Comments on: Why Wouldn’t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:30:52 +0000

Thank you, Sam. You’ve made my already-lovely day lovelier!

By: Sam

Sam — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:15:00 +0000

Dear Evan,
I’m a Brit chic living in Hong Kong and I just wanted to say that you ROCK. I devoured your 133-page ebook in 3 hours!!! I know you are ‘just’ a human but you are also extremely insightful. Your daily emails are bang on, and have given me hope and positivity. I too have my flirtations overseas and this post about out-of-state man is another gem. Thank you, for being human and writing about it.

By: marymary

marymary — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:18:43 +0000

mag
gameplaying the dumb and unevolved? Yep, that would be a good use off my time. Sign me up.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:08:13 +0000

Magdalena 38
So true!!!
6 months ago I met a guy who was visiting from Baltimore He said he was on the SWAT team and he sure looked and sounded like he was . We had huge chemistry and he pursued me hard while he was here but I never slept with him because I didn’t want to get attached and be left.
On a call with him when he went back, he was acting secretive I had the sense he may have lied and been married. Then he disappeared.
A few years ago I was clueless in the dating world. When I stood my ground, despite all the chemistry with this guy, I realized Id graduated from the school of dating with honors . Had the game down since, just as you describe Magdelana .

By: Karl R

Karl R — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:38:57 +0000

Magdalena said: (#38) "just like the wolves they are (and they are quasi evolved mammals)" "It’s all about their ego..make them feel like they don’t stack up and they’ll come sniffing." "Men are basically dumb, ladies." If that's your opinion of men, why would you bother to date them? Boasting about sex with women? That's juvenile behavior. Dumping a woman because she had sex with us? It hardly ever happens. More likely, the man had sex with a woman he already intended to dump. Magdalena said: (#38) "Men are basically dumb, ladies. Use that." I'm sure there are a few men who are as dumb and ego-driven as you describe. And if the men are that dumb, that ego-driven and that easily manipulated, your strategy will likely be successful in catching and holding their interest. Why would you want to catch a man like that? I don't have any dating strategies for catching and holding the interest of shallow, stupid, ego driven and easily manipulated women. I didn't want to date them, so I was far more interested in dating strategies that worked with everyone who didn't meet that description. Magdalena said: (#38) "don’t ever expect something big to come from men that you go to see long distance, and whatever you do, NEVER have sex with him." These are both reasonable pieces of advice. If a woman requires an airplane ticket just to get a goodnight kiss, very few men will be interested in expending that kind of effort in the long run. Long distance relationships have a lower success rate than normal relationships. (And most of us recognize how few relationships go the duration.) If you have sex with a long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend, don't expect it to be anything more than a vacation fling.

By: Magdalena

Magdalena — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 05:20:26 +0000

Ladies, don’t ever expect something big to come from men that you go to see long distance, and whatever you do, NEVER have sex with him. Because then you’re no challenge, easily forgotten and another notch on the wolf’s belt that he polishes while he’s having a brew with his other lupine friends and laughing about it.
It’s a depressingly masculine world, ladies. Isn’t it time you started playing with men for a change? Don’t call them – let them call you. Then be aloof. It works every time because just like the wolves they are (and they are quasi evolved mammals) they will love the chase. In fact, being the more unevolved sex they get a kick out of it. But, if you make “the mating” easy for them, they will look for the stronger (i.e. harder to get, better built) female almost every time. If you act aloof and indifferent, you make them check their ego. The end up questioning themselves: “Why I never have trouble getting females! What’s so different about her that she didn’t get my essence of ‘Joe Cool’”? It’s all about their ego..make them feel like they don’t stack up and they’ll come sniffing. If for no other reason – just to find out why you won’t stroke their egos.
Men are basically dumb, ladies. Use that. I’m going to write a book.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 19:55:17 +0000

I think once you have found out that a disappearing act was pulled, it is easier to disconnect from whatever it was that had us emotionally engaged. At least that has been my experience. I can’t look at them not wanting me as my problem; now I’m operating under the assumption that I have treated them well. It’s easy to internalize that rejection and wonder what was wrong with us. I don’t think it’s productive to take ownership over why someone else disappeared. Evan says it’s usually nothing to do with us. I am probably going to get some pushback from this, but I’m not a big fan of the over-the-top-passionate-but-short-lived affair. I see it as a complete waste of my time and energy.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 11:57:44 +0000

I am going through the same thing right now. Except my interactions with this man were more than one weekend. 10 days spread out over a month’s time. And each time we would have a FANTASTIC time but when he showed more vulnerability or signs that he liked me…he would pull away even more after I left.
I know that this man is a “hurt puppy” from his divorce, still heartbroken and even admits that his fear is overwhelming regarding me.
My decision on how to move forward is two fold.
1. Continue treat him with kindness, gentleness and love without forcing any answers or “where I stand” questions
2. Continue to live my life. Keep going out and meeting people and if someone who is ready to make me feel “worth it” comes along before my long distance man is ready to make the move forward then I have been kind to him, to me and to a possible love connection here in my own area.
“Nothing ever meant to be will ever pass me by”
~Ellen

By: marymary

marymary — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 10:10:43 +0000

Missy
sometimes the kindest thing to do is make yourself unpopular and stop having a relationship with someone who wants more. It,s easy to be kind and generous if it,s all on your own terms.
i hope he doesn’t turn up on your wedding day either, and if he does you don,t see it as a kindness.

By: Missy

Missy — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 19:31:43 +0000

lorelei13 Evan said: “I use this story to reinforce the fact that men can feel strong sexual chemistry and still be kind and generous without having any emotional connection. “ Lorelei ... here's your quote And here is where I think there’s a disconnect. Women have a hard time seeing how a man can be disingenuously romantic (i.e. no intention to follow through) and still be genuinely kind a the same time. IMHO, you can be sincere and kind, OR you can be going through the motions and leading a woman on (intentionally or not), but you can’t be both. I think what some people refer to as “living in the moment”, I would refer to as “selfishly pursuing instant gratification”. Just my two cents." I disagree with you. My un-boyfreind is a great guy. 100 people would stand up and say so. He gives time and money to community causes, he is kind and generous to me and others. He does it without recognition when no one knows as well. But he is a commitment phobe. He IS KIND AND GENEROUS.. I know this from 30+ years of his friendship with others who saw him the whole time being KIND AND GENEROUS. However, that does not make him suddenly want a wife, or want me as a wife, or want someone else's kids to be dedicated to. I would not dare ever distrust his generosity. And yeah, it was heady for me to realize this.. because yeah, at first i thought okay he is kind and generous to me.. after a husband who used me again and again and was stingy and completely lying about his intentions.. he basically got me to marry him and then turned into a user.. there were signs I ignored, but .. The point is.. this is complicated. yeah.. I did think the kind generous attention meant the guy was falling in love with me. Now I think .. no.. he is a good kind friend. If he xyz.. follows through for a very very long time.. maybe but what I think I have is a kind generous un-boyfriend who never wants to be a real boyfriend. He just likes freedom. Good for him. I don't want to change anyone. If he figures out he wants to change and chase me .... I sure hope he figures it out before I am committed to someone else because really I don't want someone at my wedding banging on the back door yelling my name because he took too long to figure out what he wants. But that is not what i think will happen. I think he will be sitting in the front row with my brother helping give me away smiling big and then skip the reception and go for a long Easy Rider ride... He is kind and generous. That is the person he is. To everyone. It does not mean he loves me enough to even use the word girlfriend to which he is clearly allergic.