Comments on: Why Men Should Say No to Sex

By: Kay

Kay — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:53:25 +0000

Good Damn answer Collette!

By: Colette

Colette — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:23:16 +0000

I think part of the issue is that there are some people who are just a lot more comfortable with casual sex than others. There’s no point in pretending you’re something that you’re not. A guy should have an opinion about whether he is okay with casual sex, and he should take full responsibility (as should every girl – no one’s off the hook) for making sure sex is safe no matter when it happens. But if he doesn’t like the idea of sleeping with every single girl he takes out for a drink, he probably has the maturity and restraint to enjoy her presence without taking his pants off for one night. And that maturity is evident in the way a guy carries himself in general – and it does make him more attractive.
But if a guy, or a girl for that matter, decides that in general it’s okay to have sex on a first date, he should own up to it, be honest with himself, and bring the darn condom. I would think that kind of guy ESPECIALLY should be watching out for his health.
Wanting to avoid appearing too eager in my view shows that the guy isn’t ready to be honest with himself or others about just how casually he treats sex. Not all guys are promiscuous, but many are, and more of them should just own up to it. Is sex on a first date ever really an “accident”? Come on. If you’re that eager to have sex you probably knew it before you left your house. If a girl thinks you are too slutty because you want the option of having sex on a first date while she doesn’t even buy her own condoms, maybe the two of you don’t share the same values and you shouldn’t be having sex with her anyway. She’s probably the kind of girl who is going to be pretty hurt when you don’t call her the next day. And that’s the underlying scary issue here: if you want casual sex, please please please don’t pretend something extraordinary is happening with a girl who’s going to be crushed when she finds out that it was meaningless. That’s just plain irresponsible and unkind. There are lots of other girls who ARE interested in casual sex and won’t stalk you or swear off men for life after a one night stand.
Personally… I’d opt for not having sex on day one, and I’d have serious questions in the long run about a guy who fundamentally disagreed. So I agree with Evan’s answer except for the fact that this is not about having more power, it’s about respecting yourself and your health, and making sure that the girl’s level of respect for you and for herself equals your own.
All that said, any single person should keep spare condoms at home, and if you’re okay with having sex somewhere other than at home on a first date, god help you to know that you’re the kind of person who should keep condoms strapped to your chest at all times.

By: pericles

pericles — Fri, 30 May 2008 21:25:12 +0000

Not having sex the first few times you go out is a very good idea, but shouldn’t we all be doing that anyway? I mean, what’s the value in meeting someone, who you barely know, and getting that intimate that fast? I have never really believed in “dating” per se; I tend to screen pretty heavily before I’d ever even go out with someone. And I do not see a lot of people. Maybe one a year. I’m pretty picky, but not irrationally so. I do not believe in casual anything, though, including sex or dating. I am also not looking to get married, either. I am looking for commitment, and that means most of the guys I get involved with are pretty damned serious to begin with, otherwise I don’t get involved. My mother (ironically!) always used to criticise this about me, that I always had “relationships” and never “dated”, like dating is a lot of fun. I would have to say that I used conversations in lieu of what others probably use dating for. I can find out a lot about someone long before investing time, money or strong emotions in them. And sex…. sex is for when you know, because you’ve spent enough time talking, how you feel about one another, and whether you have a hope in hell of making it as a couple. Otherwise, sex is of no interest to me. There’s got to be a lot going on between me and the other person before I’d even consider sex. It’s not worth it–too much gets lost when you give your body to someone indiscriminately, without forethought, let alone foreplay.

By: sjg

sjg — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 22:21:50 +0000

I think this is a great answer – especially if you mean it. Even saying, “I don’t have sex with any one without discussing our relationship first so there’s no confusion,” would be good. Both avoid drama, confusion, and needless heartache. It never killed anybody to wait – contrary to popular belief.

By: Kay

Kay — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:06:27 +0000

First of all, it’s good to say that a man should say no to sex on a first date. Me and this guy once crushed on each other, and the idiot called and asked when was I going to let him have sex with me, and stated “he had a box of condoms in his truck”…are you serious??? That was the biggest turn-off for me. Number one, who said that I was going to agree to have sex with you? number two, somebody coming off strong to me like that indicates to me that you are a horny idiot who does not care about somebodys morals first. Everything about that was off-key. To me, if somebody had condoms ready, the first thing I’m going to think is, how many skeet skeets has this idiot been sleeping with? Then again, I can see how some people just want to be prepared just in case. Wow…I don’t know where the generation turned, but nobody is wanting to get to know anyone anymore before sex. Guess the epidemic of unwanted pregnancies, STDS and AIDS is not a big dea, eh? But I like the topic of this nontheless. It’s attractive when a man shows he has morals and values and shows that he is sincere without wanting to take advantage of a woman first….but, there aren’t too many out here like that.

By: jimmy

jimmy — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 21:53:34 +0000

i hate condoms and so do most women. i’m not convinced for the necessity of them except for avoiding babies.

By: S

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 06:33:18 +0000

When a guy I started seeing told me that he didn’t think we should have sex before really discussing it and our relationship, it not only made me respect him, but it made me want him so much more. And he’s turned out to be the best guy I’ve met…I’m so used to having to say no, and am so turned off by the guys that try so hard to get in my pants on a first date…especially because I tend to like older men, so they think I am easy. But this one won over my heart. And the sex is great hah.

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 23:00:49 +0000

To raygun,

be careful…….after three months of seeing my girlfriend, she finally talked me into “not” using a condom, and….she gave me an infection…a mild one, but, still an infection….

By: raygun

raygun — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:46:14 +0000

yeah, its funny how waiting a night or two before acting like the normal Neanderthal that we are makes the ladies go wild, “oh my god, he didnt try to sleep with me, hes so nice”

but seriously if there is no condom, in this day and age, would any guy just stick it in if it was a random hookup? have people forgotten about HPV or all the stuff that transfers from skin to skin?

By: hunter

hunter — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:06:34 +0000

…I have said no to sex early on, and it does seem to turn up the heat. I stay away from the “sexy,’ women, I wonder if that has anything to do with it…on account of them being less experienced…I don’t carry a condom in my wallet, opportunities have always been far and few……