Apr07

Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

08:52 am on Apr 7th 2008 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

122 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice

122 Responses to “Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?”

1. Selena Apr 7th 2008 at 11:37 am 1

   When I was in my late 30’s I became involved with someone 15 yrs. older. The age difference did not seem especially significant during the 5 yrs we were together. Now in my mid 40’s though, the idea of dating someone in their 60’s does seem like a big difference in terms of where we each are in life.

   Harrison Ford being an exception for me as well though, I have to say. (He’s really 66? Wow!)

2. JerseyGirl Apr 7th 2008 at 12:07 pm 2

   I’m in my 20s and I don’t find Harrison Ford attractive at all.

3. Camilla Apr 7th 2008 at 12:13 pm 3

   Similar to Selena, I met my husband when I was 35 and he was 47. At the time, the 12 years was a non-issue. Fast forward to me hitting my prime at 41, and him slowing down at 53…and it DID become a problem. He stopped wanting to travel and have fun with me. Didn’t attend important work events for me (like I had with him.) And frankly, he started aging really fast. He started looking 60, whereas he looked younger than his age when we met. We became incompatible, now divorcing.

   So like Evan is saying, the age gap may not SEEM like a problem when you’re both still young-ish. But it might be a problem later. I don’t recommend more than a 7 year difference, max.

4. vino Apr 7th 2008 at 01:39 pm 4

   Oh boy is this one interesting. Some choice quotes from Evan’s answer”

   “Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.”

   “There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.”

   ” . . .they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”

   So I break this down into 2 basic reasons women go for older guys.

   1. Material reasons
   2. Daddy issues

   Materially, Evan said it well – “He’s got the job and the home and the car . . ” and “They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts.”

   Daddy issues – I’d venture to say that I think both extremes apply here. Evan wrote, “… treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.” I’d say that I’ve run into just as many daddy issues with girls who WERE treated like princesses by daddy.

   No matter which reason(s) applies, it’s the same thing in effect. She wants to be treated like a child. She wants to be immature.

5. vino Apr 7th 2008 at 01:42 pm 5

   “And frankly, he started aging really fast. He started looking 60, whereas he looked younger than his age when we met. ”

   I have to remember this one.

6. Steve Apr 7th 2008 at 02:49 pm 6

   Most unflattering reasons, but likely true as “the rule” :

   younger women being attracted to older men
   1. “Daddy” issues
   2. Material issues

   younger men being attracted to older women
   1. “Mommy” issues
   2. Faster, easier, sex

   women and men wanting to date/mate younger:
   1. recapture fading youth
   2. more immature than their chronological counterparts
   3. wants a partner more easily controlled
   4. an ego stroke, arm candy, a trophy partner
   5. can’t handle someone their own age

   Despite all of those unflattering dime store( a very “dating” remark…..amend that..to “dollar store”) reasons, sometimes these various pairings happen only because the two people involved have a genuine appreciation of each other.

7. Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 04:51 pm 7

   The longest, best romantic relationship I ever had was with a much older guy. I knew he was older, but I didn’t know how much older. When I found out I was shocked b/c it was a LOT older. All that said, we were very much in love and it felt like we were equals. I know that people looked at us and thought things — esp. b/c he’s highly successful in our field (he’s won several of one of the big 3 awards, shall we say) and I was a rank beginner. (Well, not rank.) But even there, I didn’t feel that we were mismatched b/c he was successful and I was starting out — it was more that we were in different places in our careers. And, it turns out, in our lives. He had done a lot of the things that I still needed to do to feel like I’d lived (marriage, a kid, real estate, career success — though I can skip the multiple divorce part, thanks). But we never talked about that stuff — we were just into each other and our work together. And when I started to talk about a LIFE together he started to lie (actually, he was lying from the beginning) — he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t want to build anything with me. I could still be his perma-girlfriend today, had I wanted that spot, and be meeting the people and going to the “events.” And I’m telling you, it was great interpersonally with this guy, but I had to leave and have nothing to do with him, even though it meant taking many steps backwards professionally. (I’m kinda proud in my work, so that actually felt like a relief.) And now I’m fine and dating guys who don’t raise eyebrows when we’re out together. It isn’t the rush it was being with this guy, and maybe it does feel like settling. But it also feels like peace and happiness.

   I do know many successful May-December couples. The woman is most often the younger, but not always. In that particular situation it’s really hard b/c the guy starts losing his health a few decades before the woman will, and so she’ll (most likely) have to see him through his illness and death and then (possibly) be alone for a very long time. And if you are marrying a guy for his “stability” — meaning, you may be attracted to him to fill in some gaps in your own abilities — well, unless you learn in your time with him how to manage a portfolio and deal with all of the stuff that comes with settling an estate, that “stability” may not seem like such a gift.

   OK. Gotta get off the internet. My eHarmony guy is gonna call in a few. He’s 3 years older than I am. Not as exciting as Award Man, but very funny, nice.

8. Lance Apr 7th 2008 at 05:08 pm 8

   Older guys: higher social value. More money, more real estate, knowledge, culture, wisdom, well traveled, higher social/emotional intelligence. I totally buy younger women going for older men. See it all the time.

   I’ve got a question. Let’s say a 28 year old goes out with a 45 year old VRD (very rich dude). They only plan on being together for 15 years, give or take. Basically a really long LTR or a planned mid-term marriage. Does anyone have a problem with this? I don’t. He gets what he wants (fantasies fulfilled, feels younger, arm candy, whatever), and she gets what she wants that is, a comfortable life.

9. starthrower68 Apr 7th 2008 at 05:28 pm 9

   Oh I can related to that “being with an older guy is a rush thing”. I briefly – very briefly – dated a 50 year old. He just knocked my socks off. Obviously it didn’t work out, and there were other incompatibilities, but yah, this guy still had it!

10. vino Apr 7th 2008 at 05:39 pm 10

    Lance wrote: “I’ve got a question. Let’s say a 28 year old goes out with a 45 year old VRD (very rich dude). They only plan on being together for 15 years, give or take. Basically a really long LTR or a planned mid-term marriage. Does anyone have a problem with this? I don’t. He gets what he wants (fantasies fulfilled, feels younger, arm candy, whatever), and she gets what she wants that is, a comfortable life.”

    Do THEY jointly plan on being together for 15 years? Or does She? I ask because the VRD can live like Hef (cialis, viagra). What’s the payout to her?

    No offense, still sounds like legalized prostitution.

    Wait, isn’t that much of what it is anyway?

11. Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 05:47 pm 11

    And don’t forget events, Lance. The grown-up events are very nice, and not something that a young guy can bring you to. It’s hard for me now to go to hipster events where people have been throwing up on the steps outside.

12. A-L Apr 7th 2008 at 06:14 pm 12

    My family background has made me naturally drawn toward older people (friends and romantic interests alike). My siblings are all between 10-17 years older than me, my dad is 10 years older than my mom, my grandfather was 12 years older than my grandmother…for us it’s kind of the norm. Granted the 10-12 year age difference isn’t 17-25+, but it’s greater than average.

    My interests have also tended to be “older” for my age. I’ve never been into the bar/club scene, can count on one hand the number of concerts by artists with a younger fan base, and enjoy the opera, symphonies, museums, etc, that generally tend to have an older audience.

    I have noticed, though, that as I’ve gotten older that I’m less inclined to consider a relationship where there is a much larger age gap. In my early adult years I would have considered dating someone 20 years older than me, but now that’s down to about 10-12 years. Perhaps the fact that guys closer to my age are finally maturing has something to do with it. I’m also interested in some activities (like skydiving or whitewater rafting) that guys above a certain age have zero interest in, so that’s also helping to keep the age difference to one that’s fairly minimal.

    And lastly, in regards to the sugar daddy (or rich older man) phenomeon. Not necessarily the case. I’m currently deliberating over a guy who’s far older than he looks (he looks 10 years younger), who’s sweet as can be, and is the best looking man I’ve seen in years (not just seen romantically, but seen in real life anywhere). Financially though, I suspect I have far more assets. I own my home, and wouldn’t be surprised if earn twice what he does. And though I know the golddigger comments are going to be coming out, that is a concern as he is 17 years older than me (and hence should be that much further along financially) and I’m not earning the executive salaries that the men on this board often comment about. But he’s still very tempting…

13. A-L Apr 7th 2008 at 06:19 pm 13

    Y’all can keep Harrison Ford, I want Robert Redford! Though I also know more than a few young ladies with a thing for Sean Connery…

14. Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 07:28 pm 14

    Hmm. I can’t think of any older actors who really do it for me. But this topic is curious b/c just today I read that Adrienne Barbeau is with Billy Van Zandt (she’s about 12 years older); and Barbara Hershey is with that stunner Naveen Andrews from “Lost” (she’s 21 years older); and I don’t know if any of you have seen Kim Basinger lately, but she is an incredible-looking 50-something (for any age, really), and I’m sure that there is many a young guy who’d park his horse in her stable. (I believe she is an animal lover.) These days a lot of women are holding onto their hotness. It’s a nice trend.

15. Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 07:45 pm 15

    Prostitution is very quid pro quo, Vino. A relationship isn’t because you have feelings for each other. Would each have the same feelings if he were an old loser and she were a young ugly thing? Maybe. But they probably wouldn’t be attracted to each other long enough to find out. Relationship currency isn’t like REAL currency. It’s just what you offer, materially yes, but in other ways, too. Really, the insult is to the guy in the “prostitution” idea you are putting forth — money is all he has to offer and he’s so out of touch emotionally that he would think that someone who is using him really cares about him? I don’t think men are that stupid.

