My Husband Ignores Me and I Have a Crush on My Stepson


I am married to a man who has no interest in me. He never takes me anywhere. All he does is work and sleep. I realized now that he does not make me happy; however, his twenty-two year old son (my stepson) does make me happy. In the past, my stepson has told me that he wants me.

My husband thinks something is going on between my stepson and me. He told my stepson that if he finds out something is going on, my stepson will be out the door. So now, my stepson is backing off a bit; although, he’s still smiling at me and acting like he’s interested in me.

I see my stepson more than I see my husband, and I think I am falling in love with my stepson. What shall I do?


Next on Jerry Springer…

Okay, Karen, I didn’t want to ignore you, because you asked the single most provocative question that I’ve yet to field in my two years of blogging. But I have to be honest with you: you need serious therapy.

Because while it doesn’t take a psychologist or a dating coach to tell you what to do – DON’T FUCK YOUR STEPSON! — it probably takes a significant amount of $200+/hr shrinking sessions to figure out how you ended up in such an unhappy marriage and how you could possibly think that a relationship with your husband’s son is a reasonable idea.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you.

The greatest anguish you have in your email is not about your loveless marriage, nor is it about the weirdness of copulating with your stepson. No, the most acute pain you feel in your email is due to the fact that your husband is onto your illicit relationship and may kick your potential lover out of the house.

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to you. Many of my emails come from people in unhappy relationships and people with crushes that they can’t act upon. But however serious your issues right this moment — they pale in comparison to the hell you’re going to put everyone through if you get together with your stepson.

Maybe your marriage needs to be ruined, but this is not the way. Chances are, your feelings for this kid — and, as a boy who was born in 1986, he IS a kid — stem directly from the indifference of your husband. His son probably makes you feel special and beautiful and looks at you with starry eyes. You’re likely in love with how he makes you FEEL, as opposed to who he is.

You don’t say your age, but even if you’re only 15 years older than the stepson, you are of entirely different generations. The only thing you have in common is attraction, and maybe a common resentment of your husband. This is not something on which you should stake your future.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you. But don’t think that there is any other outcome to sleeping with your stepson than full family tragedy.

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  1. 21

    Kinda bizarre. I think I saw this one in a movie once. Oh wait, it was from the perspective of the male stepson who slept with the MILF while she was married! Doh!

    She needs to exit the marriage stat for both their sakes. Hubby needs to WAKEUP and realize he’s loss his manhood. I hear and see this about loveless marriages all the time. She needs to get her life back. I don’t think she needs therapy at all. This is a very natural reaction to a bad situation. She simply needs to suck it up, initiate the divorce, move out, and start dating again. That’s therapy enough. If she’s attractive to a 22-year-old stud, she’ll be attractive to plenty of other guys.

    Lance´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  2. 22

    @Karl #20: That’s how many are posting their desired range…many more would date older men if approached properly.

    Lance´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  3. 23

    all i know how to say is… yikes! and I hope she’s not a teacher.

  4. 24

    What I wrote seems to be a bit of a ramble. I want to clean things up a bit.

    I feel that a number of people have separated themselves from the world and are more concerned with being entertained than anything else. Once something looses its ability to keep one’s attention, they move on.

    I have seen a number of relationships where either the man or the woman are in this situation. Once the other person does not continue or is unable to continue to hold the attention, the girl moves on to find someone who will provide everything that they want. Once this next person is unable to provide all the attention, she just moves onto the next person. This pattern continues for the rest of their life.

    Some women want it all. To have everything is not possible. They want a man who is a good provider (which can result in working all the time), someone who is always there for them (this is usually only available for someone who is unemployed), and someone who can provide for them anything and everything they want. For a woman who wants all the extremes wrapped up in a single ball is unreal. They have a short attention span and will look elsewhere when they find a single flaw in the relationship.

    I say unplug your television and talk to your partner in the evening. I would like to see more people aware of others around them then the gadget in their pocket, cell phone, I-pod, or what ever the next gizmo is….

    People should be less concerned with what makes them happy today and more concerned with what will make them happy in the long run, say 5, 10, 20, 50 years from now.

    A lot of people only think about themselves and not how it effects those around them. This is a loss of social skills or it is just a sign of plain rudeness.

    Looking back at the original article, I would say that this woman is unhappy with what ever she does and is only looking for a quick fix. A quick fix only last a few moments. Once the moment is gone, you have to deal with the mess that has been left behind.

  5. 25

    Lance said, “This is a very natural reaction to a bad situation. She simply needs to suck it up, initiate the divorce, move out, and start dating again.”

    Evidently her husband continues to let this happen, so why should she be the one to initiate the divorce? And I don’t see what’s so natural about this, not every woman who’s in an unhappy marrage would consider doing her stepson with no regard for her husband’s feelings.

    Also, we’re only hearing one side of this (albeit a shallow and possibly fake side).

  6. 26

    I think that Lance has a point – she hasn’t DONE her stepson yet, so at this point it’s just attraction, which seems natural enough given her unhappiness in her marriage. And, as others have pointed out (and which I hadn’t thought of in my original comment) she HAD to know what Evan and everyone was going to say, so she was perhaps kind of using us to jolt her back to reality.

