Virginity before marriage is the best option from a physical heath, spiritual health, and mental health perspective.  Self-control builds discipline that is also a huge benefit in marriage.

There are many, many virgins currently dating!  They don’t always tell their dates, and many wait a little longer than you did, but being up front about pre-maritial sex beliefs is good.

I have NEVER had any man stop dating me because I am waiting until marriage.  I have, however, discovered some serious flaws in severl I thought were good guys by waiting.  One also had herpes. Nothing can completely prevent the spread of herpes, and it can kill babies.

Ahem. That said, I feel like most people totally fail to get the virgin by choice perspective. This is more than not understanding a religious or ethical commitment, though that may be part of it.

If you believe that sex before marriage, or outside a very serious relationship, is wrong, or if you know that it is simply not for you because you require very high levels of love, trust, commitment – beyond those that society deems normal – a “test run” of sex is not the solution. If you are not comfortable with your choice to have sex or not comfortable with your partner, chances are, the sex is not going to be good and the long-term consequences won’t be pretty either. 

Telling someone in this position to lighten up and have sex is often like telling a person who prefers to wait a month or two, or have a monogamous relationship first, that he/she should hop in bed on the first date since “why bother if the chemistry isn’t there.” 

That doesn’t sound to me like your virginity created a trouble-free marriage for you! And many people feel that their healthy sexual relationship prior to marriage is the “glue” that bonds their marriage. What works for one person doesn’t work for everyone. It also sounds like you had trouble finding a man who even shared your value for virginity: “It wasn’t easy finding a man who would date me after finding out I was a virgin.”

I agree with you that there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin! However, the other option for women isn’t only that of a slut. You may not approve of casual sex, but casual sex is not by default “completely irresponsible.” And just because a couple isn’t married doesn’t mean their sexual relationship cannot be exclusive and monogamous, instead of casual. Besides, I’m sure if effective birth control had been readily available in your grandparent’s era, the sexual revolution would have happened sooner…

I am not going to say that I have never wondered about having sex with another man in the last twenty years, but I have never remotely felt the need to act on it.  My husband is very loving and gives me lots of attention. 
Despite what the other poster says, I am proud of the fact that I have only had sex with my husband.  We have no issues about past boyfriends or what I may have done with them (which is kind of a rarity today), and I am sure that my virginity created the glue that bonds us together.  We will get old together and die (just like back in our grandparents era when people were much less sexually inexperienced at marriage).  It wasn’t easy finding a man who would date me after finding out I was a virgin.  He told me at the time that it was no big deal to him if I was or not.  However, he tells me now that over the years, it has become more and more important to him.  He also used to be very concerned that I would decide that I wanted to screw someone else and would cheat on him.  I had to spend a lot of time reassuring him that I would never do that (thanks to all of the chicks  who did just that and give the rest of us women a bad rep.).

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin.  There is nothing weird or creepy about it.  In fact, I think it is creepy to have sex with dozens of people casually (and completey irresponsible).  What has the world come to when responsible people with values are considered weird and slutty people are considered normal?  I guess I belong in a different era.

I wonder if a correlation may be drawn…

I’m proud to be myself. I don’t swear, litter, or have intercourse (sex). That doesn’t mean that I don’t find jokes with profanity hilarious or that I’ve decided that other intimacies are off limits. But that is my well thought-out decision, just like Effie has made her decisions. My friends are very supportive and I haven’t dated a guy that was put off by my sexual status yet. When I’ve had my break-ups, it was for other reasons.

I tell them my limitations, but we still have pleasing experiences as a couple. I usually like a guy that I’ve known for a while, so he already knows that I’m a virg, or saw my purposely public “virgins for condoms” rant online. But if I have to tell a guy, it’s just like saying that I’m not into rap even though that’s the stereotype for black people.

Also, I agree that there are various ways to learn how to please and be pleased. I have tools at home to please myself, I know what I want and I tell that to my new guy when we talk about intimacy. I talk about sex with my experienced friends, go to sex discussions at my college, and have books and tapes about learning yourself and pleasing your partner. Because I know that it’s better to be prepared when going into a marriage than going in blindfolded. When I find “the one,” I plan to encourage him to watch and read about sex too. Just because some guys are more “experienced” doesn’t mean that they don’t need further instruction to do me right.

I know that my sexual status puts me into an unusual position as a partner. But if there are any issues as to the ability to have sex, I am open to discussing it with “the one” before marriage. I am also taking psychology to become a marriage and family counselor, so I approve sex counselors and counselors in general, for that outside, unbiased opinion. I know plenty of people who have sex outside of marriage, and I respect their decisions. In fact, I go to them for their opinions about things. But, I also know a couple of people that have chosen not to have sex even though they are married, because of lack of sexual drive and other issues.

As long as the couple is being satisfied, which can mean several things, then the relationship will last. If a man hides his dissatisfaction from his wife, it’s not the sex that’s the problem, it’s communication. Besides, you can agree to satisfy him one way if he satisfies you in another. There isn’t just one clear road to take to sexual happiness. Everyone has to do what’s right for them. In the end, Effie might be more satisfied that she stayed true to herself than listening to a bunch of strangers telling her to “give it up” when she only asked for advice about a weirdo. I know I’m not mentally ready to loose my virg, risk having a kid or a STD while seeking my career. In fact, being a virg is a part of my persona that I fantasize about giving up on my wedding night with a well-informed husband.