16. vino Apr 7th 2008 at 09:16 pm 16

    “Prostitution is very quid pro quo, Vino.”

    It’s good of you to admit it. I’ll remember that next time someone demands that men pay for everything.

    Also, you seem to ignore the premise that Lance set forth, upon which I based my comment.

    “It’s just what you offer, materially yes, but in other ways, too. Really, the insult is to the guy in the “prostitution” idea you are putting forth — money is all he has to offer and he’s so out of touch emotionally that he would think that someone who is using him really cares about him? I don’t think men are that stupid.”

    What does SHE offer? What other ways? See this link http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-does-my-boyfriend-want-less-sex-than-me/#comment-6810. Deathslayer writes yet another priceless post. It’s too long to quote fully here, but it is on point. A choice quote or 2, so people can link over…

    “If you women no longer have vaginas, how would you
    keep your man happy?”.

    Man you could hear a pin drop…”

    “He said something like this. “What’s wrong with you? You could have said, learn to play pool, take him to a sports game, or boating. There were a ton of things you could have done to be with your man and make him happy. But the only way all you women could define yourselves was as three holes and nothing else”.

    “They wanted women for those things money CAN’T buy, love, respect, a warm home to come home to, their own children and a good woman to raise them.”

    Many guys 45 & up are not that out of touch emotionally aren’t that out of touch. You are right. They are not that stupid. They just accept it as the cost of admission, like paying a membership fee to join a country club or a cover charge to enter a night club. It’s not an insult to the guy in the ‘prostitution’ idea, just a realistic statement of the nature of the situation.

17. Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:13 am 17

    Along with the possible reasons Evan cited for a younger woman seeking out an older man is also that women in their 20’s-early 30’s may have tired of the young men in their age bracket who treat sex, relationships as sport, conquests and are looking for something more substantial and lasting.

    Older women appreciate younger men for the same reasons older men appreciate younger women. Younger men are more likely to have a flat stomach and all their hair. Also, regarding the perception that women over 40 are “hard”–’some’ men over 40 are quite rigid in their expectations and ’some’ of them are so bitter you wonder why they are dating in the first place. Perhaps to get back to that time of life when sex and relationships were merely sport and conquests?

    Those observations aside, we still do tend to find someone we really connect with when we’re truly open to it. At any age.

18. Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:51 am 18

    JersyGirl-
    Harrison Ford is not of my generation, but he popped into my generation’s attention in the first “Star Wars” movie when he was in his 30’s and my girlfriends and I were in our teens. It’s been a pleasure to watch him over the last 30 yrs. He’s aged remarkably well.

    Is there an entertainment star you admire (or did as a teen) who is 12 or more yrs. your senior? If so, it might amuse you in the coming decades to see how well THEY age.

19. Michael Ejercito Apr 8th 2008 at 06:00 am 19

    Evan,

    How would being divorced with a kid appeal to younger women who are neither divorced nor have a kid?

20. Steve Apr 8th 2008 at 07:42 am 20

    
    Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:13 am 17
    some’ men over 40 are quite rigid in their expectations and ’some’ of them are so bitter you wonder why they are dating in the first place.

    – or hanging out on dating blogs. Some of them are younger too.

21. Paul Apr 8th 2008 at 09:19 am 21

    The founder of E-Harmony says 6 years either way is about tops. I agree for a host of reasons. It’s a matter of sameness…the more you have the same, ie. background, education, culture, AGE… the more likely the relationship will survive long term. The more differences there are, the more you’ll have to get around. My Dad on the other hand married a woman 25 years younger than he and from a culture half way around the world…been married over 40 years and raised 2 kids. Go figure. The longer you live however, the less age diffference makes a difference. A 40 year old married to a 20 year old would raise some eyebrows. However an 80 year old with a 60 year old? No big deal. I frankly, as much as I’m attracted to the younger form, do not want a gal who is more concerned with things like child rearing if I’m more into retirement planning. Stage of life issues. As my Mom used to say, “find someone you have a lot in common with”.

22. Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 09:48 am 22

    Steve,
    Yes I’ve noticed that as well. Seems like a waste of time, but if you don’t have anything else to do…?

23. Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 10:14 am 23

    Paul,
    I disagree that age difference matters less with age. At age 60, many (most?) people are still quite active. At 80 that is much, much less the case–frailty is more the norm.

    The 20’s is an era of such personal change, usually more so than later decades so a relationship between a 20 yr. old and a 40 yr. old might prove difficult as the younger partner progresses through that decade. Person’s in their 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s are more likely to be in more complementary stages of life where differences in age might be mitigated by circumstances (ie: child-rearing, careers).

24. dame4net Apr 8th 2008 at 10:59 am 24

    Older guys definately have higher social value and are more mature. Fatter incomes, more assets, experience, wisdom, and well traveled and higher EQ, not mention more time as they likely work less or can take early retirement as they have more money. I see why younger women go for older men and I see it all the time online. These young women who are not ready to settle down and pick out older, mature men. Not to mention women are waiting longer these days to have children and families, so what is wrong with dating an older man for a few years before settling down?

25. Steve Apr 8th 2008 at 11:02 am 25

    Selena;

    About post #22. I agree that it is a waste of time. I’ve been in that kind of loop in my life before. You are so consumed with venting your emotions ( over and over again ) and so obsessed with getting other people to validate your experience that you don’t see that you are caught in an time wasting loop of fruitless repeated experiences. You don’t see that you aren’t moving forward.

    If you can’t see the problem, you can’t fix it.

    The problem isn’t that reality is unfair. It is unfair for everyone. People who are happy despite a given issue are happy because they work with reality as it is rather than demanding to be validated.

26. Dittohd Apr 8th 2008 at 11:10 am 26

    I think this is a really ridiculous topic. I can’t imagine why any younger woman would want an older man. In fact, assuming that women get smarter as they get older, why would any woman want an older man considering older men are so inherantly so unattractive? An older man as compared to a younger man is generally smarter, more financially secure, a more experienced lover and diaper changer. He’s more experienced at resolving child behavior problems, not so easily frazzled when most other problems in life arise, and better at knowing what women in general want and in communicating with his woman to ascertain what his woman actually wants… and possibly even more interested in providing his woman what she wants if she’s providing him what he wants from the relationship, than a younger man would in many cases.

    The things younger men have over older men seem to be more stamina in bed and a younger body. I can totally understand why, to most women, how these could totally overpower all the advantages previously mentioned older men generally have over younger men. I can totally understand why women would look down on all these properties of older men over the younger men’s advantages.

    What I totally don’t understand is the difference in their stage in life as mentioned before and how that should make much of a difference. Whether a woman stays home or works outside the home, both a man and woman most of the time spend most of their time separated, seeking differing individual goals in the individual work they do daily. Regardless of age, they still both eat and seek entertainment in between the time they aren’t working separately. They still, regardless of age, go to movies, attend entertainment venues that they have in common, take care of their pets and children, etc, etc. So if they determine that they have many similar interests, why would age make a difference considering men and women are, by nature, very different to begin with? Seems to me that any differences between an older man and younger woman are very often common among men and women of similar ages, considering that all men are different and all women are different. So why couldn’t younger women find older men who are very compatible with them?

    One more question. Considering that most marriages in this country end within a relatively short amount of time, is it possible that we are doing things wrong? I wonder which relationships actually last longer on average… couples who are within a few years of age or those with much wider differences in age. Would we be better off if all young women married much older men and then later in life when older, marry much younger men?

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm!

27. Nina Apr 8th 2008 at 03:18 pm 27

    I’m 27 and I find older men incredibly attractive. I had a crush on my father’s friend growing up and I still think he’s one of the most attractive older men I have ever met. The thing is, he was also smart and interesting. I think that is what attracts me to older men. They are so much more mature, interesting, and self aware than men my age. Most of the men my age I have met like to party. I don’t. They like to take pictures with as many hot looking girls as they can find and post them on facebook and myspace for everyone to see how cool that makes them. I’m not saying they’re all like that but I have met my share. In general I just think oder men have more to offer a woman than a 25-35 yr old does.

28. Lance Apr 8th 2008 at 04:03 pm 28

    @Nina: There you have it! Younger women like older guys because of their social value, and older guys like younger women because of their hotness and energy. Attraction in a nutshell.

29. Sarah G Apr 8th 2008 at 05:06 pm 29

    I’d put it this way — relationships that are only about sex are very boring. If a guy sees a woman as “only three holes” he is boring. You do not want to spend time with him in relationship — but it’s good to know there are guys like that out there if you need a booty call. They are easy. At some point guys figure this out and they become immensely attractive as life partners — because well, maybe women want both sex AND relationship. Until the young bucks figure this out, they are just not worth the time of day. Things that men can find in relationship with a woman besides the “three holes”: laughter, companionship, intelligence, warmth, comfort, a family, a partner in building wealth, a caregiver, an ally, a buddy, another driver on long road trips.

30. Sarah G Apr 8th 2008 at 05:07 pm 30

    By figuring “this” out I meant that relationships that are only about sex are boring. That relationship can offer more than that.

31. JerseyGirl Apr 8th 2008 at 05:54 pm 31

    Lance, you should remember that Nina can’t possibly speak for all women. Yes, some women like dating older men, some women don’t. There has been evidence in the posting here where women have said they don’t want to date older, and there has been evidence that some don’t mind dating older. It’s kind of funny as soon as one posts that she does, you equate that to her speaking for all women.

    I don’t have a problem with older men/ younger women relationships or younger men / older women relationships. What I take issue with is that men somehow have this stigma against women where they think women are worth less for aging while men try primp themselves up as being better with age. It’s a crappy way to treat an entire gender. And those are the men that young or older women alike have to stay away from.

