You’ve Been Struggling to Understand Men and You Have Everything You Want, Except for A Healthy Relationship.
The secrets to successful dating are only moments away…
If you already know you want to invest in your ability to have successful, rewarding relationships with men, click on the link below to order FOCUS coaching now. Otherwise, keep reading to learn to be more feminine, optimistic, confident, understanding and self-aware… and, more importantly, to pick a GOOD man who wants a life-long relationship with you.
I’ve heard some variation of this phrase countless times since I began to offer dating and relationship advice to women in 2003.
And while I’m not going to dispute the considerable pain, frustration and heartbreak that you’ve been through, I must say that I take the accusation a little bit personally.
After all, I am a happily married man who has a wife who doesn’t think he sucks.
Not only that, but I’m a happily married man who helps women get into happy, healthy relationships with – gasp – other dastardly men like me!
Thousands of my readers have written me emails, telling me that I’ve been all too successful at this endeavor. Horrible, sad cries for help, like this woman who is currently embroiled in an exclusive partnership with one of these “men”.
"He's Started Saying 'I Love You' Each Time We Are Together"
After months of applying your suggestions on my "Mr. Right Now for 15 months" - all the while thinking he is just for the moment, he has magically turned into my partner. The keys to change for me were from two things you wrote - one about staying present in the moment and the other about being kind and dropping the criticism. There are a number of things I would rather not have in a partner that he has/does but when I stay in the moment where he is consistently loving and attentive, kind and patient - these other characteristics don't seem to matter - things like earn more money, manage it better, etc - all desirable but not dealbreakers.
Where I would usually be busy in my head about how he should be different and how could I put up with "that!" for long.... instead I've experienced a trillion beautiful, funny, loving moments with him, staying present to our loving expression - and somehow, just a few weeks ago - he let me in. In his words, "my persistent kindness and gentleness melted his cold, black heart" (of course he doesn't have a cold black heart) He's started saying "I love you" each time we are together and has softened in so many ways. I didn't do anything, except not give him a hard time about his perceived faults.
You said, "the power to create love comes from your ability to be kind." As I practiced living in the moment and being kind and loving him as I would my closest dearest friends, about 12 months ago I realized I had stumbled upon the key: quite simply we had NO drama, lots of fun, good times, peaceful, loving connection, easy communication and tenderness. I wasn't busting his balls to be The One - a made-up label which had so much more made-up criteria for him to live up to. When I would leave his company, I felt happy each time I thought about our time together and realized being around him was good for my soul. And I felt free. Maybe I was the one with commitment issues and not the men I previously chose? :-)
Sure, he has traits and habits that are not what I thought my ideal partner should have, but each time I thought I knew who my ideal partner was in the past, I was 100% wrong. So I remain open, living in today and content with the man I am in love with.
Thank you for your guidance and wisdom.
And this – from another woman who was unfortunate enough to listen to my advice and is now connecting better with her “boyfriend”.
"You Empowered Me To Make A Positive Impact On My Relationship"
I just wanted to share with you an a-ha moment I experienced yesterday!
I bought your e-book "Why He Disappeared" a few months ago and took note of an important thing you said there about how men are about feelings, not looks. Since reading your book I have been applying this knowledge to my own behavior around my boyfriend, who I've been with for many years now. These days I always try to be positive and to do things that make him feel loved, cherished, supported, trusted, needed, and all-round happy. Of course, I'm not perfect, and sometimes I let my insecurities slip through - but because I rarely do this (thanks to your wife's advice on not "crying wolf"!), my boyfriend is always responsive to my worries and reassures me.
Yesterday, I expressed to my boyfriend about how sometimes I wonder what he thinks of me compared to other women he has been with, and how important I am to him. This is what he said:
"When I think about other women I've been with, I don't think about how they look - I don't think about whether they're taller or shorter, skinnier or fatter, whether they have bigger boobs or smaller boobs. I don't think about how they were in bed. What I always come back to is how they made me feel. The fact is, none of those women made me feel the way you make me feel. That's why I'm not curious about other women that might be out there for me. Maybe there is someone who is more perfect for me than you, but chances are, I won't find her! And even if I did find her, we wouldn't share an amazing history together like I do with you."
When he said this, I was so shocked, because it was EXACTLY what you said! To hear those exact words straight from the horse's mouth was such a revelation!
So thank you for the work that you do, Evan. You have most definitely empowered me to make a positive impact on my relationship. Keep it up!"
I even received this email on Facebook from a woman I went out with 10 years ago! (She rejected me after one date, but she still reads my advice!) She, too, has fallen prey to the charms of these subhuman male creatures.
"The Best Insight Into Men/Dating I've Ever Received"
You gave me some advice a few months ago after my break up and it was seriously, the best insight into men/dating I've ever received. Since we spoke, I found one of the best guys I've ever dated. He was nothing like what I thought I wanted or expected to be with, but he makes me happier than any man ever has. Granted, it's only been 5 months, but it's been an amazing 5 months, and I can't say that about 2 1/2 year relationships with other men.
One thing that stuck out was you telling me that a guy wants to feel good about himself when he is with a girl. However, I have never felt the need to be combative with this new guy. Also, you telling me to throw away everything you think you want or expect in someone. This guy is not my type at all and I fought it, but he also treats me better than anyone has and makes me feel wonderful, about him, about us, about life.
And I'm enjoying every minute of it. It's weird how you go through life loving various people, and then one day, you meet someone who touches you to the core of your soul and it feels different. It just clicks. Crazy. I finally see what you mean."
I got all three of those emails in the past week. I have a mailbox filled with similar ones – all smart, strong, successful women, all of them happily entwined with these shallow, selfish, emotionally unavailable “men.”
Today, I’d like to announce that…
I am determined to destroy more lives, just as I did for Racquel, Alice and Ilene.
I’m doing so by creating an entirely new coaching program – one that is comprehensive, interactive, and affordable.
But first, I want to share a story with you:
Shelley was a client who sought out my advice. She had no doubt that the investment was worth it, since I’d already helped her 41-year-old sister to fall in love and have a child two years before.
At age 53, though, Shelley wasn’t the easiest client. She’d been burned by love and focused most of her life on her career.
As a result, she was out of circulation for many years at a time. Life moved on and Shelley filled up her schedule with work, hobbies, friends, and traveling.
Men were an afterthought.
Shelley’s feelings were that if you never let a man in, no man could ever hurt you.
This is foolproof logic, and, sure enough, Shelley wasn’t hurt by any men in her 40′s.
She also never fell in love.
Thankfully, she kept herself so busy that she never paid attention to her own loneliness. As long as Shelley kept moving – commuting to work, taking spa weekends at Canyon Ranch, trying out Zumba and ashtanga classes – she barely even noticed the gaping void in her life.
The lack of companionship.
The lack of laughter.
The lack of human touch.
It wasn’t until Shelley attended her own sister’s wedding that she allowed herself to admit that
Although she did have a rich, full,single life, she wasn’t actually happy.
She was lonely.
She knew, deep inside, that it was possible to find true love, and that she’d voluntarily cut herself off from it for years at a time.
And even though Shelley finally identified her desire to find a man, she still couldn’t shake one big issue: she really, really didn’t want to get hurt again.