    And since we know the wife IS unhappy and there is no evidence that the husband is, it seems pretty obvious that she’s the one that needs to initiate the divorce. Or at least some serious talks with the hubby…

    Honey´s last blog post…My Boyfriend’s Mother

  7. 27

    “all i know how to say is yikes! and I hope she’s not a teacher.”

    lol- Mary Kay Letourneau- The Sequel!

  8. 28

    There is a lot of good, credible, scientific research that supports the idea that geographic proximity (living or working together) and adrenaline (due to danger, secrecy, etc.) fuel the falling in love process, or more accurately perhaps, the perception that one is falling in love. I’m sure Karen, experiencing both of these factors, perceives her emotions to be very real, and if she perceives this, it is her reality.

    I agree with Evan, though, sleeping with her stepson would be unethical and open up a host of psychological issues for both parties.

    Karen, I think you should use this experience, as painful as it is for you, to learn a few things about yourself: 1) you are in an unhappy marriage and need to either revitalize it or leave; 2) you need to feel good about yourself, and while your relationship can contribute to this, the best source of this is internal–you need to love yourself first; and 3) you are attracted to younger men, which is perfectly OK when they are not related to you and you are not attached to someone else.

  9. 29
    Michael Ejercito

    6.4% of them were willing to date a 40 year-old man. One was willing to date 55 year-old men.
    That is a small proportion.

  10. 30

    You’re a bad decision and a broken condom away from winding up on “Maury.” Don’t screw the son!

    Marc´s last blog post…READER MAIL

  11. 31
    The Girl To Go To

    I don’t think you need professional help. I also don’t think you’ll do anything with your step son. Sounds like your husband is boring. If you want to have an affair with a younger man, you should. Maybe pick one with a little less drama and catastrophic potential but sounds like your husband isn’t doing the trick.

    Younger men can be a lot of fun. I don’t date men anymore but my ex boyfriend was 19 when we got together, he asked me to move in with him and he held true to EVERY promise he made. My friend’s boyfriend is 31. he is spineless, and one of the biggest cowards I know, turned his back on her in the worst kind of way.

  12. 32

    @ Karl #20:
    What portion of that 6.4% weren’t Russian scam artists named Olga or Svetlana?

  13. 33

    She should totally fuck him. What does she have to lose? Her marriage is already over bar the shouting, and if she hooks up with stepson she might at least get a Springer fee out of it to help her and sonny boy start their new life together in the trailer park.

    CasualEncountersBlog´s last blog post…Single women and casual sex

  14. 34

    This is what I think.

    I overheard my wife of 17 years telling her girlfriend about how she was having sex with my son (her stepson). She was telling her girlfriend that she didn’t want to be ‘just a quick fuck to him’ and so on.

    My wife and I have a beautiful son and daughter together, a young teen and a 7 year old.

    I thought my life was going great. On her birthday just before this came up I’d written her a card saying how beautiful she is and how I loved her more than ever. We have a waterfront home on the lake and hundreds of friends. I make a lot of money and get to work from home. I’m blessed in every way, except one it turns out.

    The level of betrayal is so severe it can drive you insane. I’ve been able to sleep an hour or two a night. I pray all the time for guidance. I want my young childeren to be happy, but it looks like I’ll only be with them on every other weekend if we get a divorce.

    My oldest son who was part and parcel to this betrayal has also lost my love. I was his best friend.

    Words can’t describe the anguish. Who’s done more harm to me, Osama bin Laden or my wife? It is that bad.

    I pray for them, I pray for my small childeren and myself. Please pray for us also. I am at Whit’s End.

    What is wrong with people these days?

    Peace to you and yours…

  15. 35


    Sorry to hear about your situation. I will keep you in your family in my prayers.

  16. 36

    Very simple. Actions have consequences. You just have to choose if you want the good or the bad. As you can see in the case of Chromeyellowsportster, many are often hurt if you pick the bad.

  17. 37
    Random Guy

    Why is everyone assuming she’s over 20 herself? These days in time, older men marry younger women all the time. Hell, the Stepson could be OLDER than her. Shouldn’t assume, and should always cover every “what-if” when trying to provide advice to someone on a one-ended blogging site.

  18. 38

    Talk your man into letting you sleep with the son in addition to sleeping with him. Just present it like a business proposal. Don’t tell the son that you are asking. That way if you  can’t convince the hubby to share, just say “Ok dear hubby you win”, and then keep your mouth shut about the whole thing unless you decide to choose the son over his father. Which could turn out pretty messy.
    If you do the share plan, don’t tell others, because people are often too ignorant to consider a different, ‘tribal’ sort of relationship that this one would be.
    I, for example, am dating a man who is 18 years older than I. If he dies long before  I do  or if something happens to him (The All forbid), then I would not be averse to the romantic  company of his son. Since your hubby is still alive and does not treat you well, your situation is a  bit more hairy.
    I wonder, what’s the harm in having sex with more than one person? Polyamory can work. Plus, your not just screwing some random guy. This is your husband’s son, who he knows well.

    If the proposal doesn’t fly, how  about screwing your husband’s dad instead (har har little  joke).  

  19. 39


  20. 40
    30 years old woman

    I am in the same situation the only difference is that I love my husband but I have a strong sexual desire for my step son

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