32. JerseyGirl Apr 8th 2008 at 05:55 pm 32

    I also want to add that I am in my 20s and none of my friends date, or have an interest in dating older men. Most are in long term relatoinships with men near their age or within 7 years of each other.

33. hunter Apr 8th 2008 at 07:13 pm 33

    Research and studies show, successful relationships have a 15 year age difference, the man is older. Women date younger men through out most of Europe common practice.

34. Deathslayer Apr 8th 2008 at 07:14 pm 34

    What I take issue with is that men somehow have this stigma against women where they think women are worth less for aging while men try primp themselves up as being better with age.
    *
    What stigma? Ask yourself this, IF a man keeps himself in shape and develops maturity and respect, he can get young women, so what’ the problem.

    A woman who develops a FEMININE attitude, keeps herself in shape, and has a NICE personality can also get men interested.

    As I said in an earlier post…people are VISUAL…if you are older, have a nasty scowl, a mean personality, you’re not gonna get noticed.

    Men typically want women who are not battle hardened and still have some feminine charm…as a lot of women these days get older, they have never developed that and basically men say if I’m gonna deal with a woman, it’s best to get her at the peak of ripeness and freshness.

    It’s a crappy way to treat an entire gender. And those are the men that young or older women alike have to stay away from.
    *
    Thing is, will that stop women from complaining that they don’t have a man?

    23% of men are on a dating BOYCOTT…many women complain they can’t find a man even though a woman who looks and acts feminine has guys asking her out close to a 1000 times a year and somehow they CAN’T find a good men worth getting to know?

    Why blame the men? If women don’t want us to bother with them, then I’m sure we can find something else to occupy our time and women who WE can get to know.

    So far, women want the man to come up and talk to them, pay for the date, still love her when she ages, still respect her and desire her and not call out what men have known for ages…

    Now, I want EVERY guy here to ask this question:

    WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

35. hunter Apr 8th 2008 at 07:17 pm 35

    to Nina,

    Studies show younger women “bond” with older men.

36. Michael Ejercito Apr 8th 2008 at 07:37 pm 36

    Things that men can find in relationship with a woman besides the “three holes”: laughter, companionship, intelligence, warmth, comfort, a family, a partner in building wealth, a caregiver, an ally, a buddy, another driver on long road trips.
    This is true.

    Of course, women should show they can offer something besides a hole or three, or else they will only hook up with men who are only interested in a hole or three.

37. Lance Apr 8th 2008 at 07:47 pm 37

    @Jersey: My comment was tongue in cheek. Things were getting a little too serious around here. Seriously though, I’m of the “To Each His or Her Own” line of thinking. Young chick, older guy? Cool. Older chick, younger guy? Rock on sister.

    Also, can I get your number?

38. Mia Apr 8th 2008 at 08:52 pm 38

    If the rumours are anywhere near correct then is it not true that about half of all marriages end in divorce within the first 2-7 years? So who cares who is older or by how many years? It’s not like couples are actually growing old together any way. Til death do us part allegedly died decades ago. I say enjoy the limited time you have with whoever you are with. All this fuss about gregorian calender age differences are, in IMHO, moot.

39. Steve Apr 9th 2008 at 05:22 am 39

    Mia, a very intelligent point ( post 38 )

40. Steve Apr 9th 2008 at 05:27 am 40

    Lance;

    May I suggest that after incorporating what you learn from reading your pickup artist (PUA) books you go on to add your own experience to your beliefs and think for yourself? I mean no offense. Sometimes you sound like a new convert to a religion robotically repeating doctrine into whatever subject comes up.

41. christine Apr 9th 2008 at 06:15 am 41

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42. Lance Apr 9th 2008 at 06:31 am 42

    @Steve: I’m only on month 16 of my PUA journey, so much of what I spout will sound like doctrine because I haven’t experienced enough to make innovative breakthroughs. Although, if you want the original stuff, read my blog. BTW, what doctrine do you subscribe too?

43. Michael Ejercito Apr 9th 2008 at 07:07 am 43

    Studies show that most studies are made up.

44. Sara Apr 9th 2008 at 08:27 am 44

    Tough topic, I’m impressed you took it on. This issue is a tricky one because its not the same for everyone. But if we just think about what drives most people (money, power, sex, beauty) we can make pretty accurate conclusions.

45. vino Apr 9th 2008 at 03:02 pm 45

    There would be no need for viagra if all older guys had young chicas…

46. hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 03:41 pm 46

    to Sara,

    You sound like a very smart, intelligent, well read woman.

47. hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 03:49 pm 47

    To Michael Ejercito,

    You said, “Studies show that most studies are made up.” LOL!…..how funny!…

48. hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 04:02 pm 48

    To deathslayer,

    What is in it for us men?……you seem to be well read, smart, and, very intelligent…..

49. Hot Alpha Female Apr 10th 2008 at 09:03 pm 49

    You know I go with … “whatever floats your boat”.

    Some chicks like older guys. Some chicks like younger guys. Who am i to say anything? Each to their own.

    I can see why girls would want to go out with older guys though. Usually they just have more life experience, tend to be more dominant because of their age and prolly more mentally mature.

    I’m 20 n relatively mature for my age and i find people who are my age … just not there “with it” enough to me.

    With that said .. i still don’t think that i would date a guy who was 15 years older than me. But its all about personal choice

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

50. dadshouse Apr 11th 2008 at 09:36 pm 50

    Older men are better in bed. I’m in my 40s, and I can say from experience and conversation with women of all ages that men my age (or maybe it’s just me! lol) focus more attention on her pleasure. Younger men (20s) tend to focus on their own release. Even if they pleasure a woman, it’s to get something back in the form of them getting off. Older men know that helping a woman through multiple O’s raises the sexual energy for both partners.

    Any young hotties want to test out my theory? (grin)

51. Raindreamer Apr 13th 2008 at 04:41 am 51

    In my own experience there are several reasons younger women can fancy older men, that are not as superficial than Ewan suggested.

    Some of us don’t quite feel like we were born in the right generation.
    Some of us are in some sense more mature than our own generation.
    Some of us respect the maturity of older men.
    This is more emotional stuff really.

    When you think about it – it is not wise choice in general, because when men are significantly older they become old aged too fast, when you still would like to live a little – like some one commented here.

    I had a crush for a man that was about 25 years older (although I was not aware of that in the beginning), but my brains did not allow me to give it out. It’d been so stupid. (He was really fit for his age – I’ve seen much worst cases about 15-20 years younger…)

52. JerseyGirl Apr 13th 2008 at 05:12 pm 52

    DeathSlayer:
    “What stigma? Ask yourself this, IF a man keeps himself in shape and develops maturity and respect, he can get young women, so what’ the problem.”
    —————————————————————————–
    I’ve already explained the problem. It seems men want to be valued as they grow older and develop other skills through life. There is nothing wrong with that. However, women aren’t extended that same curtsy, even from men themselves. Men want to be valued through-out their whole life, but women are constantly being told that they can expect to be looked at with less value as they live their lives.

    —————————————————————————–
    DeathSlayer:
    “As I said in an earlier post…people are VISUAL…if you are older, have a nasty scowl, a mean personality, you’re not gonna get noticed.”
    —————————————————————————–

    Yes, but nasty scowls, mean personalities are not subject to just women. That is subject to people in general. Men and women.

    —————————————————————————–
    DeathSlayer:
    Men typically want women who are not battle hardened and still have some feminine charm…
    —————————————————————————–
    Ohh, the irony DeathSlayer….the irony of that statment coming form you.

    —————————————————————————–
    Lance:
    @Jersey: My comment was tongue in cheek. Things were getting a little too serious around here. ……..
    Also, can I get your number?
    —————————————————————————–

    867-5309….. (Couldn’t resist a good 80s song reference)

    —————————————————————————-
    dadshouse:
    Older men are better in bed.
    —————————————————————————–

    Not always true my friend! Have you actually slept with any older men? I have and they are not always better in bed.

53. hunter Apr 13th 2008 at 09:02 pm 53

    to JerseyGirl,

    867-5309? Jenny, Jenny….

54. annie Apr 14th 2008 at 10:21 am 54

    I met my ex- husband at age 18 and he was 10 years older and i would not recommend it. We changed at different rates and he got boring and settled pretty soon. I have met quite a few men now on the dating scene who have dated younger women and also found the lack of similar interests and different energy levels to get in the way.

    Many women in their 40’s finally have the chance to do what they want in life. One of my profs in college was married to a much younger woman who was starting to do what she always wanted, so while he wanted to go walking on the beach he instead found himself waiting around in theatre lobbies for her show to end. He was lonely.

    I have dated men up to 12 years younger, not because I am into younger men, but just happened that way. Now I want someone closer to my age. The older men tend to have health issues and want someone who will eventually nurse them, and often if they are wealthy they have major control issues.

    I have had younger men fall in love with me because I am intelligent, cultured, have a power base — and I am not fooled — it is my mind and the power thing that dazzles them, but they are too immature to be able to separate those out. The same for young women who fall for older powerful men. Often it is their mind or the aura, but the men take advantage of the confusion and create a romance. I want a partner who has their own life and is stimulating to me, but who also likes what I do. A lot of young women are not in the place, but should be allowed to get their by not going into dependent relationships, be is material or emotional.
    The daddy thing is still quite strong, society still puts out the dream to females that they will find a prince charming just by being pretty and dependent.

55. Selena Apr 14th 2008 at 12:39 pm 55

    Older men are not always better in bed. Sometimes they have *problems*.

