relationship with him, look i said all this to say just cause a guy would rather text you instead of call doesn’t really mean that he is just not that into you, he could just be shy, young, not really a phone person, or a complete clown, but in my case he’s shy cause after we had sex he texted me “will i still call him tomorrow and how was it” and he’s been texting me every since, i think he want to sex me again but just don’t know how to ask me………..LOL
April Braswell 51
Hi Evan,
I am already ROFL. Don’t you find that there are differences between the Millenials aka Generation Text folks who simply live on the cell phone texting vs. the folks over, say, like 30 years old whose natural inclination is to actually (gasp) SPEAK to one another? I hear both men and women complain about this and also say something akin to, hey, what’s the big deal? I am totally giggling now. The men think the woman is “high maintenance” because he texted her, “Hey.” Like it was a life altering massively connecting phrase. Yet really it left forming a conversation completely up to her, didn’t it?
I have both of your books and think you are marvelous.
Mazel tov
April Braswell
David 52
Excuse me, everyone.
I’m an 18 year old guy. From what I read most of you are older than that, one generation ahead of me.
That’s fine, but I think you should know what people my age think of texting.
We prefer it. It’s more convenient. The reason is not because we are less “intimate” and don’t want to talk on the phone — we do. We like talking to each other as much as the next person. However, texting allows you to communicate at times when no other form of communication is socially acceptable.
For instance, while AT work, or while in class, or a meeting, etc. There are numerous examples. I have a roommate. While he’s asleep, I can text my girlfriend instead of calling her, which would disturb both her roommate and mine.
We’re mobile people, as well. Much of the time, I’m walking down the street when my girlfriend calls. It’s often so noisy that it’s not worth trying, yelling at each other over the phone. Texting is easier, and if you get to know how to use it more extensively, you will get better at reading tone, inflection, etc in the text. And you will develop your own style.
I can tell if it’s not my girlfriend texting me, but someone on her phone. It’s actually really easy to read her “voice.”
And why talk on the phone so often when you can just see one another in person? This is obviously superior. There are so many things about talking on the phone that are problematic. You are often distracted by what’s happening in front of you, or there is noise or interference, or the poor sound quality on phones in general or your girlfriends quiet voice make it hard to communicate. A text is written there for you to read, and even to analyze. You don’t have to respond RIGHT away. You can finish writing this paragraph and THEN text back. Perhaps that’s what appeals to us most about texting. You can have a conversation with someone you like/love at the same time you are doing something else.
My two cents.
Orl 53
How old are you people?, 50?, sending a text message to tell that you care for someone it is not lazy communication.
Jane Doe 54
I think the major details were left out…like how old were these guys and did she sleep with them on the 2-4 dates. As a 36 year old woman who had the exact same thing happen with 4 men 30 and under over the course of one year, I will say this…they are looking for entertainment, to keep it casual and to not lead you on. If they wanted a "relationship", they would make plans, set dates and call. If you want to "date", my recommendation would be to not give out your number, and just set up a date. If he does not ask you out on your next date, consider it over. If a guy is into you, he'll want to know when "next time" will be. Don't make yourself so available.
Tina 55
I live in a country where the language is not my first language. And while I LOVE phone calls, I am so much more comfortable with texts – while I’m fluent in the local language more or less, it’s hard to understand people on the phone and I get insecure about being able to talk without looking the person in the eye. Text messages really help because I can make sure I understand and respond well.
Ami 56
I think this person has it right, “With texting, you can even send a quick and spontaneous thought about what you were thinking and what you are doing. Wouldnt it be too suffocating if your partner called you like every hour saying what he/she just thought about and is so eager to share it with you? I say, that too much of everything is not good either. So if a relationship is only based on texting then somethings wrong but it wont hurt either to text everyday and talk a couple of times a week apart from the time you spend with each other physically.”
Lolpk567 57
Actually, you dont need to call, you can txt, why? Well, they may be trying to save minutes, they could be in a place where they cant talk/hear you very well, and lastly, they could be too embarrassed to call, cus they can be out in public most of the time, im a person whos like this, so look at the possibilities of why he might need/prefer to txt you… If you pressure him to call, he will be going out of comfort zone, you dont want that cus all sorts of things could happen. so plz. do us a favour and just suck it up…. You will feel better later on…
Lolpk567 58
Oh and some guys are too nervous to make the first call if on a dating site, so dont assume theyre all players. one. because you could miss out on a great guy, two, because that makes you a asshole…. I made my point, flaming me will do you nothing but getting the FBI called on you… Good Day Sirs/Madams
sayanta 59
Am I the only woman in the world who prefers texting to the phone? Seriously, when a guy says he’s going to call, I’m, like, uh-oh- but if I get a text, I’m relieved…lol- does this mean I have issues?
For the record, even with friends, I generally prefer either meeting in person or texting/e-mail. THere’s very very few people I’m comfortable talking on the phone with.
Shay 60
Nope, sayanta. You’re not alone. I prefer meeting them in person, text or msn.
I don’t talk on the phone except to check if the person I’m meeting is on the way to our meeting place or we got lost in the crowd. Or call back to see if there’s dinner at home. Something like that.
Shay 61
Oh, and I freaked out this afternoon when a guy called me to ask me how’s my day and tried to ask me out. Specially when I have no interest to see him at all.
Goldie 62
I looked through the comments in disbelief till I found #25 and nodded in agreement. I’m the same age as Jeannie #25, a recently divorced mother of two teenage kids, with a full-time job, parents living nearby, a dog, and a house that the kids and I have just moved into, plus some hobbies, friends and social life. To be honest, regular phone calls from a guy, with zero minutes notice, would probably feel like a leash and a collar to me. “Hi, I’m Joe, please drop everything you’re doing so we can chat. Repeat daily.” This, to me, is no different from Joe dropping by my house unannounced on a regular basis, because he misses me and wants to talk. Like someone above said… suffocating.
Maybe this has something to do with the fact that, for the first thirty years of my life, I didn’t have a phone at home, and we only used the pay phone for emergencies. Or maybe my sons just got me used to texting.
Or maybe that, for my phone plan, unlimited texting is way way cheaper than unlimited minutes, and I can afford one but not the other.
Either way, like many others on this thread, I don’t consider texting rude or lazy. To me, it’s rather a way of giving the other person enough space while still staying in touch.
ricky 63
its just a different efficient way of communication.. i would text my girl just to say that i miss her or if there is any changes in plans we made to meet in the evening for eg after we just discuss it over the phone… when im at work and busy, i would rather send a quick text regarding sumthing rather than callin.. it doesn’t mean that she aint worth me calling her.. its just different circumstances ppl might be in..
there are definitely other ways of finding out if a guy is genuinely interested in you rather then raising your eyebrows and saying “oooh” when you receive a txt from your guy.. lol..
take a chill pill ladies.. dont think too hard..