Still, Shelley went through my coaching process. She got a new online dating profile and professional online dating photos. She learned how to write fun, flirty emails and manipulate men into playing by her rules. She discovered how to be a great first date and what men think about sex. She figured out how to date multiple men before choosing one to focus on…
By the time Shelley finished her coaching, she had a boyfriend, Dave.
Alas, this wasn’t the end of her story.
After six months with Dave, Shelley determined that he wasn’t the “one”. He was a nice enough man – a quiet and sweet scientist – but it didn’t feel right to continue to date him if she had no intention of marrying him.
After letting Dave down gently, Shelley took a few weeks to herself, and reactivated her dormant profile on JDate.
Using just one of our coaching principles from six months earlier, she went online every day for 20 minutes, and initiated contact with anew man each morning.
She rejected some men. She was rejected by others. She even got excited about a promising prospect that bailed after their fifth date.
Somehow, 5 months and 22 dates later, Shelley had a boyfriend.
One year afterwards, she was married – just in time for her Mom’s 80th birthday.
Shelley’s story demonstrates the most important dating coaching principle I’ve got – one that doesn’t rely on tricks or techniques or understanding the nuances of masculine and feminine energy.
Shelley learned the power of persistence.
You fall down, you get up.
You fail, you try again.
There literally is no other way.
Whether you like it or not, finding lasting love is extremely difficult.
If it were easy, it wouldn’t be precious and valuable.
If it were easy, you would already be in a great relationship right now.
And since you’ve fallen in love maybe three times in your entire life, what are the odds are that you’re going to fall in love in the next 30 days on Match.com?
That’s right. They’re really, really, low. Like, 1 in 1000 low.
But you know what makes them MUCH lower?
When you’re NOT on Match.com.
When you’re NOT meeting guys in real life.
When you’re NOT going on a first date with a new man each week.
This is why I want you to immediately embrace this concept:
You need to be a short-term pessimist AND a long-term optimist.
Now why would I ask you to be a short-term pessimist? Isn’t that negative?
No. It’s realistic.
And once you come to terms with how realistic it is, it won’t be as upsetting when it proves to be true.
If you’ve fallen in love 3 times in your life, you honestly can’t expect that the next random guy you meet will be “the one”.
If you generally think that 90% of men you meet aren’t attractive, you can’t expect that you’ll have incredible chemistry with your next date.
If you’ve dated for years and years and are still single, you can’t expect each new promising man to be the guy who sweeps you off your feet.
Which is why it’s so important to set your expectations realistically.
Realistically, you might have to date online for a year.
Realistically, you might have to go out with 30 men.
Realistically, you will meet guys who are weird, selfish or emotionally unavailable.
If this is all predictable – and it is – it shouldn’t be too upsetting.
You don’t start crying when it rains. It’s predictable.
You don’t go to therapy when there’s rush hour traffic. It’s predictable.
You don’t freak out when you don’t win the lottery. It’s predictable.
Starting now, you’re going to be perfectly fine with the ups and downs of dating.
Failure and frustration are built into the business model.
Babe Ruth struck out over 1,000 times while becoming a baseball icon.
Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times while inventing the light bulb.
The road to success is paved with failure.
And if you think of each new cute guy as your potential husband, of course it becomes debilitating when life proves you wrong every single time.
You need a new way to approach dating.
That’s what I’m offering: a new way.
A way that works.
And THIS is why you should also be a long-term optimist.
Because there are millions of men out there who are just like you -frustrated and confused and fed up with dating.
They’re asking the same questions you are about whether there’s any woman in the entire world who is cute, smart, fun, kind, nurturing and stable.
Of course, there is. He just hasn’t met you yet!
So if there are millions of good, frustrated single men and millions of good, frustrated single women, it’s just a matter of getting out there, connecting, and understanding the opposite sex.
The good news is that it happens fast – and that these results are guaranteed:
I promise that when you’re done coaching with me…
- You’re not going to push your guy away with fear and negativity. (Because you’ll learn to leave your past behind and create an exciting new future!)
- You’re not going to wonder why you didn’t get that second date. (Because you’ll be a consistently amazing first date!)
- You’re not going to misinterpret male communication. (Because you’ll learn what we’re really thinking from a man’s point of view!)
- And you’re definitely not going to waste time on the wrong men. (Because you’ll know that the right man treats you like gold – no exceptions!)
In other words, for the rest of your life, you will handle yourself PERFECTLY in every aspect of dating and relationships.
You will be calm.
You will be confident.
You will have perspective.
And, most importantly, you will get results.
As a dating coach who specializes in working with women like you, I will not let you fail. Together, we will maximize your efforts, minimize your mistakes, and remove all traces of negativity, confusion and frustration from your mindset.
Finally, unlike other coaches who give you facile pseudo-advice like “learn to love yourself” and “stay positive”…
I will actually TELL you specifically what you should be doing differently when you date and relate to men.
This is the essence of FOCUS Coaching.
FOCUS stands for Feminine, Optimistic, Confident, Understanding, Self-Aware.
I’ll admit, it’s a little cheesy, but it’s also 100% true.
You want to find love with an intelligent, successful,relationship-oriented man?
You can’t go wrong if you’re being feminine, optimistic, confident, understanding and self-aware. These are the qualities that men value in women, above all others.
And these are the qualities that will lead you to the relationship you desire.
"The Best Dating Investment I Ever Made"
I was a member of Evan’s FOCUS coaching for 2-3 months and I just wanted to let you know I'm now in a relationship with an amazing, loving and attentive man who communicates really well. We've been exclusive for about 3 weeks, yes, there is already talk of engagement, but we both agree we don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves and jump into anything too quickly. We're both going into this with our eyes open, and we communicate our needs and expectations and even our frustrations and disappointments so we don't bottle them up. If he's not "the one" I'd be surprised, but even if he's not, that just means there's someone EVEN BETTER suited to me out there.
Evan’s coaching and the support from the forum was so immensely valuable. It was definitely the best dating investment I ever made. And I met this one the DAY AFTER I was finally able to COMPLETELY and lovingly let go of a guy you told me wasn't the one for me MONTHS before... it took me a while to release that one. But once I did, it all came together. Because of FOCUS Coaching, I'm fully aware of the "halo effect" and we're doing out best to take it slower than our emotions would like to dictate. But it's good. It's stable. He's healthy and wonderful. Not perfect, and fully aware that I'm not perfect, either... but it's good and he's the best man I've ever had in my life, and he feels equally blessed to have me.
"I Think You May Have Just Helped Me Find Mr. Right"
I decided recently it was time to put myself in your hands and follow your advice.
I accepted a date from a guy I wasn't immediately attracted to, although he seemed nice enough and was good company. Well, your advice worked! Having dated a long list of "George Clooneys" based on their devilish good looks - and being disappointed because they treated me like crap, I have now found my Mr. Wonderful. He treats me like a queen, trust me - I've been looking for red flags - but they're just not there. He brings me flowers, he looks into my eyes and talks to me with a smile, I can call him anytime of the day or night and he will answer his phone (something I wasn't able to do with the last couple of guys), we laugh, have fun, share similar interests, and he is totally amazing. Oh.... and the attraction is a lot more than I could have imagined!
Thank you Evan. I think you may have just helped me find my Mr. Right :-)
"I Have Learned So Much That My Single Friends Ask ME For Dating Advice..."