56. hunter Apr 14th 2008 at 05:38 pm 56

    To selena,

    I am a half a century old, the only problem I have in bed, is when a woman doesn’t participate. Most women(divorcees, some twice) in my age group, want to be worshipped in bed, nothing wrong with that, a woman can find the young “buck” if they want to be that way.

57. annie Apr 15th 2008 at 08:21 am 57

    The older men I have dated are not better in bed. It depends upon if the man is a sensualist or not. I am also very visual, it has been proven by experiments that women are too, once they allow themselves and know how. Being that way it is a problem to see older men’s bodies and try to get turned on. That is where one has to grow spiritually and as a person on life’s journey, and create deeper bonds with the person.
    I hated my dad’s friends checking me out — also male employers some of whom tried to cop touches. My two daughters, now late twenties, do not seem to like older men when they have been approached. I think that “youth cleaves unto youth” when the people are not dysfunctional and trying to fill some loss. It makes sense to face old age and death with someone who is looking at the same thing. No amount of money will change that we all get old, and I have seen some wealthy old men feel a loss of control when the money they used to “buy” and control the young wife then gets into her hands because the guy is getting senile and incapable. It makes him resentful and irritable, and she does not have to take it like she did when she was dependent, so they quarrel. Older people of similar age can quarrel too, if they have not taken the time to grow and adjust to the stage of life they are in — and to take extra care of their relationship.

58. hunter Apr 17th 2008 at 11:55 pm 58

    To annie,

    More and more, so I hear, that is a woman’s downfall, young women select men with their eyes……it is usually, not until a woman gets into her 40’s that she will select a man by what he has to say….supposedly a better choice…

59. HansonGD Apr 29th 2008 at 03:55 am 59

    It is really hard to describe,… the “it just is!” feelings. When I was 21, met a 55 y/o through friends, and he was a jerk- thought he was a GOD!- really, he is! We are just made/meant to BE! He was the one that had a problem with the age, and how it looked. Now, finally, he doesn’t blink, I am 1 mo. shy 0f 33. He just turned 67. We don’t live together anymore, or me with him, rather. But, we have just now, finallu, understood one another, now accepted . We are each others’ Psychological need – everything else, just follows. He is my mentor. His mind, and ideals are in his “style”. He is the only one, ever, who can pick my brain to “ease”! He and I are both, headstrong, independent, mysterious, caring, impatient, intolerant, master- minds ‘of the day’. I am his muse, and “fountain” of youth. He is my “professor” for me living MY life, right. I love him with every ounce of my soul! We need eachother to maintain our health, youth, and- all that we are! Not to mention- Our sex life has remained “absolute perfection”- still increases daily (12 yrs. so far) .” Just 2 kids in a candy store.” You can only understand completely by being there! It is just “something-… else”. That’s the only way to really put it. It is, what it “is”. That’s it!

60. biggleggz May 1st 2008 at 02:51 pm 60

    i am dating a much older man and he is not that hot in bed he is always tired and watching tv all the time he is retired and he is 15 years older than me i’m 49 he can take me to the better places but the communication has broken down i try to keep the relationship fires burning romantic dinners keep my body in shape and all he wants to watch police videos and the sports channel the comments that older men want a young woman to make them feel they still got it but most of them they have to pay a price why not accept the fact that you are old

61. biggleggz May 1st 2008 at 03:06 pm 61

    to hunter you said women want to be worshipped in bed why not or are you one of the old guys just do your thing and get off and don’t satisfy your mate since you are a decade old that is why we choose younger guys to cater to our bodies and will get more partcipation in bed how is your luv life must be boring you can’t keep it up

62. hunter May 1st 2008 at 11:23 pm 62

    to biggleggz,

    I can’t keep it up?….LOL!…how funny!…hhmmmhh

63. JAy May 12th 2008 at 12:09 pm 63

    I am 18 and the man i am falling in love with is 30. Things are going great and all. I dont really care much for his age other than the fact that i am still learning to cope with the real world and he’s already in it. I am not really that domesticated…my life is just starting and his is already going…he wants a family and things that i want to give him but cant and am not ready to give him at this stage in my life. Any advice?

64. Megan D May 20th 2008 at 04:31 pm 64

    Age is just a number it what you have in common and how you fit together I am 18 and my boyfriend is 38 we have been dating for 6 months and so going we make each other laugh and smile we never have a dull moment. and for most people that think younger women only date older men for finical support is not true because I look for the inner beauty not how much they make or what martials they can get me our relationship is strictly love and chemistry! I love him to the bottome of my heart!

65. Michael Ejercito May 20th 2008 at 09:11 pm 65

    So what could you possibly have in common, Megan?

66. T Jun 18th 2008 at 09:18 am 66

    Dating an older man. I’ve always found older men more attractive.

    It’s all about maturity. Now are there very immature old men, you bet, are there very mature young men, yes. but generally they are the exception to the rule.

    Older men listen and know how to treat a woman. Instead of a bar playing beer pong they are ok with a beer or two and conversation. In the bedroom it’s an amazing experience; they slow down and there goal is to give you as much pleasure as possible, and they derive pleasure from your pleasure.

    As far as personality, men’s personality is diverse no matter what age.

    I started my family young, I have two kids.

    It’s all about the maturity and the ablity to talk things out. I don’t see myself not dating older men. As far as attraction goes, the hottest movie stars out there are over 40, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and yes Harrison Ford.

    I think age is too much of a focus. If two 20 year olds date, and they break up people just accept it, but if a 20 year old and a 40 year old date and they break up, people say it was “the age thing”, and in both it’s about incompatability in whatever form it came in.

67. Harry W Smith Sep 29th 2008 at 07:27 am 67

    Megan D
    38 is not old. Have you ever dated a man in his sixty?

    Harry

68. Lynn Oct 21st 2008 at 11:28 pm 68

    I have been reading all of the comments and they all hold true. All people date other people for different reasons. I have dated men 9 years younger, my age, and am now attracted to a man 15 years older. If the relationship is about security, money, and a younger better looking body it probably will fail age difference or not. The trick is if you really are attracted to the other person physically as well as mentally don’t let any reason keep you from going for happiness. Also, all the best relationship I witness is where people stay true to themselves. There was a comment about the older person not being as active. That doesn’t mean you can’t. My friends that have husbands the “same age” as them go on vegas vactions with just the girls’. Those friends have good marriages.

    As far as when he gets “old” and the woman has to take care of him. Seriously, none of you know anyone who had to take care of thier spouse dying of cancer or other medical issues in thier 30, 40’s or 50’s. I have watched people take care of each other and they do it because they truly love that person. I want that kind of love. May not find it with someone 15 years older, but I am not missing a chance.

    As far as the men being only concerened about “3 holes”. Those type of guys are in every age braket. That is lucky for us, how else would we get through “dry” spells.

69. Ash Nov 9th 2008 at 02:48 pm 69

    i’ll be 22 in March, and my fiancée just turned 48(his bday is in Sept) we plan on getting married by 2010.. age doesn’t matter when it comes to matters of the heart.

70. jay Nov 16th 2008 at 09:53 am 70

    Im 55, the girl is 23. I must say its fun being togeher. We expect nothing more from each other than just that. If she wanted to, I woud settle down in a heartbeat. I offer to do material things for her because it makes me happy to see her happy. She is happy at the thought of me treating her as an individulal, and not a sex object. I see younger couples with less than 5 years age difference, not enjoying each other as much as we do. While I suspect that we may never marry, nothing could destroy our presonal committment of trust and friendship. The years between us is just that, a space of time that has somhow bridged us together. Being older does not nessecarily mean I will pass on before she does. I am comforable with her doing the ‘younger’ things that’s grounded in her age group. Together, as a couple, we respect the age difference, and it has never came in to play, sexually, activitly, or socially. We truely have a great relationship. In her own words, ‘…being with you and around you is wonderful, I truely feel satisfied that you are in my life .’ I feel the same. While everyone throw out the pros and cons about the age difference, I’m glad that, no matter how long ours last, we enjoy each other to the fullest.

71. Kat Nov 16th 2008 at 08:02 pm 71

    There is no commonality with a woman in her 20’s and a man in his 40’s or 50’s. He looks more like her father than her husband/boyfriend. Any kids he might have are embarassed by his advanced age and by people asking if he’s their grandfather. Older men are not physically attractive and their sperm declines after 35, cause chromosomal problems. The only thing they have going for them is money and resources, which women gravitate to. This is why the only women you see with much older men are those men with tons of money. What does this say about Mr. Dec./Ms. May? As far as the older man being truly attractive to the younger women, both parties know the truth.

72. Kat Nov 16th 2008 at 08:29 pm 72

    Like many others, I met my husband when I was 28 and he was 42. We always did a lot of physical things together, such as hiking, walking, swimming, travelling, biking, etc. When he got into his 50’s he developed heart issues and many of these things are now out of the question as he gets overexerted. I am still young enough to take part in these activities and often do so alone now, as I still have excess energy at 42. Age becomes more of an issue as the man and woman get older and the woman still wants to lead an active life as opposed to being a couch potato.

73. Harry Nov 17th 2008 at 08:43 am 73

    You expain about men in their 40s and 50s with younger woman, but not about those in their 60s and 70s who can still have sex. All the man has to do is go to a fitness center and get on the treadmill,and a buy a penis pump.A penis pump exercises the penis. I have a penis pump, and it works very well. My penis has gotten longer. I don’t fall a sleep while doing it on top of a younger woman.Go to a health store. There are people there who can help you find herbs for the penis. Buy a book and dvds on how to exercise the face muscles, by Carole Maggio. The face also has muscles. the man would look much younger. The only men in their 60s and 70s who can not have sex anynore are the ones who smoke, drink,take drugs given by a doctor. I seen older men on treadmills running faster than me. That a lot of BS that that older men in their 60s and 70s can’t have sex. These older men know how to please a younger woman, and they take their time do it.

