I had 2 great- well maybe 1.5 months with the potential future..until he started tearing me apart..we broke up.. and I said no to friends..he kept contacting me and I said I don’t want friends.. 3 weeks go by and I thought..I’ll try it..never done it before as usually one or the other always wants more even if they don’t say it…well.. he came over and it clearly wasnt friends..I didn’t sleep with him..boundaries..well.. he clearly didn’t know what he wanted and I started online dating again..of course I heard from him but it was “just to see you in person”… CRAP.., I told him to never contact me again.. Really… I’m NO DOORMATfor some guy who can’t make up their mind and only want me around to bolster their ego until they find someone else…. NADA.. If you can break up with me, then what is the point in friends…staying in touch just slows down the process that is ultimately the same…

While it seems Evan, his wife and the women friends he knows are very evolved, I’d like to examine another angle.  While this may not apply to all, it’s something to think about.

I was often in the “friend zone”.  A place no one truly wants to be.  I had and on and off again friend relationship with someone who liked me and who I liked. Because of our issues we never really got together – but he still wanted me as a friend –  even after he got married.  I think he thought I’d be flattered, or that it’d be fun.

No.

While some men cheat on their wives physically, some cheat emotionally – right in front of the other person.

Pardon my language but it’s time women (and men) stopped being someone’s “Emotional Whore”.  And let’s be honest, at least prositutes get paid. 

This guy wanted it all, the devoted wife and mother, and the awesome fan club female that thought HE was so awesome she stuck around even though he had found someone else.

In my opinion, this is pure selfishness.  

If you’re game for such a game, then go for it.
But if you want to grow and move on from such emotional chains: Cut the ropes, wish them well, and the go find the person that wants ALL of you. 

Just my thoughts. 

In this column you mention you only want to try to be friends, “if I’ve gone out with someone three or four times over a month – which probably means we’ve seen each other naked.”

In the “When Should a Woman Have Sex With a Man?” you wrote: “This has been my personal policy for the past three years – no committed relationship, no sex – and it’s worked very well for me.” (Which was also repeated at greater length in “Why Men Should Say No to Sex.”)

I can’t find the column that discussed it, but it seems to be a pretty generally accepted rule of thumb on this board that three months is a good point by which to have declared exclusivity.

I’m sure you see the question coming, but how are you getting to the naked bodies within 3-4 dates if you’re holding off on sex until exclusivity? Or do you get exclusive that quickly? Looking forward to the clarification.