Joe 64
It is apparent women can never be pleased,they’re always analyzing everything to death…if the guy calls too much,too little,etc etc^
Goldie 65
#64 Joe, a guy I’d met online called me once with no warning. I seriously tried my best to carry on a conversation, but we’d just moved into our house two days before, and everyone was busy unpacking. Poor guy had to listen to all sorts of things going on in the background: my parents asking me questions, my kids coming to me with urgent problems, the dog barking… I’m running up and down the stairs as I talk to him, telling him not to worry, I’ll try to have a chat with him as best I can… He gave up pretty quickly
phone conversation is a huge deal, something that needs to be scheduled in advance, and even then, family emergencies can happen that will make you unable to talk at your scheduled time. You don’t really have to analyze everything to death to see that – it’s just logical. Now I get it that a lot of guys prefer a woman that doesn’t have kids and dogs and parents running around, and is available to talk on the phone anytime for however long. I realize that someone like myself won’t probably be a good fit for those guys, and I’m cool with that. I can still find enough people that understand my situation (being in the same boat themselves), and prefer texting 
I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless you live alone, a lengthy, heartfelt
Selena 66
@#65
Why didn’t you just tell the guy you were in the middle of unpacking from your move and you’d call him later to chat when you got settled in? I hate people trying to talk to me when they are clearly involved in numerous other things and really can’t give much attention to our conversation. I consider it rude.
Goldie 67
Selena,
Problem is, if he’d called on any other day, he’d have gotten pretty much the same response. That’s just the life I live. I’ve got a lot going on. If you want to have an hour-long phone conversation with me about nothing, schedule it in advance or it ain’t happening. If you hate it so much, then call someone else with a lot of time on their hands.
I did. He still wanted to talk. Not only that, I’d told him a number of times previously that I would be moving that weekend. He still called. I guess he had nothing else to do that weekend, so he figured, what the heck! I’m bored, I’ll give her a call
In fact, speaking of what’s rude and what’s polite, when I call my friends, the first thing out of my mouth after “hi” is “Can you talk?” Half the time they say no, they’re busy. I know my friends have busy lives, and I’m not about to assume they’re just sitting around the house, waiting for their phone to ring.
Dina 68
Thanks Evan! This question was on my mind. Dating great guy who i have an amazing time with. Problem is, he hardly ever calls. He’s never called me after a date, he waits a couple of days and then sends a text. Worst thing, he’ll send a text to tell me that he’ll call during the week and then doesn’t. I’m like, what the heck? Why even bother to tell me that he’ll call?l… Finally figured that even though he’s a great guy, he’s just not that into me; I on the other hand am and so I’m going to take a bow.
tk 69
I was so frustrated with texting that I just don’t respond to them! I just vented about it on my blog… could not help but be really annoyed.
Goldie 70
I’m having a pretty exhilarating text conversation right now, as we both make dinner and take care of our respective kids and pets. Works very well for me
Selena 71
@#70
Curious how you *type* and do those other things at the same time – do you possess an extra set of hands?
Luxe 72
I think this whole thing is kind of funny now. I remember reading this and the comments shortly before I started seeing a guy a few months back. He never called, only texts. Even if he said he’ll call, he’d text instead. This kind of bothered me, but at the same time I talk on the phone for 8 hrs/day for my job. So the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone when I get home. I’d think about this particular blog during that time. Turned out though, this instance, he really wasn’t into me and broke it off through text message
Willie Pays 73
Listen up folks and youngins….texting is supposed to be supplemental, not to be your main conversation. All you dudes and women who ONLY prefer to text, lack social skills and communication skills. It signals that you lack confidence in speaking in front of people or that you are unsure of what you’re going to say. Maybe some of you are shy, thats okay. But if you don’t learn to speak up, and be a man and make the phone call instead of sending a text, you’re not going to get any quality women or women with a high self esteem.
The age doesn’t matter. If I was a woman, I would not allow a dude to only text me. It means he’s either shy, lacks confidence, lacks balls, is hiding something or is not that into you. People who text all day bring up a serious red flag. They need to be loved or they need constant phone attention. People who use their phone as a crutch are serious red flags. Believe I know what I’m talking about. Don’t we see when people who are by themselves and they’re fake texting or acting like they are on the phone? Lol. They are uncomfortable being by themselves.
Like I said everything is supposed to be done in moderation. Dudes are NOT to supposed to set up dates through text. Texting is for short conversations and quick messages that dont require phone use. Why are some of you taking the time out of your “busy” life to spend all day on dating sites then say you don’t have time to talk on the phone…How do you expect to go out on dates?
number 52 said “why talk on the phone so often when you can see one in person”? Lmao….why text so often if you can see her in person? the statement doesn’t make sense at all. I guess he needs to analyze statements and questions cause he can’t think of his feet. Texting is impersonal. Its supposed to aid communication not be the primary source of it.
Karl R 74
Willie Pays said: (#73)
“Don’t we see when people who are by themselves and they’re fake texting or acting like they are on the phone?”
I’ve never seen someone faking texting or acting like they’re on the phone. Maybe I don’t pay enough attention. Or maybe I don’t assume I know enough to know what they’re doing with their phone.
When I’m bored, I might browse the internet, type a long email, look at my photo album, play a game … all things that can be done on my cell phone. What indicates that someone is “faking” texting, instead of really doing something else?
Goldie 75
#71 Selena, well I pick up the phone, type a message, hit send, and go back to what I was doing. If I was talking on the phone, then I’d need an extra set of hands.
It also really helps that my kids cannot overhear my romantic convos in our small house. Or that I don’t have to pay extra for going over my minutes. Works for me.
#73 ahh where do I begin. First of all, if age has nothing to do with it, then why is it teenagers hardly ever talk on the phone anymore?
” But if you don’t learn to speak up, and be a man and make the phone call instead of sending a text, you’re not going to get any quality women or women with a high self esteem.” I’m not even going to comment on this, this is so random.
” Don’t we see when people who are by themselves and they’re fake texting or acting like they are on the phone?” - what? No, we don’t. Who are these people? Are they the same people that “spend all day on dating sites then say you don’t have time to talk on the phone”?
“How do you expect to go out on dates?” - um, not every night?
“Texting is impersonal. Its supposed to aid communication not be the primary source of it.” - talking on the phone is impersonal. You cannot see the other person’s facial expressions or come into physical contact. Dating online is impersonal. All you see is people’s photos and profiles and you cannot even tell if any of those are real. What’re we going to do about it? That’s the world we live in.