    Harry

74. moonsical Nov 17th 2008 at 06:48 pm 74

    Evan, one obvious answer might be that no matter what a woman’s age, a certain percentage of the male cohort is out chasing even younger women. I hear of 24 year old men dating girls in high school.

    moon

75. Alan Jan 4th 2009 at 01:04 am 75

    I am 48 European, she is 26, Chinese. We met in China. She has lead a hard enough life to date and clearly never found anyone who cared about her. (which I can’t understand as she has a beautiful soul and is very pretty). Bizarrely I foud myself with a beautiful girlfriend when I wasn’t looking for anyone.
    I am starting to age (under the eyes) a bit more than I’d like (Although I plan to get some surgery for that at some stage). Apart from that, I am active and fitter than most. My family (males+females) tend to live into their late 80’s. Problem is, I will be 70 when she is my current age. (Although at 70, my own father and uncles were still very fit – capable of cycling and walking for many miles daily).
    However, I can imagine that at 40, being married to a 62 year might not be too appealing for her if my health is failing or my skin ages too rapidly.
    My thinking now is that I want to be with her as long as it lasts between us but I reckon that she may wake up some day and look at the old man in bed beside her and wonder what she has done.
    Even so, I am living in the moment. I will marry her and we will have a child. I will do my best with facial surgery and hair dye not to look like a totally old git for my child to be. As a previous contributor remarked, a high percentage of marraiges end in divorce anyhow.
    I see a number of older European male/younger Chinese wife in daily life in China. I am wondering do such marraiges have a higher chance of success in China? Has anyone direct experience of this?

    Alan´s last blog post…Why Doesn’t My Emotionally Unavailable Girlfriend Take Me Back After I Cheated On Her?

76. KalipsoRed Jan 4th 2009 at 01:48 am 76

    Since I was 19 I have been with a man that is 21 years older than me. I was totally in love with him…I still am, but I do see him slowing down and me speeding up (I’m 27 now, by the way). Luckly I moved a few years ago and I still see him when I visit my hometown, but I think me moving prevented a break up so now we are just good friends with benefits. I don’t think I had any daddy issues, my dad was a very supportive father who came to my games for school and stuff; he still is supportive.
    Personally I wanted someone who was responsible and reliable…I still want that in a partner. If I can move 1,000 miles away from my family, pay for a 4 year degree on my own, and now have a job making 30 to 40k a year why would I expect to settle for something less in my partner. I also wanted (and still do) a sexual partner who knows how to give as much as he gets, who understands how girls sexual organs function, and who realizes that if sex is going to be fun for both of us then he is probably going to have to make me orgasm first. I also wanted/want someone who has decent manners, not like old people manners, but a man who knows how to shake hands and isn’t afraid to open a door for a lady on occasion. I’ve dated one guy my age and a guy two years younger than me since my older guy and I parted and they both sucked! They were rude, unintelligent, poor with money, had no thoughts about were they wanted their future to go, and most importantly they really, really, really sucked at sex. I can safetly say that I have no desire to consider dating someone less that 30 any more.

77. Sayanta Jan 4th 2009 at 01:44 pm 77

    I’m 30, and I’m always getting e-mails from men who were entering their first marriages when I was watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. It annoys the hell out me.

    That said- I wouldn’t say no to a fling with Bob Dylan.

78. tay Jan 25th 2009 at 07:55 am 78

    I was dating a man who was 20yrs older than me and it was a rollercoaster ride. He’s been married and divorced twice and has kids and grandkids. We broke it off a few days ago because things were going downhill. I had problems with his kids and we were in different stages in our lives. He offered me the world but at the same time it was on his terms. He went to bed on the weekends before 11p and sex with him was like a chore. Sometimes I was ashamed to be seen with him around people my own age. although the relationship lasted 5yrs it was the worst 5yrs of my life. I will never again date someone that much older than me, it was like my life was in a time warp. My advice stay away from the nursing homes.

79. Michael Ejercito Jan 26th 2009 at 09:19 am 79

    I was dating a man who was 20yrs older than me and it was a rollercoaster ride. He’s been married and divorced twice and has kids and grandkids. We broke it off a few days ago because things were going downhill. I had problems with his kids and we were in different stages in our lives. He offered me the world but at the same time it was on his terms. He went to bed on the weekends before 11p and sex with him was like a chore. Sometimes I was ashamed to be seen with him around people my own age. although the relationship lasted 5yrs it was the worst 5yrs of my life. I will never again date someone that much older than me, it was like my life was in a time warp. My advice stay away from the nursing homes.
    Maybe it was the fact that he had kids and was divorced had much more to do with it than his age.

80. Up North Ted Jan 30th 2009 at 01:17 pm 80

    Seems like you folks have a lot of time to debate this issue. Must not be dating. My philosophy is let people find the one they are happy with. As in any relationship, if they find a way to make it work, then they’ll be happy. However, my observations of some of the on-line dating sites is that young woman often complain about unstable, unreliable, don’t want to work, idea of fun is computer games, etc. young boy friends. Do not see that about older boy friends. Spend time in the Atlanta airport and you will regularly see woman walk by with a 15-20 year older husband and a baby or two. Wonder why that is……….

81. luv3pugs Feb 1st 2009 at 09:51 pm 81

    I just had to write that I have always been attracted to older men. Even in high school, my boyfriend was in college. I always agreed that younger men were into partying and goofing around and not that serious. But, now that I am in my mid 30’s, I have a boyfriend that is only 8 years older. What a change! Now that I am older, it is nice to have a man closer to my age. They are mature at this age AND we have so many more common interests. So, for what it’s worth. . . if you have always liked older men and now you are no longer in your 20’s or early 30’s try one close to your age! It is really nice : )

82. Jai Feb 2nd 2009 at 10:20 am 82

    I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 30. Our relationship to many is odd because of his experience and his lack of. I’m a sopmore in college he’s got a job a house a car and plans for his long term life. Meeting me just made him want to include me into those plans. And well have to wait a bit. Many of the advantages were listed above. The wisdom and stability that he. Brings forth is definitely great. The maturity is even better. I love him and I know he loves me and wants to build a future with me as do I with him. Older men younger women… It doesn’t necessarily mean that it won’t work because there is a decade between us. It just means we have to be a little more patient and work a little harder when it comes to certain aspects of our relationship.

83. Michael Ejercito Feb 2nd 2009 at 04:09 pm 83

    You mean apart from having nothing in common?

84. someonewhoknows Mar 8th 2009 at 04:51 am 84

    wow…very insightful comments.

    I am currently in a relationship that has a 12 yr age gap…him older. And admit that it does create incompatibilies. I am 43 and he is 55. Yes, I have always been attracted to older men. But, just because you are attracted to something doesn’t make is a good choice long term. I’m also attracted to Lays potato chips.

    This is my 2nd relationship with this age gap…my long term one before that was a 3 yr gap. I did not actively look for an older man…they were just the ones that “happened” with me.

    So, yes, I am attracted to maturity, masculinity, stability. But am finding that there are incompatibilies with sexual drive, sensual range, depth of intimacy and openness to evolve thinking/behaviours. Being “set in your ways” is a fact. And…older men are more….sexist. That’s just a fact. The stereotypical sexual roles of male/female are alive and well in an older man….he has adapted ofcourse…or a younger woman wouldn’t go there…but after the infatuation stage wears off and you get down to the nitty gritty of the foundation requirements to sustain a long term relationship…well…the polarities are magnified.

    Yes…he will get old before me..in fact is already so….and is already a concern… He problem solving skills are not as advanced as mine…nor is motivation to adaptation or change. He’s in the coasting phase…and I’m just getting started…

    Do I see it lasting? honestly? No. I do think finding someone from the same generation offers more chance of success long term. It’s hard enough finding compatibility on a good day…adding the age gap issues only make it that much more difficult.

85. Maria Mar 8th 2009 at 03:43 pm 85

    Love is ageless; it simply is just there. In my past, I fell in love with a man 26 years my senior. No Kidding. He was my intellectual equal and has repeatedly stated that I was his intellectual equal- , and yes he is very successful, powerful etc. It has nothing to do with a daddy figure (at least in my case) as I have a great relationship with my father (who was 45 when I was born.) I think his love is amazing, thats why I fell for him.

86. fromonewhoknows Mar 10th 2009 at 11:34 am 86

    I’m happy for you Maria…you say past….you are not with this man anymore? My first thought was….did he die? lmao…oh…I’m sorry…that was very very insensitive…but bet more than me thought it. Hey..we need a sense of humour in all things.

    I don’t deny that love is ageless. I love this man I’m with…very much. I wouldn’t be there otherwise. I also loved my ex husband…but…unfortunately, love is never quite enough…you have to have a foundation of compatible values, etc… We all know it’s not black and white..but…if there is a statistic of disolution of relationships, I bet it’s higher in this area.

    fromonewhoknows´s last blog post…A Cute Foreign Man Is Flirting With Me. What Are His Motives?

