Comments on: Why Men Shouldn’t Ask For or Offer Their Phone Number Too Quickly

By: Blueberrie

Blueberrie — Mon, 13 May 2013 17:12:32 +0000

ok wow! I just sort of went through this with a guy! met him online on a Wednesday, by Thursday night he offered his number for texting and I sent one just to confirm I had the right number and BOOM he went into overkill high pressure salesman wanting to go out that night! I explained I had plans and usually like to talk on the phone before going out, he would NOT give up, wanted me to change my plans or meet him later in the night and he even came to my neighbourhood to hang out as he knew I’d be there but I didn’t tell him where (thank God!). I stopped responding to his texts and he sent 4 more throughout the night! good lord! and then the next day as well first thing in the AM a good morning and then right back at it trying to set up a date… didn’t even listen to my point about wanting to talk on the phone first. anyway, I never went and never would. I kind of felt sorry for him, wasn’t sure if he “got it” that he was just WAY too high pressure. he contacted me on the sunday and I just wrote back that I would want to talk on the phone before meeting… he never responded… idiot, just wanted some action for the weekend i’d say…
Actually it happens a lot and wow guys say things like NO ONE is THAT busy or they just ignore your requests to speak on the phone, they just try to hook up, such a waste of time I want to scream at them sometimes lol
Anyway, Evan is bang on correct in all of this. Just move on if he’s not “getting it” and not behaving appropriately.

By: Hope

Hope — Thu, 26 May 2011 01:39:43 +0000

Also, in response to A-L,

I don’t interact with too many men online, but when I do get that that phase, and there are no questions asked on their end, I have a strict rule to NOT send a response. You have to show a willingness to want to know about me, not just a willingness to tell me about yourself. I can only imagine a dinner date where he’s spending an hour talking about himself and not asking one question about who I am, what I like or what I’m looking for.

If someone wants to know about you, they ask. If they do not want to know about you, they don’t ask. That’s my take anyway.

By: Hope

Hope — Thu, 26 May 2011 01:26:05 +0000

I am constantly surprised how much great information I get from Evan’s blog. I had this happen today (within a message that was, obviously, a copy and paste job). And, while a very nice message, the fact he was asking (copied) questions of things I have responses to within my profile (which he obviously had not read) and included his phone number for me to call made me absolutely cringe. He noted within his profile (which I read completely) that he dislikes messaging back and forth and prefers to speak by phone immediately to gauge chemistry. The old me would have ignored him or sent him a short, terse note. This time, I took Evan’s advice and sent him a polite response that challenged him to “hang in there, and you may hear my voice on the phone”.

I’m a burgeoning writer, so I placed in my response that, as a writer, it’s important for me to strike up a relationship with a man who is comfortable and able to use the written word (romantic notes, letter, emails, etc) to help reach new levels within our relationship, as it won’t be something I’d expect only during the initial stages of our courtship. I stressed how important the written word is to me and how important it is for me to find a man who respects and appreciates this and, also, has a joy for written communication as well.

I also pointed out that a girl letting every man who passes on his number in the first message is similar to a girl sleeping with every man that asks on the first date; there are specific and appropriate steps individuals should take in their courtship. To do them too soon, with people you haven’t properly deemed trustworthy or worthy of your precious time and attention, would be taking those steps much too soon.

I haven’t heard a response yet, but we’ll see how he takes that. I don’t doubt it will be via silence. He’ll just go on and send another long winded message (full of questions he could easily answer if he actually read her profile) with his number included to some other woman on the site… and that’s perfectly alright.

By: joe trebler

joe trebler — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 06:49:00 +0000

I usually give my number to women when I dont want them to call me b/c most women dont usually make the first move, and if they do call I’ll just say I’m busy or something. Most girls can take a hint.

By: Michael Ejercito

Michael Ejercito — Sat, 31 May 2008 16:26:59 +0000

The only time a man should consider asking for a phone number upon first meeting is if he meets a woman somewhere and he is unlikely to meet her again unless the meeting is arranged.

By: Max Garcia

Max Garcia — Fri, 30 May 2008 21:25:57 +0000

“women WANT you to invest time in them. That’s what shows them you’re serious”, wow good advice for me.

By: hunter

hunter — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:04:36 +0000

To A-L

Man may be clueless, doesn’t know he is supposed to ask questions…

By: A-L

A-L — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:05:50 +0000

Recently I’ve had the problem where we’ve had some back and forth e-mails, but the guy isn’t asking any questions. It started off when I e-mailed a guy, and he e-mailed back a paragraph or two answering my question but didn’t ask me anything back. I assumed he wasn’t interested so sent back a short e-mail. He e-mailed back, again without a question. In all, we’ve had 3-4 of these exchanges where he keeps on sending back decent-length replies, but with no questions. I would assume that if he’s not asking questions, he’s not interested, but why does he keep replying, and quickly? And his responses aren’t 1-2 liners either. And today I e-mailed a guy, he responded back within 20 minutes, and no question in his reply! Should I give these guys the heave-ho, or subtly give them the hint that they should start asking questions?

By: Michael Ejercito

Michael Ejercito — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:47:44 +0000

In defense of the male gender, many women offer nothing in their profiles that would allow a guy to say something interesting beyond, what’s your number?
I have observed such profiles on Match.Com and Date.Com.

Some of those profiles are still there after five years. I wonder why.

By: vlh

vlh — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:51:05 +0000

Email number 5 or 6 is the best time to offer your phone number to a woman: that should be enough time spent exchanging *meaningful* emails (ideally proffering information about yourselves, I hope, not just monosyllabic “hi” and single sentence messages like “whazzup?”). Each email should: contain a few CHATTY paragraphs, disclose some information about yourself, and ask the woman some question(s) about herself to show you’re interested in finding out more about her. Still, don’t wait much longer after email number 5 to offer your phone number. I dump the instant messenger/email junkie types quickly; I suspect most are married men or are in relationships already. Giving out your phone number on email 5 shows both a willingness to invest time sharing information about yourself to make her comfortable, and it is also soon enough that she won’t start to suspect you’re just another computer-addicted married guy with no life…