Comments on: Why Would a Guy Keep in Touch After He Already Dumped Me?

By: Themrs.

Themrs. — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 21:33:36 +0000

I Love you EVAN wanna get married?! LOL!

I had been struggling with this situation for a long time years ago, and I WISH YOU HAD This forum then. But I am now about to be married to someone who loves me unconditionally because I finally let the loser go who dumped me and got married 3 months later only to call me constantly thru his marriage and now I could care less and now he wonders why I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him AS IF Someone else wouldn’t come along, AS IF he was the only man that care.
Hang in there ladies that are going thru the dumping scenario, MR. Right is out there and trust me he is MUCH MORE AMAZING than the Loser THAT WANTS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TO.

By: Ann

Ann — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:09:28 +0000

@Steve #102
Note that I said “most”, not “all”. There are nice and decent guys, yes, but they come by very few and far between.
Several days after dumping me, this guy invited me to attend his annual and exclusive family Christmas gathering as well as his friends-and-their-families post Christmas party (both occasions were held at his house), and yet he insisted that we were just friends. What in the world was he thinking?
The guy I dated before that… Well he was dating me for over a year already and was starting to date another girl AND was trying to get back with his ex who was already married– all at the same time! What the hell was he thinking?
Can you muster enough reason to explain away such behaviors?

By: Steve

Steve — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 14:15:12 +0000

@Ann #101

If you read a man making a general derogatory statement about 4 billion people ( women ) would you be inclined to think of that man as mysogynist, prejudiced or bigoted?

By: Ann

Ann — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:54:11 +0000

Most guys are jerks. And the sad thing about it is that they don’t even know when they’re being one. Evan was right– the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away from an imbalanced relationship. It takes a great deal of commitment to personal development for any one who really wants to change. Sadly, most people are not up to the challenge.
So we go back to the basics, be truly honest with ourselves and ask ourselves,
“Is this the kind of person I REALLY want to spend the rest of my life with?”
“Do I want our children to learn the values that the other person espouses?”
We are who we are. In love, either you accept the person for who he is or you reject him completely. If the person you are with is not good enough for you, do not ask him to change for you. Just leave.

By: Illinois Girl

Illinois Girl — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:30:00 +0000

Sandy,

Don’t beat yourself up. I know you feel used…it sounds like he is playing games to me. I wouldn’t give him time, I would get out there again and enjoy life. I am sure there is a nice man out there for you. This one sounds like he should be told ADIOS! Can you block his texts?

Illinois Girl

By: Sandy

Sandy — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 23:36:31 +0000

You sure said it here, all of you. I am at the receiving end of a text-only relationship. That’s after 1.5 years of solid commitment, including paying his bills and helping him through major surgery. Yes, I am a fool. Even on my birthday, I get a text message and an encouraging email: Please give a friendship some time. Between the lines: he has a new job, a new life, money in his pocket. Might as well see what’s out there before making a promise to a woman who knows you and loves you. I was never loved back. I was handy for a while. The anger burns a bit, and that’s good. Otherwise, I might answer the text lingering there.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:06:34 +0000

Yes, I completely agree and understand that Evan. However, I still disagree with your previous statement and think it’s fair to comment on. I don’t like what sounds like blame to me, on women, for behavior that a guy might do in basically saying “why do men do things women don’t like, because women let us”. While you can’t force anyone to behave a certain way, this kind of mentality seems pretty damanging in itself. But that is strictly my perspective on it and I do understand that you disagree.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:46:02 +0000

The way you stand up for yourself, Jersey, is by leaving a man who acts inexcusably – not by telling men, in general, to stop acting inexcusably.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:42:57 +0000

I do agree with you there.

I’m just not in agreement with you for the part we were discussing before. As for “banging that drum over and over”…. I think it’s important to stand up for what you believe is right. Maybe it comes off as banging a drum, but I don’t see it that way. I just see it as standing by what one thinks is right. And maybe it doesn’t change everyone but hopefully it makes people stop and think next time.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:35:05 +0000

Jersey,

If you’re going to refer to “my logic”, you should get it correct: you have no responsibility for how he acts. He does.

But since you can’t control him and can only control yourself, there’s no point in banging that drum over and over about men taking responsibility. Telling people like me to “tell men to take responsibility!” is like me telling you to create a world in which women don’t judge men on height, weight, age or income. I think people mistreat others all the time. We’re never going to eradicate it. All we can do is refuse to tolerate it. I’m sure you would agree.