Can we all just agree that, if a source of communication works for me and my partner, and does not bother other people, then it is okay for us to continue to communicate in this way, and let others communicate in whichever way they prefer? Naturally, everyone prefers meeting in person. Other than that, I’d say we’re free to choose as we please.
raina 76
Texting is fine with me as long as the other person picks up the phone. Especially if its a romatic interest. I’m a female in and i date younger guys and all they want to do is send me a text message. So is this a generational thing or what? One guy did both call and text. but this last one only wants to text.
Willie Pays 77
75
teenagers like to text because a lot of times its their only source of communication available. When I said age has nothing to do with it, I was referring to social and communication skills that go along with ONLY texting.
I’m guessing you never heard a person yell and scream on a phone or talk overtly loud just for people to hear their conversation. Maybe you just haven’t been in enough situations where young people are and breakout their phone to appear like they have something to do with their phone. It happens because I’ve seen it, people told me, and have called people on it. SOME people use their phone as a crutch is the main driving point. But I guess you were focused on the that little part of people “fake texting” that you didn’t understand the bigger picture of using the phone as a crutch.
Texting on the phone is more impersonal than talking on the phone. At least you can hear the person’s voice when on the phone. I think you took that out of context to fit your ideology of its all impersonal communication as if everything is on the same plane. Texting is a cowards way out for men to set up dates. That was the main focal point. Talking on the phone while impersonal, is the next best thing. If a guy is afraid to open up his mouth piece and ask a woman for a date, how is he going to be equally adept at having a face to face conversation?
If couples only want to text and not talk on the phone thats fine. But what I’m saying applies as a general rule.
Goldie 78
@Willie #77 ” Maybe you just haven’t been in enough situations where young people are..”
again with the assumptions, I see.
I have a 15yo and a 17yo. Let’s go easy on the assumptions here, shall we?
“If a guy is afraid to open up his mouth piece and ask a woman for a date, how is he going to be equally adept at having a face to face conversation?”
Oh, you’ll be surprised
“I’m guessing you never heard a person yell and scream on a phone or talk overtly loud just for people to hear their conversation.”
So what I’m hearing here is, texting affords more privacy for those of us who don’t have a time/place when they can be completely alone with a lot of time on their hands to talk, and without fear of being overheard. My point exactly.
Willie Pays 79
having a 15 yr old and a 17 yr old doesn’t mean you are around young people, you’re just obligated to take care of your kids.
Texting is just another way to communicate…that’s your own inference about texting being more about privacy and fear of being overheard….I never alluded or came to that conclusion. your hang up not mine.
Goldie 80
“I never alluded or came to that conclusion. your hang up not mine.”
Heh, I know, my comment was sarcastic in part. That said, acknowledging that different people have different lifestyles and hence different ways of communication that suit them best, is, IMO, not a hangup. But hey, I already get it that you want everyone to fit your mold and play by your rules. If that works for you, fine. I’m going to end this discussion now, I have already said everything I wanted to.
Anonymous 81
To put what I am about to say into context, I am 22, so there is a very good chance my comment will be somewhat biased toward an earlier end of the dating spectrum. That being said, there is a large population of the dating public for whom texting has become the primary means of social communication (aside from facebook, of course). It has become a social norm. Anyone who has any experience with the study of social psychology knows that going against social norms is detrimental to mating behaviour. To relate this concept to the current post, this means that a given person’s aversion to text messaging severely limits their dating possibilities. You could be missing out on a great relationship with a funny, interesting, all-around attractive person simply because you do not want to learn how to flirt via IM. Alternatively, someone else might miss out on the bounty of love that you have to offer merely because they have learned that dating works a specific way. I am not usually one to be blunt, but it sounds like the majority of people here either need a dating paradigm shift that corresponds to societal shift in dating, or they need to come to terms with the fact that they may be holding out for a while and missing out on some great experiences. Seems a pretty steep price for the sacrifice of a “five minute phone call”.
tl;dr Society is changing, so put up or shut up
Sarahrahrah! 82
I truly appreciate you, MEK! You really hit the nail on the head with this one. I am with a man who is decent, sweet, hardworking, honest and trustworthy (did I mention HOT?) … but not the greatest communicator. I was wondering lately if this is something that I’ll be able to live with or not. Thanks for putting things in perspective and reminding me that I am ultimately in the driver’s seat. :)
Sarahrahrah! 83
Oooops… I meant, “EMK”
Lisa 84
WOW! This information really got under my skin when I read this, especially when I read this part: “Essentially, guys across America are saying, “Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.”
As sad and unfortunate it is, I have to agree with this. I believe that women make things way to easy for men when it comes to love, sex, and relationships, to the point where she’ll lower her morals, standards, and values in order to get him, and keep him. And she thinks he’s OK with it, and really he’s not. Yes, he’ll take it first hand, but when he’s ready for a serious relationship to include marriage and family, she’s not the one she chooses.
WOW is all I can say … thank you so much for sharing this with us. It encouraged me to STOP texting my male friend and now I will call him and leave a vm, so that he’ll hear my voice instead. I want to do for him what I want him to do for me. :^)
Kurt S. 85
I agree that texting is kind of annoying – I would prefer to talk on the phone instead of texting. I have a guy friend who asks women out for a second (or sometimes) first date via text. I tried to convince him that most women will appreciate a phone call instead of a text and that phoning won’t make him look bad in the eyes of the woman, but he does his own thing.
S. King 86
@Ariel (35):
What about ladies who don’t pick calls:
Ladies who don’t pick calls = chronic “Multi”taskers
Dawn 87
This guy (32) that I met a few months back, asked me out on a first date via text… on our first date, ask me for a 2nd, in person which I thought was nice. After that tho… he texts me every now and then…and asked the other day (via text, of course) when he could see me again… I am becoming less interested because of it. I would love knowing that someone is into me enough to want to hear my voice, and talk about my day, week, whatever… I don’t mind texting, but in the beginning of a dating relationship? how lazy and impersonal. When I’m just starting to date someone, I would like to know that I am worth a damn phone call. It shows interest, what can you learn about someone in a text? Come on, guys. Texting is okay, if it’s kept short and sweet.. but when you are interested in someone and want to know them better, don’t you want to hear them laugh vs. lol? It’s so impersonal, regardless if it’s the ‘way of the world’ now. Bring phone calls back, at least in the beginning of a dating relationship. I agree, if I’m not worth 5 minutes of phone conversation every now and then, you’re not worth 5 seconds of texting. What happened to laughing and having phone conversations with someone until the wee hours of the morning… I remember that, and we’ve lost something very personal, fun, and worth taking 5 minutes for… It’s a generation of convenience, not necessarily something to be proud of. And if you’re always that busy…really? It goes to show how unimportant we are making our personal relationships. I would hate to see the divorce rate another 5-10 years from now…it’s a generation of convenience and instant gratification (emails, IM’s) take time to ‘smell the flowers’, and pick up the darn phone every now and then… I would love to hear the person on the other end of that text… would love to hear their laugh, their silence… everything.. it is how you get to know someone… hmm… why have sex with someone when you can sext? is that what’s next in your generation? please. Texting is good for short and sweet, not something as exciting and personal as getting to know someone… text could easily be misinterpreted, etc… Men… pick up the phone, that goes for the ladies too! If you’re not sure when the person is available to talk… send a quick text.. “when is a good time to CALL you?”, or “I don’t mind texting, but I’d much rather hear from you, give me a call…” gee..how hard is that??
