Comments on: Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Tell Me That He Loves Me? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:00:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: jbv http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-241816 jbv Sat, 07 Jan 2012 17:24:02 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-241816 I am one of those guys that "show" how I feel vs verbalize things early on.  I think I would verbalize when I got to the point of where I felt things were mutual.  In my last "relationship" I felt like I was the one always doing the nice things for her, treating her well with dinners, little things but not getting the appreciation back.  I brought it up with her but she didn't seem to know how to say "thank you".  When we broke up she said she felt like we weren't connecting/getting deeper.   I definitely was holding back because she wasn't showing that she cared in a manner that I could relate to.   So, maybe for some girls out there, keep an eye out for the guys actions... He will show that he cares if he does.... if he doesn't show he cares it doesn't matter what words he says. I am one of those guys that “show” how I feel vs verbalize things early on.  I think I would verbalize when I got to the point of where I felt things were mutual.  In my last “relationship” I felt like I was the one always doing the nice things for her, treating her well with dinners, little things but not getting the appreciation back.  I brought it up with her but she didn’t seem to know how to say “thank you”.  When we broke up she said she felt like we weren’t connecting/getting deeper.   I definitely was holding back because she wasn’t showing that she cared in a manner that I could relate to.   So, maybe for some girls out there, keep an eye out for the guys actions… He will show that he cares if he does…. if he doesn’t show he cares it doesn’t matter what words he says.

]]> By: titi http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-238436 titi Tue, 03 Jan 2012 19:03:11 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-238436 I told my BF I love him because I do love him. Not because he had to say it back to me. It woul dbe nice to hear it from him too . It didn't happen so what the heck I still love him. The fact that he didn't say it doesn't make me love him any more less .  He can be an a Douche bag at times but what man isn't? I would rather be with him than anybody else. I will take that chance I told my BF I love him because I do love him. Not because he had to say it back to me. It woul dbe nice to hear it from him too . It didn’t happen so what the heck I still love him. The fact that he didn’t say it doesn’t make me love him any more less .  He can be an a Douche bag at times but what man isn’t? I would rather be with him than anybody else. I will take that chance

]]> By: melodi http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-207122 melodi Fri, 25 Nov 2011 02:57:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-207122 these comments are really helpful. i am female, 36, and rarely say i love you to anyone, including family. i show my affection/love through my actions and always have. then, i meet mr. right and he is the same way - he won't say the words and we're at the 6 month mark now (and i haven't said them either, and won't ever unless/until he does). the thing is, he told me on our first date that he would have a hard time saying the words because emotions are difficult for him, so, thankfully i was pre-warned; he also told me i could expect to see his love in other ways, and i have. he is very caring, respectful, and just treats me right and maturely. women should recognize the extreme difficulty men have with the words and look at the actions/behaviors for the meanings - and why rush love? if you are truly meant to be with a person take a long time to be friends first and see if they are even worth entering into a relationship with. i think couples skip the friendship part and end up angry with the partners' shortcomings. become a friend first and you'll know what they are capable of. these comments are really helpful. i am female, 36, and rarely say i love you to anyone, including family. i show my affection/love through my actions and always have. then, i meet mr. right and he is the same way – he won’t say the words and we’re at the 6 month mark now (and i haven’t said them either, and won’t ever unless/until he does). the thing is, he told me on our first date that he would have a hard time saying the words because emotions are difficult for him, so, thankfully i was pre-warned; he also told me i could expect to see his love in other ways, and i have. he is very caring, respectful, and just treats me right and maturely. women should recognize the extreme difficulty men have with the words and look at the actions/behaviors for the meanings – and why rush love? if you are truly meant to be with a person take a long time to be friends first and see if they are even worth entering into a relationship with. i think couples skip the friendship part and end up angry with the partners’ shortcomings. become a friend first and you’ll know what they are capable of.

