Comments on: Why Does My Boyfriend Only Want Sex a Few Times A Week?

By: kiki

kiki — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 03:12:41 +0000

From a wise older man:
A woman’s aggression
Ever hear the old saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”?
A guy might get disgruntled and a bit pissed off when a woman he wants to sleep with turns him down, but turn down a woman who wants to have sex with you (for whatever convoluted reasons) and she will absolutely hate your guts.
During my freshman year in college, my Residence Hall Assistant (upperclassman with light admin duties for the floor and the general purpose of helping kids adjust to college life) was a guy who was 6’8″. For part of that year he “dated” or hung out with a woman who was 4’10″. One day I heard terrible crashing sounds coming
from the hallway and poked my head out to see her kicking the $#$% out of his door.
“He’s not there” I said. “YES HE IS” she shouted back at me. She kicked the door a few more times and I said “If he was in there, he would surely come out to see who was trying to kick down his door and why.”
I invited her into my room to sit down and calm down. She was babbling on about how she knew he was in there and was just afraid to come out and face her. Now there is a fascinating concept which shows the lie in all the feminist drivel about Domestic Violence.
At 6’8″, the guy weighed about 250 lbs even though he was skinny as hell. This “little woman” weighed maybe 90 lbs, if that. Yet, she was totally convinced that he was afraid of her. Why? For the same reason that a badger or wolverine can drive a bear many times its size off a kill – pure, raw, unbridled aggression unrestrained by any decency or civil/interpersonal values.
Now, the really interesting part is just why she was so pissed off.
“Do you want to hear the lame-assed excuse he gave me for not sleeping with me?” she asked.
“No.” I responded.
“First of all, I am not the least bit interested in his sex life.
Second, he has a right to his privacy.”
Men apologize to women because if they don’t women will continue to attack them viciously, relentlessly, in any way they can until the guy does apologize. The guy could have batted her away like an annoying pup if he had chosen, but he was restrained by a value system which limited his aggression and the level of his attacks,
while she suffered from no such limitations of civility and decency. Women throughout this culture are given social permission to go as psychotic as they feel like and they know it will be excused by the cultural perception of women’s uncontrollable emotionality.
Look at all the people who jumped to the defense of Andrea Yates
for killing her kids or Clara Harris for killing her husband while his own daughter watched.
Over the years, the most vicious attacks I have endured from women have come as a result of refusing to sleep with them. Flying into a screaming hysterical rage is one of the favorite tactics of women to take men off guard and manipulate their reflexes to throw them into the fight or flight arousal complex. Because men are so socially conditioned that they should “never hit a woman” under any circumstances, the option of fighting is unavailable to them so they flee the emotional battleground by admitting guilt and apologizing.
It is the equivalent of waving the white flag of surrender.
Most of the women I have observed over the years are emotional terrorists. It is so acceptable in this culture that women can proudly wear “Bitch!” t-shirts etc, and also love the saying “if mom isn’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.”
Men apologize because women wear them down with these tactics and most men are worn out enough from trying to make a living that they will give away just about anything for a little peace and quiet when they get home.
“A guy gets up at 7:00 so he can make it to the work battlefield by 8:00, why the hell would he rush home so he can get to that
battlefield by 5:30?”
This is just one of many areas in which women quite successfully play both ends against the middle. They have the cultural fiction behind them that women want relationships more than they want sex, and more than men want relationships. But, they count on the fact that the man actually wants emotional intimacy and closeness more than they do so they can use that as a weapon against men and hold the relationship hostage to their whims –
“you’d better do what I want, or I will ‘break’ the positive feelings between us!”
Men are always going to lose this game of emotional brinkmanship unless and until they learn how to play it and become willing to play it. When a woman says “I want you to leave” or sets your stuff by the door, say “OK” and be outta there. It won’t be 24 hours before she is calling you begging for you to come back and playing all sorts of sweetness and seductive games to try to lure you back within her range.
Deathslayer
_____________________________________
I am only speaking for myself when i say WOW this was sooo spot on!
I mean as a female who is going through this very thing (i want sex way more than my bf) i read this article and really got a whole new outlook on the whole situation. I am pretty petite and I do get very resentful and angry when my bf turns me down. but i do admit that there are nights when he wants sex and I’m to tired and dont feel quilty at all.
I feel really selfish now and feel like i should give him a break. im 24 and my libido has always been really high and when we first met he matched mine and we were in sync. now its work and family and i can really see how sex wouldnt be number one as he is providing for us and working so hard to make sure we are happy and comfortably living. affection and sex and love will be always be number one on my list but i am going to back of him and appreciate the fact that i have such a great guy like him. Thanks DS

