If a blirtacious woman keeps finding that the men she likes end up being jerks, and the men who like her are spineless wimps, maybe she needs to look at herself.  I am not blirtacious but I have ADHD so I would often say what was in my mind unfiltered, interrupt people by accident and talk too much.  This was not good.  I do not say, oh well, I have ADHD so that’s just the way I am.  No, I work on this trait always.  I look at my relationships and evalute how I’m doing as a friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, etc.  If a blirtacious woman worked on respectful, assertive communication while still valuing her outgoing personality, she would probably really like the results.

It may not seem fair that a man can get away with being an opinionated jerk more than a woman can, but them’s the breaks.

I’m definitely a moderate blirter and, judging by what I read in the comments on this blog, I’m not alone!  ;-)

One of my last bfs told me I talked too much.  He was very critical, but not a high blirter.  I thought about it, acknowledged that I did talk moderately, but that is who I am.  I reflected more and recognized that I have always had more positive friendships and relationships with other blirters.  They’re fun and exciting and, hey, if you’re impatient, you can squeeze so much more communication in with them!

At some point I noticed that blirting seems to be more accepted and even encouraged in some cultures.  I’ve found that the majority of friends I’ve had in my life tend to come from blirter backgrounds; the relationships that have fared the worst were with guys who were from low-blirter cultures. 

I have worked very hard at not verbalizing my critical thoughts as much as I used to.  It only dawned on me about seven years ago that words can have a profound and lasting effect on others.  I tend to not be very hurt by words said during a fight, but now I know that other people are not this way and I definitely feel regret about things I’ve said in the past.  This provides strong motivation to help me bite my tongue when I want to just “put it all out there” for someone.  ;)

@Zann —  

Wow.  It sounds like we’re from the same family!  Your description was both painful and hilarious.  I encourage you to write an article about that if you haven’t already.

@Karl R –

Thank you for doing the homework for us!  ;-)  It encouraged me because I’m a blirter, but not very critical nowadays.  Thanks for the morale boost!

And there it is.  

Not everything has to be either/or, black/white, completely binary.

Especially not in relationships.

I think you’re missing my “bigger picture point” here.  My point is that there are women who aren’t going to go for the “outspoken vs nice” EVEN IF the “nice vs outspoken” are not available.

I’ve often gone for weeks or months without a date, just for that very reason.  I do not like outspoken vs. nice.  It is to me, not necessarily WHAT you say vs. HOW you say it.  A point can be made, kindly, and directly at the same time.  What it requires is the presence of mind to be able to step back, breathe, and think.  Those are the kinds of men I have infinitely more respect for.  The kinds that just shoot from the hip constantly, are loud, etc. don’t work for me. 

My point is that being outspoken rather than nice, is not always going to work. 

@ Runnergirl,

Yes indeed, I’ve been around a few of those types.  As a matter of fact, I was reading the latest “Baggage Reclaim UK” blog posting and the article mentioned folks like that one fellow you were mentioning.  The author calls them “Choppers” meaning they are out to bring you down with their words. 

Overall, I’d much prefer a man who keeps his own counsel, thinks before he speaks, and doesn’t pride himself on just saying everything and anything that comes to mind.  I don’t think it’s an attractive quality at all, for either men or women.