]]> By: Heart http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-202506 Heart Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:25:40 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-202506 Jen,"I took 2 years to fully heal myself and get ME back and when i least expected it, my now boyfriend of 8 months, found me. He made me wait for any serious talk, and showed me the importance of TIME. It can be a very good thing to be patient and wait and to really get to know someone well to decide if they are right for you, other then being attracted to someone physically." I am going thru something like what you describe, you seem much more mature then some others posting. Hearing you say it that way really makes sense.  My husband of 20 yrs passed away Jan. 2011. A man I dated 26 yrs ago found me and we have been dating for 8 months. I am working on me and my kids, he is very patient and I'm just not ready to commit but hope to marry again someday. I am in my forties and he is in his fifties, I adore him and even though he doesn't have much, he always offers to help me. We are taking our time to ge to know each other,  I am lucky he found me.      Jen,”I took 2 years to fully heal myself and get ME back and when i least expected it, my now boyfriend of 8 months, found me. He made me wait for any serious talk, and showed me the importance of TIME. It can be a very good thing to be patient and wait and to really get to know someone well to decide if they are right for you, other then being attracted to someone physically.”

I am going thru something like what you describe, you seem much more mature then some others posting. Hearing you say it that way really makes sense.  My husband of 20 yrs passed away Jan. 2011. A man I dated 26 yrs ago found me and we have been dating for 8 months. I am working on me and my kids, he is very patient and I’m just not ready to commit but hope to marry again someday. I am in my forties and he is in his fifties, I adore him and even though he doesn’t have much, he always offers to help me. We are taking our time to ge to know each other,  I am lucky he found me.     

]]> By: Dani http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-192830 Dani Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:55:24 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-192830 I was with my ex for 11 months. I never once heard those 3 little words. Plus his drinking buddies, fishing trips and his local bar were always a far bigger priority than I ever was or could hope to be. Long story short? I dumped his sorry ass and moved on. The thing that gets me is why tell a woman that you want something serious and that you're feeling 'clucky' when you had no intention of ever making her number one? We may live in a modern society but there are still guys out there promising something more just so that they can get 'some'. The best way to stop feeling like crap is to stop letting people treat you like crap.  I was with my ex for 11 months. I never once heard those 3 little words. Plus his drinking buddies, fishing trips and his local bar were always a far bigger priority than I ever was or could hope to be. Long story short? I dumped his sorry ass and moved on. The thing that gets me is why tell a woman that you want something serious and that you’re feeling ‘clucky’ when you had no intention of ever making her number one? We may live in a modern society but there are still guys out there promising something more just so that they can get ‘some’.

The best way to stop feeling like crap is to stop letting people treat you like crap. 

]]> By: Katarina Phang http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-188155 Katarina Phang Tue, 11 Oct 2011 18:29:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-188155 Fruitfly, don't invest too much in him.  He's clearly not ready.  And he won't be ready anytime soon.  Just date casually with him and date other guys too.  Don't waste time on recently separated/divorced guys -especially when his divorce isn't final yet. He needs to go through his transitional relationship before he's truly over his pain.  Do you want to be his transitional gf?  It's emotionally draining. Go out and meet guys who are on the same page as yours.  Use those who don't as a stepping stone to raise your goddess vibration so you will attract the right one. Just have fun and be happy.  Fruitfly, don’t invest too much in him.  He’s clearly not ready.  And he won’t be ready anytime soon.  Just date casually with him and date other guys too.  Don’t waste time on recently separated/divorced guys -especially when his divorce isn’t final yet.

He needs to go through his transitional relationship before he’s truly over his pain.  Do you want to be his transitional gf?  It’s emotionally draining.

Go out and meet guys who are on the same page as yours.  Use those who don’t as a stepping stone to raise your goddess vibration so you will attract the right one.

Just have fun and be happy. 

