My Husband Ignores Me and I Have a Crush on My Stepson


I am married to a man who has no interest in me. He never takes me anywhere. All he does is work and sleep. I realized now that he does not make me happy; however, his twenty-two year old son (my stepson) does make me happy. In the past, my stepson has told me that he wants me.

My husband thinks something is going on between my stepson and me. He told my stepson that if he finds out something is going on, my stepson will be out the door. So now, my stepson is backing off a bit; although, he’s still smiling at me and acting like he’s interested in me.

I see my stepson more than I see my husband, and I think I am falling in love with my stepson. What shall I do?


Next on Jerry Springer…

Okay, Karen, I didn’t want to ignore you, because you asked the single most provocative question that I’ve yet to field in my two years of blogging. But I have to be honest with you: you need serious therapy.

Because while it doesn’t take a psychologist or a dating coach to tell you what to do – DON’T FUCK YOUR STEPSON! — it probably takes a significant amount of $200+/hr shrinking sessions to figure out how you ended up in such an unhappy marriage and how you could possibly think that a relationship with your husband’s son is a reasonable idea.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you.

The greatest anguish you have in your email is not about your loveless marriage, nor is it about the weirdness of copulating with your stepson. No, the most acute pain you feel in your email is due to the fact that your husband is onto your illicit relationship and may kick your potential lover out of the house.

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to you. Many of my emails come from people in unhappy relationships and people with crushes that they can’t act upon. But however serious your issues right this moment — they pale in comparison to the hell you’re going to put everyone through if you get together with your stepson.

Maybe your marriage needs to be ruined, but this is not the way. Chances are, your feelings for this kid — and, as a boy who was born in 1986, he IS a kid — stem directly from the indifference of your husband. His son probably makes you feel special and beautiful and looks at you with starry eyes. You’re likely in love with how he makes you FEEL, as opposed to who he is.

You don’t say your age, but even if you’re only 15 years older than the stepson, you are of entirely different generations. The only thing you have in common is attraction, and maybe a common resentment of your husband. This is not something on which you should stake your future.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you. But don’t think that there is any other outcome to sleeping with your stepson than full family tragedy.

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  1. 41

    First of Stella I think your crazy, Karen please don’t take her advice, polygamy never works without someone feeling unfufilled, under treated, or jealous…and almost always ends up badly. If you are serious about somebody you should never be so selfish and inconsiderate of their feelings, doing what Stella said gets people killed, and is usually only agreeable by people with serious issues. Don’t ever tell your husband that you wanna sleep with his son, knowing a man’s ego….he might kill you, or beat you up really badly. I think if it’s so bad you are screaming for attention from whoever will give it to you including your stepson, then YOU NEED TO LEAVE. DON’T SLEEP WITH YOUR STEPSON BECAUSE YOU WILL MORE THAN LIKELY REGRET IT, and if he’s nice to you now it’s probably because you are a MILF (Lol) and what man isn’t nice to a woman he’d like to F**K? If you sleep with him you will probably find that the apple doesnt fall to far from the tree….GET OUT OF THE SITUATION ENTIRELY, before you cause undoable damage to yourself and everyone else around you.

  2. 42

    I was in a similar situation in a bad marriage (which i’m still in hell but thank god we are separated) and a stepson who had a huge crush on me.   However I had only been married a few months, my step son was 18 and I did not see him grow up and had only had breif encounters with him over the past couple years.   I honestly have no idea how we started flirting but we did.   AFTER I left my husband is when we starting sleeping together but it only lasted very breifly.   Did I forget to mention when all of this occured I was mentally gone from dealing with my husband cheating on me with his FIRST COUSIN over a two month period (they actually are still together) and through that time having him throw it in my face, downgrade me, call my hurtful things, hit me, etc… It happened and I don’t regret it.   I am not saying I made the best choice but what was done was done.

  3. 43

    There is nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t need to   see a therapist neither !!! Most of people here have a definition of NORMALITY …which is a concept that has been Forced and imposed on to people.

