Comments on: Why Are So Many People Addicted To Online Dating?

By: Ellen

Ellen — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 14:03:42 +0000

Just some observations:

I’ve heard from other men too many women are prof. daters. Can’t understand that sort of desperation/manipulation myself.

Online dating also nearly turned me into a man hater (responding to the misogynist comment above) so I can relate! Now THAT is scary, sad and pathetic. But unlike a lot of people I’ve found love (of a sort) online during the past 3 years, had in other words about 4 mini-relationships, love affairs, only to have them peter out after a while because these men weren’t worthy of me frankly. Til my current squeeze, the longest relationship I’ve had was 1+ year but that only with a friends with benefits, infrequently. But I gave him unconditional love, he responded very powerfully to that, so he couldn’t give me up I think. I made him feel safe, respected, understood.

Evan is right- men online pretend they are pursued, but most aren’t. I can spot the fakey “cool” ones a mile away! Many don’t pursue with me unless I actively pursue them (their ego gets involved too much). When I notice that I figure they lack confidence/passion/balls (I’m into alpha men I’ve decided) so it’s a real dealbreaker for me. I won’t pursue a man hotly- just not my nature.

Imo another major reason men fail with women online is lack of follow-thru. Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker) has noted this. Men, follow thru during the early stages of a relationship! Show you care. Text/email/IM- do what it takes to nurture the relationship during the early stages. Men get too complacent, too fast, so women move on. We are often insecure so it just hurts too much.

I think men primarily look for sex, but women like to conquer men emotionally…..

My current squeeze (and we have great chemistry) falls into this category, but it’s just the way he is, his work schedule so I put up with it. I’ve been around him long enough to know he really likes me so trust him.

I disagree online dating coaches are a dime a dozen. I’ve learned so much from Evan it’s not funny. His advice was what was missing imo.

By: Bexster

Bexster — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 18:20:24 +0000

being new to this online stuff I thought was going to be great, until I ran into a guy ( who at the time I thought was great) turned out to be a guy that jumps from dating site to dating site looking for his next big bed thrill. I have tried to see and understand what makes him tick and why he doesnt see the emotional damage he is doing to these ladies that open thier hearts and trust to him.. he plays it smooth and acts like he cares but in reality he could care less.. I just sometime wish I could help the poor next victim that he is pursuing.. I have learned he has been doing this for well over 10 years.. and the amount of woman he has hurt is crazy!!.. these sites can be good.. but also with guys that use them like this guy does..they are hurtful and makes a person shut down.. yes, I was one of his victims.. great lesson learned. sad but true.

By: Luca

Luca — Tue, 10 May 2011 12:37:52 +0000

I honestly resist doing this. I think most of the communication we experience is non verbal and I refuse to go crazy meeting people who seem great on paper but with whom I don’t click. It must be exhausting! And I think that doing this too often may vice the way you look at relationship. Too short: off! Agnostic: off. Athletic: On! Seriously!! Nothing can replace the million sensations, perceptions, intuitions we have when we meet someone in person. One may think that online dating will eventually lead to this meetings and we narrow down our choices by the online selection. But I think it is a waste of time and energy (not in all cases, of course) because you may have realized you don’t click with this person immediately if you had met in a class or a party. I am mediterranean, I like life and authenticity. This is the MacDonalds of love…not for me.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 14:21:17 +0000

Paul said: (#67)
“I wonder if I should just give up on older women and settle with a 20 somthing girl…”

If you can find one who is fit, outdoorsy and not into partying or NSA sex, why not?

Date the women who want to date you. If I were in your position, I would divide my efforts between the younger women (seeing if they have the characteristics you seek) and the middle-aged women (seeing if they’re interested in responding to you).

By: Paul

Paul — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 19:02:38 +0000

As a very attractive fit 40 year old male without kids It has been impossible to connect online with quality women compatible with myself. Ironically Its the young women that respond well to me not the middle aged women, but my lifestyle and goals just arent partying and NSA sex with these young ladies and there friends. The real women that interest me older fit outdoorsy ladies with good careers like myself(and there are a lot of these profiles) completely ignore me. I wonder if I should just give up on older women and settle with a 20 somthing girl…

By: Gabby

Gabby — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:59:52 +0000

Dear Evan,
I couldn’t agree with you less.
I was a novice, in early 2005 and spent several months as a member on a site, then two, then three, before opting out. However, over the years I have occassionally VISITED to do a search – just as your correspondent, Barb, did.
Like her, I am not a member. I do not have a profile posted and I am not perennially parked on a site – I am merely CONDUCTING A SEARCH. To my dismay, there they are, five years later – the same men with the same photos (talk about a dated representation). They’ve not even bothered to update their profiles.
On the rare occasion that I did sign on again, every single time the very same men who had written to me previously scrambled to write to the new kind on the dating site block, not even remembering that we had “met” in cyberspace in the past.
So, please give Barb a little slack for merely mentioning the obvious and submitting an innocent enquiry. She didn’t deserve to be castigated.
Maureen

By: new dating online

new dating online — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:46:15 +0000

We are all addicts until we find someone who is enough to make us quit. It’s the whole grass is always greener concept.

By: JB

JB — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:52:18 +0000

Cilla: “JB, what makes you so sure that all those women you’re emailing with your fake recon profiles aren’t doing the same thing with you?”

They might be. Anybody that’s ever been online knows they might be responding to a fake profile, an unrealistic profile, a profile that “s t r e t c h e s” the truth, a profile that blatantly lies about their age,weight,you name it. That’s all part of the game. That’s why NO ONE has, nor should you give them ANY VALUE until you qualify them by meeting FACE to FACE. All that being said,everyone on this blog like Evan said is fairly sharp and I think I’m pretty good at spotting a fake from a legit profile but of course not 100% of the time. It’s irrelevant really. It takes very little time & effort to initiate contact and play “email ping pong” for a bit until you go for a phone number close …lol

By: JB

JB — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:14:48 +0000

I agree with you Kenley and btw I consider myself an “a little above average Joe” …lol maybe even a 6 on a good day. Never the less, of course putting up a few average Joe/Jane recon profiles might provide us with some addtional insight but it would be tedious to say the least. I agree with your statement that some average Janes will stay away from or ignore “hot” guys for the various reasons you state. You are right the term “average” is an opinion. 1 giant “grey area” of millions of profiles. I’m glad you and SOME women reply and initiate to average guys. I know for a fact that a guy is ecstatic if he gets emails from average Janes because just like women even if he isn’t interested it makes him feel good. And my own success online over the years bores out the fact that “I” like most men have to email 30 -50 to get 1 response and out of 10 responses I might get to the phone with 3 and meet 1. The odds of HER being one that was REALLY interested in is slim but it happens occssionally.Over all I’ve been averaging meeting about 1 woman a month and of course that’s not all 12 years of this. Over most of those years I was still meeting 90% (5 to 10 a week) in local drinking establishments that were “target rich” with 30-50 yr.olds at the time. These have since closed down in my area due to the smoking restrictions AND the horrible economy, forcing me to become a lot more online dependent (which I hate). I remember Evan once saying “you don’t want to hanging out in bars in your 40′s, do you ?” Of course no one wants to be labeled a “barfly” but it is fun going out and mingling with people your own age and having fun if it’s available in your area. Something to be said for meeting people “instantly” the old fashioned way. I’ve been doing it for years. So now like always I still do both but rely on the internet a lot more than I would like.

By: Cilla

Cilla — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:14:25 +0000

JB, what makes you so sure that all those women you’re emailing with your fake recon profiles aren’t doing the same thing with you?