I am a heterosexual woman, but I am finding it increasingly more difficult to become attracted to men. I would like to love someone, but I doubt I can. I had online dating profiles (recently deleted all of them) and I do get some level of interest from men, but I tend to not be interested back. The last few men I did become attracted to rejected me and I’ve been in a downward spiral of hopelessness ever since. I feel like I should just give up on dating – I’m definitely not in the right place for it at present. But I’ve been here for about 18 months now. Theoretically I’d like to meet some new people, but in practice I don’t see it going anywhere, so why bother? Is this a passing phase that people go through when dealing with rejection and other disappointments in love? Will I ever be able to ‘fall in love’ again, or have I passed some point of no return?
If you really, truly believe that there is no point to dating, it would make absolutely no sense for you to keep dating. If you really, truly believed that there was no way to lose weight, it would make absolutely no sense for you do keep dieting.
Your question is an important one.
And to any reader who has an important question, I would highly encourage you to type it in the Lijit Search box on the left. Dating and relationship issues, while intensely personal, are often quite universal. And after 2 ½ years of writing this advice column, I may well have dealt with your personal question already.
To that end, please check out my pieces about getting over your cynicism and overcoming “why bother” syndrome. Both address your question directly and I think you’ll feel a little better once you read them.
But the reason I’m writing again is because it’s so important and it comes up for EVERYBODY.
If you really, truly believe that there is no point to dating, it would make absolutely no sense for you to keep dating. If you really, truly believed that there was no way to lose weight, it would make absolutely no sense for you do keep dieting. And so on.
We live life according to our beliefs. And since, in our brains, there’s no difference between fact and belief, it should be no surprise that wrong beliefs could create a considerable roadblock.
“The last few men rejected me” becomes “All men will always reject me”.
“I’ve been doing it for 18 months without success” becomes, “I will never have success”
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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