    If you love the guy and the guy loves you … it’s all that matters … we are not on earth to be punished and to live in sadness or base our lives on other people’s opinions of what is right and what is wrong.

    But make sure that you explain the situation to your husband, don;t lie and hide things, be honest, tell him the truth, and if he doesn’t want to lose you , he will make a move … if not … then make your decision.

    All the best and always remember to be happy.

  4. 44

    All of you who so quickly judged this woman should be ashamed of yourselves.

    She didn’t say she had sex with the stepson, nor did she  give her age or the details of her marriage.
    We don’t always choose who we fall in love with.

    The best advice I can give is to not make a move, if you are unhappy seperate from your husband or tell him your feelings and work on the marriage.

    once the marriage has ended and you still feel the same about the stepson, then you should see how it goes.

    Thank you Arvin, peole tend to forget this is a real person who has feelings.

  5. 45
    LaVida Loca

    #14,   Ha!! Just a thought … Plenty of people in messed up marriages ARE dating   (read:   cheating)   so why *wouldn’t* they read a dating blog?   They might even be subscribers to one of those married-folks’ dating websites and find Evan’s advice about that to be useful.

  6. 46

    The situation you are describing is going to become a disaster if you act on it.  
    It’s “normal” for a stepson to become attached to his father’s wife.   He’s that much younger (22!!) and you’re a female role model.   It’s “normal” for him to “fall in love with you”.   It’s almost like a mommy-son relationship except that it isn’t.
    The woman has to place the limits.   DON’T GO THERE.
    I was once in a relationship with a man of my own age and he had two sons.   One of them was obviously planning on seducing me.   It was really, really obvious.   He was 18 years old.   The sad element in this relationship was that, while they had lost their mother (through death) really early, they had wanted to attach themselves to me.   Emotionally, I think, but they seemed emotionally so very young, both of them.   The other boy was 18, and reminded me very often of a 5 year old.
    In this situation, my love for the man was not growing, and seeing the two boys getting attached to me (including sexually), I could not continue the relationship.
    But no way would I start a “love affair” with either of his two boys.  

  7. 47

    chromeyellowsportster 34 – I was so really sorry to read that.   And I’ll keep you in my prayers.
    What you can do about it? Thoughts off the top of my head:
    a) Divorce
    b) Stay in the marriage, and ask the son to leave, while keeping a loving relationship with him.
    c) I know b) is going to be hard too, but you have to make your son aware of what he is doing.    Heart to heart with him and tell him how much this has hurt you.
    d) Heart to heart with your wife, in any event.   In fact, tell your wife first and maybe, just maybe, (but ask Evan) maybe you should talk to both of them together.   Confront them.   (And make sure you know if you’re going to stay or divorce in your own mind first in case they ask you).
    e) Finally, last but not least, go on a vacation – or a retreat – just you.   And take care of yourself.   If your wife wants to know what you’re doing, invent something (work, a spa treat, a trip, visiting old friends, a health concern – STRESS for example! Go to the doctor anyway and get something not too heavy to make you sleep (not sleeping pills, but something to relax you).

  8. 48

    Its normal now. you are not the first one to have a crush in your stepson.
    believe me, 10 out of 10 step moms want to have sex with their good looking hot stepson.
    that is normal now, the truth is out now that women always gets attracted to good looking boys than men, women now wants boys more than men, for women, they see men as financial providers, the ones they will lean on to build a family, the one they will grow old with. but in terms of SEX, having fun, satisfying their sexual fantasies, experiencing sex of a lifetime, its all about BOYS, BOYs are the real King of sex now.. all about BOYS now=)

  9. 49

    This happens more than we think. Someone I know is in the same situation left the husband and started dating  her stepson. Her family is mad and not talking to her. It also happened to me my boyfriend left me for my own daughter. It was the most traumatic event of my life. I was busy working and boyfriend felt abandon and got with my oldest daughter😭😭😭

  10. 50

    Go for it karen

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