Comments on: Why Do Women Fall For Narcissistic Men?

By: Cat

Cat — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 23:52:20 +0000

The problem with identifying a narcissist is that we can all have a bit of it in us. e.g. I know I can be a bit self absorbed and rave on about my stuff to friends, can be sensitive to criticism, and sometimes can be a bit insensitive.
However to have narcissistic personality disorder means having more traits and expressing them more strongly. When you know you are not a perfect person, when you meet a full blown narcissist you may make allowances for the behaviours you observe. e.g “”öh we can all make the occasional catty comment”", ” I can be self absorbed so if he talks non stop and doesn’t ask questions about me, I have been guilty of that”" etc

However, the defining characteristic of narcissists is lack of empathy. LOok for lack of empathy. Mind you some narcissists know they lack empathy so they will mouth the words they know they are expected to say in certain situations., which can throw you off a bit until you add up all the mean, disdainful comments.

Believing that you’re better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 18:58:04 +0000

@Karl – Ok one more thing and then I’m done. I read the article, and its interesting. But I don’t feel like its mind boggling. The study itself that they are using with the 73 freshmen isn’t exactly a great control group. I mean, they’re saying the people are narcissists like its a fact, when in reality they took a “self-report narcissism questionnaire”. That isn’t exactly the same thing as being diagnosed with narcissism as starthower68 points out. I was just noticing the disparity because from what I had previously read only a small portion of the population would be diagnosed as actually narcisitic. I found this exerpt under US NEWS Health – “This past summer [a study of] a nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6 percent of Americans, or 1 out of 16, had experienced [clinical narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)] at some point in their lives. And there was a big generational effect. You’d expect that people who are older would have a higher percentage of having experienced this because they’ve lived so many more years. But only 3 percent of people over 65 had had any experience with NPD, compared with almost 10 percent of people in their 20s. Given that you can only diagnose this when someone is 18, that’s a pretty short number of years in which to have this experience” So about 6% of the population would actually qualify, and they make a great point. The previous study had been of 18 year olds and only a specific group of them in this one class. That isn’t a broadbased study that they’re gleaning these conclusions from.

By: sarah

sarah — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 18:33:23 +0000

@Karl – You’re right, I just read the synopsis, not the actual article. Oops
@Sparkling Emerald – I didn’t come up with that list, I located it online

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 04:38:55 +0000

Karl, I tend to agree with you, but to take it a step further, there is the clinical personality disorder of Narcissism and then there are those who maybe just have tendencies but not a personality disorder. Based on my interaction with one who is full on NPD and one who just has tendencies, one huge distinguishing factor is their ability to be grounded in reality.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:43:47 +0000

Sara #29

I am confused, in your list of narcissist traits you list feeling superior to others and fragile self esteem. Don’t they cancel each other out ?
Thanks.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 21:53:39 +0000

sarah, (#28 & 29) Did you read the article or the underlying studies? I read the study. The researcher tested this theory with subjects who actually met the clinical definition of narcissism. Specifically, there are four different forms of clinical narcissism, and they independently tested multiple people with each type. Normal people were attracted to subjects with a certain type of clinical narcissism. The researchers set out to determine why this occurred. They determined that it was due to traits that the narcissists not directly related to the diagnosis of narcissism "(flashy and neat dress, charming facial expression, self-assured body movements, and humorous verbal expression)". If you're saying that most of the people responding to this blog post misunderstand what clinical narcissism is, that's probably correct. But the study seems to be generally sound. (Psychology isn't my field of expertise, so I can only give my general impression of the quality of the study.)

By: sarah

sarah — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:19:45 +0000

One more thing about general narcissism in the clinical sense. It does not mean that the person is attractive. That isn’t a requirement. They don’t even have to think they’re attractive physically. The just have to believe they’re superior. I have this girl I work with in her late twenties. Not attractive in the least… she is definitely a narcissist though. She’s obsessed with her work product and has to have praise when she does anything at all correctly. They weren’t accurate earlier, there are much more than four factors to being narcisst. The Mayo Clinic says some symptoms are:

Believing that you’re better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

The girl I work with matches most of these. She also appears unbalanced half the time and obsessive with work. She freaks out if anyone implies that she’s wrong about something and begins to research it no matter what she’s doing. Sometimes hours later she will bring the topic back up and them show how she was actually correct. She appears insane basically. So when I hear narcissism to describe guys who are players it seems kinda silly.. those are just guys who are smooth and charming. No where in the actual symptoms of narcissism does it say “Capable of making men and women fall into bed with you with your charm”

By: sarah

sarah — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:06:06 +0000

I don’t agree with this. I think there is an assumption that people are making between narcissism and being mean. And I also think the term “narcissism” is getting thrown around too much. Its an actual personality disorder which doesn’t actually clinically occur that often. But we’re basically talking about “men” who are into themselves and care a lot about their appearance and know they’re attractive… that sounds a lot like confidence. I mean, some people are MORE attractive than others, its just a fact. And personally, I don’t think its a big deal to recognize it and not be humble about it. It may get annoying for others, but I don’t think it makes that person a bad person in general. However, when you get your way a lot and you have women chasing after you it could go to your head, but I don’t think that always happens. I know a man who finds himself attractive, and its true. He gets checked out by women all the time and I often catch himself staring in the mirror… he’s also great with kids and takes time to work with senior citizens. He gives his mother a card on her birthday and lets his girlfriend know he loves her… So I guess my point is that I don’t agree with this whole narcissist equals a bad guy thing.

By: Amelia2.0

Amelia2.0 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:59:31 +0000

I find narcissists – male or female – to be entertaining for about five minutes on average. Then all that hyper-inflated false self starts suffocating the room and and I can’t stand it. If the narcissist is male, the thought of actually dating one repulses me if only for how foolish I would be if I knew he was a narcissist yet continued to spend any time on him. I might as well make a habit of slamming my foot in a door. My personality cannot tolerate such a person as being a part of my life– again, whether they are male or female.

Lia, I once worked with a guy like that. I admit, he could have been modeling for Abercrombie instead of what he was currently doing. He had grade-A narcissism to go with and he was always making time to try and flirt with the ladies, including me. His artificiality and the game-playing was obvious long before he tried me as a mark. He eventually left me alone after I ignored his bids for my personal time and verbally coating barbs with honey whenever I could. His short-lived confusion over a woman having no desire to lavish him with attention was about the only thing I found entertaining about him. Although he was physically attractive and fun to mess with sometimes, the thought of dating him – even kissing him – made me feel sick.
I have erred on the side of dating those types the author suggests and I regret that a number of them turned out to be human puppy dogs that followed me wherever and bowed to my decisions unquestioningly. This is not to say that I don’t value loyalty, but doormat behavior also doesn’t work if one is looking for equal partnership material and to share power. I think it is interesting though that, even at this end of the spectrum of self-importance, you can run into problems with people being genuine.

By: Danica

Danica — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:56:28 +0000

In this concern, there are various reasons why this particular event happens. On the other hand, women can consider the ways on how to make a man fall for you regardless of their attitude.