Comments on: I’m Resenting My Boyfriend For Not Pulling His Weight Financially

By: ldjohns

ldjohns — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 00:22:31 +0000

I think the most important value we have in relationships is that we each strive to make the other happy, however that prevails. Money is not everything. Give and Take is paramount to having a healthy, happy, loving relationship. No relationship should have one person feeling like they are being burdened. Communication is important but there has to be honesty when we are expressing what are expectations are from each other. Often couples feel they are being honest with each other but they truly do not understand themselves and what they want. A relationship should be nurtured and develop over time. Rushing into a relationship, moving in together early in our relationship does not allow for the relationship to blossom. Does not allow enough time for couples to communicate what their expectations are of each other. We are all on our best behaviour and in the honeymoon stage. If you are a young couple, chances are you have not met your full employment potential but you can discuss what your goals are for the future. If you are a mature couple, your employment potential has been established. We should be discussing our expectations of the other regarding the following issues.
* Financial Obligations – who will pay for what?
* Household Duties – If one partner earns more and works longer hours, then the other partner should take on more of the household duties. Give and Take.
* When you want to have children – i.e. when you own a home or when you are debt free and can afford to live on one salary
* Who will be the primary child caregiver and how long you expect too live on one salary, i.e. when the youngest child is in full time school.
* Sexual compatibility. Although sex should not be placed as a high priority, this area is very important to maintaining a healthy relationship.
* Religious upbringing of the children
What causes problems in all relationships is lack of discussion on these important issues. It doesn’t matter who is the bread winner and who is the caregiver because each job is equally as valuable, difficult and rewarding. As long as there is give and take in the relationship with neither feeling like they are being burdened with an unfair portion of the responsibilities, there is appreciation for each other and honesty on what you say you want from each other, any relationship can be happy, healthy and loving. You cannot have it all – a successful career and raise confident, caring, secure, respectful children. To be successful at each of these jobs (career and nurturer) you must give your full attention and time.

By: Just Sayin

Just Sayin — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 02:21:03 +0000

Nobody wants a man-boy! Ask the mother who still houses her son if she wants his ass around….MOST LIKELY NOT. Why would another woman want him around and actually have children with him????? It is just disgusting. If you can’t respect yourself and at LEAST pay your mommy some rent just stop breathing. Serious. The last thing any female or society needs is you getting her pregnant. My EX-boyfriend is 47 and barely making $200 a week from his job. Some weeks he doesn’t even get that. Why would I want to have a baby with that? He is irresponsible. He does stupid things. Total man boy loser. I’m sorry but the truth needs to be spoken and there is NOTHING wrong with the females telling it like it is. At this point there is no reason to have men around or pretend like it is possible for them to wear the pants. They just need to sit down, shut up, don’t say anything, and try to look pretty. Otherwise get out.

By: NN

NN — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 03:42:47 +0000

I don’t see how it makes a woman a gold digger or a hypocrite in terms of domestic gender equality to expect that their significant other contribute about half of the expenses toward maintaining the household unless some other arrangement has been made. I had a deal with my boyfriend and he hasn’t made good for a very, very long time and I AM resentful. I’ve tried to be patient but it has really gone too far. I wouldn’t have put him in this situation because it would make me a leech and I have my pride. I am so angry at myself for allowing myself to be a doormat. Yet according to some of these comments, if I want to be seen in a favorable light I should endlessly sacrifice myself because women somewhere in space and time were a financial burden to their husbands. I won’t do penance for Eve or any other female in folklore or history!

By: mk

mk — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:11:09 +0000

In nature, the females are always the ones who are allowed to choose their partner. Just look at all those gray female animals, and all those colourful big males, and their constant fights, or dances ALL aimed at impressing the female, so they can be the fathers of her babies. The male has to be the healthiest, strongest male, superior to other males, thus ensuring that a female’s offspring is going to get the best of genes.
Believe it or not, being human does not change this fact – women still search for a male who is strong, healthy, clever – translated in our human language – it means that a man needs to be successful in some way, educated women expect even more from their man – they need to be as well educated as they are. A successful couple is one in which both partners share similar interests and can have conversations on intelligent topics. My experience is that when a man knows less than their partner, in the long term (and if this man has no interest in catching up), than the woman will lose respect of him, especially if this is embarrassing her in public and in front of friends and family.

everybody knows that in todays world, success is measured by how much you earn. I hate this, as I am a scientist (and a woman) and if i want to do what i love to do, I will never be able to earn more than 60k. But in my field even if you are the best, you still get paid crap and nobody doubts how clever you are – here money just isnt proportional to success.. But in many other fields this is not the case. And maybe that is why majority of women out there are looking more into a man’s wallet – to see how successful they are.

By: B

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 20:17:16 +0000

Wow “T”, Thank you for your post. I need to learn too =)

By: Quinn

Quinn — Tue, 15 May 2012 23:57:30 +0000

I spent 10 months with a man who just wanted a place to ‘crash’. I was thinking this was a relationship. He worked off and on when he felt like it. Drank and smoked and ‘smoked’. I supported his habits during the time he decided not to work. I would give him gas money to hang out with his friends when he was not working. He did some things around the house…gave me some money, but the lifestyle he wanted to live just drained me of everything. He would yell at me whenever I wanted to have sex with him. Would tell ME he was not in the mood. HUH? Did not like watchin porn with me. Wanted to be with his friends during his free time and hated being stuck with me on the days he was not with his friends. He would make excuses to leave the house, get drunk and ‘spend the night’ at his ‘friends’ house because he was too intoxicated to drive. I did this for 8 months with him. It nearly drove me to a stroke. He was 29 and I was 39 when we met and I have one child. He had no problem living off of a single mother. I gather his present girlfriend is another me.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:56:36 +0000

I’m in the same boat… Except I’M the one going to school full-time and working almost 20 hours a week, and he’s working a average of 16. The rest of his time is spent on video games or being mad at me over nothing. He also makes me feel guilty about my anxiety. He’s not the same guy I fell in love with, but I can’t see myself breaking up with him.

By: Tori

Tori — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 04:50:22 +0000

Sorry….I feel that a woman needs to feel like a woman…wined and dined and taken care of……men that simply rely on women to take care of them and are not carrying their own weight….in my book are LOSERS!!! and should be dumped and find someone that you deserve that knows how to take care of a woman….dump the Loser!!!

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 01:37:07 +0000

SS ..I don’t know why I’m in it. I really don’t. We do live in the same house and part of me is afraid of what it might feel like when it’s finished. too many people in here and I’m afraid of the outcome. I don’t know. This guy works…has a good job…makes triple what I make and the not offering to contribute for the food he eats is really getting to me. We each pay our own rent, I pay all my bills I’m not asking for that. I just want him to know that he needs to pay for his part…which in this case would be the damn groceries at least…and gas once in awhile woiuld be nice. golddigger is definately the opposite of me…always has been. i just don’t want to be taken for granted. There’s too many whores out there he could occupy his time with. But….I thought he was looking for something special…at least that’s what he told me when we met. I don’t know…I’m confused and hurt and torn i really feel trapped.

By: Saint Stephen

Saint Stephen — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 16:44:45 +0000

@Nazzie
Next time try reading the letter before making comment.
A guy who went back to school to finish his degree and also works is a looser to you huh?
Women like you are the reason why men see women as Gold diggers.