I wanted to write to personally thank you. In the past six years of being single, I have grown so much, learned so much about relationships, and I owe a lot of that to you and what you write. I have learned so much that my single friends ask ME for dating advice (most of which are your words passed on). My favorite, "Do Nothing!"
In the spirit of doing nothing, I have a new boyfriend! I met him on Match (which I honestly wasn't sure was possible a few months ago).
I had been "dating" (I put dating in quotes because it was really just sex) someone, who after about three weeks, told me he loved me in one sentence, and in the next that he needed to be single. There was a ton of passion, but I knew this was going nowhere, so I sat there, pissed off, thinking, "what would I tell myself if I weren't me?" I wanted to tell him off, but I knew it wasn't worth it. Instead, I told myself to go on Match and create a new profile. So I immediately did just that! (It had been at least a year since I had been on there. ) Two days later I had an email, and two days after that, the first date, with my now boyfriend! This time was so different than it had been in the past: I just took things for face-value, didn't expect things, and did "nothing. " :) AND, I "lowered" my standards! (He's bald, heaven-forbid! lol)
So now, after almost six years of being single after a nasty divorce, I can proudly say I have a boyfriend. "Lowering" my standards, and doing "nothing" turned out to be the best things I have ever done. Today I called him, for the first time, to share some news, and while it was strange to be calling him, it was so nice to have a boyfriend to be able to share something with! I feel so good because I know I am with a good person, who appreciates me and treats me well! And yes, I love seeing my new status, "In a relationship," on the left side of my Facebook page!!;)
So thank you, for all your words of wisdom! They have helped make me very happy. :)
What makes FOCUS Coaching different is that it’s designed to be three things that most coaching programs are not: comprehensive, interactive, and affordable.
By comprehensive,I mean that the amount of information I’m giving you is designed to cover every single aspect of dating and relationships.
Each month, I’ll be answering your most pressing questions around a specific topic that has caused you an endless amount of pain and confusion.
Meeting men in real life.
Learning when to compromise.
Dealing with negativity of the past.
Being a great girlfriend.
…and dozens of other topics that will help you manifest the love of your life.
Every single month, I’ll cover another aspect of dating, top to bottom, and answer every question you have surrounding that topic.
No stone will be left unturned as I take you through the entire dating process, month by month: letting go of the past, dating proactively, staying motivated and confident, and choosing healthy relationships with men who treat you right.
And as opposed to other coaching programs where there are 45 minutes of lecturing and 15 minutes of Q&A, FOCUS Coaching is primarily about your questions.
I’ll begin every monthly call with an introduction to the topic – laying out my philosophies and talking points in the first 15 minutes for you to take notes.
Then, it’s YOUR time.
This gives you an unparalleled level of interaction- both with me and the other women in the group who are just like you.
No longer will you have to turn to your girlfriends to get their best guess on what guys are thinking.
No longer will you have to send in a question to my website and hope I answer it.
On each live Q&A call, I will be taking 5 questions and answering them in real time.
If you’ve struggled to find the motivation to resume dating because of a recent heartbreak, I’ll get you back in the game before you know it.
If you’ve been seeing a guy for six weeks and you can’t tell where it’s headed, I’ll let you know what to look out for.
If you’ve been with your boyfriend for two and a half years and you don’t know whether you should stay with him, I’ll give you my perspective.
My promise is you’ll learn something that will encourage you, enlighten you and empower you to create the relationship of your dreams.
The shift will be fast. The results will be obvious.
"This Is Growth And Self-improvement And It Feels Great To Just See How Far I’ve Come"
At 27 years old, I am young, I am extremely goal-oriented and busy, but I've known for a while that I want to make time in my life for love.
Before joining Evan's FOCUS program, I had actually already been receiving his newsletters and putting them into practice the best I could (like actually making time to date people, and putting in the required energy / minimal effort to have results.
However, with the FOCUS group, I found it valuable to have Evan answer some of my questions directly about some of the deeper / more specific issues that come up when practicing his advice. It was also great being supported by other women going through the same thing, especially with regard to dealing with that negative, pessimistic voice in your head, how to deal with "texters" and concerns about pacing.
I'm happy to say that I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months and we became exclusive 2 months ago. Things have been going really well - we've managed our first disagreements positively and they actually brought us closer together, we're in love and making (reasonable) plans (for this stage of our relationship).
We are very honest with each other, but compassionately and without judgment, in the spirit of feeling more free together. I know all the details of his past girlfriends, sexcapades etc and my reaction to all of it was genuine amusement and curiosity. He was surprised that I wasn’t judgmental or jealous and that I actually accept him and am grateful for all those experiences that have shaped the wonderful, thoughtful, committed, sexually astute man that he is today.
My boyfriend loves a lot of things about me, but being more understanding, “not crying wolf” about petty issues like Evan’s wife so wisely advised, and accepting him for who he is, as well as sticking to my values / principles (this part has never really been an issue for me, but there are men who will commit to you before you sleep with them, even if they never committed that 'early' in the past! :) are all things that really set me apart from all his previous girlfriends and makes him feel a really special intimacy that he has not felt before.
These are all aspects of myself that I have worked on a lot over the last couple years with the help of the advice of people like Evan and his FOCUS program. The best part is how these changes in my attitude and world view truly feel part of my best self -I mean them! This is growth and self-improvement and it feels great to just see how far I’ve come.
So take all Evan’s advice to heart and resist the urge to become defensive -that is just your scared ego not allowing you the chance to be truly fulfilled in love and you deserve better -the world will also benefit more generally when the better part of yourself really shines!
Remember when I told you that all this would be affordable? I meant it. I really want to give you all the tools you need to find love – at a price that works for you.
So what would it be worth to you if I could give you power and control over your own romantic destiny?
What would it be worth to you:
- If you were the feminine energy to his masculine energy
- If you were optimistic about dating and online dating
- If you were confident about always getting a second date
- If you understood what men thought about sex and commitment
- AND if you were self-aware about choosing a healthy partner who shares your long-term goals and values?
What would it be worth if you were the woman that EVERY man wants to marry?
Because that’s what you get from FOCUS Coaching for an outrageously low price.
My one-on-one clients invest $7775 for my 12-week Commitment Course.
My Inner Circle members invest $497/month to get their questions answered in a small-group environment three times a month.
So when I was thinking what the price should be to answer all your most pressing dating questions, my first thought was that it should be$197/month.
Then again, if my mission is to create millions of successful relationships for women, I had to recognize that even $197/month would restrict the number of you who could access my revolutionary FOCUS Coaching program.
Which is why I’ve decided, after much deliberation, to offer you everything I know – dozens of hours of straight-talk, personal attention, and insights – for only…
That’ s right.
I charge $500/hour for an hour for private dating coaching.
You’re getting an hour with me every month for LESS THAN ONE FIFTH the cost.
Look at everything that’s included with your FOCUS Membership…
1) A CD of each month’s FOCUS Coaching Call – Value: $97
The live calls are on the 2nd Tuesday of every month. If you miss a live call, you can listen to the replay on the member site the next day, or wait for the CD to ship. In other words, you won’t “miss” anything.
This means if you want to sit back and listen to each session without feeling the need to take notes on every single perspective-changing metaphor, you’ll be getting instant digital access to the replay AND a physical CD sent directly to your doorstep, so you can listen to the coaching call again at your leisure.
