Comments on: Why (Some) Women Might Consider Settling

By: john

john — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:58:06 +0000

i wouldnt say that it is a matter of matter refusing to settle, rather women over-valuing their true market value. A man that is a 10 may actually have sex with an average woman just for the hell of it, while a woman that is a 10 would never be with an average man unless he had money or some sort of high social status. So you have cases of a woman that is a 5 getting a taste of a 10, and then believing that a 10 is what she deserves, when that 10 never took her serious to begin with. So now u have an unremarkable woman expecting to have a remarkable man.

By: Katarina Phang

Katarina Phang — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:35:23 +0000

However, a woman can be secure and very feminine, soft, coy, sweet, shy and showing all the feminine traits that trigger attraction in men. I consider myself that type of woman.

Insecure? No. Sweet, soft, girlie and feminine? Yes.

By: Katarina Phang

Katarina Phang — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:32:33 +0000

Gabe, this is what insecure women do: they ask you all the time if they’re pretty, if you find them attractive, if there are certain body parts of theirs you like best, if you love them, if you are seeing someone else on the side, if when you don’t answer the phone you’re with someone else, they will throw tantrum at the slightest perception that they are being ignored, they will accuse you of cheating even when you are not and have been doing everything to show your love, they will call you 50 times a day and bombard you with text messages that if you don’t respond right away will set off their panic alarm, they will want to see you everyday and spend every weekend, they won’t understand that you want to spend time with your buddies and not with them, or that you need your cave time once in a while.

Are you sure this is the kind of woman you want? Somehow, I doubt it. No man finds this kind of woman attractive after a few weeks/months.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 03:15:54 +0000

Gabe-

Are you sure you want your woman to run a business with you? That might make her confident ;-p

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 03:12:16 +0000

Well- i brought up the whole vulnerability issue with my dictionary comment a few posts ago! (see 225) Gabe ignored that but not the rest of my comment- so, I do not think he wants vulnerable. I think we should finally just take him at his word when he says he likes women with no self esteem and be glad that we’re not dating men with those kind of issues. Lol

By: Ileana

Ileana — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:17:22 +0000

@Gabe: you said in #247: ‘Typically these traits are not learned. Most people are born smart, witty, funny, confident, secure. Or they are not. It’s not their fault. Please stop making fun of them, and the people that find them attractive.’ And somewhere else I believe it was you who asked why insecure women don’t deserve love.

Now I don’t have any scientfic back-up for this, but I am pretty sure that people are born confident and then they lose it as they grow up, as a result of all the external factors surrounding them. Think about it – many people look at their baby-pictures, pre-school pictures and think: ‘Oh my God, I used to be / look like a (fill in negative trait here)’ and then feel ashamed. At that early stage in life, these things don’t really matter, because you are happy with yourself.

Now that brings me to my personal definition of confidence: the state of being at ease with yourself and acceptiong yourself the way you are… being able to reach an internal spiritual equilibrium. You don’t have to be bitchy, or feel supperior to others, or not acknowledging your weeknesses. This affects the way you interract with others as well. For instance, I know that if I’m happy and balanced, I can make everybody else happy without resenting them if they don’t do the same for me. All this, without even actually TRYING…it all comes so naturally. Oh, and what does this have to do with being shy or vulnerable?

Furthermore, nobody is saying insecure women don’t deserve love. Nobody is making fun of these women or of the people who find them attractive (well, unless their names are Edward and Bella… )

What you fail to acknoledge is the fact that the love these women deserve most can only be offered by themselves to themselves (not in a narcissistic way). And this can’t be compensated by anything else. Only then will they be capable of truly receiving the love given by others… Until that moment, they will mostly question it, because of their insecurities, they will always need reassurence (assuming we are talking here about insecurities related to who they are as a person, not about their driving, professional skills etc).

At least that’s how I see this whole story…

By: Gabe Asher

Gabe Asher — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:50:36 +0000

I am not attracted to confident women. And thats all Folks! LOL.

By: Goldie

Goldie — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 19:14:30 +0000

Are we talking about the sweet and coy, or about “women with low confidence/self-esteem”? Because that’s two completely different kinds of people. The sweet and coy girl is able to act sweet and coy because she has a healthy self-esteem. It’s hard to be sweet and playful when you’re in constant fear of embarrassing yourself, because you think you’re ugly/stupid/not funny/etc.

“I am waiting for women here to tell me I shouldn’t date women with cancer…”

Weird analogy, but I’ll play along. If someone had cancer, what would be a better reaction of that person’s loved ones: to support the person through their treatments, or to tell them to abandon all treatments, because “we love you just the way you are”?

By: Gabe Asher

Gabe Asher — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:06:26 +0000

@245 Missed the question earlier. The stay at home mom is fine. What I envision in my future, if I marry and have a child, would be to buy/start a business that we can run together. She would be flexible in coming and going, bringing the baby to the place of work. Balancing between home and work life. But, only if thats the lifestyle she wants. I think its ideal. Not a 9 to 5, nor a complete home life.

By: Gabe Asher

Gabe Asher — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:51:51 +0000

@240 Well said Zac. The women here are 30, 40 and 50something singles. Most posters come across as feminists, and they wonder why they are single. They continually argue their points and don’t try to learn. They point fingers but aren’t willing to change or think differently themselves.
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