Great posts, and agreed! 

1.  We tend to give ‘gifts’ to others that WE would like.  The gist of referring to mystery is to understand what motivates women so a man can give a ‘gift’ to her that motivates her.  

2.  When in a new relationship, everything is ‘romantic’ and ‘exciting’.  After awhile, things settle down and like starthrower said, things get mundane, and lots of drudgery if there’s a marriage, kids, jobs, etc.  So like anything in life, this mystery stuff is not meant to be overkill and done all the time, it would lose it’s appeal and be contrived.

3.  Men can create mystery in many ways.  Like on the first date, not spilling their guts or not wearing their hearts on their sleeve.  Be interesting by being active and involved in life, and that will create mystery as well–she’ll want to know more about all of that.  None of this has anything to do with showing he’s interested in her, that doesn’t need to be a mystery.  This is really about one of the factors in being a confident, strong man (masculinity), which women love.

#12

Speed, unfortunately you’re missing the subtleness of this concept and fighting it–which is only ONE concept and has nothing to do with character/maturity (which is what you’re referring to).  I have to say that before I educated myself on men/women, myself and relationships, I didn’t recognize the importance of these types of concepts.  Now, with information and a lot of experience, I can totally ‘see’ what’s happening and understand why I feel attracted (alternatively when I’m not attracted, I know why as well).  It’s pretty cool actually to see everything play out in real life.

While I do understand the value that you place on stability, and heaven knows most of us don’t, a relationship that stands the test of time does require some work in the romance department.  If two people don’t continue to “court” each other and “date” each other, that leaves something to be desired.  Most of life is mundane and pedestrian, which is why a little romance never hurt anybody.

YES, thank you for acknowledging the concept and you are totally right about the type of strategy you’ve suggested!

I was just giving an example.  I did read a story about a man who did something like I suggested, and it was super successful with his wife.  I would never presume to call anyone’s attempts at making their mate happy juevinile or elementary-like or whatever, it’s what works for them.  It’s the bottom line that’s important, he’s appealing to her feminine instinct of mystery.  OF COURSE everyone has to do what they feel comfortable with.

Great comments in the rest of your post Karl.  I did read that other article; that’s something I want in a man (and friends for that matter)–they are curious, which means they want to better, because they believe it will benefit their life in some way.  

Speed said: (#5)
“Is the purpose of a relationship perpetual excitement, mystery and romance?”

There are traits that sustain a relationship (trust, compassion, dependability) and there are traits that get your foot in the door (attractiveness, excitement, mystery). If you can’t get your foot in the door, it doesn’t matter how good you would be at sustaining a relationship. No one will ever stay with you long enough to find out.

It’s always handy to have another tool to get your foot in the door.

Speed said: (#12)
“I say that if you’ve found a reasonably good partner who’s there for you, who’s reliable, honest, and supportive, you’ve hit gold.”

That’s your gold standard? To me that sounds like the absolute minimum for a sustainable relationship.

I’ve spent years being single, and I’m quite happy being single. The same is true for my girlfriend. Unless being together is an improvement over being single, then there’s no use in making a long-term relationship out of it.

Speed said: (#12)
“And, more importantly, you’ve grown up.”

I didn’t realize there was an end to personal growth.

Read the article entitled The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage. Some of us continuously strive to improve ourselves, and we want partners who will help (not hinder) that goal.

Denise said: (#4)
“if in a longer relationship, he can create a little romantic game by leaving notes all over the house with clues on something he has planned for her.  She’ll find the clues and it will build her excitement.”

That particular technique might work well with you, but I wouldn’t try it with most women unless I was absolutely sure she would enjoy it.

A safer bet would be to send her flowers on Monday with a card attached which says, “Keep Friday evening open. I’ll see you at 7pm. Wear a cocktail dress.”

That also builds mystery, and is less likely to resemble games played in elementary school.

Not to CHANGE men, but to give them information.  Just like it’s good for women to understand men instinctively, which is what Evan is conveying to women, the same is true in reverse.  

I’m referring more to psychology, the ‘why’ behind why we do what we do as male and female humans.  I’m also talking about win/win arrangements. 

Thanks for the nice comments Lily, but I can say that the men I date recognize and comment and are very happy I am ‘different’ from other women they date.  I strive to be ‘different’;  I get men at their core, and they understand I get them.  I also get myself as a woman at my core, and they appreciate that as well.

Sorry you don’t buy what I’m saying, that’s your perogative