Comments on: Why Do Guys Send Text Messages To Keep In Touch While Dating?

By: Goldie

Goldie — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:01:28 +0000

@ Marymary, are we the same person? I’m exactly the same way. As long as I get enough face time, texting is okay with me. Allows us to keep in touch during the day without getting on the phone in front of coworkers, family, or (heaven forbid) while driving. Because you never know where that phone call is going to catch you! I guess this is what I like the most about texts, that I (and my partner) can read and reply to them at our convenience, not as soon as they come in, as it would be with a call.

Have to warn all us texters, though – it is very easy to send a text to the wrong person. It’s pretty much impossible to have a phone conversation with the wrong person. So be careful. Luckily in my case, I only confused my bf with my son, and sent the bf a text asking if he wanted to apply for work at a local fast-food restaurant, as they seemed to be hiring.

By: Michael Spenceley

Michael Spenceley — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 21:18:37 +0000

Women do the same thing in regards to texting. But if a man want’s to show a woman that he is confident (which is something that women find most desirable in a man) then he shouldn’t be hiding behind a text message. Get on the phone and call her or talk to her facfe to face.

By: David T

David T — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 16:21:35 +0000

My 2¢

I almost always try to call because voice is faster and more complete communication, but I only get an answer one time in two or three. I will often send a text after an attempted call instead of leaving a voicemail. It used to really irritate me when folks (dating prospects AND friends and relatives) would not answer their phones, until I recently went through the last few weeks of my recent incoming calls, and you know what? I only answer about 1/3 of them! I am not trying to screen them; I think it is just a matter of not being tethered to my phone. Now I have decided that this is just the nature of cell phones for most people.
I dislike calling someone over and over and not getting through. What is the other person going to think if they see 5 missed calls from me? I suspect a lot of people feel the same way, so unless you are one of the rare people who almost always answer your phone, or at least acknowledge a missed calls with a return call or a text within a day, then you have to expect receive text messages.

If someone is ONLY using text and never even suggesting in the text messages, “hey, lets talk” then they are hiding from real conversation. Especially in the early parts of a relationship where rapid fire eager conversation is the norm, this is a bad sign.

There is a place for text/IM and email. It lets me really think through what I am feeling and what I want to say. Nevertheless, the opportunities for misunderstanding when no intonations and body language and smiles etc. are available to complete the communication make it very risky for anything important. Probably better is to write an email…and then call them up and talk about your thoughts!

By: Dani

Dani — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:27:27 +0000

Come on, are u all that important and that busy that you can’t pick up the phone a fee times a week while dating someone? It’s such a pathetic excuse. Texting is more for when you’re running late, confirming a time, etc. Not for building intimacy, and getting to know one another. And unless we’re all 13 years old, pick up the damn phone. Texting a ‘conversation’ is immature, avoiding intimacy, and it’s just really not giving a damn about that relationship too much. It would take less time to have a 5 minute phone conversation (umm… Actually hearing the persons voice rather than the stupid tapping sounds of texting), then taking the effort to text a semi-conversation.

It’s not about being old school, ‘Generation-whatever’, it’s about not being 13… And being Considerate, and having the decency and balls to just pick up the phone if you really want to create something more meaningful w someone. It’s respect. Texting is lazy communication if it’s the only means of communication starting a relationship. If they don’t have the time to pick up the phone a reasonable amount of times during the week to ‘talk’ to you. You don’t have time for them. Period.

By: David T

David T — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 04:05:04 +0000

Amen, firefly. Amen. Text/email etc. loses a lot. For anything important or potentially stressing, talk, face to face if possible.

By: firefly

firefly — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 12:24:16 +0000

At first texting seemed fun with my bf. We’d text throughout the day about nothing. But after we were together for a year and started to have arguements via text, that’s when I demanded we TALK on the phone instead when we had something pressing to say. Texting someone during an argument is frustrating and impersonal. I asked my bf to call instead of text whenever things get heated bc I can’t read his tone or see facial expressions thru text. This can lead to reading the other person wrong and your thoughts come out faster than you can text. By then my bf ends up getting so upset and frustrated from texting that he refuses to cal!
So in short….I think texting can be convenient when youre too busy to talk. Its also good for small chatter and for fun flirty stuff. But if you have something important to discuss then pick up the phone and CALL!l