87. Rob Mar 13th 2009 at 09:19 am 87

    Since I was age 40 I have had 12 young women all pretty and in their early 20s hit on me. They were all very obvious so as to leave no doubt of their intentions. Some were too sexy to print here. When I was young (I am now 53) this never happened. I believe it is because I now fill a category for young women who like much older men in good shape. As an an anology I use bodybuilders. Most women were turned off by the physiques of the professional bodybuilders I knew, but the women who liked them liked them a lot and sought them out. As a result these men had lots of girlfriends. There is only a small minority of young women who like much older men, although in a country of 300 million that is thousands of young women. It is best for men to look for the signals interested young women will give them. Then the men can approach them with less chance of being embarressed by the rejection of young women who are “grossed out” by much older men. Their is nothing inherently immoral about an age gap relationship no matter how large the gap as long as it is moral and legal. Their were couples in the Bible who were ages apart. Rob

88. Maria Mar 14th 2009 at 10:28 am 88

    #86- No he did not die. He felt that by becoming involved with me he would “rob” me of life experiences (i.e. having a young family, the white picket fence dream, etc.) As I stated, his love was and is amazing. He always gave me room to grow, explore and just be.

    #87- I am not “into” older men, but have (as I have stated) fallen for an older man. It depends on the person, our connection and chemistry. I think it’s best to judge each person and relationship on it’s own merits. I am an equal opportunity dater, excluding sexual orientation (they must be hetero!!)

89. Ricky Mar 17th 2009 at 11:47 pm 89

    I am a 50 and I first noticed the alluring shape of women when I was in the 2nd grade. This was before I learned anything about sex, relationships, etc. The point is we are wired from the start to appeal to the opposite sex prior to any imposed social norms. This is always changing anyway. Till this day I’m still attracted to the alluring shape and fitness of younger women. For me it is about curiosity. What is she like? What would it feel like to touch her? I am a very shy and mild mannered person and was brought up to be nice to girls.

    Lately I’ve been thinking about wanting kids. But how does a 50 something find a healthy woman to have kids with? If I could I would love to find a healthy 34 yo and give it to her hard and have some babies. I’ve had quite a few women show interest in me but the age difference does bring up some issues for me even when the chemistry feels right. I think deep down I feel that it would never last. But then I felt this way when I was in my 20s. So really nothing different. Still hoping for a successful marriage with a beautiful feminine woman who will let me do that one thing I’ve always wanted to

90. Karl R Mar 18th 2009 at 02:01 pm 90

    Ricky asked: (#89)
    “how does a 50 something find a healthy woman to have kids with?”

    I think you’re screwed.

    Based on what you’ve said, your lack of self-confidence sabotaged every relationship that you’ve had since your 20s, and you haven’t done anything to fix that. You’re “hoping for a successful marriage with a beautiful feminine woman” without making the necessary changes to give you a chance to have any chance at a successful long-term relationship.

    As Evan says, “Nice guys without any balls finish last.”

    Grow a pair.

    Ricky said: (#89)
    “If I could I would love to find a healthy 34 yo and give it to her hard and have some babies.”

    Why a 34 year old? If you’re that anxious to immediately start a family, you can find a 40 year old who is much more interested in having a child immediately.

    I’m dating a 48 year old who is more fit and has a better figure than most 20-somethings (and I know several 50-somethings in equally good shape).

    Reality check:
    There are lots of 50 year old men looking to marry healthy, beautiful and feminine 34 year old women. There are far fewer 34 year old women looking for 50 year old men to father their children. Unless you stand out from the crowd (which isn’t likely since you’re very shy), you’re toast.

    If you want to start a family in this lifetime, you might want to rethink your dating strategy.

91. Michael Mar 18th 2009 at 04:00 pm 91

    So Karl, what is the exact procedure that he should use?

92. Karl R Mar 18th 2009 at 06:06 pm 92

    Michael asked: (#91)
    “So Karl, what is the exact procedure that he should use?”

    This isn’t the heimlich maneuver. There isn’t an exact procedure.

    For some general guidelines, Ricky might have better luck if…
    1) he hired a therapist to work on his self-confidence
    2) he prioritized his goals and set them to something achievable
    3) he got out there and started dating
    …in approximately that order.

93. Ricky Mar 19th 2009 at 03:56 am 93

    Thanks for the all the replies. The suggestion that I see a therapist over just one Internet post merits scrutiny. However, getting out their and dating is probably the best idea.

94. Helen Jun 8th 2009 at 07:54 am 94

    “This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”

    Evan: I’m afraid you’ve gotten this wrong. Why assume that because a younger woman falls for an older man, it’s because she has psychological problems or a failed relationship with her father? My girlfriends and I have ALL fallen for older men (>20 years older than us) at some point or another, and we are normal women with good relationships with our fathers and other men.

    To put it bluntly: We fall for older men because in our society, older men carry all the perks. Our society perceives older men as being just as, if not more, attractive than younger men – quite different from how women are viewed. Biologically, older men are just as able to father children, so there’s no reason for us to seek younger men for procreation. In addition, they have more resources, they have more of that confidence and dignity that most men under 40 lack, and you rarely have to worry about “mothering” them. Having to take care of a man who wants to act like a boy is such a turn-off.

    I’m in my 30s. I find many 30s men unattractive because they seem so insecure and skitterish: kissing up to people in their jobs, trying to make everyone like them, trying to be acceptable, afraid of losing their positions and striving to climb the ladder… it’s a turn-off. Yes, there are 30s men who have confidence, and I admire them, but they are few and far between. I do prefer men who are at least a few years, if not a few decades, older.

95. Michael Ejercito Jun 8th 2009 at 03:50 pm 95

    Biologically, older men are just as able to father children, so there’s no reason for us to seek younger men for procreation. In addition, they have more resources, they have more of that confidence and dignity that most men under 40 lack, and you rarely have to worry about “mothering” them. Having to take care of a man who wants to act like a boy is such a turn-off.
    Of course, you have to consider that a lot of those older men have children or ex-wives, which could be a turn-off.

96. Cilla Jun 8th 2009 at 07:03 pm 96

    Or, Michael, a man having had kids already could be perfect for someone who doesn’t want to feel pressured to have any of her own. Having been married is like being vetted–a woman knows *somebody* was willing to marry him before, and more importantly, he was willing to try the commitment. A 40+-year-old bachelor screams “There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t commit!” to many women.

97. Michael Jun 8th 2009 at 07:10 pm 97

    Having been married is like being vetted–a woman knows *somebody* was willing to marry him before, and more importantly, he was willing to try the commitment.
    This begs the question of why the commitment failed if the dude was divorced.
    A 40+-year-old bachelor screams “There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t commit!” to many women.
    A divorcee screams, “There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t keep commitments.”

    Maybe they would be better off dating widowers.

98. Cilla Jun 8th 2009 at 08:02 pm 98

    @ Michael #97

    Nice try, but with at least 50% of the population divorcing, few women even sniff at the fact that a man was married before. Read some of the dating site forums–most posters there won’t touch a guy who’s over 40 and never been married. Same for women who have been divorced–men prefer that to a “spinster” with the assumed desperation of a ticking clock.

99. Karl R Jun 9th 2009 at 02:17 pm 99

    Cilla said: (#98)
    “Read some of the dating site forums–most posters there won’t touch a guy who’s over 40 and never been married.”
    Michael said: (#97)
    “A divorcee screams, ‘There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t keep commitments.’ “

    I wouldn’t consider eliminating a person due to their previous marital status (never married or divorced). But if someone were going to start eliminating based on that, it would be more reasonable for them to eliminate the divorcees.

    50% of all marriages end in divorce.
    70% of all second marriages end in divorce.
    Of first marriages, ones between older partners are less likely to end in divorce than younger partners.
    I couldn’t find any statistics for where it’s one partner’s first marriage and the other’s second.

    On the large scale, it appears that an older person who has never been married is a better choice, if longevity of the marriage is a prime consideration.

    On the individual scale, it will vary greatly, however.

100. Michael Jun 9th 2009 at 02:31 pm 100

     #99

     A widow might be a good candidate, as long as you are certain that she did not whack her husband.

101. Helen Jun 10th 2009 at 07:56 am 101

     Karl R, thanks for the stats. Very interesting. What is the source of the 70% statistic? I find that rather hard to believe just based on looking at the couples around me, but a reliable source would be convincing.

     My main point above (in post #94) was that women aren’t in any way damaged for wanting older men, and men over the age of 40 shouldn’t despair about never finding a woman.

102. Cilla Jun 10th 2009 at 10:18 am 102

     @ #99

     Reasonable isn’t always a criterion when it comes to dating. You can give statistics until the cows come home, but as I’ve said before, dating isn’t a science. Yes, it would make more sense for men to choose women whose record wasn’t “smirched” with a divorce. It would also make more sense for men to choose women who are more likely to date them, but that doesn’t stop them from relentlessly pursuing the 10s. That’s just the way it works.

103. Karl R Jun 10th 2009 at 11:33 am 103

     Helen asked: (#101)
     “What is the source of the 70% statistic? I find that rather hard to believe just based on looking at the couples around me, but a reliable source would be convincing.”

     I don’t have a reliable source for that number.

     However, I went to the CDC website in search of reliable numbers.
     http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad323.pdf

     33% of first marriages end by 10 year mark.
     24% of first marriages end by the 10 year mark when the wife was 25 years old or older at the time of marriage. (The CDC stats don’t make distinctions for ages over 25)

     39% of second marriages survive past the 10 year mark.
     34% of second marriages survive past the 10 year mark when the wife was 25 years old or older at the time of marriage.

     The CDC speaks of “marriage disruptions”, which include separations and divorces, but the overwhelming number of separations end in divorce within a short span of time.

     It appears that the “first” and “second” marriage designation is based only on the woman. The man’s previous marital status was not considered.

