Comments on: Why Your Online Personality Should Be Better Than Your Real Life One

By: Getagirl

Getagirl — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 07:23:49 +0000

This is a very interesting and amusing post! I agree that sometimes online dating seems to be like a chore. Please don’t ask questions as if you are interviewing a job applicant. Be spontaneous and cheerful.

By: Lance

Lance — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 17:38:14 +0000

Flirting is also a good way to qualify someone and get a handle on their personality. If I’m exchanging several rounds of witty banter and cleverness, I know the other person has a sense of humor and I know what type of humor they’re into (sarcastic, goofy, dry, etc), which tells you something about their personality.
One gripe I have is that the most chicks are terrible at verbal flirting but great at physical flirting, while guys are vice versa. It’s been my experience that the gals are either scared to flirt verbally (don’t want to encourage him) or just plain inexperienced, and it takes a really skilled dude to illicit her true wit.

By: Carrie

Carrie — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 20:09:50 +0000

I agree with Evan….being a natural flirt is something someone is born with. Those not born with it, it feels like work! Sometimes just downright painful and excrutiating. I was shy when I was young so, that time was lost for practicing my flirting skills. As I got older, wiser, stronger, and more of a “what-e-ver” attitude it got alot easier. Confidence was something that was always there and dormant, then it came out with a loud BANG! I am not a real big flirt…regardless of what I said just now…I just don’t choose to be overly flirtatious in person or online. Flirting is a true art. Too me I can stand in a room and just watch the amount of it flying around. Mostly like 98% of it looks so over the top!
That is why, I so agree with Karl R….guy.. you hit it right. Teasing banter is where it’s at for me. This kind, no matter what is so much less contrived and obvious. It is a great way to feel out who the person is. Sometimes I can tell just by that interaction that, yikes no need to go further or wow here we go! Even still if it’s a – I don’t think so, it’s been a fun conversation and maybe made a friend. People can walk away – okay. No ones hopes are damaged. Ego’s left in tact (no matter what size).
Just a bit on how I see it….how it works.. for me!

By: Karl R

Karl R — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 19:43:58 +0000

Sayanta asked: (#13) "Isn’t that the same as friendliness?" Of course. Unfriendly people don't get many dates. Sayanta said: (#13) "I’ve had so many instances where a man will suddenly stammer- uh-uh, I have a girlfriend," I'd say that proves my point. But I must hang with a more suave crowd. We'll just casually refer to our girlfriend/boyfriend without making a big deal about it. Then the conversation/flirting continues with everyone understanding the boundaries. Diana said: (#14) "I think of flirting more as being coy and playful, teasing banter, and a little amorous without serious intent." That's usually where it progresses. But it's easier to engage in teasing banter if you're already conversing with the person. And if it's a purely social conversation, it's rare for me to carry on a conversation without tossing teasing banter in. If you were to walk up to a guy, touch his forearm, flip your hair and wink at him, he'd probably think you were coming on very strong. If you were to do one of those actions after chatting for 15 minutes, it would seem like a much more normal pace for flirting. A person can flirt with or without intent, and it will probably look very similar to an outside observer. But if my intent is to get a date with the woman, all I need to do is get far enough to get a phone number. And I don't need to go beyond friendly conversation and a little witty banter to get that.

By: Diana

Diana — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 16:44:32 +0000

Karl, I think of flirting more as being coy and playful, teasing banter, and a little amorous without serious intent. When I go to a singles event, I enjoy getting to know people, and that begins with being receptive, smiling and engaging them in conversation. I guess I see this more as being friendly and sociable. Now if I were to wink at the guy in a sort of teasing, laughing way, or lightly touched him on the forearm, or flipped or touched my hair a bit, tilted my head a certain way, that kind of thing, then I’d feel like I was flirting with him.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:20:00 +0000

Karl R, #12-

Isn’t that the same as friendliness? An open smile and conversation is how I would also talk to same-sex people I’d want to befriend.

As for flirtation- I don’t know if I’m good at it or not. I certainly wasn’t when I was younger. What’s irritating though- is that when you do initiate friendly conversation with men, almost 90% of the time, they seem to think you’re hitting on them. I’ve had so many instances where a man will suddenly stammer- uh-uh, I have a girlfriend, that I rarely try to make conversation with men first anymore, whether I’m interested or not.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 23:21:12 +0000

Diana, (#11)
An open smile and conversation count as flirting. I’d consider them steps 1 & 2.

By: Diana

Diana — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 21:42:16 +0000

Evan, agreed. I have watched other women flirt and noticed that sometimes it’s over the top or borderline desperate. I doubt most men think so.

Even though flirting doesn’t come natural to me at first, I haven’t found flirting to be necessary, though you don’t want to sound too serious in online dating. I can feel and see other people’s attraction to me, and being open with a smile and conversation works well.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 19:19:24 +0000

I think, like any skill, some people are natural flirts. I've been flirting since I was a little boy, or so I'm told by my Mom, and it's certainly made things easier. That said, if you follow directions, you can get better at it. Flirting assumes one thing: that whatever you say MATTERS. It assumes that the other person WANTS you. It assumes that it's YOUR choice whether things go to a romantic level. In short, flirts have power over opposite-sex situations because they FEEL they have power over opposite-sex situations. Which is why flirtatiousness and confidence often go hand in hand. Watch your guy friends or girl friends who are good flirts. What do they have in common? It's not looks; it's the belief that people fundamentally like them and are attracted to them. Once you believe that, everything else comes organically. If you don't believe that, it's really hard to fake it.

By: Diana

Diana — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 13:51:41 +0000

To sjz #7, your experience is one that is all too common on the Internet. A lot of people take on a different personality online, whether at dating sites, forums, game playing, etc.

I think flirting in real-time is difficult for most men and women, unless they’ve had a glass or two of wine. It takes confidence, but not too much. Otherwise, it’s arrogance. It takes wit, timing, quick thinking, humor, and the ability to accurately read and interpret people’s facial cues, tones, and body language. Otherwise, you just might look like an idiot. Oh, and a little mind reading doesn’t hurt either.