]]> By: FruitFly http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-188145 FruitFly Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:55:55 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-188145 My bf told me "I love you" after 5 months of talking serious. He was in the middle of a separation from his wife. We told eachother I love you everyday for the next 6 months. His separation was now turning towards a divorce. For the next 5 months we still said "I love you"s. After the divorce was iminent one day he told me that we needed to cool things down because he felt he needed space to work on his divorce and couldn't be there for me emotionally and didn't want to hurt me in the process. I was hurt but agreed to cool things down even tho I didn't exactly know what that meant. The very next day he tells me his misses me and that he LIKES ME. I was annoyed..... LIKE ME? Anyway, it's been 2 months of cooling down and we still have feelings for eachother and are still intimate but he is still solid on not using any reference to LOVE or FUTURE or EMOTIONS with me anymore. I don't know how long this divorce process and after effects(kids, selling his house, finances, people finding out he's divorced, personal growth, etc) will take. I've been feeling neglected at times because I guess Im so used to us sharing our love verbally. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but sometimes it's hard. I just hope he doesn't take too long to come back around. I've already heard comments from him about getting his life together and straightened out could take months or even a year. I love him dearly but am wondering if I can hold on that long..... Oh and when he stopped saying I love you he also stopped showing me in other ways as well. He stopped doing little things that helped me see he cared. I had to tell him that it's ok that you feel unable to express yourself to me emotionally but there needs to be a way for you to touch base with me every so often to let me know that you still do care for me and want a future together. He got mad at first and frustrated but I told him that if he keeps neglecting me totally that when his divorce is finally over that Id probably hate him from harvesting all this feeling of neglect and resentmet. He said he understood and I noticed he started doing little things that meant a lot to me. It's not as in your face as plainly saying out loud "I love you" but it's nice enough for me to have a reason to continue to be patient as he deals with his divorce and personal issues. My bf told me “I love you” after 5 months of talking serious. He was in the middle of a separation from his wife. We told eachother I love you everyday for the next 6 months. His separation was now turning towards a divorce. For the next 5 months we still said “I love you”s. After the divorce was iminent one day he told me that we needed to cool things down because he felt he needed space to work on his divorce and couldn’t be there for me emotionally and didn’t want to hurt me in the process. I was hurt but agreed to cool things down even tho I didn’t exactly know what that meant. The very next day he tells me his misses me and that he LIKES ME. I was annoyed….. LIKE ME? Anyway, it’s been 2 months of cooling down and we still have feelings for eachother and are still intimate but he is still solid on not using any reference to LOVE or FUTURE or EMOTIONS with me anymore. I don’t know how long this divorce process and after effects(kids, selling his house, finances, people finding out he’s divorced, personal growth, etc) will take. I’ve been feeling neglected at times because I guess Im so used to us sharing our love verbally. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but sometimes it’s hard. I just hope he doesn’t take too long to come back around. I’ve already heard comments from him about getting his life together and straightened out could take months or even a year. I love him dearly but am wondering if I can hold on that long…..

Oh and when he stopped saying I love you he also stopped showing me in other ways as well. He stopped doing little things that helped me see he cared. I had to tell him that it’s ok that you feel unable to express yourself to me emotionally but there needs to be a way for you to touch base with me every so often to let me know that you still do care for me and want a future together. He got mad at first and frustrated but I told him that if he keeps neglecting me totally that when his divorce is finally over that Id probably hate him from harvesting all this feeling of neglect and resentmet. He said he understood and I noticed he started doing little things that meant a lot to me. It’s not as in your face as plainly saying out loud “I love you” but it’s nice enough for me to have a reason to continue to be patient as he deals with his divorce and personal issues.

]]> By: MeMeMe http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-159595 MeMeMe Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:44:53 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-159595 I was dating this guy for the past 5 months. I am in my late 30's and I had never been in love before. I gave this guy a chance because he appeared to be "emotionally mature". He helped me to understand my feelings, deal with them, express them.. We had an amazing connection. 3 weeks ago, I wrote him a long and fun letter and where I told him  that I loved him.. And that was the end.. He told me that I am an amazing women, but he does not have the same feelings for me.. I have mixed feelings.. I am happy bc I finally felt what is to love someone, but I am sad, because if this is the outcome, I don't know if I want to go through this ever again... And it makes me sad, bc now I know how I made other people feel.. ;(... You live.. You learn.. I hope the next one is better!! I was dating this guy for the past 5 months. I am in my late 30′s and I had never been in love before. I gave this guy a chance because he appeared to be “emotionally mature”. He helped me to understand my feelings, deal with them, express them.. We had an amazing connection. 3 weeks ago, I wrote him a long and fun letter and where I told him  that I loved him.. And that was the end.. He told me that I am an amazing women, but he does not have the same feelings for me.. I have mixed feelings.. I am happy bc I finally felt what is to love someone, but I am sad, because if this is the outcome, I don’t know if I want to go through this ever again… And it makes me sad, bc now I know how I made other people feel.. ;(… You live.. You learn.. I hope the next one is better!!