Every golden nugget, every positive message, every “aha moment” will be yours in crystal-clear MP3 audio, just for joining the program.
2) FOCUS Coaching Exclusive Member Forum – Value: $47
After years of coaching women, I know how difficult it is to bear the weight of your single life all alone.
Your family doesn’t get it. Your friends are married. Your single girlfriends are often single for a reason.
Who are you going to trust to support and guide you with relationship advice that works? Well, I can think of no greater resource than the community of women who have been reading my blogs, newsletters and eBooks for years.
When you become a part of the FOCUS Coaching Program, you not only have the ability to ask me your most important dating questions, but you have access to hundreds of other women who are going through the same frustrations at the same time. Better yet, ALL of them understand the importance of being feminine, optimistic, confident, understanding and self-aware.
Which means that when you post a question or a discussion topic on your private member forum, you will only receive replies from women who really “get it”.
Not to mention that I’ll be regularly contributing to the forum each week for a more sustained level of personal interaction with you.
3) FOCUS Newsletter and Binder – Value: $37
I’m well aware that not everyone learns in the same fashion. So if listening to alive call and receiving a CD that you can burn onto your iPod doesn’t do the trick, I’m going to send you a very handsome and professional three-ring binder.
In it, you’ll be able to put my monthly FOCUS newsletter, recapping the highlights of that month’s call and providing extra written content for you to archive.
That way, when something comes up in your love life that pertains to one of our FOCUS topics, you’ll know immediately where to turn for assistance about meeting men in real life, learning to compromise, or commitment.
Plus, you’ll be given a sleeve to organize all of your FOCUS CDs in one, neat package.
Plus, if you act now, you’ll be able to take advantage of a very special bonus:
BONUS! – Why He Disappeared eBook/audio – Value: $27
My e-Book, “Why He Disappeared” provides an insider’s view of the entire dating process. For the first time, you will observe your own behavior during dates, courtship, and relationships from a man’s perspective.
Finally, you’ll understand what’s been getting in your way these many years, and how close you already are to being the woman of an incredible man’s dreams.
- You’ll be able to tell within a couple of weeks if a man is serious about you. And if he isn’t, you’ll just be able to walk away, with your confidence sky-high because you’ll know exactly what went wrong and that it wasn’t your fault.
- You’ll finally know the 3 secrets of what effective women do with men to make them never want to leave.
- You’ll feel amazing because you’ll be able to cut off all of the men who are only interested in you casually, and focus exclusively on the men who have long-term interest in you.
- You’ll be able to learn how to make the kind of man that makes you feel weak in the knees want to commit to you, so you can experience the incredible feeling of having the RIGHT man want YOU for a change.
- You’ll be able to trust a man and get rid of that cloud of confusion and anxiety that often comes with dating. You’ll never again wonder why he does what he does, when he’s going to call, or what you should do differently. You’ll know, deep inside, that whatever you’re doing, it’s the right thing.
With the information and insights you’ll learn in my e-Book, “Why He Disappeared,” you’ll be able to completely change your experience with men and dating.
You’ll know how to effortlessly move a man toward a more secure relationship.
You’ll feel better, date smarter, and experience the kind of confidence and happiness you’ve always dreamed of.
That’s a LOT of stuff, designed to instantly eradicate all traces of “bad man syndrome”, “why bother” syndrome, and “not again” syndrome.
Special Members Discount For All Of My Products – 20% Off!
- Finding The One Online (either the physical or digital version)
- E-Cyrano Profile Writing Service
So let’s recap what you get when you join my FOCUS Coaching Program:
- Monthly Live FOCUS Coaching Call with Interactive Q&A -Each month, we’re going to cover one topic about dating and relationships and answer YOUR most pressing questions about it. Soon, you’ll make the right dating decision in every circumstance, without further coaching! $500 Value!
- CD of your Live FOCUS Coaching Call – to read, to download,to absorb and internalize your permanent understanding of how men think. $97 Value!
- Membership in my FOCUS Coaching Forum – where you can get support from other smart, strong, successful women going through the exact same dating dilemmas as you. Tap into the collective wisdom of the most amazing community of women anywhere. $47Value!
- FOCUS Newsletter and Binder – to recap and archive your knowledge surrounding each month’s relationship topic. Easy access to everything you need to know about men, in one place, forever. $37 Value!
- Why He Disappeared eBook and Audio – my signature product,which explains everything you’ve always wanted to know about the male take on dating and relationships. $27Value!
- PLUS an exclusive 20% discount on my other products!
Total Value – $708.00
While it’s clear that $97/month for FOCUS Coaching is a very reasonable price for $708 of value, I acknowledge that it still may be cost-prohibitive, given the state of the economy.
So let me ask you:
What do you think is a fair price for confidence and piece of mind?
What do you think is a fair price for understanding men?
What do you think is a fair price for a love that transforms you forever?
My clients invest $7775 to privately access this material.
FOCUS Coaching is valued at $708/month.
And instead of asking you for $497/month…
I’ve decided that FOCUS Coaching can be yours for a jaw-dropping price of:
That’s right. You can have dinner at the Olive Garden or you can attract a life partner. What’s it gonna be?
This sounds amazing, Evan, but
what kind of commitment is FOCUS Coaching?
With your subscription to FOCUS Coaching, you’re not locked into any commitment beyond your low monthly coaching fee.
Register, join me in my FOCUS Community, and learn something valuable every single month. If you choose not to continue on the path to healthy relationships, just let me know before I announce the next month’s dial-in information on the 1st of the month and I’ll cancel your billing immediately.
You get to keep:
- Why He Disappeared
- Your FOCUS Coaching binder
- And any CDs and newsletters I’ve sent to you during your FOCUS Coaching
That’s right, you can cancel at any time after the first month. It’s a monthly subscription with no long term commitment. As long as you’re learning, you stay. If you stop learning, you can quit.
Why am I doing this? Because I know once you join me for FOCUS Coaching you won’t want to leave. I am that confident I can help you find a happy, healthy relationship.
I can’t state strongly enough what a difference FOCUS Coaching will make for you.
Just by giving me ONE HOUR a month to solve your biggest dating and relationship dilemmas, you can save yourself YEARS of wasting your time on the wrong men.
By letting go of your past, staying active in the present, and making decisions that are consistent with your future goals, you immediately put yourself on a path to the kind of true love that your friends will envy.
To give you the most information at the greatest value, I have made FOCUS Coaching comprehensive, tackling anew facet of dating every month, interactive, answering your personal questions on our monthly calls and in the member forum; and affordable, with a monthly price costing less than a tank of gas.
Please know that I can’t promise you a boyfriend in a month. That’s not how dating coaching works.
But I will help you understand men immediately.
I will give you confidence immediately.
I will give you motivation immediately.
I will prevent you from choosing the wrong guys immediately.
And while love takes time, I expect that if you listen to my monthly calls, read “Why He Disappeared”, engage me in my member forum and read the newsletter recaps regularly, one of these days, a few months down the line, I’ll get an email from you that says, “Guess what, Evan? You were right! I found him!”
Emails that sound a lot like this:
"I Realized I Didn't Know the First Thing About Being In A Healthy, Loving Relationship"
I was going through a divorce from a VERY abusive and controlling man. I was 35, divorced, had 3 little children, ready to reclaim my life and realized that since I'd been in a bad, loveless relationship for so long, I didn't know the first thing about being in a healthy, loving relationship. I wanted to find out what that looked like, what to expect while dating and just generally how to conduct myself.