     The 50% statistic that everyone “knows” seems to be the chances that a first marriage will end by the 20 year mark. When I extrapolated the second marriage data, it looked like 60% would end by the 20 year mark (and 50% would end by the 15 year mark).

     Michael said: (#102)
     “A widow might be a good candidate”

     In my city and my age range, only less then 2% of the women were widows. The results might be substantially better if you’re dating women over the age of 70.

     Cilla said: (#102)
     “Reasonable isn’t always a criterion when it comes to dating.”

     I’m aware that people have all sorts of unreasonable dating criteria. I love pointing out the unreasonableness of those criteria … which I was doing here.

     If divorcees claim that older singles are “smirched” (as you indicated in #98), I’ll point out the statistics that indicate our marriages are more likely to survive than theirs.

     But as I said earlier, I date women who are single and divorced. I only avoid the separated ones.

104. career#? Sep 7th 2009 at 01:24 pm 104

     When I was in my 20’s I worked [and lived in very close proximaty] with men of all ages. Thankfully, I had my own private quarters though not much free time.  I was very career focused and dating the men was not allowed and I had no problem socializing and dating outside this pool.  As far as even “thinking” about dating some of the older guys, the women in their 30’s -60′ made it very clear to me in no uncertain terms that I was never going to be welcomed into dating “their” men.  Cameras were everywhere and punishment was immediate banishment.  I’m so happy I didn’t disobey “the rules” as I developed lovely friendships with the men and some of the older men looked out for me like I was their daughter and I really appreciate not being hit on when I was trying to focus on learning what I needed so everyone would be safe.  I’ve lots of great relationships with the older ladies, too.  Some people complain about rules but I could always defer to the rules in times of weak  ego strength.  I got to learn about the guys and the ladies without the dating jealousy stuff and have some laughs as well as feeling part of a wonderful professional team.  I’ve retired from that career and though in some ways I miss it I will always be grateful for the folks that made these experiences possible.

105. Kaytee Sep 9th 2009 at 03:44 pm 105

     The comments regarding age gap relationships have some truth to them in that it is the popular point-of-view and certain biological facts revolving around the woman being able to bear biological children effects these issues. However, aside from that…this is an issue of accepted norms/tradition/convention. And there are actually a lot more instances of age gap relationships and marriages than people realize. There are also people who for whatever reason (some may consider it abnormal) prefer or gravitate into relationships with someone who is a lot younger or older.

     Sometimes it could do with looks. Youthful appearance may run in a family or mature appearance may run in a family and these people are mistaken for much younger or older. Youthful appearance runs in mine and so there are many age gap relationships.

     My brother is 12 years older than his wife…he is 55 and she is 43, but frankly you couldn’t tell and in another 10 years, she may even look older than him. He has not one gray hair, a full head of hair, and hardly any wrinkles.

     Ironically, I have a friend who is close to 60 and her husband is only 4 years older, but she looks a good 20 years younger and she has been mistaken for his daughter!!!

     So you really can’t make vast generalizations. There are so many stories out there that would suprise everyone and these are not all that unusual…although they may be apart from the “norm” and obviously not the majority, but definitely age gap relationships are alive and well and will continue.

106. Julien Oct 1st 2009 at 04:01 pm 106

     Just because the younger person may be healthy now doesn’t mean that they will be healthy tomorrow. My mother died at 48 and I know 62 years olds that are still going strong. An older parter may be older but there’s no guarantee that they will die first either. I understand all of this and still I don’t feel comfortable dating someone 15 years older than me. I am 36 and there’s a 52 year old who keeps asking me out. I’m sorry, but I’m repulsed by the offer. He’s even more immature than the 40 year olds I normally date. Why can’t they stick to their own age group? There’s a lot of lonely 50+ women out there.

107. why not Oct 4th 2009 at 04:01 am 107

     Why not a much older man? I have always been attracted to that type since I was 16. I’m 28 now. I have very high expectations that only an older man can fulfill. It’s not because they have more money than me. To be honest, I almost always was the more well off in the relationships. I don’t need a man to pay my bills but if I’m asked to pay for every single date, you’re out. I don’t want someone who’s going to take advantage of me financially. I do understand that a marriage would be an unwise choice. But why can’t I just be spending fun time with someone 15-17 years older than me? Does it hurt anybody? Don’t get me wrong, if an older, single (and they better be single or forget about it) guy develops strong feelings for me and I happen to feel the same, I would be willing to commit if he asks me to. (This isn’t likely to happen because even though I may like a man, I fall in love rarely. It has only happened one time in the past.) But if I find myself in love again, I would stick around. I don’t care what people are saying about sexual peak comming and him not being able to perform at that point. I’ll buy a bunch of sex toys if that’s what it takes. Lack of sex would not be a reason for me to leave someone if I truly love them. I find that most older men have a better sense of humor, they act more mature, they have seen a lot in their life and maintaing a conversation with them is a much smoother task than with guys my age. I need to be on the same level of maturity as a man I’m with or it won’t work out. I’m sick of young guys asking me to pull their finger so they can fart and giggle like idiots. It’s not even a bit funny! To me sex is not the only thing that matters, but it helps. Older men are more sexually experienced, which is great because half the time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
     And if you’re wondering, I don’t have daddy issues. My dad was there for me when I needed him, and he still is. I may not know what being “treated like a princess” means, but I am in no way shape or form expecting that from a man. All I care about is that I’m treated with respect. I expect a guy to be a gentleman. Male gold diggers, slimy pigs, and stalkers are huge turn offs.

108. chaneln Nov 4th 2009 at 07:50 pm 108

     I am 35 and my guy is 70.  I have no explaination except that I have never felt this way in my entire life.  He is my soulmate…yes, older, yes, but he understands me…

109. michael Nov 21st 2009 at 12:29 am 109

     Not men that around 43 or older need to ingest medication to enhance their sex life.  You as a coach or trainer desire more research on this subject.  I am 59 yaears old and do not drug to get a response to my love muscle.  Just looking at your face, you most likely can’t be much more than in your thirties.  You know that research for gaining your academics is not the true response to the outcome of studies.  I am really disagree with you input and outlook.  The baby boomer generations have most likely experienced a healthy sexual encounters without having to take a pill to get a hard on.

110. Paul Edelen Dec 9th 2009 at 03:26 pm 110

     Older men are more capable at everything than your are. They can be physically fit, intelligent, the best lovers, and very kind. Younger men are usually inept, poor lovers, in lousy physical shape, and lacking in basic intelligence. We also have more money and power and know what to do with it.

111. michael Dec 9th 2009 at 05:24 pm 111

     I have learned through the most revealing information about this subject.  For me it’s called learning from your mistakes that provides a positive experience in a relationship.  I am an older gentleman that will bring my special lady from another country.  I have learned from the most important resource as to why some ladies enjoy being with an older man.  Lets take a look at the various multi-culture in our world.  By this I would like for individuals look at their own individual bondries that were insilled by their own culture or maybe this is right and this wrong.  I have learned that there is such a great difference in the nurturing process of a relationship between female and males.  i believe for the most part, if a man dose not mature in the since of being very perceptive of how women internalized their warmth, love, that results in how they nurture the relationship.  How many times that a lady has experience a loss of whatever nature and decided the only to deal with is to numb their feeling.  Men are at times more likely to not address a feeling that would require them to internalize the nurturing process of what has just happen to their heart.  I can remeber gowing up that big boys don’t cry or express their feelings.  Girls were the only one allowed to process their feelings.  maybe the picture was nothing more that from the start, males where seen as having to set boundries without acknowlging their ability to nurture the feelings the same as women.  OK, enough of my comment.  I am looking to fly in my very special Baltic lady in may of 2010.  She may be a lot younger but I have yet during my journey met a women in my city that couldn’t indentify with maturity of a older experinced gentleman.  Boundries were never met to be barriers.  I do think that culture awareness in terms of how we are brought interfere with making a great decision about becoming wise.  The only situation that I have a difficulty is not spell chech with this comment.

112. michael Dec 9th 2009 at 05:49 pm 112

     PS……I get in too much of a hurry when I start typing…….

113. Karl R Dec 10th 2009 at 10:19 am 113

     Paul Edelen said: (#110)
     “Older men are more capable at everything [...]. They can be physically fit, intelligent, the best lovers, and very kind. Younger men are usually inept, poor lovers, in lousy physical shape, and lacking in basic intelligence. We also have more money and power and know what to do with it.”
     
     Everything you stated about older men could equally apply to older women.  If you (as an older man) believe those traits are valuable in yourself, why wouldn’t you seek them out in a woman?

     And if you’re deliberately seeking relationships with younger women (who lack those traits in the same manner that their male counterparts do), doesn’t that indicate that you value the beauty of youth more than basic intelligence, skill as a lover and kindness?

114. Evan Marc Katz Dec 10th 2009 at 10:39 am 114

     Ding ding ding! I believe the hypocrisy alarm has sounded…

115. michael Dec 10th 2009 at 11:44 am 115

     There is only one kind of beauty that I see in a relationship with a lady.  The beauty within her heart makes her appearance.  I still believe in the saying, “Never judge a book by its cover”.  My lady is very intelligent, skilled, from within her heart and having the formal college education…   

116. Helen Dec 10th 2009 at 12:20 pm 116

     Karl R and Evan: I thought we covered ad infinitum, ad nauseum in another post (“Why don’t men want smart, strong, successful women?”) that men don’t want to marry female versions of themselves.   So if you believe that to be true, then that lets Paul Edelen off the hook.

117. Karl R Dec 10th 2009 at 01:42 pm 117

     Helen said: (#116)
     “I thought we covered [...] that men don’t want to marry female versions of themselves.”