Denise 88
#87 Dawn
I feel your pain and agree with you in regard to your comments about texting! The thing about men is they will get away with what they are allowed to get away with. What they DO shows his level of interest; men know perfectly well that texting is lazy and impersonal. He just doesn’t feel like putting any more effort in by calling which is telegraphing his level of interest in a relationship.
It’s up to us women to set our boundaries on what we’re willing to accept or not accept, then communicate those boundaries and let the chips fall where they may. Whether it’s FWB or communicating via text.
I’ve been in this situation before. What I finally decided to do was to nicely say “I appreciate you keeping in touch, but I prefer talking over the phone rather than texting. Please give me a call when it’s convenient, I looking forward to hearing your voice!”
-If he calls, then I know he respects my preferences and is interested in me, and we take it from there.
-If he refuses to call and keeps texting (I’ve had this happen), then I stop answering the texts.
Jewell 89
I recently met someone who has only called once, we had a long and nice conversation, and hung out once so far after that..since then he texts ALL the time….thats it! He asked me out for date number 2 via text! I have made several comments and hinted that its not my style of primary communication but he just dont seem to get it…today he texted me with a ‘good morning beautiful etc. blah blah blah…my response was ” lovely message BUT I will no longer be texting with you unless and untill you make a legitimate attempt to get to know me!
Denise 90
#89 Jewell
Awesome, I would have done the same thing! Now just stick to your guns…you have a good boundary.
Jewell 91
Update! I must say he has totally turned around sinceI sent that message..he has called several times since then, fast learner……… ok that may be an overstatement but better late than never …lol!
Denise 92
#91
terence karkabe 93
ok you guys – I’m way old compared to you kids and I text my GF all the time. I like texting. I text my brother (he’s 52) I text my friends. I do so because we all have busy lives and text allows us to send a message which is received instantly but does NOT demand an instant reply. I HATE voicemail. Listening to three messages to get to the one I want is annoying. It also wastes phone minutes and a lot of valuable time. Yes we talk on the phone – AFTER we text to see if it’s convenient. I love getting a smiley face at two in the afternoon while I’m pulling a toilet or plumbing a sink. I HATE having to drop what I’m doing to answer a phone call. It’s another version of the old days when I had no cell phone and spent hours searching for a pay phone to tell a customer I was running late. Now I spend minutes working my way through multiple messages, taking notes and logging phone numbers to call back later. You wanna talk to me??????????? TEXT me and let me know when to call. If I can do that I will. If not? I’ll text you and tell you. It’s faster, more accurate and far more convenient.
Janie 94
I just broke up with a man that text me up to 100 times a day because he told me that is how he communicated to women when he dated them I went along with it because is this the new way.
I was very upset when I got a 300.00 dollar phone bill because my plan did not cover and his request was that I ask the phone company to write the entire bill off. I did not do that I negotiated half of it to be removed.
I found that I became controlled by the phone he obviously did not have much work he worked Real Estate and had a lot of time on his hands. I work 30 to 50 hours a week and made time for him when I could.
I rarely got a phone call which I found quite odd. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes with this gentleman and I will set limits with the last.
While I was dating him another gentleman was calling me to talk and nothing more.
I guess there are still men out there that do know how to pick up the phone.
Chaz 95
Ahhh…kids, kids, kids…. Haven’t you heard the phrase “Everything in moderation”? Like, come on guys! Texting has been a wonderful development in technology that affords the opportunity to get straight to the point and leave a thought or message without the small chit chat. Obviously it shouldn’t replace phone calls or become some sort of rampant epidemic on your cell phone but it can be a way to be flirty and help build attraction IN BETWEEN your phone calls. Becoming a romantic robot is NOT what I’m suggesting because asking someone to go out or finding out how someones day has gone should be done directly, but leaving a message about how much you enjoyed the last date, how much you’re thinking of someone, how much you’re turned on by the thought of someone…. all perfectly fun and acceptable uses of texting!
guy 96
the 20′s & 30′s set are emotional wimps and avoid dealing directly with others when feelings are involved. i told my 25 yr old g/f to NOT text me if she thinks there’s a problem and call. she refuses to do and continues to try to arbitrate emotional differences over text. it’s as if this set has some uncontrollable FETISH and fascination “wow i can type into a phone” (!!). i told her i was going to disable texting on my phone, i don’t text with most anyone except her… and her response was “well then we can’t be together”. it’s often used a gutless emotionally wimpy way to passively control others.
Rizz 97
Wow I’ve so been here many times of late and it DOES really annoy me – I’m so glad I’m not alone. I’ve been trying to tell people to pick up the phone but then I have also perpetuated things by texting back. It’s actually a turnoff though.
Guys: pick up the phone.
Girls: don’t let them get away with it. In fact you can say ‘I really appreciate real phone calls’ or something like that. You can also just call them – not 10x / day but once or twice and see if they get the picture.
STOP OVERTEXTING. PLEASE!!
Goldie 98
OK the majority wins… I have ordered a bluetooth set online, so I can date properly as per rules and regulations, and still be able to do something around the house once in a while
Will see how it goes.
Personally though, I still think that, for busy single parents, texting is a great way to keep in touch without letting household responsibilities slide. Plus, for people like me that no longer have a landline… it’s cheaper, too! Those 60-minute calls really do add up. But, rules are rules.
gal 99
oh and i guess everyone prefers a different form of communication, but i dont think anyone can be that busy that they cant spare one or two minutes of their day to call, it doesnt have to be a long conversation, even just before bed time or after u get off work would be nice.
Candice 100
This is so true. I started to date a guy that texted me all the fricking time and then I told him that I thought it was lazy and that is why I did not answer his texts anymore. Well I got sucked back into it. He apologized and said that he did not KNOW this? Hmm….well he called a few times but fell back into it and I did it too.
Then I started noticing that he never really asked me how I was doing over texts and only was flirting and sexting. I did it just last night and kicked myself for it this morning. Jeez…I really like this guy a lot but I just don’t even want him to even call me anymore almost. Or at least it is certainly getting there fast.
