Comments on: Why Does My Older Boyfriend Kick Me Out Before His Kids Wake Up? Give Me Some Relationship Advice!

By: Meagan

Meagan — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:44:19 +0000

Hi Everyone

I am that Meagan that Evan replied to. The guy that i wrote about left me after 5 months and i was heartbroken.
I was heartbroken. I was actually distraught! He did introduce me to his friends and Family (Mother and Father). After I met them he just disappeared. He gave me no reason as to why he left or that he was leaving he just vanished!!! I thought there was a problem with me. I lied around for months hoping he’d come back cus everything was good with us, but he never did. I saw the son with a female which I assumed was his mother. So they never do vanish without a reason.
So to cut a long story short, I pulled myself together and saw other guys my age that didn’t want to even be without me and kept telling me they enjoyed my company and they were the ones that wanted a relationship with me. But it wasn’t what I wanted cus I wanted ME time for myself!
During this time I had heard nothing from this guy.
1 year had passed and he made contact with me. He now lets me sleep over and the teenage kids (16 and 21), actually sees me in the morning. He has asked me what I wanted but I responded I know what I want, as I’m leaving to work on a cruise liner for 18 months (2 contracts). I asked him what does he want and he says he knows what he wants. And it’s better that way cus then it’s not like you doing something cus the other wants it. He said he would wait for me. It still doesn’t promise anything, but I’m trying to practice what Evan says enjoy the present with him. And if he didn’t like or enjoy spending time with me, why would he come back and wait for me?

Should I be asking more questions?
I don’t also enjoy dwelling in the past everyone has life lessons to learn and have people in the meatime to learn this, I believe that time apart was for me to learn lessons and maybe to fill that age gap and for him to get closure with his past.

Thanks Evan
Meagan

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:23:14 +0000

Kim,
Thank you.

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:27:04 +0000

@ Selena #38 – Your advice is spot on! Good old fashioned communication…what a concept! I was thinking the same thing and am glad you posted so eloquently.

By: Goldie

Goldie — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:03:04 +0000

I totally understand the “out before kids wake up” thing too. In fact, I agree, it’d probably be even better if he wouldn’t have her over for the night at all when kids are around. Personally, I could never pull it off – my house is too small and my teenage kids are up at all hours of the night.

#25: “I would think the tendency to bothered by this would lessen with age, and his kids are teenagers.”

Um, no. For one thing, precisely because they’re teenagers, they have a tendency to be bothered with, oh, pretty much anything. For another, I’m in my 40s and I still wouldn’t want to catch my parents in the act. I know they might still be doing it – heck, I want them to still be doing it – I just don’t want to see or hear any of it. Some things are better left unwitnessed

And, I totally agree with Evan, that, at 39, this man has probably had quite a number of relationships that lasted 4 months or longer, and does not feel the need to overwhelm his kids by introducing them to every new gf that comes along.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:43:37 +0000

I say get out of this one unless you're happy playing second fiddle forever. http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

By: MeetMeinOtrSPce

MeetMeinOtrSPce — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:43:35 +0000

downtowngal #39…. hahahahaha!!!

one more thing….
One thing I’ve learned about dating a good guy… they listen to your concerns. They try to work them out, and they like having you around in the morning. If he’s not ready to date and do things that ENTAIL DATING; such as, having your girlfriend stay over your house and leaving the next day in attire other than what ninjas wear. Then perhaps he should consider taking care of his kids which he is so concerned about and not date. Lame….. ok. sorry. He’s too old for these boyish shenanigans.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:51:30 +0000

grrrr…grrrrrrrrr…i’m angry….grrrrrrrrrrr….

By: Selena

Selena — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:06:51 +0000

Why not just talk to him about how all this bothers you instead of writing a dating coach? How are you going to know how he really feels about you if you don’t discuss it?

He doesn’t want you there in the morning? Tell him you are tired of sneaking out of the house at dawn. Stop sleeping over and see what happens. Annoyed he won’t introduce you as his girlfriend? Call him on it. Ask him if this is casual to him, and should you be dating other guys.

I think you’ve reached the “shit or get off the pot” point with him and it’s time you both are honest with each other.

By: MeetMeinOtrSPce

MeetMeinOtrSPce — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:53:01 +0000

Sure seems like he’s using her, and for that matter if he cared about his teenagers he’d show a good example of how to treat a woman. You definitely don’t have them stay over for the night and shove them out the door first thing in the morning. It’s not like they don’t know about his relationship(as in her staying over and acting like they don’t know. I get that she has met his children.) with her, they’re not toddlers. I don’t really see how he’s protecting his children here. I feel like he’s just being naive, and if I’m completely wrong here and he’s a decent guy by doing what he does. Then I’d still respectfully decline and move on to someone who wants me around in the morning. That’s what I’d do. I’d be furious if I was the OP.

By: Aj

Aj — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:29:08 +0000

I understand the out before the kids wake up. The age difference is no big deal. I know some hot 40 year old’s and some tired 27 year old’s so you never know.