Comments on: Why Do Men Cheat?

By: Jadafisk

Jadafisk — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 03:53:45 +0000

I was going to say… most male cheaters wouldn’t agree to an open marriage. That means that she can do whoever she wants, too. If what people say about the genders is true, she’s likely to have a lot more potential playmates than him, and his tolerance/ego would be tested big time if she agrees and *really* means it. Also, sometimes men set themselves up for sexual compatibility with their Madonna/whore issues – he wouldn’t even consider putting a ring on or having his children raised by a woman who would agree to an open marriage or polyamorous setup. If he suggests it, he knows that the type of woman he chose to marry will unequivocally see it as a call for an end to the marriage.

“After a few years of monogamy women should get a makeover, men should take hatha yoga classes and buy a copy of the kamma sutra.”

A makeover can’t make a person 15 years younger, Asian, 70 pounds heavier, a DD cup, or a virgin. The vast majority of female variety will not be available to a faithful married man, and there’s absolutely no way around that. If you have pizza every week for 10 years, how excited can you get about being served Canadian bacon instead of hamburger, really?

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 20:17:10 +0000

I read this with interest. I’m in a situation like this now with my guy. No matter how one tries to explain this as biological, whatnot, the bottom line is that it HURTS and it’s hurtful and it’s an easy cop-out from not working on things when necessary…and it’s so superficial and there is no way to maintain the initial thrill anyway, and all the crap just comes back no matter who the new person is, so why do it? Is this what we have become as people. Just throw someone away because you feel like it? BTW, I’ve never known or heard of one damn couple that made it and lasted with an open relationship. Not one. And not one thought in the end it was fine and ok. The guy that wanted the arrangement sure as hell doesn’t want that kind of arrangement when he really loves and cares for a woman. I feel people who do this are weak and spineless.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 01:58:37 +0000

Joe #42, probably true. I was responding to someone who asked what would drive a woman to cheat.

By: Anisa

Anisa — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:51:42 +0000

@ downtowngal # 32

The most cheating occurs when the kids are little……

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:07:07 +0000

I’m amazed by the number of people I come across who are cheating. Everywhere I go and these are not otherwise scummy people.

I agree with Evan, cheating is a choice.

I think those who cheat are moral cowards. I came very close to having an affair with a married woman. My emotional needs had gone unmet for a long time. I wanted what I wanted, badly.

You know what? It was tough to do, but I ended the friendship. I just sucked it up, took responsibility and did it.

I’m not a master of self discipline. If I can do it, anyone can. I think people just rationalize not doing it because they have sense of entitlement to anything they want to have.

Having said that I think Evan and his wife are ahead of us by accepting the realities of relationships and doing what they can to manage those realities to give their relationship the best fighting chance they can.

By: Sometimes

Sometimes — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:40:29 +0000

And FYI – Much happier now. Someone who cheats is someone who really only thinks of themselves – not a good quality in a partner.

By: Sometimes

Sometimes — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:17:36 +0000

@ downtowngal
I truly believe that anyone can cheat – anyone; the right place, the right time, the right curcimstances, or rather the wrong place, time, and curcimstances. So I forgave and forgot after his1st affair. Only to have to repeat the painful, heartwrenching experience and the divorce years later.

If I knew the 1st time what I know now – I would have cut the ties then. I didn’t save myself (or my kids) anything.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:23:26 +0000

This is a timely post; I have a friend who was flirting with me big time, which I found very puzzling, so I asked him what was going on in his marriage. Turns out things have not been good at all. I told him to rent the move “Fireproof” and do “The Love Dare” on his wife. Could he cheat? Sure, but to what end? It will give him short term satisfaction without really getting to the root of the problem. I asked him if he loved his wife and told him that it was more of a decision than a feeling. He said he believes his wife knows he’s the type to stay with her for the sake of the kids and grandkids. I told him that maybe she needs to know he’ll do it for her sake. I’m hoping that healing is brought to that marriage.

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:46:35 +0000

A husband who is never home and/or ignores his wife’s emotional needs. and refuses to do anything about it
So…analogous to a wife who ignores her husband’s sexual needs?

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 22:14:19 +0000

Evan, rather than state why someone may or may not cheat, what would you advise someone to DO if they found out their other half was cheating?