I realize that he is really just not that into me and it makes me sad but there is really nothing I can do about it.
tay 101
I TOTALLY AGREE. I’ve had guys ask me out not only via texting, but also FACEBOOK MESSAGING. it is just PATHETIC.
i’ve also had guys apologize (for pretty serious things) via both facebook and text. i HATED accepting the apology, and nowadays, i just refuse to. if they don’t care enough to pick up the phone or talk to me face to face, then they are not worth my time. and i thought breaking up over the phone was bad!
i am only in my 20s, so i can say it is NOT a generational thing- it is an insensitivity thing. maybe it is all this technology that has made everyone both insensitive AND overly sensitive to rejection at the same time. nevertheless, it just pisses me off.
a friend of mine keeps texting apologies and facebooked me too- it has been 4 months since we’ve spoken- u know what the one thing he didn’t do was??? CALL ME.
Jane 102
I am new to dating after coming out of an almost 20 yr marriage. I got married young. I am 38. I am very busy. Mother of 3. I work in daycare and it is very busy during the day……plus I have my other 3 children to take care of also.
I have already been hit by a player and he mostly texted me. One thing I noticed, he never said my name and that made it rather impersonal. This guy at first texted me probably a hundred times a day. It was too much. I loved the attention though at first, I must say. But I got hooked on his texts and came to lean on them and became upset when they slowed down. This was not good. I learned pretty quickly there was something wrong with the relationship, then realized I was dealing with a player.
Fast forward dumping the player and onto new relationships. - I have found that most of the guys I date text me and it does not bother me at all! In fact I appreciate it. I don’t have time to be on the phone and my daughter or one of my other kids are constantly interrupting me when I do talk on the phone.
I think it is a wrong assumption to say that men don’t care for you if they only text. I believe it is also what they SHOW you with their ACTIONS outside of phone use. Are they asking you out every week? Are they taking you out around their friends? Will they let you meet their family? Are they taking you out to eat or to a movie or something else that is fun? If they are taking you out regularly and you are meeting their family and friends…….and the relationship is slowly making progress, who cares if they mainly text you??!!
The guy with potential that I am dating only texts me maybe 2 times a day. He doesn’t say a lot but what he says counts and he lets me know he is thinking of me.
Likewise when I am with him his phone is not going off constantly. (as it was with the player I dated.)
My new relationship is going great and when I spend time with him, his phone hardly goes off with a text. What does this tell me? He does not text me a lot, but he hardly texts anyone else either!
But he asks me out every weekend and is steadily showing me he cares.
I could care less if he phones me! In fact I appreciate the text messages much more!
Just my 2 cents on the subject!
KB 103
Personally, I hate texting. I think it is effortless and very distracting during working hours. What I do is give out my land line number. I have a very inexpensive one and it is nonpublished. If a guy does attempt to text me, it will give a message that a land line is being texted. If he asks about it, I just say my cell phone is strictly for work. Problem solved.
Dimzee 104
I think it depends, most people here have valid points for and against texting. For me in particular, my boyfriend and I used to text in the beginning of our relationship, and he asked me out via text, we could go on for four hours texting and I always use to laugh and he does also. We just understood each other and our sense of humour, we are both silly. I do hate it when you are texting a guy and the conversation is boring & not leading anywhere which also happens when u are on the phone with someone, it depends on how you utilise the texting. I love texting him and when we talk on phone and meet in person, we talk about how we teased each other, and crazy stories we made while texting, its fun.
BeenThereDoneThat 105
I like texting as a form of communication. I tend to be shy and so texting is a good way to get a better feel for a person. However, I don’t think it should replace all other communication, I think there should be a good mix.
Recently, I started texting with a guy who is deaf. I didn’t know this until we were close to actually meeting for the first time.
IamSuccess 106
I am a 44 year old woman who looks 32. I attract the younger males.
I think its their generation – they don’t know how to inter-act face to face so they hide behind technology.
I prefer a 2 minute phone call over a half ass attempt text to ask me out to gauge my availability or interest – being direct is a big turn on for me….know what you want and just ask for it.
Dan 107
Whenever I am dating a woman, I find that after the second and third date (if I make it that far), the woman is still not showing signs that she is interested. Maybe I am doing something wrong, but heck, I’m making an effort.
In this situation, I am not going to go out of my way to call…. only to get wishy washy signals in return from her (usually it is her not answering the phone). So I text.
Downtown Muffin 108
Lesson learned not to let my relationships revolve around text messages….
Marianne 109
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with texting at all. we live in modern times where there’s so much going on at a time that calling someone or someone calling you can be a bit intrusive. texting is fast and convenient. having a guy texts you more often than calling does not make him less interested. IN FACT!…i had a guy constantly calling me for dates—he actually picked up the phone everytime—however, this guy was a total player and sleazeball—he always had a new girl to take home every night! so what does that say?! it says you can’t really tell someone’s best intention by a text or phone call ALONE. you’ve gotta take account a guy’s behavior towards you in person and how he treats you period.
me 110
So, I can’t understand someone I have been emailing on the phone. So it works for me.
Tanya 111
This has been sooo sooo helpful to me. I’ve never heard it so srt8 and clear. I get it now. He’s not that into me. I’ve moved on and am stronger each day. I made the right decision to leave . Thank you Evan!!!! Thank you!!!
If you’re not being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It’s YOU who tells people what you’re worth by what you will “accept”. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! Bottom line: value yourself more!! #confidenceROKS!!
Lorelei 112
To comment #109, you made a good point. Texting is all good and fun, and as a texter myself I don’t have anything against it. It is convenient, and you’re almost guaranteed to get a response from whoever you are trying to get in contact with. And by texting, a guy doesn’t show less interest, if he is interested, in a girl/woman, than if he were actually calling.
But I think that both texting and calling (and maybe emailing and Facebook) have their places. Texting is good if you need to send a quick note and/or reminder to someone, or to let someone know when you’re going to be late and such. Stuff like that. It can even be used for “good mornings” and “good evenings”, and for those who are always busy, it is a better way of communicating with less to zero hassle.
But texting has its downsides, too. For one, you really can’t have a meaningful conversation via text messaging, let along say all that you wish to say. There are costs and letter limits instituted when it comes to texting, and those things are not really an advantage. Also, I don’t think it’s wise to break up or to have a serious talk with someone via text, those situations are best reserved for phone conversations or even better, face-to-face interactions. I once dated a guy who, when he chose to break up with me, requested to talk things over with me in person, which I really appreciated.
Calling is good because you get to hear the other person’s voice. If you especially are in love with someone, you would want to hear his or her voice. Of course, I know there are people out there who hate talking on the phone, but (1) you don’t have to be doing it EVERY DAY, and (2) it’s good practice for when you actually go on a date. You’re not going to be texting, are you? Because that would be rude. There is a rule of thumb: whenever you are with someone or at a social event, keep your phone out of sight, unless a family member (or close friend) is in the hospital. Of course, this rule not only applies to texting, but to phone calls as well.
