Comments on: Why Don’t Men Like Smart, Strong, Successful Women, Part II

By: BeauxEau

BeauxEau — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 10:02:35 +0000

I believe it’s a simple matter of differing values. Of course I’m generalizing, but since that allows me to cover approx 87% of a normal bell curve for both sexes, I’ll proceed.

I listen intently to women as they express their experiences and desires and have noticed something that I believe explains a lot of the mischaracterization of “what men want/don’t want.” Women are more likely impressed with intelligence and accomplishment, especially with other women. I have a good friend who other women try to set up with their girlfriends, but they aren’t considering that they are judging what they believe he wants based on what THEY would want in a partner.

They keep trying to set him up with aggressive, razor-thin blondes with multiple graduate degrees and who are high in the corporate or government hierarchy. He is also a high-mid-level manager…and he calls me frequently with these frustrations.

He tells me point blank: I don’t want a thin blonde attorney or political scientist with a Ph.D. who thinks doing domestic things is beneath her, or an imposition. I like kind, warm-hearted raven-haired women, a little plump, who put as much passion into their work as they do their lovemaking and cooking. He tells me they don’t even need to work…he makes around $120K a year, so he doesn’t need to deal with that power struggle.

I believe many men have learned the lesson: Listen and focus on her needs, and refrain from judging her by your own set of standards; women need to do the same for men…and it’s not an imposition to ask for this, it’s a matter of willingness and motivation to succeed in our relationships, all of them.

By: Mark

Mark — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 04:03:25 +0000

Wow, looked like a man wrote that. Truly an alpha female there!

By: Rosanna Tufts

Rosanna Tufts — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 04:51:57 +0000

How amazing it is that after 40 years of feminism, we are now seeing men and women reclaiming their core essence, and truly becoming grounded in their own masculinity or femininity, no apologies needed. Women’s Lib got us respect in our careers — it didn’t help us do our relationships better. Ironically, when I speak about these concepts in my own teaching, I am accused of perpetuating sexist stereotypes — and the accusers are gay.

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 00:04:53 +0000

I think women can use their masculine energy at work, but MUST melt into their feminine energy in all other relationships, ESPECIALLY romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are not competitions where people keep score or someone is trying to ‘win’, they are PARNTERSHIPS of two humans coming together to be a witness to each other’s lives.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 18:45:56 +0000

Evan great article!
Mikko- great reply and I really liked that link you posted. It is such a comprehensive answer:-D

By: Zax

Zax — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 07:44:44 +0000

You are a woman, you educate yourself, get a job, plan for the future. Independent. You don’t need a man. That doesn’t mean you don’t like men, it just means you have smartly planned to be able to take care of yourself. Then you have the woman that is supported by her parents, doesn’t plan for the future & says oh, no, I’m an adult, what will I do? Oh, good idea, find another person to support me. Men love these doting types who can’t fend for themselves. That’s a simple business decision by both parties – nothing but need. Yes, the needy woman will play dress up all day since she has no job & often be considered more attractive because men more often care about what you look like. Men often say women won’t give them the time of day because they are just average. Funny thing is they will tell you how they saw this really attractive woman who blew him off because of his looks. They don’t go over to average women. Men need to be on top & are threatened by a woman who can pay her own way, plan her own life, be responsible, etc. No one should need anyone – male or female. You should want to be wanted, not needed.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 15:50:24 +0000

I think what is being confused in this issue is strength vs. arrogance. A woman who carries herself with dignity and confidence is enticing and captivating. A woman who says, “I don’t need a man because I of x, w, and z” is not. So it may not be feminism that is the real issue.

By: jack

jack — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 02:48:01 +0000

I think that it is hilarious that so many women want to lecture men on what we “should” want.
If I want a sweet, non-hostile women who is not carefully keeping a gender-equity scorecard on who is stronger at what thing, who are you to tell me what I should want.
Seriously, these credential-worshiping, status-measuring women are keeping score on EVERYTHING.
I think that even the strongest of career women exhibit a brittle strength that is too self-conscious.
Even the most powerful ball-busting men are no match for a women who is keeping score.
Gals, get a clue – real men NEVER keep score on most things. We are not intimidated by your strength or success. We are weary and worn by your constant and self-conscious need to parade it around.
Realize that we ALSO reject the friendship of men who constantly have something to prove. In our personal lives, we seek to mitigate irritation. And a women who is constantly trying to remind us how powerful, strong, and independent she is may as well be a yapping terrier who is simultaneously scraping all four sets of nails on a chalkboard. See-ya.

By: A-L

A-L — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 21:30:42 +0000

By: Helen

Helen — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:00:25 +0000

Karl R, you made the following comment: “She’d previously commented that she lived her life completely through her heart. I responded to that remark (at that time) by saying that I lived my life almost entirely through my head.”

If she were the poetic sort, she would have argued with you about your priorities with the following, from e e cummings:

since feeling is first
e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis