First of all, your future spouse doesn’t DUMP you.
Right there, that’s a character flaw. If relationships are about feeling safe and accepted, it’s hard to feel that when you’ve been dumped. You still might be in love, but that doesn’t mean that he is a good long-term prospect for you.
Second of all, your strong positive feelings usually cover up the negative ones. Which is how you could be genuinely in love with a man who is verbally abusive, who doesn’t call, who tells you how you need to change, and who isn’t emotionally available.
Looking back, if I had MARRIED some of the women that I THOUGHT I wanted to marry, I’d have ended up with partners who were selfish, jealous, temperamental, and judgmental.
I didn’t realize this until years later, when comparing them to my wife. Maybe I was less “whipped” on my wife, but she was far less selfish, jealous, temperamental and judgmental than my exes. In other words, she was a much better match for me.
When you’re insanely attracted to someone, you tend to ignore his bad qualities.
And if you end up MARRYING that man out of passion, well, guess what – you’ve bought his bad qualities for life. Congratulations on your passionfest. Have fun fighting.
Believe it or not, I’m not here to tell you that all alpha males are jerks and commitmentphobes. I WILL tell you, however, that the alpha qualities that attract you are the very things that create conflict in your life. Alpha males assert their wills, work hard, play hard, like to conquer, and have enough ego to fuel a rocket ship.
The alpha qualities that attract you are the very things that create conflict in your life.
…So instead of going for the short-term sugar high that always results in the same exact crash, start thinking of what’s healthiest for you in the long-run.
You have to be willing to be #2 with an alpha.
And if you’re not wired that way – if you’re looking for true equality – you’re a lot better off finding and appreciating a man who wants equality as well.
That would be the nice guy who doesn’t excite you as much.
You spend so much time looking for someone who dazzles you and not enough time looking for someone who is dazzled by you.
Partnership is about finding someone who thinks YOU’RE worth sacrificing for. If you’re the one making all the sacrifices because he’s too stubborn or egomaniacal, you’re just going to build up a lot of resentment. As you can already see.
Attraction and chemistry are great relationship starters, but compatibility and compromise are the things that allow you to sustain it.
So instead of going for the short-term sugar high that always results in the same exact crash, start thinking of what’s healthiest for you in the long-run.
Chances are it’s not the guy you’re most “attracted” to. It’s probably the guy you’re most compatible with…
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Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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