By: marymary

marymary — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 10:14:37 +0000

I’m in my forties, and a woman and I text my boyfriend a lot *hangs head*. However, we don’t have deep discussions or arguments or relationship talks via text. It’s more “thinking of you”, “I can see a rainbow!” “I can see your house from here”. it’s not that he is phone phobic. He will spend hour on the phone with his family and friends (male and female). It’s me that likes texting.
HOWEVER, we see each other at least twice a week on dates and another two times a week at least at church. And I have no fear of picking up the phone if I want to speak to him (apart from busting my call plan).
If you don’t want to conduct a relationship via text then say so. Ignoring his/her texts or hinting isn’t going to get the msg across. Once you’ve got the msg across and he/she doesn’t heed it, then make a decision as to whether you can accept it.
Oh yeah, and I identify with terence above – I detest voicemail.
And D “ My guy is a real texter and I have stopped responding to his silly texts. Will it make me more desirable?” Playing hard to get/unavailable does trigger a chase response in certain men. But they may not be the men you want. Playing games is not what relationships are about. You’re supposed to be working towards a loving and supportive relationship (assuming you are), not trying to prove who cares the least.

By: Lucy

Lucy — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 09:48:42 +0000

Well I do not text. This is because I live in a place the size of a large village where I can knock on someone’s door if I want to know what’s going on. I hardly have my mobile phone switched on either, because I only use it mainly as an alternative means of contact (if not around my land-line). So I fully admit to not being very into technology. If I text all I want to know is what, where, when and how. I don’t use it for conversation. That’s something most people find hard to fathom and I don’t blame them. Hmm perhaps this is a problem in dating. But if it conveniently filters out men who don’t make much effort then great. I want my human contact to be as real as possible. If I can’t see someone in person, then a phone call or skype is the next best thing.

As for the men here complaining about women not making an effort and getting back to them…well I agree that it has to work both ways. I don’t follow dating game rules regarding calling people. If I want to call someone because I enjoyed spending time with them, then I will call them. If they decide that they don’t like it then that’s their problem. And I’m not a stalker. I won’t call them over and over again and I have a busy calendar. I believe that life is too short and if someone means that much to me, I won’t let awkwardness get in the way. Furthermore, I do not initiate contact with men I do not fancy and will let a person know if they clearly like me but feelings are not reciprocated. I expect the same in return.

With the last ex, we’d argue about the fact that we were long-distance and I wanted to skype call him so I could hear his voice and see his face, and it was difficult not seeing him in person. But he would not budge even though I pointed out that it upset me and I was crying about it. In the end it contributed to me losing interest in him because what’s a relationship if it’s simply words on a screen? I can compromise and have done in the past. However the men I’ve encountered are fairly rigid and it was their way or else when it came to communicating. I had another ex who’d get really angry at me if I called him to ask him how he was. Maybe communication is the first means through which those kinds of people operate their control. Or maybe differences in communication are really that important…

By: D

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 22:39:31 +0000

“If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you” I’m quoting you!

Can you tell me if this is true? My guy is a real texter and I have stopped responding to his silly texts. Will it make me more desirable?

By: Rochelle

Rochelle — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 15:30:08 +0000

I’m in my late 20s and feel like I’m in the minority in my age group. I think texting is good when you can’t talk or for flirty mesages as mentioned in the original post. It should add to dating communcation, not replacing face to face or phone calls.. All of the men I meet (majority online) like to text over calling but it’s because it’s what women allow. I even had one who I was friends with for a few months one day ask me out through a Facebook message! And I asked him to call me. When he called he said “wow I’m not used to a woman asking me to call her”. And I told him I feel weird about being asked out through e-communication.

But most of the time when I try to ask a guy to call me instead of text in a flirtatious manner (like the one in the blog post), he usually says he will then doesn’t call and resumes texting. So I just ignore them when they do this until they pick up the phone. I don’t need to be on the phone all day with any guy but if you want to court me and aren’t willing to pick up the phone every now and then, not even for a 5 to 15 min phone call, I can’t take your interest seriously. End of story. All the men who act like it’s a chore to pick up the phone because they claim they aren’t a “phone person”, shouldn’t be surprised if a woman decides to dump them through an email or text message then. Likewise for the women who feel that way.