From listening to you, I learned I needed to put aside my preconceived notions of what my ideal guy was like and give real guys a chance (you would think I would've known this since my ex was the stereotypical tall, dark and handsome man that ended up being really self centered and a huge mama's boy). In addition, I learned that it was okay to approach dating with a strategy, that it wasn't manipulative to do so and that being yourself meant that you could be your best self. Wow, that kind of gave me permission to go out there and enjoy myself! Another important lesson I got was that it was okay to be a cool girl and to give men a break. I also really appreciated your very commonsensical view on dating, it was like a breath of fresh air; you're like the big brother I never had :-).
Well, I decided to give a guy from my previous job a chance. He was a little nerdy, smaller in stature and shorter than what I was used to, but taller than me. He was very handsome, fit, successful and great at what he did, but not your typical alpha male. I had invited him for my birthday party right before I left my old job and he came. He was so much fun, he played the games I'd set up, helped me BBQ and set up my party and invited me out to dinner as a birthday present. He was a guy that ordinarily I would have politely given an excuse not to go to dinner with, but something about what you said about giving a different type of guy a chance resonated with me and I decided to go to dinner with him.
One thing led to the other, we went on many more dates, I played it cool, asked him one time early in the relationship what he wanted out of dating and just relaxed and enjoyed the moment and every single date I was on. I particularly found useful after the first couple of dates your lessons on mirroring and reciprocating. I let him text and call me first, even though the texts were few and far between initially. I didn't get upset when he didn't call when he said he would, I answered the phone in a happy voice each time he did end up calling.
I never discussed our relationship early on and really lived in the moment, which was very, very new to me. With my last relationship, I was always focused on the future, anxious and stressed out.
We've been dating for 10 months now and things are FABULOUS! He calls me everyday! Says he really enjoys my company, goes out of his way to do nice things for me. Is monogamous and expects the same from me! I'm with a guy that is 9 years older than me, but treats me like an equal. He's funny, wicked smart, kind, laid back and a TOTAL gentleman. I feel very fortunate that I gave him a chance and that he's in my life. The best part is that there is NO DRAMA!
Now, I feel like I'm in control of my love life and that it was not in control of me, and that is a very good feeling. I'm VERY happy with myself and my relationship. I'm able to relax and not stress about the future, I'm enjoying the here and now and its SOO much FUN! My boyfriend has mentioned on a few occasions that he can't believe we haven't had one argument or disagreement. I'm so proud of myself, and I owe it all to you.
Thank you, Evan.
"The Guy I Thought I Was Madly In Love With Was Just Using Me Until He Found Someone Better"
Thanks to you, I learned that the guy I thought I was madly in love with was just using me until he found someone better. So I did as you said and stopped returning his texts and phone calls and signed up for eHarmony for six months. Then I read one of your newsletters that spoke about how I needed to re-think the kind of guy I was looking for. I always looked for guys that were thin and outdoorsmen. Along comes Palmer who very intelligent, fun to be with and willing to try any sport that I throw out for suggestion - he just happens to be overweight.
Long story short, we have been dating for 8 months and things are progressing well. He has been divorced for 5 years with 5 kids (3 are older and moved out of the house and 2 are 11 and 14) and they are great kids. We are all going to Maui next month for his oldest daughter's destination wedding. Palmer truly loves me and treats me great!
So my advice would be (as you suggested) to give the guy that doesn't fit your "image" of what you want in a man the chance to prove he might have what you need for a satisfying relationship. I am a firm believer in dating at least 4 seasons and we are already in our 3rd season of love. We have discussed marriage and will revisit the idea this October.
Keep sending your wonderful advice as I will continue to read your weekly updates.
"Evan Rocks As a Dating Coach, and If He Can Change My Life, I Promise: He Can Change Yours, Too!"
Listening to you, Evan, is as though the heavens opened up and God himself gave this advice. It has resonated in my soul ever since. I'm not sure if it was minutes or hours (o.k. maybe a couple of days) after this insight before everything came together.
I had been hyper-focused on a man I was attracted to who took me out once, didn't kiss me good-night and I never heard from him again. Yeah, initially the realization that he just wasn't interested kind of stung . . . but what a relief to just let go of the wondering and frustration. I "did nothing." And then (again was it minutes, hours, a day or two?) I suddenly saw what was right in front of me all along. A man I've known at work for a couple of years asked me to lunch. I must have looked like a deer in headlights I was so caught off guard.
Once again, Evan, your advice totally hit the nail on the head. I have just watched and observed (and yes mirrored) and this man has shown me exactly who he is and has guided me into a really solid, happy, relationship. He stepped up, set the pacing (a little slower than I'm used to but it's so nice because I have gotten to know him and enjoy him and feel very safe when I'm with him) and has shown himself to be one stellar guy - a much higher caliber of man on every level than the one I was obsessing about - but it never even crossed my mind that he was even in "my realm." (Again, your advice of looking outside of usual "type" at play here). It's been easy and natural with no drama or frustration.
Thank you for the best advice I've ever gotten. I sent a copy of your blog to my daughter because I am so amazed at how effective it is. Next I'm buying her your book.
Thanks to Evan, I finally feel like I'm exactly where I want to be in life. The future is wide open and bright, and I found a rare gem to cherish. I thank Evan for his advice and insight, his reading recommendations, and his encouragement through this process. Evan rocks as a dating coach, and if he can change my life, I promise: he can change yours, too!"
Your advice works quickly, simply and perfectly - with no effort at all. You're awesome. Of course I am a huge fan of yours now and I highly recommend your materials. Best advice ever! Just warn your readers they can expect miracles (in minutes, hours, or maybe a couple of days).
The choice is yours, but I’ll tell you, frankly: there’s not much of a choice.
You started reading this because you were intrigued that I told you that “men suck.”
And yes, I’m sure you have lots of evidence to support that theory.
You’ve had men blow you off after only a first date without giving you a chance.
You’ve had men who seemed really excited about you suddenly say after a few months,”Sorry, I can’t do this.”
You’ve had attractive, intelligent, and successful men who would sleep with you but would never commit to being your boyfriend.
You’ve had men who were long term boyfriends who never wanted to marry you.
And you are completely sick and tired of it.
Tired of being the friend who shows up alone to weddings.
Tired of dating online and being contacted only by the “wrong” guys.
Tired of having your hopes dashed once a year by that rare, promising man who makes you light up inside before disappearing like all the others.
Not only are you tired of it, you’re confused.
Because some small part of you can’t help but wonder why this keeps happening: why you attract the wrong men, why the right ones never stick around, and what you could possibly do differently.
You’ve now read nine unsolicited success stories from women who were in the same position as you, took my advice, and turned their love lives around.
There’s only one thing left to do:
Join me for FOCUS Coaching.
Give me an hour a month to answer your burning dating questions.
Learn to understand the behaviors of men for the rest of your life.
Become more feminine, optimistic, confident, understanding and self-aware.
Attract a man who is inspired by you and wants to lock you in for the rest of his life.
Click below to get started.