Also, calling is the best approach for serious conversations and talks.
Basically, texting and calling complement each other, and will, if one utilises both tools of communicating properly. There has to be a strong balance, a moderation. If you are a busy person, for example, and mostly communicate via text that is fine, no hating, but don’t forget to communicate via calling and even through face-to-face interactions whenever you’re not busy, or even when you feel up to it. Those phone calls help one develop his or her communication skills, and those face-to-face interactions are crucial for making impressions.
wink2date 113
I love this article, its true you cant really know someones true intentions through a text message or an email, keep it to phone calls and face to face even a phone call you can tell if someone is smiling so it says it all. If I had my way we wouldn’t have phones full stop. Just face to face, men and women have bad enough confidence these days as it is, we don’t practice our social skills enough anymore, get out there and just enjoy meeting new people.
Regards wink2date
Kristin 114
I have been dating a guy who texts me and then when I text himi back a couple of times he cuts off the conversation. Doesn’t say “bye” or “gotta go,” NOTHING. It is like hanging up on someone while you are on the phone. It is insulting to me. He does this EVERY time. He will initiate the conversation. Then when i text him back he doesn’t respond and I don’t hear from him until the next day. Really? That is just plain rude to me.
Katarina Phang 115
Kristin, guys do that a lot. I won’t take it personally and waste energy on that. Just keep busy and don’t always be available to respond to texts either.
Katarina Phang 116
If it really bothers you, you can say “It feels really bad when you don’t respond to my texts and leave me hanging.”
See if that makes a difference.
m 117
@Kristin, 114 – If you keep answering him back when he keeps treating you like that, then you’re part of the problem. You’re reinforcing his bad behavior by rewarding him with answers.
I’d block him. But that’s just me.
Lucy McBees 118
I have some wonderful female friends. Some single, some in relationships. Like you, they are all sexy, intriguing and intelligent women. Yet, you all suffer from a common condition. I call it Men-agitus. You caught it the first time some midget Romeo stole a kiss on the merry-go-round at pre-school morning break, and dropped you for a Tonka truck and a sandpit by lunch. As a result, you seem to spend a significant portion of your lives analyzing men’s actions and words
.
Cheers Lucy
Cindie 119
I dont agree at all. It depends on personality. Men get an idea real quickly that I dont have time to talk and make negative comments toward that. Im sorry for the disappointment but Im always multitasking and if they want my attention Ill bypass a call unless its late at night. (and then only if I feel like it as I have children and a life) .. yet no matter what Ill always answer the text and almost immediately. Texting is more private to me… definitely ages and personalities view it differently but I believe you who hate it or think its an insult are not giving different personality styles their due respect. I think if you process it knowing each person responds differently and give them their due you would be flattered to know they are thinking of you and took the time to convey that in any manner… takes different forms and many are just trying to make that contact…for what ever reason.
Arrogant 120
Ok then… Answer me this all of you. With only 5 dates, after a chance meeting on “Match.com” How much do you know about this guy’s daily routine? How much does “this guy” know about YOUR daily routine? I’m going to take a gander and say, you did not tell them what you do as a daily life. I mean, it’s “Match.com” who wants to go spilling their personal life to a person who might be a stalking rapist? These people don’t know what you do in the middle of the day, so they aren’t going to hold a phone to their ear if they think you’re at work, or in the middle of a semi-important meeting (which we know never happens because you have the time to go spilling your guts to the world wide web about what you hate in texting). I mean, you wouldn’t want your phone to ring during work would you? Text messages make it real easy to flip your phone, read it, and get back to your guy when you have the chance. What can a phone call do? Well it can land you in a vacation for 365 days a year, call it unemployment.
Warren Unterreiner 121
Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research on this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I’m very glad to see such wonderful info being shared freely out there.
Tiffany N. York 122
I just told a guy I had been seeing casually sayanara for this very same reason. I get that people are busy. Hey, I’m a single mother taking care of everything on my own. But if I’m into you, I make the time to text you back. Maybe not immediately, but within the next few hours. I would text this guy in the am, maybe asking him a question, and sometimes he wouldn’t respond until 11pm at night.
You can’t tell me you don’t have 5 seconds to respond in the middle of the day. It is simply rude and inconsiderate. There are two kinds of people: those who respond in a timely manner to texts and those who don’t. If you’re not with “your kind” then you wind up being constantly frustrated.
singlewritermomrants.wordpress.com
Tim 123
This is both sad and pathetic. I may be wrong in this assumption but I’m pretty sure the phone works both ways. If women want to be confident and independent then they shouldn’t be complaining about not getting five minute phone calls and instead an occasional text from someone they just met on Match.com. Acting in such a behavior is conforming to gender roles and adhering to typical double standards that state men should court and win over a females heart. I have a heart too and nothing makes me love my girlfriend more than her passion and devotion to me; that of which I share with her as well. The key to happiness lies within your own virtues so imagine how he would feel if he knew how you reacted towards him. If he didn’t stop talking to you I bet he would be distant. If you want him to call you give him a reason because right now the only thing you’re doing is giving him a reason to leave.
Devil’s advocate:
That being said always keep your guard up because humans are cruel. Be it man or woman don’t ever let your biggest weakness open. Guard your heart! Show him you’re worth it but dont just give it away either. Best of luck to you.
Anon 124
I think it’s a generational things. I find I prefer face to face over phone but text over phone. As a female, I can say I see no issue with him. Why not just tell them how you feel? But I do agree that is looks weird if you’re in a serious relationship and all you get are texts. Also, why wait for the guy to always make the first move?Why not just call him and let him know that is your preferred method of communication?
NonExist 125
I guess I must be in that “lazy” category.
Texting and email were godsends for me.
Have no problem talking face to face but I have always disliked talking on the phone.
Even my family and friends are contacted 99% by email and text.
I just accept the fact that if a woman prefers a lot of phone conversation them obviously i am not the one for her.
NonExist 126
@Willie Pays #73 & #77
Denigrating and insulting people for using a certain type of communication other than how you think it should be used seems to be an indicator of the same lack of communication and social skills that you mention.
Mainly that of having a differing viewpoint without having to resort to calling names. Ring a Bell?
Landa 127
When it comes to love there are no hard and fast rules! I’ve had phone callers and texters who converted to phone callers…. I once dated a guy and we instant messaged for a week before our date – he then called to ask me out and we instant messaged for almost 4 months before we saw each other again because of work, being out of state and we were dating other people. During that time we got to know each other extremely well and basically went ga ga for each other. Now we text, call, IM, have sex, date and are obsessed with one another – and we’re exclusive! So, each couple has to decide for themselves what is best for them! Texting and IMing don’t have to be evil – they can be incorporated into any relationship if done the right way
Alex 128
What’s about deaf people, we rely on texting even we are unable to use the phone. It’s more harder for us as texting can be impersonal and you can’t really see or hear what the other person is feeling. If I knew, Id be writing a book on that to help others! So far it’s all guesswork….
