Comments on: Why Wouldn’t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?

By: larry goodman

larry goodman — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:56:29 +0000

I never understood anyone who wanted to date anyone from out of state and over several hours away unless it was for an affair / fling where you know that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

How can you not expect to be unhappy after the fact with someone who might as well be on the witness protection program.

Sleepless in Seattle while being a great movie is not reality.

Marcie set herself up to be a victim.

Great topic Evan.

By: Still Looking

Still Looking — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 22:14:23 +0000

For me, there is a significant difference between meeting someone locally and meeting someone from out of town.
When I begin to correspond with someone locally, I want to meet her as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry. I don’t want to waste hours on the phone and computer, only to then meet and realize in the first 10 minutes that she is not “the one.” I know by the time the server offers dessert whether I’m interested in a second date. The possible outcomes after a date almost require a matrix — Man sees the possibility or desires a romantic relationship (RR), a friendly relationship (FR), or no relationship (NR). The woman has the same basic options. The most common scenario for me is an NR/?. In other words, I don’t feel any chemistry/connection and therefore no desire to see her again. I don’t know for sure what her thoughts are so she gets a questions mark. My best dates have been the FR/FR dates. Sometimes we realize this on our first date and sometimes it takes two or three dates to realize that we don’t click for a RR and we become good friends. The worst scenario is an NR/RR with sex — not a good idea!
Regardless of how strong the sexual attraction is, if I’m not interested in a possible LTR with my date, I will not lead a woman on with feigned interest if I am not interested in her as a person. If I have sex with a woman on a first date, I will always be interested in a second date because I genuinely like the woman. If it’s RR/RR or FR/FR – Great! If only one of us is interested in a RR and the other isn’t then sex is a no-go. Well I must clarify the last sentence — I don’t toy with women’s emotions so if she doesn’t make it clear that NSA sex is okay, then there is no sex. I can quickly switch from RR desired to FR NSA sex without too much emotional trauma (not because I’m a total pig but because I don’t “fall” too quickly).
Wow, this message is getting quite a bit longer than I envisioned.
A long-distance relationship (LDR) is quite different. With a local relationship (LR), it is quite easy to maintain and grow either RR or FR. We meet, we click in some regard, we can meet again. It’s simple. If we don’t click, we don’t meet again and I’ve usually made it fairly clear at the end of a date whether there will be a subsequent date.
With an LDR, we have obviously spent quite a bit of time getting to know each other before we meet for the first time. Expectations are higher, quite a bit higher, and then we meet. I will do my absolute best to have a great time together but the simple truth is an LDR requires a lot more time, effort, money, etc. to nurture and maintain. Unless the time together on our first date leaves me almost convinced that this woman is possibly the most perfect woman in the world for me there will not be a second date.
It might seem harsh but the reality is it is easier to give a date a second chance when she is local. We are all searching for our Mr. Right or Mrs. Right and time, money, and other resources are limited. If a woman only scores a 7 on my “she’s the one for me” meter and she lives 2,500 miles away, I’m going to focus my energy on someone local who also scores a 7 first and continue my search for my 10.

By: Steve

Steve — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:40:23 +0000

Well here’s one from a gay man’s perspective…

I recently met a guy online; he’s from British Columbia,�and I’m from Quebec (about 2300 miles apart). We racked up about�10 hours on the phone, had a tremendous connection, and in less than a week he broached the idea of meeting�for the�weekend. We agreed that it made sense to meet sooner than later, especially since the connection on the phone was so strong, and we had so much in common (both�want kids, marriage, etc.). At 41 and 46, we both knew what we wanted and weren’t finding it locally, so we thought “What the hell, let’s do this”. He flew to Montreal and we had an amazing, romantic�weekend. He even used the ‘L’ word at one point. So, you guessed it… he hasn’t called. That was three weeks ago. Hasn’t responded to my call (I held back and only left one) or emails (two, the second one asking that he at least let me know he made it home alive). So ladies, it happens to us guys as well, and it doesn’t hurt any less. It’s hard to admit that this sweet, gentle guy blew me off so easily, but I’m trying to look at the positives: had a great weekend, felt totally validated at every turn, and�I know what I want more than ever.�It just won’t�be with him.�

By: silly fool

silly fool — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 23:06:37 +0000

I having the same experience after meetig somone on line and spending a wonderful weekend together.. Attraction and connection we had was intense for us both, it felt so easy and familiar.��it was the best weekend ever.. �We spoke the night we got home and he couldnt wait to see me again and was not worried about the distance between us.. we’d had the talk of distance before and he was open to what may happen next. �he would never had moved to me but i said i was always open to moving for the right person.�� The next day i txt as normal being excited about having an amazing weekend with you.. . and he came back with a txt that just blew me away saying he wasnt very confident he could make it work.� to beleive him he wasnt happy to do so new id be unhappy… then wanted some time to think so i left him alone for a few days and asked what was happening, and said he need more than a long distance relationship can give me… i can not get him out of my head ive tried calling once and he wouldnt pick up.. ive d txt once and he wont reply.. what a gutless fool

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 07:34:02 +0000

I recently had a very similar situation myself to Marcie and Nella and am still suffering from the fact that “he was not that into me”. I was the out-of-town girl who visited him and had a great date. We had so many things in common and the conversation was perfect and so on, and I thought I had met THE ONE. Obviously, he didn’t call me for days after the date, but he responded when I emailed him. His email was gentle and nice, but it ends with “take care”, which, I think, pretty much says “good-bye”. I know it is so clear that he was not into me, but I cannot just accept it. Would he have called me regardless of the distance, if he really liked me? If we were in the same city, would it have made any difference at all? I have learned a lot about guys from Evan’s articles but it really hurts.

By: wyandanch

wyandanch — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:20:18 +0000

�Why Wouldn�t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?�

Its the same answer to the question �Why wouldn�t a man call me if we just did/had/went whatever/wherever”.

Answer: He’s not that into you.

By: shellacked

shellacked — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 09:07:08 +0000

Just 1 thing I don’t understand…

If evan did nothing wrong, why are you people commending his bravery in sharing his story?

By: Tara

Tara — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 03:05:30 +0000

I discovered Evan’s website tonight. While I was reading his response to Marcie I thought to myself, “Wow, I once was that out of town girl that lived in town!” Evan’s response to Marcie is so on target and full of nothing but the truth. I’m 34, single, and constantly gaining a fraction of wisdom with each date. As for this subject, it is all in a women’s expectations. A part of being single is being able to accept people coming in and out of your life. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason. I hope Marcie can store her out of town trip in her “good memories” file. Eventually, when she comes to the refreshing change in settling down she will always have those memories to look back on and stories to tell her grandchildren. I’m glad I had the opportunity to respond.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:48:24 +0000

Evan thanks for your response to my post. From the original response it appeared that you were inferring that out of sight out of mind was the only reason he didn’t continue. In reality we don’t know what was up with this guy – he could have been getting out of something serious, or having work troubles, or who knows?

Seems like the goal is to be realistic about your expectations and communicate them up front. Only thing is that meeting up with someone long distance can present a gray area because you havent’ met yet so you don’t konw how it will go. From the girl’s perspective – she hasn’t met the guy yet and may not want to come across as too forward and scare him away, so she may realistically think, ‘ok, let me go and check this out’. After the weekend she may not feel it’s a match anyway.

Like Evan said, chalk it up to having a fun time, memories and experience and just move on. If it’s the right guy you’ll know it.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:45:20 +0000

This has been fascinating to read. I just wanted to say that I’d much rather have an idea of what the guy in question was thinking…. rather than the sugar coated version that I’d get from girlfriends. Keep up the good work