Pretty soon, the next time you hear some woman say, “men suck”, you’ll have the same reaction as the rest of my happy clients:
“I used to think that way, but then I met the man of my dreams…”
Considering that all of the women on this page listened to my advice, became long-term optimists, and soon found love, what are you waiting for?
Register now and I’ll see you in class next month.
Thanks for your time and your trust in this most important endeavor.
I can’t wait to share YOUR success story to inspire other women like you…
Warmest wishes and much love,
"It's the friggin' Holy Grail of dating"
Evan, your advice about understanding men is always:
I'm sure you think it's obvious, but for me, it's the friggin' Holy Grail of dating. I would have given up a pair of Prada shoes for that intel, and you gave it for free. Thank you!
Along these lines of obvious-to-you/clueless-for-us, it might be helpful for women to know that the script you outlined was not a random one in a million creative musing from Evan. Rather, it is an odds-on EXPECTED scenario of any man.
What we as women do, is partially listen to your brilliant intel, but mostly, emotionally, find self-concocted EXCEPTIONS that will make "our guy" uniquely different and an EXCLUSION (he's been scared, damaged, he's famous, busy, out of work, wealthy, poor, hasn't met me, didn't bond with mommy, needs love and patience, blah, blah, blah...all crap so that we don't have to listen and wake up out of our fairy tale coma).
After we beat our head and hearts for years, we can finally see that... EVAN IS HONEST, WE'RE JUST NOT LISTENING.
I finally gave up and said to myself, let's try it Evan's way. It scarily worked lightning fast. I have a guy who is adhering to your script verbatim and calling me for dates, texting, calling me every night, and is so giddy that he shared this morning that he wished he could put me between two slices of bread and eat me like a sandwich he was so happy (okay, maybe you would have had to be there) and he said his best friend asked, "do I get to be your best man?"
Thank you for all you do Evan and preserve, please, despite the pummeling we women might give you on our way to accepting the truth. :)
"I Realized I Didn't Know the First Thing About Being In A Healthy, Loving Relationship"
I am generally not one to share a personal story in an online forum, but I do want you to know that your advice worked for me!
I am a very attractive, physically fit, successful and talented 55 year old woman who obviously had no idea how to go about finding a man who was a "keeper" since I have been divorced now for more years than I will share. I have tried matchmaking services, getting set up by friends, going to bars, and online dating. I don't even remember how I found your website, but I subscribe to your newsletter via email, bought your book "Why He Disappeared" and I even bought your book "Why You're Still Single".
After a while (I'm a little stubborn), I came to accept the fact that I needed to make some changes if I was ever going to find someone. I realized that the first thing I needed to do was to stop trying to impress a man with my "workplace skills". So, I re-did my online profile - taking out all of my "accomplishments" in the introductory remarks. I asked my 18-year-old daughter to take some pictures of me. She had already told me that the "business" photos were dull and that I needed some fun pictures. So, I let her suggest poses and posted the pictures she took. Once I made those changes, I started getting lots and lots of responses to my profile.
Initially I fell for a handsome, charming, very well-off, distinguished gentleman a few years older than me who lived in another state over a thousand miles away. He is a retired executive from a major corporation and I was "wowed" by him even before I met him in person. He has been divorced since the 80s --- but with my newfound skills (a la Evan), I thought I would be "the one" - especially since he gracefully respected my wishes about us not sleeping together when we met. He continued to be very charming - he talked about our taking trips together in the future, what our life would be like when we got together, and he even talked about a timeline for him moving down here. I really liked him (or so I thought) yet found myself being careful to say just the right things - and was more than just a little nervous about him finding out anything about me I thought he might find less than desirable.
Although he continued to be extremely charming, his emails, text messages and phone calls decreased in frequency, and what he did NOT do was ask me to be his girlfriend, have any discussions about exclusivity, or taking down our profiles, nor did he follow through with any of the plans for our being together. Although I continued to correspond with him and was very, very hopeful that this would change, I followed your advice, remained online and continued to date. I practiced the skills from your book on my dates and didn't take it personally when things didn't work out.
Recently, I met a 54-year-old man online (here in town) who is handsome, physically fit, smart, extremely kind, funny, attentive and likes to do some of the same things I like to do. He is not an executive (my usual type), but is a police officer nearing retirement who makes less money than I do. Initially it made me a little uncomfortable that he seemed to be so into me right away, and was talking very early on about how he was looking for a monogamous relationship and would take his profile down. Reading your blogs kept me focused on how ridiculous it was for me to be uncomfortable with this!!!
I continued to go out with him because he puts me at ease and is so easy to talk to.
He's thoughtful (bought me a case for my Blackberry on date #2 because he noticed on date #1 that I didn't have a case).
We have a great time when we're together and laugh a lot.
He accepts me just like I am - he says I'm bossy - and actually laughs about it!
A couple of days ago, I confessed that I tend to spend too much money on things I don't really need.
Despite that confession (which I consider to be a big flaw), today he asked to be his girlfriend - exclusively. And, of course I said yes! I feel like I'm in the 8th grade!
I just want to say that thanks to you I am in a relationship where I know where I stand, have not had to "do" anything to impress him and am not nervous or anxious about the relationship -- and it's a wonderful feeling!!
Something you said in one of your blogs is so true: The perfect man's most important quality is that he loves you unconditionally and his second most important quality is everything else.
"...The Best Decision I Ever Made"
I had a lot of healing to do due to a broken engagement, and then I started dating again. I did exactly that - looked for the tall, dark and handsome smart man. I met some really great guys. But... They just were not "the one". Then I met James. He was so sweet, a bit aloof but it was the shy kind. However, he'd do anything for me. He wasn't the most handsome thing ever, and he did have a bit of a gut (firefighter belly, hehe)... So of course, because all I could think at the time was "I deserve THE BEST!"... I wasn't too sure of him.
As time went on, I kind of saw other guys, but James stayed. Finally... after meeting tall, dark and handsome jerks, it dawned on me:
A) I don't want a relationship like my parents had (since children tend to model their parents' relationships).
B) I wanted a dependable man... And that never meant he had to be the best looking candidate.
What the hell was I doing? Here's James, who is in the same field as me (medical), similar caliber, and has never left my side... Even gone as far as pick me up when I'm abandoned somewhere? He wasn't declaring his love or kissing my ass (sorry!), but he was quietly dependable.
That's when I finally accepted him into my life. When I asked him how long did he know, and he explained "long before I met you." He had been picky himself with women but when he knew, he knew.
He's really the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. When I had to do a training for a class, I had restrictive eating... And guess who did it with me so I had support? James. He even learned how to set up aquarium tanks and he made a tank stand from scratch for me for Christmas... It wasn't the material part that made me fall, but how dedicated he is to just get to know what I like. There's so much more I could talk about, but he is the best decision I ever made. The only regret I have is not getting with him sooner but it gave me a chance to see what is important and what isn't, so I guess regret isn't all that bad.
Thanks for all your help. All the best, always,
"15 Months Later We Are Still Together"
I met my boyfriend over the phone because I'd been asked by a mutual friend to call him and give him a message from her. I wasn't thinking of anything but passing on a message but when he called me back, we talked for nearly 3 hours about life, love and general stuff. I was being "me" and you are absolutely right-I wasn't looking for a husband or even a boyfriend, which led him to being himself with me.
