Comments on: Why Are So Many People Addicted To Online Dating?

By: new dating online

new dating online — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:46:15 +0000

We are all addicts until we find someone who is enough to make us quit. It’s the whole ‘grass is always greener’ concept.

By: JB

JB — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:52:18 +0000

Cilla: “JB, what makes you so sure that all those women you’re emailing with your fake recon profiles aren’t doing the same thing with you?”

They might be. Anybody that’s ever been online knows they might be responding to a fake profile, an unrealistic profile, a profile that “s t r e t c h e s” the truth, a profile that blatantly lies about their age,weight,you name it. That’s all part of the game. That’s why NO ONE has, nor should you give them ANY VALUE until you qualify them by meeting FACE to FACE. All that being said,everyone on this blog like Evan said is fairly sharp and I think I’m pretty good at spotting a fake from a legit profile but of course not 100% of the time. It’s irrelevant really. It takes very little time & effort to initiate contact and play “email ping pong” for a bit until you go for a phone number close …lol

By: JB

JB — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:14:48 +0000

I agree with you Kenley and btw I consider myself an “a little above average Joe” …lol maybe even a 6 on a good day. Never the less, of course putting up a few average Joe/Jane recon profiles might provide us with some addtional insight but it would be tedious to say the least. I agree with your statement that some average Janes will stay away from or ignore “hot” guys for the various reasons you state. You are right the term “average” is an opinion. 1 giant “grey area” of millions of profiles. I’m glad you and SOME women reply and initiate to average guys. I know for a fact that a guy is ecstatic if he gets emails from average Janes because just like women even if he isn’t interested it makes him feel good. And my own success online over the years bores out the fact that “I” like most men have to email 30 -50 to get 1 response and out of 10 responses I might get to the phone with 3 and meet 1. The odds of HER being one that was REALLY interested in is slim but it happens occssionally.Over all I’ve been averaging meeting about 1 woman a month and of course that’s not all 12 years of this. Over most of those years I was still meeting 90% (5 to 10 a week) in local drinking establishments that were “target rich” with 30-50 yr.olds at the time. These have since closed down in my area due to the smoking restrictions AND the horrible economy, forcing me to become a lot more online dependent (which I hate). I remember Evan once saying “you don’t want to hanging out in bars in your 40’s, do you ?” Of course no one wants to be labeled a “barfly” but it is fun going out and mingling with people your own age and having fun if it’s available in your area. Something to be said for meeting people “instantly” the old fashioned way. I’ve been doing it for years. So now like always I still do both but rely on the internet a lot more than I would like.

By: Cilla

Cilla — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:14:25 +0000

JB, what makes you so sure that all those women you’re emailing with your fake recon profiles aren’t doing the same thing with you?

By: Kenley

Kenley — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:12:35 +0000

JB,

Perhaps I’m not the typical woman, but on those rare occasions that a really, really good looking guy contacts me, I turn him down because I think…
a. He’s only interested in sex or
b. He’s fake — one of those oversees scammers or
c. He’s playing games and just wants to make fun of me

So, I really only respond to average guys. However, and I think this is important. Some average guys are attractive to me while others are not. Average does not equal unattractive.

Based on what you are saying, it would appear that the only people dating online are women with beauty queen looks and men with movie star looks. I just find that had to believe. The people that I know who’ve met online are just normal looking, everyday men and women. So, what’s my point, you ask? It’s this. Not all average joes are created equal. So, I think average jane will reply to the average joe that she finds attractive. Perhaps your recon profiles should include a wider sample of average joes than only you. Just a thought.

One last thought. JB, your own success online, while it may not be the quantity you want, proves that average guys do get some attention!

By: JB

JB — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:33:57 +0000

Well Kenley the experiment wasn’t to see if women are much more likely to communicate with a handsome man versus an average one. That’s obvious. It was more to see if the women that are 3’s-5’s would give an average guy a chance when the “9″ ignored them like THEY themselves do to millions of average guys every day.
Whenever I email anyone who …..shall I say I’m a little “less enthusiastic” about IF they respond I chat with them just like I would for someone who’s profile I’m crazy about. They might have a great personality and be fun to meet for a drink. I’m not one of these “looking for a wife/soulmate/ best friend/”THE ONE”/you have to be perfect yadda yadda yadda” online daters. I like all types of women, I just have fun with it. BTW I’m not emailing 1’s and 2’s that I would never want to be seen with etc just to mess with them. I’m not mean.
I never ignore any woman who return my email with my REAL profile. My “gorgeus hunk recon” profiles on the other hand can sometimes give ladies a nice dose of what THEY do to hundreds of guys everyday. Believe me some of these ladies have NEVER gotten a “Thanks but I just don’t think we’re a good match” email or just been plain ignored after showing interest etc …. So it’s important they see how that feels. I’m sure it won’t change their future behavior …lol

