Comments on: Why Men Shouldn’t Ask For or Offer Their Phone Number Too Quickly http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Hope http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-156497 Hope Thu, 26 May 2011 01:39:43 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-156497 Also, in response to A-L, I don't interact with too many men online, but when I do get that that phase, and there are no questions asked on their end, I have a strict rule to NOT send a response. You have to show a willingness to want to know about me, not just a willingness to tell me about yourself.  I can only imagine a dinner date where he's spending an hour talking about himself and not asking one question about who I am, what I like or what I'm looking for. If someone wants to know about you, they ask. If they do not want to know about you, they don't ask. That's my take anyway. Also, in response to A-L,

I don’t interact with too many men online, but when I do get that that phase, and there are no questions asked on their end, I have a strict rule to NOT send a response. You have to show a willingness to want to know about me, not just a willingness to tell me about yourself.  I can only imagine a dinner date where he’s spending an hour talking about himself and not asking one question about who I am, what I like or what I’m looking for.

If someone wants to know about you, they ask. If they do not want to know about you, they don’t ask. That’s my take anyway.

]]> By: Hope http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-156494 Hope Thu, 26 May 2011 01:26:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-156494 I am constantly surprised how much great information I get from Evan's blog.  I had this happen today (within a message that was, obviously, a copy and paste job). And, while a very nice message, the fact he was asking (copied) questions of things I have responses to within my profile (which he obviously had not read) and included his phone number for me to call made me absolutely cringe. He noted within his profile (which I read completely) that he dislikes messaging back and forth and prefers to speak by phone immediately to gauge chemistry.  The old me would have ignored him or sent him a short, terse note. This time, I took Evan's advice and sent him a polite response that challenged him to "hang in there, and you may hear my voice on the phone". I'm a burgeoning writer, so I placed in my response that, as a writer, it's important for me to strike up a relationship with a man who is comfortable and able to use the written word (romantic notes, letter, emails, etc)  to help reach new levels within our relationship, as it won't be something I'd expect only during the initial stages of our courtship.  I stressed how important the written word is to me and how important it is for me to find a man who respects and appreciates this and, also, has a joy for written communication as well. I also pointed out that a girl letting every man who passes on his number in the first message is similar to a girl sleeping with every man that asks on the first date;  there are specific and appropriate steps individuals should take in their courtship.  To do them too soon, with people you haven't properly deemed trustworthy or worthy of your precious time and attention, would be  taking those steps much too soon. I haven't heard a response yet, but we'll see how he takes that.  I don't doubt it will be via silence. He'll just go on and send another long winded message (full of questions he could easily answer if he actually read her profile) with his number included to some other woman on the site... and that's perfectly alright. I am constantly surprised how much great information I get from Evan’s blog.  I had this happen today (within a message that was, obviously, a copy and paste job). And, while a very nice message, the fact he was asking (copied) questions of things I have responses to within my profile (which he obviously had not read) and included his phone number for me to call made me absolutely cringe. He noted within his profile (which I read completely) that he dislikes messaging back and forth and prefers to speak by phone immediately to gauge chemistry.  The old me would have ignored him or sent him a short, terse note. This time, I took Evan’s advice and sent him a polite response that challenged him to “hang in there, and you may hear my voice on the phone”.

I’m a burgeoning writer, so I placed in my response that, as a writer, it’s important for me to strike up a relationship with a man who is comfortable and able to use the written word (romantic notes, letter, emails, etc)  to help reach new levels within our relationship, as it won’t be something I’d expect only during the initial stages of our courtship.  I stressed how important the written word is to me and how important it is for me to find a man who respects and appreciates this and, also, has a joy for written communication as well.

I also pointed out that a girl letting every man who passes on his number in the first message is similar to a girl sleeping with every man that asks on the first date;  there are specific and appropriate steps individuals should take in their courtship.  To do them too soon, with people you haven’t properly deemed trustworthy or worthy of your precious time and attention, would be  taking those steps much too soon.

I haven’t heard a response yet, but we’ll see how he takes that.  I don’t doubt it will be via silence. He’ll just go on and send another long winded message (full of questions he could easily answer if he actually read her profile) with his number included to some other woman on the site… and that’s perfectly alright.

]]> By: joe trebler http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-58432 joe trebler Fri, 05 Mar 2010 06:49:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-58432 I usually give my number to women when I dont want them to call me b/c most women dont usually make the first move, and if they do call I'll just say I'm busy or something. Most girls can take a hint. I usually give my number to women when I dont want them to call me b/c most women dont usually make the first move, and if they do call I’ll just say I’m busy or something. Most girls can take a hint.

]]> By: Michael Ejercito http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-8605 Michael Ejercito Sat, 31 May 2008 16:26:59 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8605 The only time a man should consider asking for a phone number upon first meeting is if he meets a woman somewhere and he is unlikely to meet her again unless the meeting is arranged. The only time a man should consider asking for a phone number upon first meeting is if he meets a woman somewhere and he is unlikely to meet her again unless the meeting is arranged.

]]> By: Max Garcia http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-8595 Max Garcia Fri, 30 May 2008 21:25:57 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8595 "women WANT you to invest time in them. That's what shows them you're serious", wow good advice for me. “women WANT you to invest time in them. That’s what shows them you’re serious”, wow good advice for me.