By: Sheila

Sheila — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:42:59 +0000

Evan thank you for this post. In my own relationship I have most everything I want except for the amount of sex I desire. My bf said the same thing about the testosterone levels as his reason for lack of desire. I still struggle with this but most recently have began thinking that perhaps I look to sex to fill the need I have to feel loved. And instead of looking to him I have been looking at myself and asking am I missing a void that exists in me.

By: MamaNavyBrat7

MamaNavyBrat7 — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 03:31:41 +0000

1) How does marriage and relationships benefit MEN these days?
His CS will be lowered (in many states a spouse and other children in the household will lower CS regardless of whether children are bio or step)
Not having to troll for a no strings poa.
2) What is the difference between dating and escorting and marriage and prostitution?
Marriage/dating means when the wallet gets tight you are still there (I said tight not bankrupt).
Escort/prostitution she/he will be gone and you will be sexless as soon as the money dries up.
3) How many women actually know what chivalry REALLY means and why do they confuse this with manners, especially if they are on the receiving and and men on the giving end?
Chivalry was an ideal never actually fully achieved.
CS at 18 2-3 100k in years. My 13 1/2 yr old daughter won’t have even received 12k when she turns 18. And no she wasn’t a unilateral decision. Not everyone gets the average amount. Remember those averages include people like Jim Carry’s daughter who receives 150k a month. The vast majority of single moms live in poverty (and the liberal government folks like it that way because it gives them an excuse to raise taxes for child care etc programs. Single parenthood is incentivized for the poor.)

I live in that relationship where he was a man whore for 15+ years and has depleted his sex drive. I was very stingy about sleeping with random men (hence the landfill that has all those vibs with burnt out wires) so I want it more than once or twice a month and he doesn’t. If he’s still non sexually affectionate and attentive than by a vibe and let it go. I’d kill to have sex 2-3 times a week with him (whom I have been in love with since 16 — yes guys he popped the cherry). For now porn, vibe and the occasional girlfriend will have to do until my sex drive slows down in a decade.

But the point is that the all of the reasons are to give the lower earner something by way of monetary benefit. Why not be a responsible adult and not expect someone else to pay for it?
Not necessarily. What if you lose your job after a partner dies and you had children? The higher earner can get SS while they are looking for a new job. Not everything is so cut and dried.

How about getting married because you want to be married to that person. Because it looks good to the courts to be married not cohabitating (lets face it half or more of all kids have parents who are no longer together and any leg up in a custody case is a good thing). Because people so treat cohabitation differently (i.e. it is a second class status). And many companies will not provide med ins to cohabitating couples (and I know of more situations where her med ins is cheaper than his so she pays for med ins.)

Notice that sex ISN’T the first thing they want in a MARRIAGE MATE. The amount of sex means NOTHING to someone you REALLY want to be with. LOVE & RESPECT are. Find a woman who can make a man FEEL and THINK that and who is consistent in that…and she’ll never run out of men who desire her. and a man who never has to worry about his woman loving him is a man who WILL stick around for YEARS, not just months.
Amen.
If you seriously ask a woman does she need or want a man, she’ll say no.
Sorry I both need and want one. Of course I have the one I want so….
Our sex life has slowed down and everytime he tells me no, I feel extremely unpretty and unsexy. Not so much now as when it first started happening, but I still feel rejected. It’s not about the sex, it’s about feeling wanted.
And now we hit the nail on the head but she is hyper focused on an act and most likely making her guy feel like a$s.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 03:32:24 +0000

I think the main point that was missed here, by the commenters and even Evan, is that she’s feeling rejected. I know because I’m going through the same thing. Our sex life has slowed down and everytime he tells me no, I feel extremely unpretty and unsexy. Not so much now as when it first started happening, but I still feel rejected. It’s not about the sex, it’s about feeling wanted.