     That’s why I didn’t mention Paul Edelen’s comments about money and power. That may even get him off the hook with the intelligence. But I’d really like someone to find a statement in that previous thread that indicates that kindness and skill in bed aren’t important to men.

     Furthermore, he doesn’t sound like he’s making an observation about why younger women want to date older men. He sounds like he’s making a sales pitch as to why younger women should want to date older men.

118. Becca Dec 13th 2009 at 07:54 pm 118

     I am 28 and my boyfriend is 46.  It’s an 18 year difference, but it’s also been the best relationship I’ve ever been in.  Why would a young woman be attracted to an older man?  I can give plebty of reasons.  I’ve been attracted to older men since I can remember.  In high school I had crushes on my teachers not the boys my age and in college I was attracted to my older male professors. 

     I married young to a guy 2 years older than me.  He’s attractive, but then I watch movies with Harrison Ford, Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, etc. and I was highly turned on by those men fantasizing what it would be like to be with one of them.  My marriage failed after only a few years, and I dated guys in their late 30’s, and one 40 year old.  THEN I met my boyfriend.  Late 40’s, good looking, nice body, great sense of humor, and STABLE.  Oh, and he’s a professor   It’s not about the money as many people here have written or the fact that he treats me like a princess.  I don’t know how much money he actually makes.  I do know he is financially stable and that’s all that matters money-wise.  But he treats me with respect and we share a lot of interests.  Those qualities are what make a relationship work… it has nothing to do with age.  I’m more attracted to him than any younger guy or 30 something I’ve dated.  I did the party scene in my early 20’s before I had children.  By the time I had children I was ready to settle down, quit the drinking and partying and be a Mom.  Not many guys under the age of 35 are willing to give up partying.  I can’t deal with that after having an alcoholic ex-husband.

     Of course, having interests that you share are important in any relationship.  I just happened to find a silver fox who likes what I like, which is a nice quiet life and spending time together instead of at bars.  And we both have a wicked silly sense of humor.  He has his hobbies and I think they are wonderful. I have mine and likewise he is supportive.  His quirks turn me on.  We GET each other.  I don’t know that I could have found that with a younger guy. 

     Yes, it is probably a huge ego boost for him that he is dating a girl 18 years younger and personally I love to give him that ego boost He deserves it.    He’s laidback and has a great sense of humor on top of being sexy.  And yes, older men CAN be sexy (well, I’ve thought so my whole life).  And the sex… is awesome.  Older men know just how to touch a woman in the right places… no training required.  

     So here’s my list as to why I like dating silver foxes:
     1.   There are some incredibly sexy older men
     2. Gray hair is HOT (well my bf has blonde hair but I can see some gray)
     3.  Stability in life
     4.  Experience- they know what they want and what they don’t want
     5.  No games. Damn, I hate when guys play games. And every guy under 35 is guilty of playing them.
     6. Great sex
     7. the fact that they adore you because you are actually interested in them.  It’s nice to be adored and appreciated. 
     8. they’re not clingy.  They know you need your space and they need theirs as well.

     A lot of my friends do make fun of me and question why I would date a man so much older.  We are all attracted to different people.  And there are 20 something women out there that adore older men.  I’m not the only one.  And maybe it’s genetic.  My stepdad is 16 years older than my mom, and they’ve been married 25 years.  I’ve only been with my bf for 6 months, but I’d marry the man in a heartbeat. He just DOES it for me.  And as he gets older and grayer he’ll continue to do it for me. 

119. BeenThere Dec 29th 2009 at 04:34 pm 119

     I was the younger woman who married the older man.  I was 29 and he was 50 when we married, that was 21 years ago.  We met when I was 25 and started out as friends.  (and only friends)  If I had the answer to why two people fall in love then I would be able to explain our relationship.  I didn’t go out with him because he was rich, in fact I was in a better financial place than he was.  Nor was I looking for a father, I have one of those that I have a very good relationship with.

     We were friends, we had some of the same interests.  He was funny, I’d screw up the punch line but always laugh at his jokes.  He was kind and was interested in me.  He demonstrated qualities that made me respect him: honesty, responsibility, taking pride in his work, liking small children and dogs.  He thought I was beautiful  (this is where “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” comes in, I know I was attractive but I was never the most beautiful girl around).  I thought he was ruggedly handsome.  We both had good conversational skills, we both could talk about many subjects and we knew how to listen to each other and we didn’t mind learning from one another.  (Doesn’t seem to be much of this going on today.)

     I knew him for  22 years and was married for 18, he passed away 2 years ago.  I don’t regret a minute of my life with him, for you see I know that I was truly loved and isn’t that the point of this journey.  To love and be loved.  Was there a price to pay?  Absolutely, disapproving remarks, being excluded by both generations, each of us made sacrifices for the other (I never had children and he continued to be involved in our business longer than he would have),  I’m alone again and trying to date.  Would I go back and do it all over again? Without hesitation.  Do I want to date another man that is significantly older? No.  Would I recommend it to someone else?  I think everyone has to make their own decisions in life and they should just be as informed as possible and understand why they are going down this path.  If it isn’t true love it won’t last and the price you pay for this mistake is higher because of the age difference.

     I suppose we never quite know the ulimate cost of things in life, just recently I have come to understand that being a widow is a detriment to me in the dating world.  It seems many men don’t know how to deal with this status.  I find it ironic that men would prefer a divorced woman (if her actions caused the divorce why would you want her and if he left her she’s probably angry and has trust issues) over a widow that just might have gotten it right and figured out how to build a good relationship and at the very  least has proven she gets the commitment portion (that’s what “til death do us part” means). 

     Anyway, it’s dating it doesn’t always make sense.

120. Taylor Jan 1st 2010 at 10:30 pm 120

     I was 17 , only just 17 and I dated a man 13 years my senior.
     It was chemistry like never before. Not so much physical. Whether this sounds conceited or not the fact is I am a very attractive woman and although his appearance grew on me a great deal at first I did not find him physically attractive.  Obese , glasses , facial hair and far from a clean cut style .
     He didn’t know how old I was when we were introduced at a “party” of 5 in his recording studio. I’ve looked the same since I was 15 and usually get 22 as a guess from the time I was 15 onwards. I told him that same night how old I was and he said infront of the guests , if I were younger we would be soul mates.
     That was Saturday , by Monday we were both smitten. I don’t know what it was because it isn’t there anymore but it certainly wasn’t his status or material gifts.
     In fact , I was the one always committed and attentive , the one who paid my own way even when I really couldn’t afford it . Even the gift giver.
     He wasn’t a pervert into young girls. He broke it off until I turned 18 the end of that year.
     I will admit , I have a lot of girlfriends who are more than happy to take if it is offered . But I have every material possession I could need though I’m not in anyway fully financially secure  and there is NOTHING I could want bad enough to not have earned it myself . A genuine gift from a mutually loved one is different . But there are few people I would accept such things from.
     I avoid at all costs feeling obligated towards anyone whom I don’t care to be .
     Our story is perhaps unusual but it does happen. We are no longer together but I gained from the experience.
      

121. Danielle Jan 3rd 2010 at 07:51 pm 121

     There’s a group that seems to be left out of the responses.  There are a few women like me that have already started and finished their families and do not want to start over again.   I foolishly married my high school sweetheart and got divorced 9 years later.  That means I’m 29 and a mother to a 3 year old and 5 year old.  Quite frankly I have no desire to repeat the sleepless nights or slowdown the expansion of my business as another child would require.  Obviously this clashes with the desires of the men since most have never married or had children.
      
     This makes  men forty and over match better for me.   Many have already had their children and are not looking to expand their families.  They understand the occasional canceling of a date due to a child’s sickness. These men are already stable in their careers and more understanding of the time commitments I have.
     I have an amazing father and my grandfather lived next door to me growing up.  I definitely don’t have “Daddy” issues. I will admit that the majority of men in their 40s treat me better than those in their 30s.  However when did it become a bad thing for a man to open doors, pay for dates, etc?  These men have had relationships and know how to make them work.  They know foreplay begins at the start of the date and continues on so that by the time sex actually starts its much better and more satisfying than with a younger man.
     Sadly, I feel that I have more in common with men that are in their late/early 40s then men my age.

122. Jayde Jan 20th 2010 at 10:39 pm 122

     I’m 29 and my partner is 45.  Before him I hadn’t dated anyone more than 4 years older/younger than me, although in hindsight I realized that I’ve always been more attracted to older men. 

     This is, by far, the best relationship I have ever had in every aspect - especially the physical!!  We have many, many common interests and values. More importantly we have many common personality traits, so we understand each other and communicate very well.  There’s a level of respect with him that I’ve never been able to find with men my own age.   

     I agree that in most cases, being at different life stages and one partner having more experience would be a major issue.  We’ve found that in our particular case it doesn’t come into play at all.  Financially we’re at the same point in our lives (both coming out of divorces with similar incomes and assets) so this isn’t a factor either.

     Another huge bonus is that he already has children and isn’t interested in more.  For a woman who has never wanted children of her own, this is a perfect scenario!  I’ve found  that the role of stepmother suits me just fine.

     So what’s my point?  I agree that the “rule” is likely that a woman going for an older man has ulterior motives.  I just wanted to point out – as others already have – that sometimes the atrraction is genuine and the relationship just works.

     Not to say that it’s all roses.  While he’s still fit and active, he does have some health concerns that could get in the way if we let them.  As BeenThere alluded to in #119 – we’d rather enjoy a few fantastic years together experiencing real love than never experience that connection at all.

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