]]> By: hunter http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-6844 hunter Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:04:36 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6844 To A-L Man may be clueless, doesn't know he is supposed to ask questions... To A-L

Man may be clueless, doesn’t know he is supposed to ask questions…

]]> By: A-L http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-6840 A-L Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:05:50 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6840 Recently I've had the problem where we've had some back and forth e-mails, but the guy isn't asking any questions. It started off when I e-mailed a guy, and he e-mailed back a paragraph or two answering my question but didn't ask me anything back. I assumed he wasn't interested so sent back a short e-mail. He e-mailed back, again without a question. In all, we've had 3-4 of these exchanges where he keeps on sending back decent-length replies, but with no questions. I would assume that if he's not asking questions, he's not interested, but why does he keep replying, and quickly? And his responses aren't 1-2 liners either. And today I e-mailed a guy, he responded back within 20 minutes, and no question in his reply! Should I give these guys the heave-ho, or subtly give them the hint that they should start asking questions? Recently I’ve had the problem where we’ve had some back and forth e-mails, but the guy isn’t asking any questions. It started off when I e-mailed a guy, and he e-mailed back a paragraph or two answering my question but didn’t ask me anything back. I assumed he wasn’t interested so sent back a short e-mail. He e-mailed back, again without a question. In all, we’ve had 3-4 of these exchanges where he keeps on sending back decent-length replies, but with no questions. I would assume that if he’s not asking questions, he’s not interested, but why does he keep replying, and quickly? And his responses aren’t 1-2 liners either. And today I e-mailed a guy, he responded back within 20 minutes, and no question in his reply! Should I give these guys the heave-ho, or subtly give them the hint that they should start asking questions?

]]> By: Michael Ejercito http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-4772 Michael Ejercito Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:47:44 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4772 <blockquote>In defense of the male gender, many women offer nothing in their profiles that would allow a guy to say something interesting beyond, what's your number?</blockquote> I have observed such profiles on Match.Com and Date.Com. Some of those profiles are still there after five years. I wonder why.

In defense of the male gender, many women offer nothing in their profiles that would allow a guy to say something interesting beyond, what’s your number?

I have observed such profiles on Match.Com and Date.Com.

Some of those profiles are still there after five years. I wonder why.

]]> By: vlh http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-4398 vlh Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:51:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4398 Email number 5 or 6 is the best time to offer your phone number to a woman: that should be enough time spent exchanging *meaningful* emails (ideally proffering information about yourselves, I hope, not just monosyllabic "hi" and single sentence messages like "whazzup?"). Each email should: contain a few CHATTY paragraphs, disclose some information about yourself, and ask the woman some question(s) about herself to show you're interested in finding out more about her. Still, don't wait much longer after email number 5 to offer your phone number. I dump the instant messenger/email junkie types quickly; I suspect most are married men or are in relationships already. Giving out your phone number on email 5 shows both a willingness to invest time sharing information about yourself to make her comfortable, and it is also soon enough that she won't start to suspect you're just another computer-addicted married guy with no life... Email number 5 or 6 is the best time to offer your phone number to a woman: that should be enough time spent exchanging *meaningful* emails (ideally proffering information about yourselves, I hope, not just monosyllabic “hi” and single sentence messages like “whazzup?”). Each email should: contain a few CHATTY paragraphs, disclose some information about yourself, and ask the woman some question(s) about herself to show you’re interested in finding out more about her. Still, don’t wait much longer after email number 5 to offer your phone number. I dump the instant messenger/email junkie types quickly; I suspect most are married men or are in relationships already. Giving out your phone number on email 5 shows both a willingness to invest time sharing information about yourself to make her comfortable, and it is also soon enough that she won’t start to suspect you’re just another computer-addicted married guy with no life…

]]> By: Lance http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/comment-page-1/#comment-4097 Lance Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:38:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4097 Don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but I'd like to respond to CP. Women prompt the exchange for contact info all the time, and it's as simple as her saying, "Hey, we're having a great conversation, let's get coffee..." That's your cue to exchange digits and set something up. I've even had women ask me to TAKE their number. In fact, this is the point that I try to reach purposely, because I know we've made a great connection then. The key is having built up a great connection via email and IM and the two people getting to a point of comfort and trust. Once you reach that point, exchanging contact info is a completely natural progression. The situation described in Joanna's query to Evan is that there was ZERO comfort and trust, ie, no previous connection, and the guy was just throwing it out there. Don't trust those guys. If you poke around the 'net you'll find plenty of online dating horror stories. Don’t know if anyone is still reading this thread, but I’d like to respond to CP. Women prompt the exchange for contact info all the time, and it’s as simple as her saying, “Hey, we’re having a great conversation, let’s get coffee…” That’s your cue to exchange digits and set something up. I’ve even had women ask me to TAKE their number. In fact, this is the point that I try to reach purposely, because I know we’ve made a great connection then.

The key is having built up a great connection via email and IM and the two people getting to a point of comfort and trust. Once you reach that point, exchanging contact info is a completely natural progression.

The situation described in Joanna’s query to Evan is that there was ZERO comfort and trust, ie, no previous connection, and the guy was just throwing it out there. Don’t trust those guys. If you poke around the ‘net you’ll find plenty of online dating horror stories.

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