JS 129
What I hate about texting is that a lot of men wind up trying to turn a “hey how r u?” text into a date via text msg. Wherein you basically have all this back and forth and banter and getting to know you stuff without the effort of actually being in person and while they could be doing this with 10 other girls. I firmly believe that this is done to build trust/familiarity to make it easier / quicker to get a woman into bed.
I will definitely take my blame in it because they are only able to waste hrs of my time texting because I respond. And while I’d love to defend my txt involvement by saying that I got excited b/c a guy I like texted me, I have to take responsibility and say that I should have said a few txt back and forth of “I’m fine and you, etc” and then end quickly with “I’m really glad you reached out or it was great hearing from you but I can’t txt right now, ttyl” Or something like that.
And honestly, I am so fed up with txting that I am honestly going to go that route from now on. No hard line in the sand, just say: glad you texted but I am busy. If they want to talk to me, they can call to chat or take me on a date. I have accepted the fact that date ask-outs come via txt these days so i accept it but no more quasi/virtual date via txt. It is bs and as they say “text (I mean talk) is cheap.”
AllenB 130
@JS For real? A text message conversation takes less effort than a face to face? Considering how slow it is, and how many facets of communication are lost in text alone, I agree with that at all. Call them back if they respond to your first response and tell them you would rather talk. You will quickly learn if they are just wasting your time. Your method leaves you hanging.
Dagaz 131
@ Tim, #123
well, i’m one the girls who wouldn’t sit and wait, i picked the phone a talked 3-5 min just to hear the voice (long distance relationship). after couple month i’ve realized that it’s only me making calls, he prefers text or chat, even after i’ve expressed my feeling of disconnection.
and making a phone call now makes me feel like i’m begging for the attention.
so much for phone working both ways.
E 132
The opposite can go for women. Why the eff don’t women have the effin common so SIMPLE COURTESY to call men BACK!!!! So many men get so baffeled at why the eff women don’t simply pick up the effin phone and tell him I’m interested or I’m not interested. Simple AS THAT!! Especially the I’m not INTERESTED PART!!! Lots of single women must like pi**ing off men when you single women don’t answer your damn phone and play that childish effed up no answer game!!! Answer the effin phone or text him back !!! It takes two effin seconds to say your busy, your not interested, will talk later but just SOMETHING!!!!!!!
Anais 133
” Understand this about men: they will usually do the least that they can to maintain their relationship.”
I understand and agree this theory… So what if the guy calls for a second date right away but doesn’t keep in touch for most of the rest of the week? For example at the beginning of the week, a new guy called me to reschedule our second date. We’re going out next weekend. That shows interest; the part I’m stuck on is he said he’d call me again later this week and didn’t. I’m not distraught over it since he put a lot of thought into planning the date. but just don’t wanna make that sort of pattern ok. is it too soon to assume that he’s not gonna pursue me harder?
I don’t accept texting as a sole/main form of communication while dating and I especially wouldn’t once sex is involved. When convos go on too long through text, I selectively reply and end the convo flirtatiously. it inspires them to pick up the phone sometimes. But overall lack of contact during the week seems to be an issue for me in online dating and I’m confused about how to handle it.. The ones I meet aren’t good w/keeping in touch, but from the beginning they do make plans to see me again either on the date or 1 day after. But after the date is set, I either 1. hardly hear from them during the week 2. don’t hear from them at all until the 2nd date or 3. they mainly text during the week until I do what mentioned earlier
Tania218 134
I am 54 and getting used to the texting thing, especially when dating, and if the only reason as some blogg said men do it just to keep sleeping with you, well I do not have a problem with that because it will still be my choice if I want to sleep with them or not, and if I decide yes then everyone has fun. So where is the harm.
However many men have said that they are sick and tired of being judged as though it is all about sex, sometimes it is and sometimes it’s to go out with someone and sex is not even that important. However many woman never call or text but wait for them to do it all, and leaves them wondering if the woman really likes them at all.. Food for thought.
Marc 135
Texting – I could not stop laughing at most of the comments regarding texting, sexting and non-verbal communication with IM’s and emails. I am blown away at just how stupid people really are in this world. Some of the comments about dating and asking the guy/woman out on the first date via a text or continued conversations via text because you are so-called busy with a million things during the day or you have a home you own and a dog, a cat a drunk uncle and two kids that don’t go to school because one is in jail for internet piracy and the other is too busy playing computer games and texting all day…you get my point, if you want to date someone then use your VOICE, lips mouth and form words morons. I don’t want to hear about ages or styles of communication. The bottom line is if you have absolutely no f’en social skills (not social networking skills where you add 2 thousand friends on FB and have no idea who they are.) just be natural, and live in the reality of the REAL WORLD. Communication is simple so form a few words and follow after me by saying Hello with your mouth. Now wasn’t that easy? I hope the 20 and 30 somethings of the world will practice speaking using their gift of verbal speech…I know it is difficult and you have a hard time say just a simple word like CAT but trust me if you use a small amount of your brain power you will be able to do it. ~~Life life in the real world of human to human interaction and not through a digital feed of binary codes in hopes of becoming something you are not and/or or never will be.~~Marc
Rochelle 136
I’m in my late 20s and feel like I’m in the minority in my age group. I think texting is good when you can’t talk or for flirty mesages as mentioned in the original post. It should add to dating communcation, not replacing face to face or phone calls.. All of the men I meet (majority online) like to text over calling but it’s because it’s what women allow. I even had one who I was friends with for a few months one day ask me out through a Facebook message! And I asked him to call me. When he called he said “wow I’m not used to a woman asking me to call her”. And I told him I feel weird about being asked out through e-communication.
But most of the time when I try to ask a guy to call me instead of text in a flirtatious manner (like the one in the blog post), he usually says he will then doesn’t call and resumes texting. So I just ignore them when they do this until they pick up the phone. I don’t need to be on the phone all day with any guy but if you want to court me and aren’t willing to pick up the phone every now and then, not even for a 5 to 15 min phone call, I can’t take your interest seriously. End of story. All the men who act like it’s a chore to pick up the phone because they claim they aren’t a “phone person”, shouldn’t be surprised if a woman decides to dump them through an email or text message then. Likewise for the women who feel that way.
D 137
“If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you” I’m quoting you!
Can you tell me if this is true? My guy is a real texter and I have stopped responding to his silly texts. Will it make me more desirable?