When the mutual friend told me that he was interested, I kept an open mind and encouraged his contacts... 15 months later, we are still together, so yes... having the philosophy of just having fun getting to know a man really does work. Living in the present and not worrying about the future or trying to control the outcome is also a biggie in my book.
Thank you for the great advice you give women all over the planet. You definitely have a big fan in me."
"Your Advice is the Most Realistic, Insightful and Accurate For Anyone Looking to Find that Special Relationship"
I have wanted to send you an email for sometime now, I am finally ready to do it.
Two and half years ago at the age of 48-years old, I entered the dating world after my 20-year marriage ended and a bitter divorce on the horizon. I also entered the world of single motherhood with 2 teen daughters at home. But I wanted male companionship and good conversation. I considered myself mildly attractive for my age.
I just want to say that I followed all your advice to the letter and I found the most wonderful boyfriend any woman could want. We have been dating for over 2 years and are very committed to each other. I realize now that I had never experienced real love between a man and woman until I met Daniel, began dating him, and with time, we fell into a love that is so satisfying, fulfilling, and without any drama.
Here is some your advice I took to heart:
- Signed up for online dating
- Stayed positive
- Mirrored him
- I never called him; I do now though. ;-)
- Always responded promptly and politely to his calls or emails for dates
- I did not tell him when I took my down my profile and I did not check up on his profile
- Never had the ''the talk.'' (Although we did much, much later at his request.)
- Maintained my own independent life with friends, family, church, civic associations...
- Only discussed my ex when he asked about the situation
- Focused on him and his needs and in return I had my needs met generously
- I did not ever try to change him
Evan, your advice is the most realistic, insightful and accurate for anyone looking to find that special relationship. I didn't give up on myself and I found love.
Thank you so much, Evan. I wish you all the happiness one man can have. Your reach is far beyond just your private clients.
Happily in love with a bright future...
"It Has Been A Very Wonderful Experience Being Part Of FOCUS Coaching"
It has been a very wonderful experience being part of FOCUS Coaching. I received all newsletters and CDs sent to me in good condition and I was able to listen to the phone sessions after the programme. I was able to write my own profile and i got very many emails and requests for dates. I have made many friends. I have learnt a lot and my life has changed. I have met the man of my dreams and we are about to get married. When that happens I will send you a photo and tell you details of how each of the CDs helped me to change.I am a changed person, taking charge of my life. It has been fun and sometimes hard work.
Thank you, Evan, for the wonderful insights.
"I Feel Like I Have A Better Understanding Of What I Want, What I Need And What I Will Accept."
I was a private client of Evan's before joining FOCUS Coaching. In that time, he taught me a lot about online dating and even more about men, and I embarked on a 10-month relationship. When that ended, I needed a venue to express my frustrations and learn from other women's experiences. Enter FOCUS Coaching.
I feel like I have a better understanding of what I want, what I need and what I will accept. I also learned to appreciate the journey as much as the hoped-for ending. I resubscribed to Match soon after my relationship ended and I am happy to say that I met another man several months ago with whom I have become exclusive.
I have a friend who signed up with a matchmaking service a few years ago. I know she spent a LOT more money than I did and has not met one man she wanted to see again. She said she didn't think the dating service listened to her wants or needs at all. Working with Evan is different. I learned that if you are going to invest a money in your love life to find a partner, invest it in yourself. Your money will never be wasted!
"Thank you Evan for your training. In less than one year, I met my fiancé online!"
After being married for 13 years, I was ready to jump back into the dating scene, and I knew I wanted to use online dating to meet the man of my dreams. So, I decided to do some research on “online dating best practices” and stumbled upon Evan. It had been a long time since I’d dated, and Evan’s tips about getting started online helped me go into the whole process with the right mindset and attitude.
My main goals were to determine the type of man I wanted to be with, who would be a right fit for me. In my past relationships, I’d always led with my heart first, and ended up being disappointed. This time, I wanted to make better choices so I could find long term happiness with a partner who was a good fit for me…not just someone I was physically attracted to.
My second goal centered around learning how to communicate and express my needs without making the man wrong. How can I set and keep boundaries without being a bitch? And, what are good boundaries anyway?
I learned so much from Evan’s training and FOCUS Coaching. How to set boundaries and enforce them in a loving way. How to mirror a man’s actions. How to lean back and let the man lead and not over-perform in the relationship. How to recognize the signals that I’ve got an unmet need within myself, then form the words to express that need to my boyfriend. How to stop thinking so much and just have fun.
The result of all this is, in less than one year, I met my fiancé online. I was passionate about meeting someone who respected me, honored me, and really loved me…just for me. And, I wanted to feel the same about him. I’m thrilled to say that I found that man.
Thank you Evan for your training. I’ve used my new communication tools not only to create a fantastic relationship with my man, but it’s also improved my relationship with my daughter, family, friends, and co-workers.
"Evan answered my question on one of the calls and it was the best coaching ever."
Before I began FOCUS coaching I was feeling very alone in the dating process. I knew what I was doing wasn’t working. I was treating going on dates as if it were a business meeting and thought men should like me just because I am this strong, powerful, and successful woman. On some level I knew that I lacked being feminine, intimate, sexy, and easygoing. I was under the wrong impression thinking those qualities made me look weak. Boy, was I wrong!!
I wanted to understand how other women were getting all the online dates and I was not. I wanted to understand how I could be different in my online profile, and with initial phone conversations. I wondered what 40+ year-old men thought about and who better to hear it from but a male dating coach!
Evan answered a question of mine on one of the monthly calls and it was the best coaching ever. I changed my thinking and behaviors towards men and began to realize they were just as scared sometimes as I was on the initial date. I’ve chosen to be cherished and allow myself to know that I was worthy of love. Now, I feel like when I go with the flow and stop trying to control any given situation, things fall into place. It’s so exhilarating!
I met my boyfriend of 7 months ago. Each day I get to know more and more about myself and learn who I need to be in this relationship. I knew that he was an awesome man through his actions. I was never left guessing or needing information. He was expressive in his communication and let me know he liked me as soon as the first date was over. I felt amazing. When I let go of my old beliefs about who I thought I was and or how I thought I was being perceived, life changed for me. It was not only the different, risky and uncomfortable actions that I took but the person I embraced and knew myself to be; a beautiful, sensual, tender loving woman.
"Hang in there if you are feeling despair – if this 60 year old English professor can find love, I suspect you can too!"
Thank you! I have been dating Mr. M. for 7 months now. I think it’s a solid relationship with great possibilities for a future together. I feel heard, safe and loved. I can be myself (sometimes silly and sometimes stuffy *sigh*) and he doesn’t care. He can do the same!
When I started FOCUS Coaching, I was at an all time low. At 59 and 20 years single (no relationship longer than 1 yr) and zero dates on either of the sites I was on, I decided to invest in myself and join the forum. I had read ALL of Evan’s books, and they are terrific, but getting feedback from other women and reading their experiences was invaluable. And so was reading success stories, since I had all but given up hope of finding a decent man.
I needed to learn how to sit back, observe and (my favorite take away) dish out mulligans when it was obvious that the intent was not calculated or malicious (usually just dumb :-)) I’ve been too quick to judge in the past.
Now, I communicate, trust my gut, let Robert be the man in the relationship (I am a fairly dominant woman) and tap into my feminine side (which has been so much fun!) I know so much more about men and how they think, and because I have a man in my life who is worth my time and effort, I have a confidence in myself that I never had before, too.