The experiments have taught me what a lot of us already know. The bottom 95% of men and women on any website “looks wise” spend a lot of time emailing or hoping to get a return email from the top 5% on the site all the while they basically ignore each other. Obviously the top 5% are dating each other as they should be and have very little need for the bottom 95%. Men, more so than women will lower their standards and “take what they get” much more often than women will because that’s our nature. I’m not saying 2 “5’s” NEVER email each other meet and “hit it off” but it’s not the norm it’s rare. It’s also taught me that the “average Joe” online has almost no value because “average Jane” won’t be interested in him.So what does he do ? He quits. Evan can help a lot of these average Joe’s make better profiles so that they WILL do a little better. But not “hundreds” …lol

By: A-L

A-L — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:14:05 +0000

I am also skeptical about anyone, male or female, being able to meet hundreds of people in a couple of months (much less in a few hours as OnlineDatingMatches intimated). That being said, however, I think it’s entirely possible to meet a sufficient number of people on dates via online dating sites and see what works out for you.

In fact, I’d bet that the people who have been online dating the longest might actually be the best ones to contact, because they’ve gotten over their initial kid in a candy store/grass is always greener/perfection is two clicks away mentality. Not to say that relative newbies can’t work out, but that one shouldn’t ex off someone because they’ve been there awhile.

Also, I think online dating actually opens up a whole new pool of women for guys. Those who don’t like the bar scene and aren’t fond of being picked up elsewhere (the bookstore, gas station, etc).

By: Kenley

Kenley — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:32:27 +0000

JB,

I am curious to know what would you have done if one of those women below had responded? Based on what I read, it didn’t appear that you had any real interest in them. You just wanted to see what they would do. Would you have ignored her and frustrated her the way men are frustrated by attractive women? Would you have gone out with her with the feeling that she really wasn’t worthy of you? I also wonder why you felt an experiment was necessary to confirm that women are much more likely to communicate with a handsome man versus an average one? We all know that’s true. Did your experiments get you any new information about women and online dating?

One time, I went out with a man who clearly thought I was below him and let me tell you it was one of the absolute worst dates ever. He made it very clear that he was slumming and I felt awful. As a result of that awful date, I just don’t think men or women should go out with people they don’t think are attractive. In my experience, nothing good ever comes out of it. So, I don’t criticize people who only respond to people they find appealing. Perhaps they may never meet anyone, but I think being alone is better than trying to force yourself to date someone who doesn’t turn you on in some way.

By: Michael Ejercito

Michael Ejercito — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 22:22:52 +0000

Evan,

how would you define a “10″? What are the objective criteria?

By: JB

JB — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 20:14:56 +0000

There’s no doub’t Evan that both men & women online “overshoot & reach”. I know I do occasionally but I also “undershoot and lower down” just to see if I get a response. That’s when you find out the woman who’s a 2 or 3 will only respond to a guy who’s an 8,9, or 10 and I know because I’M BOTH GUYS (2 profiles) and watch it everyday. It’s actually very funny and disheartening. We actually call this “Prince Charming syndrome”. You’re right there is no reason a woman who’s an 8 should “date down” but online there’s millions of 3’s-6’s that are waiting for the 2 Prince Charming’s they see on their site in their mile radius to email them and sweep them off their feet. So they wait …….. and wait………. and HE never emails them no matter how much they “look” at his profile every day or wink. And believe me they do. In the mean time Joe average who’s a 4 or a 5 get’s nothing and quits.

Of course your not like most guru’s,you’re one of the best and the sharpest dating coaches around. Admired and respected by both men & women which is rare …lol. That’s why I enjoy this blog & banter even though sometimes I’ll play the devil’s advocate. I think we both started doing this at the dawn of the internet (1997 or so) but yes even before then there were newspaper personals where we used “snail mail” if you can believe it …lol Boy do I have stories from then ….lol

And Micheal, sure when you meet a bunch of women in a bar any given night some are unavailable for a number of reasons just like some women online are dating 3 or 4 guys. The difference is in a bar it’s “immediate”. So all I was saying is that for SOME guys it’s easier to actually meet more women that way.