]]> By: Denise http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-154691 Denise Fri, 13 May 2011 21:10:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-154691 What i don't understand is why are WE supposed to tolerate it even when WE know that its not good enough, and we were hurt, I'm supposed to sit back and smile calm and respect the fact that I've been so left behind. ?  I really don't feel this way  -  Why do people want to make things all about themselves anyway? Say it back to yourself than speak to your partner.  Is the relationship you even have fair.  From my experience there is always one that is doing more or less than the other.  And there is one that likes to try to take it all but no one can just ignore their sad feelings for so long.   What is your plan to balance this out?  Would you date someone that always expected you to just appreciate what they give to you as they are.  If you are never satisfied, there is continually no answer.  I am supposed to be happy.  Just because I am smiling, does that mean I really feel happy.  Put away your ego, because it doesn't even matter any more.   What i don’t understand is why are WE supposed to tolerate it even when WE know that its not good enough, and we were hurt, I’m supposed to sit back and smile calm and respect the fact that I’ve been so left behind. ?  I really don’t feel this way  -  Why do people want to make things all about themselves anyway?
Say it back to yourself than speak to your partner.  Is the relationship you even have fair.  From my experience there is always one that is doing more or less than the other.  And there is one that likes to try to take it all but no one can just ignore their sad feelings for so long.
 
What is your plan to balance this out?  Would you date someone that always expected you to just appreciate what they give to you as they are.  If you are never satisfied, there is continually no answer.  I am supposed to be happy.  Just because I am smiling, does that mean I really feel happy.  Put away your ego, because it doesn’t even matter any more.
 

]]> By: Jen http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/comment-page-2/#comment-142183 Jen Sat, 26 Feb 2011 23:55:19 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-tell-me-that-he-loves-me/#comment-142183 Wow...everyone has some good and bad comments regarding this...I am in no way a relationship expert, but from my experience i was with a man for 11 years off and on throughout, whom I have kids' by and put up with an INCREDIBLE amount of b.s, stress, verbal, and physical abuse. i was told I love you every day, every phone call, hell too much if you ask me!! Thing is..it was said and not really shown in terms of how he treated me or wanted me to be happy. I ended that once and for all a little over 3 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made!!! I took 2 years to fully heal myself and get ME back and when i least expected it, my now boyfriend of 8 months, found me. He made me wait for any serious talk, and showed me the importance of TIME. It can be a very good thing to be patient and wait and to really get to know someone well to decide if they are right for you, other then being attracted to someone physically. There are some men out there that do really take their time with such things, because they aren't being little boys' anymore and they want to be sure of a woman. i did indeed tell him i love you first, because I meant it and really felt it...i didn't expect it to be said back, because i knew if he loves me or comes to love me, he WILL tell me sooner or later with no pressure. I'm so very blessed and lucky he is so patient and has tried his best at being understanding of my womanly ways lol...he made the effort to do so because he really cares about me...He shows how he feels more then he says and literally told me this so I know and don't "wonder". He may not have alot, but if i need anything he tries to help in ways he can, he listens to me daily and never judges me or yells or curses ever, i may not be told in the words, but his actions speak volume and I know and feel he loves me and cares deeply. And guess what?? I finally got the I love you!!! Wow…everyone has some good and bad comments regarding this…I am in no way a relationship expert, but from my experience i was with a man for 11 years off and on throughout, whom I have kids’ by and put up with an INCREDIBLE amount of b.s, stress, verbal, and physical abuse. i was told I love you every day, every phone call, hell too much if you ask me!! Thing is..it was said and not really shown in terms of how he treated me or wanted me to be happy. I ended that once and for all a little over 3 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made!!! I took 2 years to fully heal myself and get ME back and when i least expected it, my now boyfriend of 8 months, found me. He made me wait for any serious talk, and showed me the importance of TIME. It can be a very good thing to be patient and wait and to really get to know someone well to decide if they are right for you, other then being attracted to someone physically. There are some men out there that do really take their time with such things, because they aren’t being little boys’ anymore and they want to be sure of a woman. i did indeed tell him i love you first, because I meant it and really felt it…i didn’t expect it to be said back, because i knew if he loves me or comes to love me, he WILL tell me sooner or later with no pressure. I’m so very blessed and lucky he is so patient and has tried his best at being understanding of my womanly ways lol…he made the effort to do so because he really cares about me…He shows how he feels more then he says and literally told me this so I know and don’t “wonder”. He may not have alot, but if i need anything he tries to help in ways he can, he listens to me daily and never judges me or yells or curses ever, i may not be told in the words, but his actions speak volume and I know and feel he loves me and cares deeply. And guess what?? I finally got the I love you!!!

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