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I get lots of emails from readers. They generally fall into three types:
1) Praise – easily my favorite kind of note.
Just wanted to say that yours is the first love advice column I have read on Yahoo that didn’t seem shallow…It actually makes sense and seems right on target to me!
2) Hate mail – very entertaining, especially when I read them aloud to Mom.
I hope you know that your dating advice is such fucking garbage. Get a real job, prick.
3) Frustrated dating questions – heart-wrenching and all-too common.
I always meet men who are womanizers no matter how hard I screen them. I am so attractive and classy and don’t know why they humiliate me in public but they ALL do it. Are all men just like this?
Not surprisingly, it’s the final category that I spend the most time on.
Now, despite what you may think, I don’t have an axe to grind against anyone. If men tell me I’m too harsh on men and women tell me I’m too harsh on women, I’m pretty sure I’m doing something right.
As a dating coach, it would be easy to simply validate every reader who asks a question. Tell her exactly what she wants to hear. I could write to the woman above that, yes, she’s an attractive, classy woman and that, yes, she deserves a lot better than these womanizing jerks. I’d add that there are definitely some nice guys out there, so she should keep on looking. Good luck and Godspeed!
Did you learn anything from that?
I didn’t think so.
Clearly not ALL men can be scum. But some men will always be bastards.
My real advice to her would be to assess why she keeps on choosing womanizers. That’s her big problem. Lots of women end up with monogamous men, so clearly not ALL men can be scum. But some men will always be bastards. So why does she end up with them? That’s for HER to figure out, not the womanizer.
If you feel your blood pressure rising, and you think that if only “experts” like me placed the proper blame on men, this would all go away, I respectfully disagree. Jackass men don’t read my blog. Only people who are looking for a dose of truth, humor, and insight do.
Yes, I get it: Men are wrong. Men lie for sex. Men string women along. No argument here. But there is no power in pointing out the obvious. You know why? Because YOU CAN’T CHANGE MEN!
We can complain to the high heavens about guys and their immoral behavior, and guess what? Tomorrow, some douchebag is going to sleep with a woman he doesn’t care about and then never call her again. And around and around we go.
So…since you can’t change men and I can’t change men, how can we make sure that a) You don’t keep dating womanizers, and b) You understand that this is the way some men are, no matter how much we wish they weren’t.
If you’re a reader who has had it up to here with the opposite sex, I see my job as pointing the other side of the story. I don’t TAKE the other side. I just observe it.
Unfortunately, this approach tends to incite anger. The proverbial “shooting of the messenger”….
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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