Lucy 138
Well I do not text. This is because I live in a place the size of a large village where I can knock on someone’s door if I want to know what’s going on. I hardly have my mobile phone switched on either, because I only use it mainly as an alternative means of contact (if not around my land-line). So I fully admit to not being very into technology. If I text all I want to know is what, where, when and how. I don’t use it for conversation. That’s something most people find hard to fathom and I don’t blame them. Hmm perhaps this is a problem in dating. But if it conveniently filters out men who don’t make much effort then great. I want my human contact to be as real as possible. If I can’t see someone in person, then a phone call or skype is the next best thing.
As for the men here complaining about women not making an effort and getting back to them…well I agree that it has to work both ways. I don’t follow dating game rules regarding calling people. If I want to call someone because I enjoyed spending time with them, then I will call them. If they decide that they don’t like it then that’s their problem. And I’m not a stalker. I won’t call them over and over again and I have a busy calendar. I believe that life is too short and if someone means that much to me, I won’t let awkwardness get in the way. Furthermore, I do not initiate contact with men I do not fancy and will let a person know if they clearly like me but feelings are not reciprocated. I expect the same in return.
With the last ex, we’d argue about the fact that we were long-distance and I wanted to skype call him so I could hear his voice and see his face, and it was difficult not seeing him in person. But he would not budge even though I pointed out that it upset me and I was crying about it. In the end it contributed to me losing interest in him because what’s a relationship if it’s simply words on a screen? I can compromise and have done in the past. However the men I’ve encountered are fairly rigid and it was their way or else when it came to communicating. I had another ex who’d get really angry at me if I called him to ask him how he was. Maybe communication is the first means through which those kinds of people operate their control. Or maybe differences in communication are really that important…
marymary 139
I’m in my forties, and a woman and I text my boyfriend a lot *hangs head*. However, we don’t have deep discussions or arguments or relationship talks via text. It’s more “thinking of you”, “I can see a rainbow!” “I can see your house from here”. it’s not that he is phone phobic. He will spend hour on the phone with his family and friends (male and female). It’s me that likes texting.
HOWEVER, we see each other at least twice a week on dates and another two times a week at least at church. And I have no fear of picking up the phone if I want to speak to him (apart from busting my call plan).
If you don’t want to conduct a relationship via text then say so. Ignoring his/her texts or hinting isn’t going to get the msg across. Once you’ve got the msg across and he/she doesn’t heed it, then make a decision as to whether you can accept it.
Oh yeah, and I identify with terence above – I detest voicemail.
And D “ My guy is a real texter and I have stopped responding to his silly texts. Will it make me more desirable?” Playing hard to get/unavailable does trigger a chase response in certain men. But they may not be the men you want. Playing games is not what relationships are about. You’re supposed to be working towards a loving and supportive relationship (assuming you are), not trying to prove who cares the least.
firefly 140
At first texting seemed fun with my bf. We’d text throughout the day about nothing. But after we were together for a year and started to have arguements via text, that’s when I demanded we TALK on the phone instead when we had something pressing to say. Texting someone during an argument is frustrating and impersonal. I asked my bf to call instead of text whenever things get heated bc I can’t read his tone or see facial expressions thru text. This can lead to reading the other person wrong and your thoughts come out faster than you can text. By then my bf ends up getting so upset and frustrated from texting that he refuses to cal!
So in short….I think texting can be convenient when youre too busy to talk. Its also good for small chatter and for fun flirty stuff. But if you have something important to discuss then pick up the phone and CALL!l
David T 141
Amen, firefly. Amen. Text/email etc. loses a lot. For anything important or potentially stressing, talk, face to face if possible.
Dani 142
Come on, are u all that important and that busy that you can’t pick up the phone a fee times a week while dating someone? It’s such a pathetic excuse. Texting is more for when you’re running late, confirming a time, etc. Not for building intimacy, and getting to know one another. And unless we’re all 13 years old, pick up the damn phone. Texting a ‘conversation’ is immature, avoiding intimacy, and it’s just really not giving a damn about that relationship too much. It would take less time to have a 5 minute phone conversation (umm… Actually hearing the persons voice rather than the stupid tapping sounds of texting), then taking the effort to text a semi-conversation.
It’s not about being old school, ‘Generation-whatever’, it’s about not being 13… And being Considerate, and having the decency and balls to just pick up the phone if you really want to create something more meaningful w someone. It’s respect. Texting is lazy communication if it’s the only means of communication starting a relationship. If they don’t have the time to pick up the phone a reasonable amount of times during the week to ‘talk’ to you. You don’t have time for them. Period.
David T 143
My 2¢
I almost always try to call because voice is faster and more complete communication, but I only get an answer one time in two or three. I will often send a text after an attempted call instead of leaving a voicemail. It used to really irritate me when folks (dating prospects AND friends and relatives) would not answer their phones, until I recently went through the last few weeks of my recent incoming calls, and you know what? I only answer about 1/3 of them! I am not trying to screen them; I think it is just a matter of not being tethered to my phone. Now I have decided that this is just the nature of cell phones for most people.
I dislike calling someone over and over and not getting through. What is the other person going to think if they see 5 missed calls from me? I suspect a lot of people feel the same way, so unless you are one of the rare people who almost always answer your phone, or at least acknowledge a missed calls with a return call or a text within a day, then you have to expect receive text messages.
If someone is ONLY using text and never even suggesting in the text messages, “hey, lets talk” then they are hiding from real conversation. Especially in the early parts of a relationship where rapid fire eager conversation is the norm, this is a bad sign.
There is a place for text/IM and email. It lets me really think through what I am feeling and what I want to say. Nevertheless, the opportunities for misunderstanding when no intonations and body language and smiles etc. are available to complete the communication make it very risky for anything important. Probably better is to write an email…and then call them up and talk about your thoughts!
Michael Spenceley 144
Women do the same thing in regards to texting. But if a man want’s to show a woman that he is confident (which is something that women find most desirable in a man) then he shouldn’t be hiding behind a text message. Get on the phone and call her or talk to her facfe to face.
Goldie 145
@ Marymary, are we the same person?
I’m exactly the same way. As long as I get enough face time, texting is okay with me. Allows us to keep in touch during the day without getting on the phone in front of coworkers, family, or (heaven forbid) while driving. Because you never know where that phone call is going to catch you! I guess this is what I like the most about texts, that I (and my partner) can read and reply to them at our convenience, not as soon as they come in, as it would be with a call.
Have to warn all us texters, though – it is very easy to send a text to the wrong person. It’s pretty much impossible to have a phone conversation with the wrong person. So be careful. Luckily in my case, I only confused my bf with my son, and sent the bf a text asking if he wanted to apply for work at a local fast-food restaurant, as they seemed to be hiring.