It’s been suggested to masturbate. I used to masturbate once a week, if that. It’s increased to once a day or more. The other day I masturbated 4 times and after the last orgasm I burst out in tears. It’s not the same. It doesn’t feel the same physically or emotionally.

I’m 20, he just turned 21. Like Sarah, we’ve been together for about 7 months now and he’s told me I’m the best sex he’s ever had. He’s even told me I’m the prettiest and sexiest girlfriend he’s ever had. I’ve never had a relationship or sex with anyone besides him, so it’s easy to guess that do to my inexperience, I don’t really know how to handle this.

By: April

April — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 21:38:32 +0000

This problem in similar to the one i’m having but i’ve been dating the guy for almost three years and we are both 18. we’ve started having intercourse earlier this year and it was at a decent intervals. maybe three times a week, then it increased whenever we were not busy. But almost three months ago almost all physical activity has stopped even kissing. Mostly because i’ve been busy, where he has told me he has missed me, but whenever we are alone he doesnt engage in anything, not even a hug. Now im not busy and we have time to be with eachother, beli;eve me i’ve given him signs, and he just doesnt seem to want to. :/ so its not that bad when your just starting to date someone, but after three years…you gotta start to wonder if your serious relationship is starting to get old. Im still young so im not too worried about it, but it really sucks being in it still and wondering if he is interested in you after all that time.

By: Jogusto

Jogusto — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:30:14 +0000

It seems a shame that so much energy is wasted on this topic. Let’s face it: everyone will not be in perfect sync with the other when it comes to wants, needs, and desires. If you want a good relationship, you MUST learn the art of patience, compromise, and appreciation. Instead of asking, try giving. Instead of complaining or wondering, give praise and show commitment.

If you really value this person and your relationship with them, then you need to GROW UP (I don’t mean that as an insult or in a mean way) and realize this give-and-take thing is what it’s all about! And, masturbation doesn’t hurt either.

Time will bring the ebb and flow back around to the flow part of the cycle. What have you done for him, lately? (cha cha cha!)

Peace!
–The Jogustinator Maximus

By: vino

vino — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:09:56 +0000

JG, I write this for clarity’s sake. I’m not trying to argue [well, maybe a little ] or antagonize.

If you look at my #66 post above, it goes with this also. I think women are conditioned from a pretty young age to think that “all men want is sex.” I think you are exhibiting some of that now. BTW, we do want sex. We also want to be cared for (not in a nursing way) and respected.

I think ds’s point is that a good, healthy, successful relationship depends on what a woman does for a guy outside of the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, sex is important, it’s just not the only thing.

With all due respect, you seem to be ignoring ds’s points when you wrote, ” Lets be honest, men aren’t running around saying how much they want a woman to treat them right and play golf with them.” Yes, they are. Maybe not golf, but SOMETHING where you demonstrate your love, respect for, and interest in him besides simply being with him.

“I was just trying to make the point that sometimes the message women get from society and men themselves, that sex is a huge major important deal to making a man happy.”

You are right. So am I. I think you do make my point in #66 for me in that women are conditioned to think that’s all men want. To be fair, men, particularly under age 25, probably don’t give many contrary indications to this notion.

Here’s the big question, though – Knowing that guys want more than sex only for a successful relationship, what are you prepared to give? Because from what I read, simply showing up isn’t enough.

By: hunter

hunter — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:51:38 +0000

to JerseyGirl,

Sex makes a man very happy, when he is in his prime

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:29:46 +0000

“Well, JG seems to think everything is the responsibility of men. From the first quote to the last, women are the poor victims and the men are the evil troglodytes that only focus on sex. The animals. ”
—————————————————————————–
That wasn’t the message I was trying to deliver at all. I don’t consider women victims or men “evil”. And I don’t even understand how you read into my comments and turned it into that. I was just trying to make the point that sometimes the message women get from society and men themselves, that sex is a huge major important deal to making a man happy.

By: old showbiz quote

old showbiz quote — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:51:59 +0000

“You get the audience you deserve”, Evan.