Hang in there if you are feeling despair–if this now-60 year old English professor can find love, I suspect you can too!
"Evan, you’re amazing. You’re changing a little corner of the world in a very special way."
Before FOCUS Coaching I was feeling pretty hopeless about men and the online dating scene. I was 51 at the time I joined and already had a profile and great photos that I got through e-Cyrano. I was going on a lot of dates but I felt like the princess and the pea. Most of the guys didn’t fit my narrow definition of what the right guy would look like. The ones who seemed to be “right” never panned out for one reason or another. I think my biggest problem was that I wasn’t acknowledging that I was the common denominator in my lack of success.
I was ruling out men who showed interest in me based on superficial criteria. I didn’t get that the most important qualities I was looking for were not necessarily visible in an online profile. Last summer I read Lori Gottlieb’s book and it was a real eye opener. Both Evan and Lori helped me realize that my behavior needed to change because I couldn’t change men. I loved it when Evan said that the geeky guy at work has a crush on me because I act like myself at work.
So my life has done a 180 in the past few months. I’m dating the perfect guy for me – Dan. We hit it off really well and became exclusive very quickly. He’s very sincere and crazy about me. It took me a little longer to fall for him, but I had a feeling that would happen naturally as time went on. He said he was very attracted to me physically, but he very much was attracted to my intelligence. He’s the perfect boyfriend. We can talk about anything and it’s very easy to bring up uncomfortable topics, like why I wanted to move more slowly than he did sexually. He’s a great listener and I love his sense of humor. I’ve already met several of his friends and he talks about our future all of the time.
The thing that I most love about Dan is that I can be myself around him. At 52 years old, I’ve never felt that way with any man I’ve dated. He recently told me that before contacting me on OK Cupid, he saw that I have two Yorkies. He quickly posted a picture of a Yorkie he used to have to get my attention. It worked. I was charmed by his adorable Yorkie who had the same face as one of mine.
Evan, you’re amazing. You’re changing a little corner of the world in a very special way. As luck would have it, I found you over three years ago through my hairdresser of all people. I believe that it’s just a matter of time before all of you beautiful women on here find someone special.
Don’t give up!
"We are currently discussing a serious future together and I couldn’t be happier."
This is so hard to write. But I need to. No actually, I have to.
You see, I’ve met someone else. And I really like him. He’s a spectacular, amazing, wonderful man. And things are going really great!
So Evan, although it’s been fun, we’re gonna need to part ways. No one likes it when things have to end. But sometimes it’s for the best.
OK, in all seriousness, I need to extend you a big ‘ol THANKS! Truth is, I have met someone. About 8 months ago. Interestingly enough, when we first met on Match.com, I was still repeating patterns of dating “Mr. Emotionally Unavailable,” you know, the guy who never really wants a relationship but still wants all the benefits of one. I played along for quick some time because like most women in that situation, I always thought he’d change his mind.
Ha, if I knew then what I know now.
I’ve been a subscriber of your newsletters for a couple of years. So when you started FOCUS Coaching, of course I signed up. And the dating rehab ensued! It was about this time I met my now awesome and wonderful boyfriend.
Unlike my other ‘relationships,’ things progressed slowly. I was a little uncertain at first because this was a whole new ballgame for me. Dating a nice guy who means what he says, says what he means and ALWAYS backed it all up with action, was foreign territory for me. Plus, I wasn’t feeling that spark I was certain had to be there upon first meeting. So I wasn’t quite sure this was going to work out. I stuck with it though because I kept thinking about what you said in regards to REALLY paying attention to a man’s behavior — “he makes an effort to always see you, treats you well and w/respect, makes you a priority in his life, etc. and continues to do so CONSISTENTLY, well then guess what, you’ve got a man who wants a relationship with you.”
I mean isn’t this what I’ve always wanted? OF COURSE IT IS!!!
Breaking patterns is hard. And I recognize that change is by choice. I consciously made a choice to break my unhealthy dating patterns. And with your guidance, I am now in a healthy relationship with a wonderful, magnificent, generous, compassionate, beautiful, NICE man who is the love of my life and truly my best friend. We are currently discussing a serious future together and I couldn’t be happier.
Ah, so THIS is what a healthy and committed relationship feels like.
I still need to break up with you though. With that said, please cancel my FOCUS Coaching membership.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but this is the happiest parting I’ve ever had with someone. Tee hee.
Thanks for everything Evan.
"Because I can now understand and interpret male behavior, I can relax and not worry about what he is thinking."
I’ve been in the FOCUS Community for a few months, and have listened to the 3 most popular FOCUS calls, a few times each – awesome! It’s helped me to understand that committed men want to show us women that they want to make us happy, it’s only up to us to allow them to do so, and appreciate rather than sabotage their efforts.
I was contacted by man who I probably wouldn’t have wanted to contact — he lives 2 hours+ away, didn’t really appeal to me in photos, although he was an excellent communicator. We wrote a lot of online messages, very long and thoughtful ones, and they intrigued me. On our first date, I wasn’t terribly physically attracted to him (voice, mannerisms, something), but we had exchanged some thought provoking emails. But he…
- was very open about enjoying my company and asked for another date before date one was over.
- continued regular, daily emails or other communication, including phone call. In our written communication and even phone, it was very easy to be emotionally open with him.
- was respectful and aware of my level of comfort for physical contact. (gentlemanly)
By the end of date #3 (an all day one), physical attraction has gone from 5 to 7. So I followed Evan’s advice and gave it more time, since things were improving. We had date #4 – an all day 4th of July. Attraction level went up a little more.
Thanks to Evan’s wise advice to consider sliding scale attraction (not all or nothing), giving a person a bit more time (nervousness), letting the man lead and be receptive, and your style of putting this information out there, I can say that it’s gotten me off to a great start with a wonderful man.
Evan’s coaching has given me the skills to observe, understand and assess men to discern the few that are worthy to be called boyfriends and future husbands. I AM the CEO and it is a great feeling!
Since we have become BF-GF, (and his daughters are on vacation for a month) we decided to spend a lot of time together. We flew out to spend a weekend at a Spa Resort Hotel in Palm Springs, another weekend driving to Crater Lake and back to a massage and mineral spring bath in Calistoga. Wonderful conversations, dinners, time spent getting to know each other.
And, thanks to FOCUS Coaching, it’s all so easy. I used to feel a bit guilty when someone spent “too much” on me and would try to “even things out” by reciprocating. Now, I do pay from time to time, but only because I want to, not to make things “even.” I never realized how that would seem from a man’s perspective - unappreciative of his chivalry. Instead I express my appreciation in ways that make him feel good like completely enjoying a meal. Thanking him for his kindness and generosity.
Because I can now understand and interpret male behavior, I can relax and not worry about what he is thinking. And truthfully, if a man is truly interested in you, he will always find ways to let you know, make you feel safe, and it comes naturally, without forcing him to do anything. Simple, but so true. And then when this man shows you his intention, then respect, appreciate, encourage and admire him for the special man he is.
I’m not sure what the future holds, now that his children are back and school is starting, it will definitely be more difficult to spend time together. But we’ve discussed it and because we are both problem solvers, we will make it work.
Evan, I can’t thank you enough for putting it all out there!